The SmarK Rant for Lucha Underground S01E03: “Crossing the Border”

The SmarK Rant for Lucha Underground S01E03

“Crossing the Border”

Your hosts are Matt Striker & Vampiro

Konnan promises that he’s bringing Dario the best luchadors from Mexico: Fenix, Pentagon and Drago. Dario would like to know who the best of them is, so they face each other tonight.  Hey, you know who else enjoys a good three-way, apparently?  Pai…

…why does that keep happening to me?  Damn you, Del Rio!

Dario Cueto emerges from his office to rebuke the charges of not having enough lucha on Lucha Underground. So he’s got lucha for us! First up, his new guy El Mariachi Loco, whom he discovered playing trumpet at a nice Mexican restaurant. So he’ll demonstrate his trumpet skills later, but first we’ll see his amazing lucha skills!

El Mariachi Loco v. Mascarita Sagrada

Oh yay, bring out the midget as the payoff. The Mariachi offers him a handshake on his knees, so Sagrada dropkicks him and follows with a flying headscissors that makes no sense from a physics standpoint. Mariachi bails and Sagrada follows with a dive. Back in, Mariachi lays him out with a boot, but Sagrada comes back with another headscissor takedown and a rollup for two. Mariachi hits the chinlock and gets a backbreaker for two. Faceplant gets two. Mariachi goes up and misses a swanton, allowing Sagrada to come back with a tornado DDT for two. Another one turns into a small package for the pin at 4:40. And then Chavo Guerrero: Monster Heel runs in and beats up the midget for even more cheap heat. There’s a reason why you don’t mix the minis with the other wrestlers, because it looks STUPID. *

Mietras, Vampiro sits down with Chavo to get an explanation for his PATH OF RAGE. If Dario wants violence, Chavo is the man to deliver it, allegedly.

Mietras, the Chavo Show continues, as he meets up with Konnan backstage, and K-Dog lets him down that the streets are talking and they don’t really like people who mess with midgets and women, so perhaps he should find employment elsewhere. Catrina pops in to deliver the Kiss of Death and set that up for later on.

Ricky Mandel v. Mil Muertes

But first, we go to a video package to learn Mil’s backstory, as he was trapped in the rubble of an 8.5 earthquake in 1985 that killed his whole family. But he rose from the ruins and was reborn as Mil Muertes and is now immortal for some reason. Mandel looks like someone stuck a needle in Jim Powers and deflated him 150 pounds. And possibly transferred it all to Catrina’s chest, I’m not sure. Mil beats on Mandel in the corner, but misses a charge and the jobber comes back with a dropkick, but walks into a punch and the Flatliner at 2:34. Total squash. DUD

Mietras, Johnny Mundo wants to see Dario Cueto, but has to go through Castro and Cisco to get there, and then next week he wants Big Rick and Dario is NEXT.

Mietras, Dario has a big stack of bills for Big Rick to make sure Mundo goes to the hospital. You have to think that threatening a guy who loves violence and has goons working for him isn’t a really solid plan on Mundo’s part.

Mietras, it’s another look at Prince Puma.

Fenix v. Drago v. Pentagon Jr.

Hey, finally the breakout character of the show debuts. Pentagon clears the ring to start and hits the others with a dive, but Fenix dumps Drago onto him in turn and follows with his own corkscrew dive. Back in, Pentagon superkicks Drago, but Fenix gets an impressive rana off a faceplant attempt. Drago with a running DDT on Fenix, but Pentagon hits a package driver for two. Fenix flies in with a cutter on Pentagon and all three are down. Drago gets hung in the corner while Fenix hits a top rope rana on Pentagon, but Pentagon comes back with a backstabber on Fenix. Fenix appears to walk out while Pentagon beats on Drago with chops, but Fenix ends up on the roof of Cueto’s office and dives off onto the other two. Back in, Fenix hits Pentagon with a rana and pins him at 7:50. Bunch of spots, but it was energetic and fun. ***

Mietras, Dario stews about Mundo’s challenge, talking it out with a mysterious person in a cage.

The Pulse

The build continues slowly this week, as it really does take about 10 episodes for everything to gel.