The SmarK Rant for WCW Monday Nitro–08.19.96

The SmarK Rant for WCW Monday Nitro – 08.19.96 Live from Huntsville, AL, which is apparently on the list of cities that are not to be mentioned because they’re too small. Your hosts are Tony & Larry VK Wallstreet v. Jim Duggan This is of course a rematch from their epic at Clash 33. They immediately fight to the floor and Duggan gets a pair of clotheslines, but Wallstreet attacks him from behind and goes to the chinlock. And that goes on for a while, but Duggan fights back with yet another clothesline, then grabs the roll of tape, only for EVIL REF Nick Patrick to steal it away from him. Thankfully, Duggan always carries a backup roll, and finishes Wallstreet at 5:28. How many rolls of tape does he keep stuffed in his trunks?! This was pretty much what you’d expect, with the added hilarity of Nick Patrick being a bad person for trying to keep someone from using a blatant foreign object. * Mean Gene comes in afterwards for Duggan’s thoughts on the New World Order, and Duggan addresses “Terry” so you know it’s a SHOOT. This brings out Randy Savage for some reason and he wants the Giant. Aren’t they supposed to be on the same team at this point? Earl Robert Eaton v. Chris Benoit The camera makes sure to catch the angry grandma at ringside, since they’re in Alabama, and hopefully some of the heels will interact with her. I’m hopeful for Regal myself. Benoit pounds Eaton down and goes to the abdominal stretch, but Bobby hiptosses out for two. Benoit sends him to the floor and gives him a rude trip to the post and then hiptosses him on the floor, which allows Woman to get a cheapshot as well. Back in, Benoit slugs away in the corner, but Eaton chokes him out in response and gets a neckbreaker. Sadly, the Alabama Jam misses in his hometown, and Benoit finishes with the diving headbutt at 4:00. Kind of a dick move for WCW to have Eaton do a squash job on his home turf like that. *1/2 Meanwhile, Sting and Lex Luger have a SURPRISE for the Horsemen tonight. Disco Inferno v. Scott Norton Disco tries to work the Macarena into his dance routine for the most 1996 moment of the show, but gives up on it. Norton no-sells Disco’s flurry of geek offense and pounds him down in methodical fashion, tosses him around and hits a shoulderbreaker, then finishes with an armbar at 4:10. Complete squash for Norton, leading to nothing. Meanwhile, Ice Train and new manager Teddy Long have words for Nick Patrick and Scott Norton, in that order. Dean Malenko v. Lord Steven Regal This is quite the matchup. We take a break right away and return with Regal working on the arm, but Malenko gets a nice series of takedown attempts and gets a snapmare for two. Regal puts him down with a forearm for two and goes to a headscissors, but Malenko makes the ropes. Malenko with a german suplex for two, but Regal takes him down again, only to have Malenko put him away with an Oklahoma roll at 8:20. Good finish. **1/2 Hour #2! Your hosts are Eric & Bobby The Nasty Boys v. Public Enemy Eric suddenly goes on a rant about how the WWF might be suing WCW, but they’re not going anywhere and won’t be changing. And so it’s yet another sloppy brawl between these two teams with the usual split-screen that makes it impossible to follow. Finally the PE double-team Sags in the ring as it starts to find a direction, but they immediately head to the floor again and accidentally go through a table when Sags moves. Knobs drops an elbow on Grunge and pins him at 4:30. Yeah, so the finish was predicated on JERRY SAGS being both smarter and faster than the Public Enemy. Even Bobby Heenan mocks them for that one. ½* Mean Gene is out to ask the Nasties the tough questions, like whether Knobs is still friends with Hulk Hogan. They’re still ducking the question. Diamond Dallas Page v. Chavo Guerrero Chavo is a house of fire trying to avenge Uncle Eddie after the Clash, and he slugs away in the corner until Page goes to the arm to take over. He misses a blind charge and Chavo rolls him up for two, so DDP chokes him down. Page continues destroying the arm with a hammerlock slam for two, but he picks Chavo up for more punishment, and Chavo gets the backslide for the upset win at 4:33. Well you had to see that one coming. **1/4 Page gets a Diamond Cutter afterwards and uses Nick Patrick’s belt to whip Chavo while Patrick feigns his inability to stop him. Mean Gene again is out to ask Patrick the hard questions, and Patrick cuts a really funny promo where he denies any wrongdoing and points out that if he was really guilty, he would have been caught by now, so the whole thing must be a giant conspiracy by the media against him. WCW World tag titles: Harlem Heat v. The American Males Riggs gets double-teamed by the Heat and Booker pounds away in the corner, then dodges a blind charge and gets two. The announcers talk up a movie role that Bagwell had recently, which turned out to be this one: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0116039/?ref_=nm_flmg_act_33 Yeah. Anyway, whole lot of nothing here, as Riggs gets beat up and makes the hot tag to Bagwell pretty quickly. Bagwell gets a rollup on Stevie for the tease of the upset, but the Heat shove him out of the ring and Stevie powerslams him on the way back in to retain at 4:18. Decent but nothing interesting. *1/2 Glacier is still on his way, honest. Sting & Lex Luger v. Arn Anderson & Ric Flair Doesn’t happen, as Sting calls for an armistice instead and offers the Horsemen the chance to team up for Wargames against the nWo. Fun game: What exactly are Liz and Nancy chatting about on the left side of the screen while Sting is doing his super-serious promo? Anyway, in retrospect the Horsemen would have been better off sticking with Benoit and Mongo instead of going with Sting and Luger for that match. The Following Announcement Has Been Paid For By The New World Order Hall and Nash hang out in Denver talking shit about the Giant and whatever else is on their minds. The Preceding Announcement Has Been Paid For By The New World Order The Giant v. Randy Savage No match, as Savage attacks with a chair and they brawl on the floor, as Eric notes that the executive committee has ratified the Fall Brawl main event as “Sting, Luger, Flair and Anderson against the nWo, if they’ve got the guts”. I think it would be hilarious if they actually drew up the contract to say that. “Just initial here, Mr. Nash, by the part where it stipulates that you must have the guts to accept the challenge.” Anyway, the Dungeon of Doom tries to attack Savage, but he kicks Giant in the nuts and fights them off with a chair to end the show. The Pulse Nothing outstanding on this show, but it was a fun and breezy two hours with nothing I’d call really bad.