I gave it 3 1/4 stars but my opinions were pretty much the same as
Scott and Bayless. It had some major problems and some weird, arbitrary
booking that made next to no sense.
won Money in the Bank for some reason after Bray Wyatt attacked Bray
Wyatt for some reason and Renee Young is a platinum blonde for
some–wait. No. Renee’s hair color changed because Ambrose is just a
lucky fuck who jobs to TV monitors but gets what he wants in private.
got two really great matches in Ambrose/Rollins and Cena/Owens…but
the rest of the show is a prime example of what’s been driving WWE fans
Look, I get wanting to shake things up, but if we’re gonna be random and different, give Kofi the case. Even that makes more sense than Sheamus grabbing it. Bray fucking with somebody else? Where’s that
gonna lead? Nowhere. It’s gonna be eight weeks of Bray saying a bunch
of cryptic shit in the middle of a room of Vick’s Vap-o-Rub and then
he’ll lose three matches in a row.
So what was the point of any of this? I guess we’ll see…
We begin with the Dusty Tribute from MITB followed by the video package.
We are LIVE(!!!) from Cleveland, Ohio for WWE Monday Night RAW!!!
Michael Cole, JBL and Byron Saxton are the guys at the desk.
Seth Rollins starts us off with a promo…and we’re already on a break because of the first portion.
this isn’t what’s to come. Rollins welcomes us to “Monday Night
ROLLINS”. He says that he acknowledges Ambrose and how much of a fight
he brought to the ring last night. But, he still beat Ambrose — and he
did it all by himself. He says that he knows he really hung on and won
but he needs to recognize those who got him to the top. He thanks
himself for his own win. Over and over and over again. But, wait…he’d
like to thank Seth Rollins…and Seth Rollins…and Seth Rollins…and,
wait — he left somebody out. Seth Rollins. He says he can’t thank
J&J Security or “The Devil’s Favorite Dinosaur”, Kane. He didn’t
need Triple H or Steph because he’s that good. He says that he should
pretty much be in the Hall of Fame now. He says that Johnny Manziel and
LeBron James aren’t bringing titles to Cleveland. He says he’s leaving
town and bringing the title with him…
music hit. He marches down to the ring and attacks Rollins, puts him in
the ring, then clotheslines him out the other side. They fight over the
Announce Desk and Ambrose kicks him away. Rollins retreats and leaves.
Ambrose grabs a chair and a mic and gets in the ring. He says that he
got beat last night because the title slipped through his fingers…but
Rollins shooting his mouth off reminded him of how much fun it was
torturing Rollins. He’s gonna be in the ring until Rollins gets back
into the ring.
After a break, Ambrose is still in the ring.
Rollins bumps into Triple H and Steph. Triple H tells Rollins that
things have been taken care of. Steph can’t believe what Rollins is
saying and says that Rollins doesn’t need them. Rollins says that he
wants to know what’s next. Triple H says that they are making that
decision. Rollins says that he should have a say and Triple H tells him
that Rollins won all by himself, so Rollins should trust them to make a
Meanwhile, Ambrose is still hanging out because
we’re 30 minutes into a wrestling show that doesn’t need wrestling.
Sheamus shows up and says that he’s a winner while Ambrose is a loser.
He says that The Authority told him to come down and kick Ambrose’s head
off his shoulders.
MATCH #1: Dean Ambrose vs. Sheamus
knocks Ambrose down, then starts kicking at Ambrose’s injured knee.
Ambrose comes back with forearms and a lariat on a whip. Ambrose puts
Sheamus in a corner but Sheamus fights out and the fight spills outside.
Once the match gets back inside, Ambrose hits a lariat. Sheamus quickly
comes back and takes control. After a break, Sheamus is bending
Ambrose’s knee but Ambrose kicks out of it and fights back with some
punches. Sheamus just clips his knee and tries the Cloverleaf but
Ambrose escapes and tosses Sheamus away. Sheamus comes back at Ambrose
who hits a Swinging Neckbreaker. Ambrose nails Sheamus with a corner
forearm and follows up with a Bulldog. He goes top rope but Sheamus
clips his knee, grabs him and hits the Rolling Senton. Sheamus locks in
the Cloverleaf but Ambrose don’t tap to nobody and gets to the bottom
rope. Ambrose rolls outside so Sheamus starts hitting Ten Beats but
Ambrose counters and returns the favor. Sheamus angrily elbows out of it
and tries a BROGUEOUTOFNOWHERE but misses and Ambrose kicks him.
Ambrose goes top rope with a flying elbow and nearly gets a fall.
Sheamus comes back with a kneelift but Ambrose hits the Rebound
Clothesline. He goes for Dirty Deeds but Sheamus rolls out of the ring
and grabs the MITB case, leaving. All of the sudden, Randy Orton’s music
hits and he stalks Sheamus back to the ring. Ambrose grabs Sheamus,
tosses him back into the ring and rolls him up for a highly unlikely
Distraction Pin to win it at 10:50.
WINNER: Dean Ambrose
**. Your MITB “winner”, ladies and gentlemen. Weak finish to a match
where Ambrose practically no-sold everything Sheamus had to offer.
Orton beats up on Sheamus, post-match, whipping him into the crowd barrier and ringpost, then hits Vintage Orton. He goes for the RKO but Sheamus blocks it and rolls out of the ring with his case.
Rollins bumps into J&J Security, calling them “Harry and Lloyd”. He
says that he hates to be the guy that says, “I told you so”, but he’s
that guy. He calls himself “good” but, hey, if J&J want to tell him
who his next opponent was, he’ll have them back in his fold. Noble says
it’s Joey Mercury. Rollins mocks Noble and says he’s busy living his
“WCW glory days”. Mercury says that Rollins is afraid to face him.
Rollins scoffs at this but Mercury says it’s the truth because he
already lost to Mercury and Noble once and he’s afraid of being
Cole and the announcers pay tribute to Dusty Rhodes and we get clips of him in NWA.
is out, dressed in a sheet and has a toilet plunger for a scepter. He’s
on commentary…but soon learns he’s wrestling Barrett. Truth isn’t
happy at all, but enters the ring.
MATCH #2: R-Truth vs. King Barrett
kicks Truth’s head off, then punches away at him. He sets up for the
Bullhammer but Truth just rolls him for the win at 22 seconds.
RATING: Two fuck finishes in a row. Barrett is so beyond dead, it’s not even funny.
Barrett his ROAL BULLHAMMA MIGGAL then gets on the mic and still
declares himself “king”, because that’s apparently still a thing.
Gun Kelly is backstage and a bunch of Divas and Heath Slater pretend
they like him. Paige interrupts the party and asks if she can see the
Divas right now. Kelly walks off.
NEXT: Kevin Owens is here.
Owens is out for a promo and says that Cena’s not here tonight but that
he’s insulted that Cena thinks that Owens needed his endorsement
following his loss at Money in the Bank. He says that he KNOWS he
belongs in WWE. He doesn’t need Cena’s approval. He says he isn’t a sore
loser, Cena’s a horrible winner. Cena wanted to show Owens up by
getting that “handshake” at the end. That’s why he kicked the crap out
of Cena. He says that he will always be the guy that beat John
Cena…that’s why he wants a re-match — and he wants the United States
Championship. Usually, Cena would come out and issue his challenge, but
he can’t. So, Owens issues his own “Open Challenge”…and it’s…
hits the ring with Lana and actually fixed his “Megadeth” jacket.
Ziggler says that Owens made his night. He will never defend John Cena
but Owens has some guts talking about sacrifice. Ziggler says he’s been
through hell to get where he is now. He says that he’s gonna give Owens a
fight right now. Lillian Garcia announces that the match is for the NXT
Championship — but Owens interrupts her and says this isn’t a title
match. Somehow, Ziggler’s pissed off at this, which makes no sense at
all since it would be like an MLB team challenging for a minor league
championship, but whatever.
MATCH #3: NXT Champion Kevin Owens vs. Dolph Ziggler (w/ Lana) (non-title)
a brawl to start, then we go to break. When we come back, Ziggler
breaks from a headlock, but Owens puts him back to the mat for a Reverse
Senton. He follows by dropping Ziggler’s body on the top rope and gets
two for that. He whips Ziggler into the turnbuckles, then stomps and
taunts him. Ziggler gets back up and punches away, then sends Owens over
the top rope. Owens get up first and tosses Ziggler into the
timekeeper’s pit. Ziggler struggles to get back in and barely makes it
back into the ring. Owens attacks but Ziggler hits a DDT. After another
break, it’s another Owens headlock. Ziggler breaks free again but Owens
just continues to mow him down. When Owens goes into the Cannonball,
Ziggler counters with a Superkick and gets two. Ziggler goes for a
Fame-Asser and hits it on the second try, getting two. Ziggler tries a
corner splash but Owens hits Suplex City instead, then a Cannonball.
Ziggler kicks out at two. Owens tries a Pop-Up Powerbomb but Ziggler
counters into a Zigg Zagg, nearly getting a fall. Ziggler runs at Owens
only to see Owens kick Ziggler and hit the Pop-Up Powerbomb to win this
WINNER: Kevin Owens via Pop-Up Powerbomb
RATING: ***. Not a bad match, but it didn’t need two breaks. That really broke up the momentum of this thing for me.
Divas hang out backstage and talk boys and take Selfies because they’re
CHICKS. Paige makes a huge speech about how awful the Bellas are.
Summer shuts her up and says it’s all about Paige. Alicia Fox agrees.
Paige continues to rant. Naomi is also hesitant to trust Paige…and
this goes on and on…and on…The Bellas interrupt and Nikki dares the
Divas to side with Paige. They all stand around, apathetic, then leave,
one by one. Then Paige leaves. The Bellas act cool and that’s
just…whatever. Seeing all the women backstage reminds me of how empty
and vapid the Divas Division has become.
MATCH #4: Randy Orton vs. Kane
is dead for this as Orton attacks. Kane fights back, then hits a big
boot and headlock. A big, long headlock that sucks half the match. Orton
counters with a side suplex but misses a knee drop. Kane hits a
Sidewalk Slam for two. Kane puts Orton in the corner and Orton collapses
after hitting the buckles. Kane slugs away. Orton fights back but Kane
grabs Orton by the throat. A bunch of clunky counters later and Orton
clotheslines Kane in the corner. Orton hits a Powerslam in Stride, then
goes for Vintage Orton but Sheamus’s music hits and he walks down to the
ring. Kane grabs a mic and says that he is making this match a No DQ
match. So Sheamus attacks. Kane joins. Big boot by Kane and we’re done
with whatever the hell that was at 4:26.
DUD. This match was fucking terrible. It’s a shitty match involving
Kane who’s a shitty wrestler in order to push this weird Orton/Sheamus
“rivalry” that has no heat whatsoever.
TONIGHT: We get “answers” about why Bray Wyatt interfered in the MITB match.
Kane walks and runs into Seth Rollins. Rollins congratulates Kane on
his victory tonight and rubs in the fact that he lost, so tonight’s
“victory” must have put him in a better mood. Rollins just rants about
how cool he is and how much Kane sucks. Kane says that Rollins won one
match. A true champ wins over and over, night after night. Rollins says
that Kane’s always needed help, whether it’s from Paul Bearer or The
Undertaker. Kane grabs Rollins and says to never mention his family
again. Rollins tells Kane never to touch him again and says that he
hopes that Kane is his next opponent because Kane needs to be put out of
DUSTY MEMORY: His Hall of Fame moment.
Ryback’s at ringside to do commentary with the guys.
MATCH #5: Big Show vs. The Miz
goes to take off his sunglasses. Show attacks. Miz bails and takes off
his sunglasses. Show chases him around the ring. Miz escapes. Show
chases again. Miz enters the ring. Show chases and then enters the ring,
faking a leg injury. Miz attacks and Show pushes him in the corner as
the crowd chants “THIS IS AWFUL” which part of the crowd somehow
mistakes as “THIS IS AWESOME”. Show slaps at Miz’s chest, then whips him
into the corner. Miz boots him on the charge but Show grabs Miz and
tosses him out of the ring. He beats on Miz and tosses him into Ryback.
Ryback isn’t happy. Meanwhile, Miz slides back into the ring and it’s a
WINNER: The Miz via countout
RATING: DUD. This RAW has been a giant piece of shit in terms of actual wrestling matches.
Post-match, Ryback chases Show from the ring. Yay?
When we come back from break, it’s Roman Reigns on the way to the ring as Cole announces…
AT BATTLEGROUND: Bray Wyatt vs. Roman Reigns
says he got very little sleep because of what happened at Money in the
Bank. He says he wants Wyatt right now and tells him to get down to the
ring. Instead, it’s Wyatt, live from the Steam Room of Doom. Bray does
his usual shtick. Roman’s not interested and tells him to get down to
the ring. Bray won’t and says that the MITB case was supposed to be his.
Instead, Roman ruined his chance. Bray rants and raves about how
nothing is paradise and that him and Roman are “opposites”. He has a
picture of Roman and his daughter from that PSA that aired. He says that
him and Roman are just getting started.
AT MITB: Dusty Finish with the Divas
MATCH #6: Paige vs. The Bella Twins (Nikki & Brie) in a 2-on-1 Handicap Match
tries to attack, but the ref holds Paige back. Finally, Brie tags Nikki
and Paige just presses her, punching away. She chokes Nikki on the
ropes but Brie trips Paige from the outside. Nikki pins for two. Tag to
Brie for a Missile Dropkick. Two count. Another long chinlock spot.
Paige finally breaks it and hits the running knee. Two count. Tag to
Nikki and they double team Paige, dropping her on the mat, face-first.
Two count. Nikki kinda apathetically kicks at Paige, then puts on Head
Scissors. Paige counters with a Bridge Pin but Nikki kicks out and tags
Brie who accidentally clocks her sister on a double team attempt. Brie
gets up and runs at Paige. Paige kicks her and hits a series of
clotheslines, then kicks at Brie’s head. She tosses Brie into Nikki and
hits the Ram-Paige. Nikki saves the pin, then tags in and hits a forearm
and Rack Attack to win it at 5:34.
RATING: 1/2 a *. Too slow, and boring as hell. The match is uninteresting. There isn’t anything left here.
TONIGHT: We will find out who Rollins’ next opponent is.
NEXT: MGK performs! So, it’s a good time for me to start dinner.
Machine Gun Kelly performs. Garcia says that he’s “Cleveland’s own”
which is weird since nobody seems to care. The performance fucking
sucks. Why is this person here? At the end, Kevin Owens attacks
him after MGK shoves him and hits a Pop-Up Powerbomb into a part of the
stage. He just stares, then walks off. Everyone tends to Machine Gun
Kelly and we actually get a replay. PLUS, a “moments ago” thing when we
come back from break.
Cole plugs “Terminator: Genesys”.
#7: The New Day (Xavier Woods, Big E & Kofi Kingston) vs. Neville
& WWE Tag Team Champions The Primetime Players (Titus O’Neil &
Young and Woods start off and Young finally
manages to hit a strike or two before Kofi tags in. Young kicks at Kofi
who tags Woods back in. Young clotheslines him and tags in Titus who
drops Young on top of Woods. Kofi flies at Titus. Kofi gets dumped
across the ring. E attacks and Titus tosses him from the ring. Neville
splashes everyone outside. After break, Woods has Young in a headlock.
In and out tags as New Days works Woods over with kicks and a headlock.
Tag to Woods and a double axehandle from the top rope. Two count. More
Young peril. Young breaks a headlock and it’s a hot tag to Neville who
kicks away at Woods. Neville kicks him in the head, then dropkicks
everyone in the heel corner. Woods and Neville counter one another until
Neville puts Woods to the mat. Neville goes for the Red Arrow but it’s
chaos when guys come in to botch it. Titus hits Clash of the Titus. More
chaos and Young hits a Gutbuster on Kofi and it’s Neville to finish it
with the Red Arrow to win it all around 9 minutes.
WINNERS: The New Day & Neville
*1/2. This wasn’t terrible but incredibly disjointed. Neville didn’t
really fit here and the match really suffered after he became involved.
Post-match, we get a look at Cena/Owens and ANOTHER look at Owens destroying the idiot rapper. Apparently, Kelly was badly hurt.
Dean Ambrose throws darts at a picture of Seth Rollins. Kane
interrupts. Dean laughs and says he can’t picture Kane as a champion.
Kane says he’s been champ, unlike Dean. Dean says that’s
true…but that was THEDEMONKANE, not kiss-ass Kane. Dean says that, in
the end, Kane’s just doing a job and he’s loyal to The Authority. Dean
says he lives for moments like last night. He says he liked getting a
taste of the title at MITB and he says he won’t stop until he finally
has the title. Dean asks what Kane lives for. Kane stands there, a bit
NEXT: We find out who Seth Rollins will fight next.
DUSTY MEMORY: Dusty ranting a lot.
TONIGHT: Dusty Rhodes: Celebrating the Dream on WWE Network
Authority hits the ring. Steph apologizes for what happened with MGK.
Cleveland cheers the concept of MGK getting beat up as Steph says that
Owens will be reprimanded. They are announcing who Seth will face next.
Triple H says that a lot of WWE superstars feel as though they deserve a
shot…but it won’t be J&J or Kane or Dean Ambrose. Steph asks
Triple H who it could possibly be.
Seth Rollins’ music
hits and he makes his way down. He shakes hands with Triple H and Steph
and then gets a mic. He tells them that it doesn’t matter who gets
picked. Rollins says that they’ve been right about him all along. Nobody
is capable of beating him. He’s ready to beat his next opponent. He
will make The Authority proud. Triple H says that might be true. Rollins
has beaten everyone. He even beat Ambrose with no help. Steph says that
she’s proud of him, too, but that he’s ripe for the pickin’. Plus, he’s
been testing their patience as well.
Triple H says
that they invested a lot in the future and in him and, sometimes, you
need to step back and check out your investment. Sometimes, you put
pressure on a piece of coal. If it’s worth something, it won’t crumble,
it will become a diamond. Triple H asks if he’s ready for the pressure.
Seth nods and smiles and says that he’s ready…
…and Brock Lesnar’s music hits.
makes his way to the ring (with a brand-new shirt reading “SUPLEX CITY”
– remind me to scoop that fucker up) with Paul Heyman. They get in and
shake hands with The Authority. Seth can’t believe it and just stands
there in blinking disbelief, looking sick to his stomach. Brock and Seth
just look at one another. Rollins backs up a bit with Brock matching
his steps. Rollins gets out of the ring and leaves.
slowly walks to the backstage area as Brock just stares a hole in his
head from 50 yards out. Cole says that Brock Lesnar will face Rollins at
We go off the air.
OVERALL: The Lesnar bit was a nice bookend to an otherwise blah show. It was basically Kevin Owens being used as sugar to coat the flaming dogshit that was the mid-card. Honestly, Sheamus with the case isn’t compelling.
Neither is his beef with Orton or Orton’s match with Kane that took a
left-turn into stupid. I don’t buy the PTP as tag champs and the
mis-match with Neville was just odd to me. The Divas division is a
dumpster fire…I mean, you look at WWE and they’re patching the ship’s
hull with Scotch tape they’ve bought in bulk. Even as good as Lesnar is,
I’m kind of wanting to know how he went from being a casualty of
Stephanie McMahon because he straight up murdered the crew of RAW to
being a guy they can trust. Nothing on this show makes any real sense