Girlfriend Watches: WWF King Of The Ring 1996

Carly sits down and watches WWF King of the Ring 1996. Find out her reaction to wrestlers like the Undertaker, Mankind, Goldust and more!

Prior to viewing the show, I had Carly predict winners for the KOTR tournament. She picked Austin over Mero, Roberts over Vader and Roberts to defeat Austin in the finals. We’ll do that with other tournament moving forward, as well. I simply showed her a picture of each man from the year and she guessed. She almost had a perfect bracket.

As a reminder, she watched WCW UnCensored 95 and her commentary for that can be found HERE.

Carly’s Thoughts/Reactions
– “Oh, who’s that? Yeah… he is.” When finding out who the Ultimate Warrior is.
– She really enjoys the opening video as it gives the rundown of the show, especially the stuff involving Mankind/Taker.
– After seeing Mankind, she thinks he would fit in very well with the Saw movies.
– “OH! They are going to kiss!” When she saw Goldust doing CPR to Ahmed Johnson to promote the show.
– She really likes the intro videos for these shows.

– “He looks like a hairless mole rat.” – Carly’s opinion on Steve Austin.
– She doesn’t think Austin messes around and probably doesn’t smile often.
– “That’s sit on my face facial hair.” – Carly’s opinion on Marc Mero’s facial hair.
– She’s annoyed that Johnny B. Badd changed his named to Marc Mero.
– Carly changes her pick to Marc Mero after he hit a head scissors. Though, she will be annoyed if Austin wins now.
– “Look at the jugs on her.” – Sable leaning forward on the apron.
– She’s quite impressed by Mero’s athletic ability, but thinks he needs a haircut.
When they go for a test of strength, she notes that they look like they are going to sing by a campfire.
– “What the fuck kind of name is Sable?”
– “Oh my God look at the mushroom top on that kid! EWWW!” – A poor kid in the front row.
– Carly thinks that Steve Austin looks like Rufus from the show Kim Possible.
– After realizing that Austin is bleeding, Carly says, “Nice.”
– She’s really enjoying Mero’s offense.
– “It seems like they are both giving their all. I love it.”
– “What the fuck?!” – After Austin gets the pin with the Stunner, and she claims that it is bullshit that Mero kicked Austin’s butt only to lose.
– She should have kept to her pick as Austin really is stone cold.
– Although she wanted Mero to win, she believes she’s still correct with her picks. “I just wanted Mero to win.”
– She liked the match and liked it was action packed. There wasn’t a lot of stalling and there were constant moves.

Carly is still not impressed with the man they call Vader.

– “Ew, he looks like a bowling ball.” – Her opinion on Vader during his entrance.
– She feels like Vader would be the type of guy who watches women pump gas while rubbing his belly.
– While she likes Jake Roberts, she thinks the treatment of the snake equates to animal abuse.
– “Ew, look at his nipples.” – Carly is really not impressed with Vader.
– She doesn’t like that Vader attacked Roberts after the match calling him a sore loser.
– Though, she does note that she was right.
– “These referee’s are such pussies. Take a hit.”
– She laughs at Jim Cornette having a tennis racket as a weapon. She suggests he get a baseball bat with nails sticking out as that may be more helpful.
– “Is the snake okay?”
– She was pleased with the result but doesn’t know if she enjoys Vader’s style of wrestling.

Carly thought Cloudy was Ric Flair in drag… again.

– “Ew, who are these hillbillies?! Aww, is that a goat?!”
– After seeing Cloudy, she wondered if that was Ric Flair. Considering, Flair dressed in drag during the previous viewing.
– Carly thinks that Sunny has nice breasts.
– “Okay so, crocodile dundee versus the hills have eyes farmers.”
– She notes that the Gunns are cocky assholes.
– She thinks that both teams are wearing their jeans too tightly. Which, reminds her of an episode of Friends where Ross wears really tight leather pants.
– “Don’t you have some cows to milk?” – Directed towards the farmers.
– She doesn’t really like either team. She doesn’t like people who showboat after a move.
– “Is Arn Anderson going to be on this one?”
– She likes how tag rules go out the window towards the end of seemingly every tag match.
– “That’s bullshit!” – When Billy got the pin on Phineas after Bart hit Phineas with a boot.
– She thought it was just okay. She thinks that there shouldn’t be any tagging but rather everyone getting involved at the same time. Because, it is fun.

She may not understand a word he said, but Carly was taken aback by Bulldog’s physique.

– “Holy shit. Who’s that guy?” After Carly sees The British Bulldog. She thinks Jim Cornette hasn’t lost his virginity yet.
– She suggests that Cornette gets pretty close to his tennis racket at night.
– She didn’t understand a word that Bulldog said for his interview.

– Carly thinks this is the WWF’s version of Game Of Thrones. “Everyone else will get the reference, but not you, because you don’t watch it.”
– She enjoys Jerry Lawler insulting the fans as he makes his way to the ring. She’d love to be insulted by Jerry Lawler.
– She’s excited to see the Ultimate Warrior in action.
– She thinks that Warrior is another guy doing a line of cocaine before coming out to the ring.
– “Doesn’t he look like He Man?” – Carly on Ultimate Warrior.
– She doesn’t understand why Warrior has tassels on his arms. Reminded her of a little girl’s bike.
– “I like the cartoony nature of the Ultimate Warrior’s character.”
– She thought there would be more action since they promoted Warrior as some kind of maniac.

Gorilla Monsoon… NOT a mob boss.

– Carly wants to know why Gorilla Monsoon wears blue tinted glasses.
– She thinks he should be named some kind of Italian mob boss name.

– She compares Mankind to Sloth from the Goonies. That’s who she kind of pictures seeing him as.
– “He has the coolest entrance.” That honor goes to the Undertaker.
– She likes how dedicated the Undertaker is to his character.
– Taker walking the ropes before jumping down onto Mankind got a “oh, cool!”
– Mankind screaming is a little concerning to her.
– Paul Bearer is a scary looking man. “The Pillsbury Doughboy… Dead Version.”
– It took her a minute, but she thinks the name Paul Bearer is hilarious.
– She liked the match and really enjoys the Undertaker character. Compared to current wrestling, they didn’t do the same moves like all the other matches. “Ya know, like Jinder Mahal.”

– Upon seeing Mr. Perfect, she yells out that he looks like a Ken Doll. Also, when Shawn Michaels confronts Perfect backstage, she says that Michaels looks like a stripper who would attend her bachelorette party and fake arrest her.

– She thinks it was a sweet moment when Goldust gave Ahmed Johnson CPR. Though, she noticed that Goldust didn’t do a very good job at performing the CPR.
– Goldust has a nice robe.
– Ahmed Johnson looks like the guy from the Longest Yard who said “You broked-ed my nose!” That would be Bob Sapp, folks.
– Seeing Ahmed Johnson reminded her of an episode of Silent Library where people had to lick frosting off a bald man’s head.
– Marlena looks like a porn star named Brandi who didn’t finish the fourth grade.
– She notices that a lot of people are wearing white shirts. “Is it supposed to be a white out?” Nobody likes white shirts that much.
– “Goldust is pretty decent.” She’s digging the wrestler and thinks it takes a confident man to wear that kind of outfit.
– She is a little grossed out by Goldust crawling on top of Ahmed for a pin attempt.
– She’s starting to get uncomfortable with Goldust kissing on Ahmed and stroking his head.
– Upon hearing some fans chanting faggot towards Goldust, she remarks that it’s awful they would do that.
– After telling her that Dustin Rhodes from UnCensored ’95 is the same person as Goldust, she thinks that Goldust is far better.
– She gets annoyed that someone getting dominated comes back to win.
– Another match she enjoyed. Goldust character really stood out to her, as well. There wasn’t stalling and it was constant action. The stalling drives her nuts.

Brian Pillman a crazy man? No way!

– Brian Pillman looks like Kurt Cobain.
– She thinks that Pillman has crazy eyes.
– The crazy persona doesn’t seem to sit well with her.

– Jake Roberts looks like a guy who would be your Uncle Mike. An uncle who makes awkward comments at family gatherings.
– She remarks that Roberts needs to stop “being a pussy and lets go.” Despite, Roberts having storyline broken ribs.
– Austin winning gets a “WHAT?! That’s bullshit!”
– She nearly got the tournament correct, but she thinks I should have told her that Roberts was hurt prior to the guessing of the tournament.
– She didn’t like the whole “I’m injured and I can’t do anything. You’re a wrestler, you’re supposed to be tough.” There was too much whining. The victory was too easy for Austin.
– “Its John 3:16… maybe he should go back to high school.”
– When Austin mentions his list, she says that the list belongs to Chris Jericho.

– “There’s a heart on his penis!” Carly notices on Shawn Michaels ring attire.
– She really dislikes Jim Cornette’s tennis racket.
– Carly notes that Owen Hart sounds really bias towards British Bulldog.
– Michaels early offense of a head scissors to the floor and a leaping hurricanrana off – the apron were pretty cool. She really liked that Michaels hit Cornette with the tennis racket.
– Owen on commentary is making her chuckle often.
– Bulldog press slamming Michaels over the top rope was impressive.
– She enjoys how Michaels flips around, which is noted when Michaels does a flip in the corner.
– The surfboard move is “cool”.
– She loves when the referee gets knocked down.
– She rose her arm into the air when Michaels won the match.
– “He had him pinned for like five-seconds.”
– Owen Hart looks like a shrimp compared to the other guys.
– The aftermath with several wrestlers coming out to attack each other really got her attention.
– “Quit ringing the bell it’s not doing anything!”
– She thought the match was good, but she liked Goldust and Ahmed match better. She likes Michaels and doesn’t think she likes Bulldog since he does more brawling. She likes
Shawn’s style and would watch more of him.

Carly’s Final Thoughts:
She liked King of the Ring more than UnCensored ’95 as it had better matches and was more fun. She gives the event an 8/10. The guys seemed like they were going more all out in the matches.

That’s what Carly thought of the show, what did you think of King of the Ring 1996?

What show should Carly watch for a future edition of Girlfriend Watches?

Viewing History:
WCW UnCensored ’95: 6/10
WWF King Of The Ring ’96: 8/10

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