We’re in Dallas, Texas and we have a new-ish intro with no Benoit clips and the old THIS IS EXTREEEEEEME song. Shame they’re still clinging to that side of ECW, looking forward to Don’t Question My Heart in a few months.
Tonight, CM Punk and Johnny Nitro engage in Pick Your Poison, which means they choose each other’s opponents and not actually poison, because Nitro could beat Punk by threatening him with a paracetamol.
Johnny Nitro vs. Tommy Dreamer
Big pop for the heart, soul and fat of ECW. Feeling-out process as commentators roll off Nitro’s achievements, including having 4% body-fat. Nitro tries a dive off the top but Dreamer crotches him. Dreamer locks in the abominable stretch every opponent felt the need to do to Nitro despite it doing no damage because he’s 96% abs. It’s like that scene in Captain America: Civil War where Cap flexes the helicopter, even the helicopter is doing it to see his biceps. Nitro nails a Divorce Court and works an arm-bar. He continues the arm offence and he’s much better working a body-part and looking angry then he is flipping and shitting randomly. Dreamer takes him outside with a Cactus Clothesline which he remembers to sell. Nitro cuts him off as he tries to get back in and dropkicks him off the apron. We go to break and Nitro is arm-barring Dreamer some more. Dreamer gets out so Nitro throws some high kicks to his shoulder, followed by the breakdance leg-drop which is more tolerable as he lands on Dreamer’s arm. Dreamer makes the crowd-chanting ECW valiant comeback but Nitro stops it with an arm stunner. Now Nitro grabs his arm, vaults to the second rope and rides the shoulder down to the mat like a skateboard. Nitro misses a springboard kick and Dreamer clotheslines Nitro with his good arm. Dreamer manages a Fallaway Slam with one arm and follows it with the least-agile Tree of Woe in the history of wrestling. Nitro shrugs it off and immediately plants Dreamer with the Corkscrew Neckbreaker for the win.
Winner: Johnny Nitro (Nitro is improving quickly as a singles guy now he’s keeping the flash to a minimum. The crowd lost steam at one point because Nitro was working the arm for so long which is exactly what a bad guy prick should be doing. Dreamer was very over here which was a welcome change from previous weeks.)
Recap of the Beat The Clock challenge from Raw, with that random Ken Kennedy loss to Super Crazy that went nowhere. Lashley won the fastest time so we’re getting Cena vs. Lashley at Great American Bash. Sean Carless had a good line saying that the match can’t happen as Timecop rules dictate that the same matter can’t occupy the same space. I miss TheWrestlingFan.
We get a lot of hype video filler for The Boogeyman, CM Punk, The Miz and Extreme Expose…and then we get the whole Vengeance CM Punk vs. Nitro match replayed. Eh? It’s the edited version with all references by commentators/announcers to Benoit removed. I know they want to move on from Benoit as quickly as possible so why the fuck they’d show a match only known for being The Benoit Match is beyond me. They would have been better off showing a Tom & Jerry cartoon.
CM Punk vs. Kevin Thorn
It’s pick your poison so Nitro chose arsenic. I take that back, arsenic works quick. Punk uses his Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu to beat down Thorn like Rory Macdonald destroying Paul Daley. Daley wasn’t a vampire though so he recovers by throwing Punk outside and ramming him into the guard-rail. Punk gets a sneaky low kick as Thorn’s on the apron though as we go to break. And when we come back for the first time ever, the good guy has the bad guy in a chinlock! Oh Thorn overpowers out of it and gives Punk snake-eyes across the ropes. Big clothesline followed by ”ginormous” strikes sets up another stretch. Punk eventually powers out but his second rope crossbody is caught by Chocula and turned into a slam. Thorn misses a Vader Bomb and Punk starts his flurry of offence to a less-than-loud reception. Crowd likes Punk but those multiple strikes are as convincing as Scrappy Doo’s. Thorn kicks out of the Running Knee/Bulldog combo and goes for Original Sin but Punk snaps his head off the apron and nearly gets the win with a springboard forearm. Crowd was actually shocked for that, big ”awwww!” noise from them. Thorn with another clothesline to try a Crucifix Powerbomb but Punk connects with a step-up Enziguri and a roll-up to win.
Winner: CM Punk (Punk made chicken soup out of chicken shit here. Punk during this time was so good at making his opponent look credible so Punk would look even more credible beating them. Here he realised he couldn’t beat him by wearing him down so he rolled him up which made sense and didn’t look cheap.)
Nitro shows up to show off his abs as Punk is so enamoured that Thorn attacks from behind because vampires are good at coming back from the dead. Punk gives him a GTS and goes back to staring at abs as the show goes off the air.
Overall: Only two matches? Wait, what happened to that draft we just had to fix the problem of not having enough wrestlers on the show to fill an hour? Well anyway. The two matches here were surprisingly decent as the crowd was very loud and receptive to everything thrown at them so this wasn’t a bad show, just an odd one.
Because there’s not much to this show (not even a GIF!) here’s the recap off the WWECW episode of Bruce Prichard’s podcast in case you couldn’t be arsed to listen to some terrible-ass impressions:
- First time the idea of re-launching ECW was brought up was when Paul Heyman joined WWF full-time in 2001. He argued the ECW brand was more important than the WCW brand. Vince turned it down as he thought getting time on a Turner network would be easier with the WCW brand.
- Vince was impressed with how well the ECW DVD sold so he actually listened. Prichard’s reaction to ECW coming back: ”Oh my God they sucked then and they suck now!”
- Alvarez reported Kurt Angle wasn’t happy with his demotion to ECW on Sci-Fi at this time. Prichard: ”Angle was the type of guy who you’d give 15 minutes one night then 12 minutes the next and he’d ask what he did wrong to lose the 3 minutes.”
- It was reported/rumoured (by I think Alvarez) that the idea to have Cena vs. Sabu was to expose Sabu for how bad he was. Prichard: ”That’s one of the dumbest fucking things I’ve ever heard in my life.”
- Alvarez reported Vince McMahon was encouraging the shoot comments by the commentators on the WWE vs. ECW Special. Also Cena wasn’t told until the day of One Night Stand 2006 that he was losing the title. He didn’t mind and loved the crowd reaction.
- WWE ran the ECW Arena for a house show, why didn’t they run a televised event there? ”Because it was a dump.”
- ”I don’t even know how to describe those first few ECW on Sci-Fi shows.”
- Someone put the kabosh on having Frankenstein come out as a gimmick to get destroyed by The Sandman.
- Raven declined (but it was unsure if he was even asked). Bam Bam Bigelow & Shane Douglas were considered, Spike Dudley & Rhino were asked but declined and stuck with TNA instead.
- Heyman got Kevin Thorn re-signed after he got released as Mordecai because he saw a lot in him. ”We all missed on him.”
- Alex Greenfield was sent from Smackdown to ECW on Sci-Fi to check on Heyman. Heyman wanted Lagana as Heyman saw him as someone he could control. Ironically, Lagana took over from Heyman after he left.
- Michael Hayes lobbied to have Cena beat Sabu at Vengeance 2006. Surprising that Sabu (#3 guy on ECW) would be considered to beat Cena (#1 guy on Raw) at that time.
- Edge was always supposed to beat RVD for the WWE Title, but after the drug bust they moved it from SNME to Raw ASAP. Vince: ”What’s the big deal, it’s only marijuana!”
- The crowd at the ECW Arena house show chanted ”Sell Out!” at Heyman. Dreamer apologised for the state of the TV show on his blog which was hosted on WWE.com and this resulted in the blog being discontinued.
- Bruce and the co-host shit on the Big Show vs. Ric Flair hardcore match and call it stupid. At the risk of sounding like a mutant, it was a great hardcore match and Flair made Show look like a killer. Bruce and mini-Bruce are both relentless in their opinion that ECW was a product of it’s time and hasn’t aged well which isn’t fair to some of the things that have like RVD, Cactus Jack’s promos, Dreamer vs. Raven etc.
- Kelly Kelly was brought in as a dancer but couldn’t dance. So…Vince and Prichard taught her how to dance sexy backstage. Vince: ”C’mon, like this! Ya gotta move!”
- Prichard had a finish to the JBL vs. Eddie Bull-rope match, but Vince didn’t like it. He said ”Dammit, Dusty did a load of these matches, go get him and get a finish.” Prichard told him Dusty worked for TNA. Vince: ”So? Ring him and tell him we need a finish!” Prichard actually did ring him too and Dusty liked the idea Bruce suggested but they still did something else.
- ECW on Sci-Fi was the highest rated show on Sci-Fi. House shows were scrapped in December 2006 due to only drawing on average 1,000-1,2000 attendance.
- Heyman pushed to have CM Punk win the title at December To Dismember via tapping out The Big Show. Vince: ”You mean to tell me that skinny FUCK is going to tap out The Big Show?”
- Apparently WWE tried to sign Bob Sapp for ECW on Sci-Fi. However he wanted to wrestle and fight and WWE wasn’t having it. Lashley was their Plan B.
- Didn’t realise Alvarez and Meltzer had differing reports on what happened with Sabu at D2D. Alvarez reported Sabu was taken off due to not being a state to perform (apparently because he couldn’t do a promo backstage) and Meltzer said Heyman always wrote it as Sabu not being on the show. Interesting.
- Chris Benoit was supposed to win the ECW Title the night of the murder-suicide.
- The talent exchange in late 2007 between Smackdown was to boost the flagging ratings of ECW on Sci-Fi which were promised as 3.0s, were happy with 2.0s but dropped to barely 1.0.
- Braden Walker showed up pale and out of shape. He took an hour and a half to do a promo. He didn’t last long.
- Apparently Paul Burchill and Katie Lea suggested the incest storyline themselves. WHY GOD WHY.
There, saved you three hours. On that note, Botchamania 342 will be up later but I’ll post that later so here’s a GIF of Buh Buh Ray and Brian Lee interrupting a hockey game in 1996.