The SmarK Rant for WWF Monday Night RAW–02.22.93

The SmarK Legacy Rant for Monday Night RAW – February 22 1993

– Live from New York

– Your hosts are Vince & Rob & Macho

Bam Bam Bigelow v. Scott Taylor

It’s weird seeing all these random jobbers from these early shows who were turned into stars just a few years later, in this case Scotty 2 Hotty. That’s another reason why the loss of TV squashes is a bad thing, because it gave steady work and constant exposure to guys who otherwise wouldn’t get it, and you never know where your next big star is going to come from. Bam Bam hammers Taylor down and fights off his comeback attempt with a clothesline. Taylor keeps fighting with an attempt at a victory roll, but Bigelow drops him on his head, then goes to a chinlock. Once again, the irony of the announcers trumpeting the UNCENSORED Monday Night RAW gets funnier every time they bleep out “WWF”. Bigelow is really pissed, so he finishes with a pair of diving headbutts at 3:00.

Meanwhile, Vince sits down with Hulk Hogan in the same studio that they would later recycle for the buildup to that fucking stupid match they had at Wrestlemania XIX. It’s the 90s and times are changing, but Hulkamania will be back!

The Beverly Brothers & Shawn Michaels v. The Nasty Boys & Tatanka

Tatanka attacks Shawn to start and it’s a pier-six brawl, as Shawn takes a crazy bump over the top and nearly breaks his neck on the announce table. In the ring, Sags hammers on Blake and both Bevs get a Pit Stop. Knobs hammers away on Blake in the corner while Bartlett works a bizarre angle where he’s being blackmailed by an autobody shop and has to read copy for them…or else. OK then. Shawn slugs away on Knobs, but gets faceplanted and clotheslined, and it’s over to Tatanka. Shawn quickly tags out and Tatanka chops Beau down, and Sags works on the arm to set up a shoulderbreaker for two. Tatanka chops him down and goes to an armbar and we take a break. Maybe they’ll FINALLY get to the heat segment by the time they get back. And indeed, Blake backdrops Knobs over the top when we return and he’s your face in peril. Beverlies hit a Broken Arrow and Shawn gets two, and Blake goes to a bearhug. Shawn misses a blind charge, but Beau cuts off a tag attempt. Shawn cuts off another attempt and they collide for the double KO as I’m shocked that the crowd is still fairly hot for this god-awful boring match. Finally it’s hot tag Tatanka and he powerslams Shawn for two and chops him down, then goes up for the flying chop for two. Papoose To Go gets two, but the Bevs break it up and it’s BONZO GONZO. The Nasties clean house and Shawn tries the teardrop suplex on Tatanka, but it’s reversed to a sunset flip for the pin. Really, really dull. **

Crush v. Terry Taylor

Crush works a headlock and adds a press slam, but Taylor gets a necksnap to take over while Vince and Rob do a “comedy” bit where Vince is interviewing Arnold Schwarzenegger. Taylor hits the chinlock and gets two. Crush comes back with an atomic drop and backbreaker, and the Headcrusher finishes at 3:26. *

Hulk Hogan returns for another interview with Vince, this one live in the ring. And the crowd reaction is again fairly subdued. He wants Money Inc., and brings out Brutus Beefcake (with broken nose makeup) to help him. Then they recruit Jimmy Hart as their new manager, which just falls so incredibly flat. Jimmy just comes across like such a geek here, talking about how he idolized Hogan and always wanted to be his manager. And they’re the Mega-Maniacs, which just adds to the geekiness.

Undertaker v. Skinner

Hmm, it’s human preservation v. animal preservation. We take a break right away and return with Skinner clubbing UT out of the ring, and we’re out of time!

Next week: The conclusion of the match, plus “Bret Hart against one of the Headshrinkers”. No way I’m missing THAT epic matchup! This was definitely the weakest effort yet, as they spend all this time and effort on the Hogan-Beefcake angle and it’s just so STUPID.