Monday Nitro – January 3, 2000


Monday Nitro #221
Date: January 3, 2000
Location: BiLo Center,
Greenville, South Carolina
Commentators: Mike
Tenay, Bobby Heenan, Tony Schiavone
Reviewed by Tommy Hall
It’s a new year and in
the best present WCW could give us, the show is back to two hours
instead of the usual three. The big story this week is the rest of
the Tag Team Title tournament with all the random and wacky teams and
the rest of the field being filled out by regular teams who were
“randomly” paired together. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of
last week. Why must I be forced to think of that mess again?
A
jet landed at the airport today. I’d assume a lot of those land
every day but for some reason this is supposed to be interesting.
Tag Team Title
Tournament Quarterfinals: Harris Brothers vs. Buzzkill/Mike Rotundo
Sullivan
makes Leia Meow jump on a trampoline for obvious reasons. Rotundo
goes after let’s say Ron to start and eats a powerslam and
clothesline for his efforts. Off to Buzzkill for a forearm, but Ron
comes back with a big old side slam. It’s big enough that it almost
knocks Buzzkill’s hair off. Don comes in to hammer away as Standards
and Practices come out and get rid of Leia, drawing the Varsity Club
out to the floor. The H Bomb ends Buzzkill in a short match.
We
look back at the monster truck stuff last week which has damaged
Sid’s neck.
A motorcade is leaving
the airport.
There’s going to be a
new commissioner tonight.
Nash thinks Tom Zenk is
getting the job.
Bret arrives and gets
beaten down by Sid, wearing a neck brace.
Diamond Dallas Page is
ready for his match against Buff Bagwell but Curt Hennig comes up and
tells him the Powers That Be want him in the ring tonight. PG-13 is
in the ring right now and that’s fine with Page.
Tag Team Title
Tournament Quarterfinals: PG-13 vs. Scott Steiner/Kevin Nash
Steiner
is Hall’s official replacement because there are a lot of people
named Scott in this company. PG-13 is in the ring doing their rap,
so here’s Page to lay them both out with Diamond Cutters. Here’s the
NWO with Nash dropping an elbow on Wolfie and pulling the tights for
the pin. It’s going to be one of those kind of shows, but at least
it’s two hours.
Here’s the NWO to
complain about now getting any respect and having to be attacked by
Sid. Jarrett: “Slappy New Year!” Jeff isn’t worried about
Triple Threat Theater with Benoit and doesn’t have much to say about
it. Nash warns the new commissioner that the NWO is going to keep
breaking the rules as they always have. Steiner jokes about his
retirement and thinks all his fans are Wall Street types. This
actually wasn’t that bad.
The motorcade arrives.
Tag Team Title
Tournament Quarterfinals: David Flair/Crowbar vs. Lash
Leroux/Midnight
Lash
does a cross sign at Daffney in a funny bit. The bad night continues
for Lash as Midnight appearing in the ring freaks him out even more.
David and Lash get things going with Stevie Ray sitting in on
commentary. Flair is easily knocked around the ring because he’s
just not that good. It’s off to Crowbar who eats a drop toehold to
send him to the floor, only to have him slide back inside where he
accidentally baseball slides David.
Stevie tells Lash to
tag Midnight in and gets what he deserves, thereby lowering Lash’s
sucka levels for the rest of the match. Midnight throws Lash onto
Crowbar and nails a nice dropkick, only to have Stevie pull Midnight
out to the floor. Cue Disco, Tony Marinara and Disco as we now have
more people interfering than in the match. Booker yells at his
brother and takes a Slapjack to the head as Leroux hits Whiplash on
Crowbar. As the referee yells at Harlem Heat, Vito and Johnny come
in and lay out Lash, giving Crowbar the pin.
Rating:
D-.
Here’s a spoiler for the rest of the show: this match, which ran
5:15, is the longest match on the entire show. Also, in a match just
over five minutes long, six people interfered, giving us three
stories (Mafia vs. Lash, Harlem Heat splitting, the match itself) in
one match. I know we get on Russo for overbooking but come on man.
Calm down for like a minute please.
Lash yells at Disco in
the back but Disco says he has to deal with the Family, who come in
and attack Lash as Disco has to look on.
Here’s
Luger Luger, still dressed as Sting and yes, this is really WCW’s
best idea to fight Raw. Luger talks about Sting being afraid of him
and wants the no name wrestler to come out here and face him.
Total Package vs.
Tank Abbott
Stalling by Luger leads
into the mace from Liz for the DQ in less than a minute. But
remember, Luger is a veteran and therefore still a draw.
Jerry Flynn comes out
and beats up Abbott with less than no one caring.
The NWO takes their
ball bats to the limo.
Rob
Garner of the WCW front office comes out to talk about the “writers”
“swerving” WCW and how Sting and Goldberg are currently out of
commission. Therefore, let’s bring in someone new to help fight the
NWO. That brings us to the new commissioner: Terry Funk. Yes, the
big solution to the NWO is to bring in a guy who first retired about
sixteen years earlier.
Now
don’t get me wrong: Terry Funk is awesome and one of the best
wrestlers and performers of all time, but this is not the right move
in this spot. This needed to be someone young who could be a future
for WCW, not another legend who shows up, basically in the same role
as Piper.
Anyway,
Funk says he loves wrestling and wants to get rid of these fat hogs
at the trough. To do this, he needs an enforcer, and who better than
Arn Anderson? Anderson gives his usual great speech about putting
the heart back in wrestling, but the WE WANT FLAIR chants almost
drown him out. Cue the NWO so Hart can offer Funk a spot on the
team. Terry shrugs it off and makes some new stipulations for Hart
vs. Goldberg. Wait didn’t they officially cancel that last week? It
wouldn’t be the first time they lied about a match they had coming up
so why not do it here too?
The
match will have Arn as guest referee and the title can change hands
on a DQ. As for tonight, it’s Jeff defending the US Title against
Sid in a powerbomb match. Oh and Nash and Steiner will indeed get
screwed in their matches tonight. Nash threatens David Flair and
we’re done here.
Tag Team Title
Tournament Quarterfinals: Buff Bagwell/Chris Kanyon vs. Norman
Smiley/Asya
Buff
and Kanyon argue over how awesome this town is because Kanyon thinks
it’s not Hollywood. Kanyon offers him some champagne so Buff, the
hero that he is, breaks the bottle over Kanyon’s head. That’s a
great way to advance in a title tournament Buff. Norman is dressed
as a mascot of the local baseball team, complete with a three foot
long tail, which is shaken in Buff’s general direction.
Buff doesn’t take
kindly to Norman mocking his strut and nails him with a clothesline,
only to have Asya knee him in the back. We get the spanking dance
from Norman before it’s off to Asya, who is quickly suplexed down by
Bagwell. Everything breaks down and Asya hits Buff low, only to have
Norman accidentally hit her with the mascot head. A Blockbuster
sends Buff on his own (presumably) to the semifinals.
Rating:
D-.
Comedy ladies and gentlemen! This is what you get when you have no
reason for these teams to be fighting and you just throw them
together and have no chemistry or time to go anywhere. It doesn’t
help that neither team even tried to do more than comedy spots to get
to the ending. Couple that with Kanyon not even being in the match
and what were you expecting here?
The Revolution comes in
to beat up Buff, drawing down Duggan for a failed save attempt. The
Filthy Animals come out for the real save.
The old guys and the
NWO look for David.
Funk and Anderson find
Daffney in the boiler room.
Tag Team Title
Tournament Semifinals: Kevin Nash/Scott Steiner vs. Harris Brothers
You
know, in a decent company, this could be a watchable power match.
Again Steiner sits in on commentary and lets Nash do the match
himself. The twins double team Nash until he gets a ball bat. They
obviously run away from the combined force of the bat and the hair,
only to have the Varsity Club come in and chair them down. Sullivan
throws Don back in and Nash pins him in less than a minute and a
half.
Jarrett kidnaps
Daffney.
Tag Team Title
Tournament Semifinals: Buff Bagwell/Chris Kanyon vs. David
Flair/Crowbar
Kanyon comes out for no
logical reason, only to get jumped by Bam Bam Bigelow and slammed off
the stage. This brings out Vampiro, who is apparently going to be
Buff’s partner whether Bagwell likes it or not. Vampiro starts with
some spinning kicks to put Crowbar down but Buff tags himself in.
Cue Anderson and Funk to talk to David because he’s not doing
anything important right now.
Vampiro superplexes
Crowbar down and Buff tells Vampiro to stay in for the finish.
There’s a Ligerbomb to Crowbar but Vampiro stops to argue with
Anderson because it’s the least logical thing possible right now.
Funk punches Vampiro in the face and Buff adds a Blockbuster to his
partner, again for no apparent reason, allowing David to get the pin
to go to the finals.
Rating:
F.
This was a circus with the partners basically saying screw the tag
belts because we want to do stupid stuff instead. I’ve completely
lost track of what’s going on with Bagwell (feuding with Page I
believe), Vampiro (feuding with no one that I know of) and almost
everyone else in this company. The sad part: I really don’t care
what they’re doing either.
The NWO drags Daffney
out so Steiner can call her ugly.
Flair and Crowbar can’t
find Daffney.
US Title: Jeff
Jarrett vs. Sid Vicious
Powerbomb
match and Sid is in a neck brace. He shoves Jeff away to start and
kicks away, only to have Jarrett go right for the neck. A backdrop
puts the big guy on the floor and Jeff rams him into the barricade.
Back in and a high cross body gets two for Jeff but Sid powers out
and nails a big boot, followed by the chokeslam. The champ shoves
the referee down of course and Sid hits the powerbomb, only to have
Bret come in with the ball bat for the DQ.
Standard beatdown and
spray painting follows.
Tag Team Titles:
Kevin Nash/Scott Steiner vs. David Flair/Crowbar
Steiner
and Nash clean house to start and I have no idea who to cheer for
here. There’s no referee to start and Steiner sits in on commentary
to say the opponents suck. Nash slams Crowbar off the top and pokes
him in the eye as this has been completely one sided so far. A
double noggin knocker puts Flair and Crowbar down again but here come
Terry Funk and Arn Anderson in a referee shirt. Crowbar gets
jackknifed as security and Funk yell at Steiner. The distraction
lets Crowbar hit Nash with a crowbar, giving David the pin and the
titles.
Rating:
F.
It’s the slip on the banana peel ending as this was just a beating
until the wacky ending. In other words, Russo probably thought it
was great and the wrestlers loved it too as they didn’t have to do
much. This wasn’t a match and that really shouldn’t surprise me at
this point.
Post
match Jeff Jarrett drags Daffney to the ring as David hits Anderson
with the crowbar. The new champs stumble away and the NWO swarms
Funk. Bret and Jeff kidnap Anderson and throw him in the trunk of a
car to end the show. The new champs were complete afterthoughts
here.
Overall
Rating:
F.
So tonight we had seven tournament matches. Those matches combined
to run less than nineteen minutes, for an average of about two
minutes and forty seconds each. If you take away the marathon match
that ran over five minutes, you’re looking at six matches taking less
than fifteen minutes combined. There were two other matches on this
show: Tank Abbott in a match with literally no wrestling and a two
minute powerbomb match which ended in a DQ. They’ve taken the
wrestling out of this show and now I’m really not sure what Nitro is
supposed to be. At least it’s shorter now I guess.
Remember to check out my website at kbwrestlingreviews.com and head over to my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:
http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

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