Impact Wrestling – June 17, 2015

Impact
Wrestling
Date:
June 17, 2015
Location:
Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators:
Josh Matthews, D’Angelo Dinero
Reviewed by Tommy Hall
We’ve
got two weeks to go before Slammiversary and it’s time to start
building towards the main event of the TV show two weeks from
tonight. Yeah the Carter vs. Angle World Title match is going to be
held on Impact instead of at the pay per view due to some scheduling
issues. That is of course TOTALLY different than TNA being a poorly
run company who couldn’t figure out that having a pay per view the
day after a TV taping was really, really stupid. Let’s get to it.

We
open with a tribute to Dusty Rhodes, who used to be the authority
figure here back in the early days.
It’s
time for Angle and Carter to sign the contract. In an interesting
case, this is coming just after a contract signing closed Ring of
Honor. Carter gets to talk first by talking about Angle beating
Heartbreak Kids, Texas Rattlesnakes, Dead Men, Immortals,
Electrifying Men, Rated R Superstars and some people you can’t even
see. He’s also beaten submission machines, phenomenal ones, icons
and charismatic enigmas (the first person mentioned actually still
with this company. And shouldn’t those all be singular since Angle
only beat one each?) but the World Title reigns ends with Carter.
Angle
praises Carter, but thinks he’s a disrespectful punk. This time
around, Kurt is healthy and ready because he’s been here before.
Once Carter loses, it’s going to haunt him for the rest of his life.
Both guys sign, but they also get to pick an opponent for each other.
Angle gets to go first, and he picks Lashley to face Carter. Not a
bad choice. Carter gets to pick next week on a live show.
The
X-Division Title will be decided next week. Man just scrap
Slammiversary and put on a Barney Miller marathon.
We
recap the Tag Team Title series to this point, with the Wolves
currently up 2-1.
Here
are the Wolves with Davey talking about how they’ve fought around the
world to be the best tag team in the world, and that’s what those
belts mean. They’ve beaten the BroMans, the Hardys and Team 3D
already and now it’s time for the Dirty Heels. Last time the Heels
cheated to win, but the Wolves won’t get fooled again. Good line but
points off for a WOLVES NATION shirt. Stop just putting a word in
front of nation and thinking it sounds good.
Edwards
wants to do match four right now, so here’s Roode sans Aries. Austin
isn’t here tonight because he’s healing up after last week, so
there’s no match. Eddie thinks a singles match is in order and Roode
doesn’t think so, but he’ll do it if the winner gets to pick the
stipulation for next week. The Wolves are fine and it’s time to go.
Bobby
Roode vs. Eddie Edwards
Roode
hammers away to start but Eddie kicks him outside for a big suicide
dive. Back in and a clothesline gets two for Eddie but he runs into
an elbow to the jaw. A Hennig necksnap puts Eddie down again as
Roode is a heel this week. It’s good to know as it varies so often.
Roode’s chinlock doesn’t go anywhere as Edwards comes back with a leg
lariat.
The
announcers call last week’s Aries vs. Angle match five stars. At
least this time they’re waiting until after the match happened to
praise it. There’s a backpack Stunner for two on Roode but he comes
back with a spinebuster for the same. Roode tries to bring in a
chair but Richards gets on the apron for some reason, earning him a
swing from Bobby. The distraction lets Eddie get a rollup pin at
8:22.
Rating:
C. This brings up the problem
with the entire series: the matches are just ok. They’re not bad or
anything, but I barely remember them a few minutes after they
happened because they’re just coming and going as we wait for the big
match to come for the titles to exist again. The ending made no
sense either as the Wolves wound up cheating instead of the Dirty
Heel. This story hasn’t been great since it started and it’s losing
steam every week.
Davey
makes match #4 Full Metal Mayhem. So what’s #5 going to be? Another
regular match?
Joseph
Park is back, minus his law firm, money or teeth. He’ll face Bram
tonight and get to be the guy on top for the first time. So we’re
just forgetting that he knows he’s Abyss I guess? Does that mean
we’re done with the Revolution too?
We
get a ten second video of Drew Galloway talking about how much he
loves wrestling.
Bram
vs. Joseph Park
Park
tries to lecture Bram before the match and gets punched in the face.
Bram slugs away but misses a chair shot, allowing Park to get in some
shots of his own. Now it’s table and kendo stick time as I guess
this is a hardcore match. It was never announced as one but sure why
not. Park comes back with some kendo stick shots and a chokeslam for
two. Back up and Park misses a spear through the table, allowing
Bram to get the pin at 3:53.
Rating:
F. A guy as talented as Bram is
stuck in the hardcore story because there’s nothing else for him to
do right now because they’ve killed off the singles titles other than
the World Title and now we’re sitting here watching him against
Joseph Park. Bad match here and Bram doesn’t even get to hit his
finisher to win? Horrible stuff.
Taryn
has a deal for Brooke
and Awesome Kong: if they beat the Dolls tonight, they both get a
title shot. If they lose, neither can ever have a shot again.
The
world is ready to burn and playtime is over. No idea what that is
for.
Marti
Bell/Jade vs. Brooke/Awesome Kong
Brooke
gets jumped in the aisle but here’s Kong for the save. The bell
rings and Kong runs Jade over before it’s off to Brooke, who doesn’t
have the same luck. Brooke
fights off some double teaming but gets thrown right back into the
corner as the announcers debate their taste in women. Brooke
avoids a charge and spears Jade down, allowing for the tag to Kong.
A chokeslam plants Marti and Brooke climbs onto her shoulders for a
big elbow and the pin at 6:24.
Rating:
D. This wasn’t the worst in the
world but good grief Josh is getting on my nerves. Between talking
about the number of days the champions have held their titles and
calling Dinero the heel commentator, he becomes more of a combination
of Cole and Striker every week. Nothing match here as the finish was
obvious, though the story wasn’t bad.
We
recap the hardcore war which ended with Eric Young choking out Chris
Melendez with Chris’ prosthetic leg.
Chris
Melendez wants to fight Eric Young right now. This brings Young out
to praise Melendez for being an American hero, but Young just doesn’t
care. He cares about no one but himself because there’s no reason
for Melendez to be in the same ring as Eric Young. Does Chris really
want to be here all alone next week? Chris says he’s ready. Young
was just a jerk here and not crazy, making him FAR more effective as
a heel. Melendez is nothing though.
DJZ
vs. Jesse Godderz
Godderz
laid DJZ out last week so DJZ charges right at him to start and nails
a jawbreaker and middle rope back elbow (love that move). Back up
and Jesse slams him down by the arm, setting up a Boston crab for the
submission at 1:43.
Post
match Godderz cuts a really, REALLY good promo about how he was the
BroMans because he was the only one training while Robbie was on a
reality TV show and DJZ was in some bar making funny noises. He
rants about how Robbie was nothing until he joined the team and now
DJZ is nothing either. Jesse gorilla presses him up but Robbie makes
his big return and shows more fire than ever before. I’m actually
digging this.
We
look back at James Storm possibly murdering Mickie James a few weeks
back.
Here’s
a livid Magnus, two weeks after Mickie was attacked. He isn’t
letting this show continue until he gets James Storm out here one on
one. Here’s Storm to call Magnus the crazy jealous one for having
Mickie followed by cameras. “What do you think was happening when
those cameras weren’t there?” Magnus is held back by security but
Storm brings out a baby stroller, presumably carrying Mickie and
Magnus’ son.
James
calls it his insurance policy but walks down the aisle without it.
He says Mickie is a sorry excuse for a woman and Magnus is a sorry
excuse for a man, which is finally enough to get Magnus past
security. Storm kicks the baby stroller off the stage and of course
it’s just a doll.
Video
on Ethan Carter III.
Ethan
Carter III vs. Bobby Lashley
Lashley
throws him down to start and nails a hard clothesline before just
running Carter over. Tyrus finally grabs Lashley’s boot to stop his
boss’ pain but Lashley easily suplexes Carter over. Another Tyrus
distraction lets Carter get in a dropkick off the apron to take over.
The match isn’t bad so far but I can’t take much more of Josh
talking about the number of days Carter has been undefeated. Carter
slows him down with a chinlock for a bit before having to escape a
torture rack.
Lashley
scores with a powerslam for two but Tyrus puts a chair in the corner.
The spear hits the chair (Earl Hebner has zero issue with this) and
Carter gets two off a DDT. The 1%er is countered and the referee
goes down (like it matters), right before the spear connects. Cue
another referee but Tyrus takes him out and gives Lashley a Big
Ending, setting up the third referee to count two, earning him a shot
from Tyrus. Lashley spears Tyrus but gets speared down, only to get
nailed in the back with a chair, setting up the 1%er to give Carter
the pin at 9:26.
Rating:
D+. This was straight out of
the Russo playbook with two chairs, three ref bumps and interference
in less than ten minutes. Angle was nowhere in sight to help even
the odds because the script didn’t say he was supposed to and the
whole thing was just way too much. It didn’t help that Josh was
driving me up the wall with his counting the days of Carter being
undefeated. We get it: you’re Michael Cole and Carter is Miz. Pick
a better role model.
Overall
Rating:
D+. This show is on the
verge of flying off the rails and you can see a lot of it coming from
here. The problem right now is they’re building to three different
shows instead of any one in particular. You have next week’s live
show with Full Metal Mayhem and the X-Division Title match,
Slammiversary (which I don’t think has anything official yet) and
then the bell to bell show in two weeks with the World Title match.
It doesn’t help that a lot of the midcard just feels like a big waste
of time when they could be doing anything else. The show wasn’t
horrible but they need to focus on something quick.
Results
Eddie
Edwards b. Bobby Roode – Rollup
Bram
b. Joseph Park – Pin after a missed spear through a table
Brooke/Awesome
Kong b. Jade/Marti Bell – Elbow drop to Bell
Jesse
Godderz b. DJZ – Boston crab
Ethan
Carter III b. Bobby Lashley – 1%er
Remember to check out my website at kbwrestlingreviews.com and head over to my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:
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