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Monday Nitro – November 29, 1999

Monday Nitro #216
Date: November 29, 1999
Location:
Pepsi Center, Denver, Colorado
Attendance: 12,881
Commentators: Tony
Schiavone, Bobby Heenan
Reviewed by Tommy Hall
We’re less than three
weeks away from Starrcade and usually that would mean some of the
matches should be clear. At the moment though, the field is almost
wide open and given who is in charge, I’m not sure if we should
expect to get any development this week either. Last week’s main
event was at least a calm match for a change. Let’s get to it.

This
episode is dedicated to Hiro Matsuda, who trained Hulk Hogan, Lex
Luger, Scott Hall and Ron Simmons among others.
We
open with Goldberg making his full entrance and taking his sweet time
in doing so. Goldberg gets right to the point: he’s not cool with
the Outsiders playing comedy games most of the time and then hitting
him with a chair last week. Goldberg liked the chair though and he’s
ready for some payback. He has Nash tonight and Hall better stay
away from the ring. Cue the Outsiders to say they have five words
for Goldberg: don’t sing it, bring it. They make it to the middle of
the aisle, but Sid comes out and says he’s the new babyface in town.
The brawl is quickly broken up by security, which is more than I was
expecting.
Tony and Heenan run
down the card. Hang on for this one.
Nash vs. Goldberg –
No DQ, no countout
Hall vs. Sid for the
US/TV Titles – No DQ, no countout
Hart vs. Meng for the
World Title – No DQ, no countout
Sting
vs. Jarrett vs. Benoit – #1 contenders match for a title shot after
Starrcade
Jerry Only vs. Steve
Williams – Cage
Mud wrestling with
wrestlers to be announced
THIS
IS ON ONE TV SHOW WITH NO BUILDUP. Three street fights, a cage
match, a triple threat and mud wrestling.
Roddy
Piper arrives with some fairly big (for wrestling that is) women.
One of them appears to be Rhonda Singh, who you might remember as
Bertha Faye from 1995 WWF.
Luger is here in a new
suit and carrying papers.
The
Mamalukes are on the phone with Tony Marinara, who tells them to deal
with Disco Inferno and Lash Leroux.
Tag Team Titles:
Creative Control vs. Buff Bagwell/Booker T.
The
twins are defending of course and have Hennig with them. Buff starts
with we’ll say Patrick and the twin gets cross bodied and dropkicked
into the corner. Off to Gerald and Booker as Tony says Bagwell has
won over five Tag Team Titles of his own, which is of course
inaccurate (five reigns).
Back to Patrick for a
gutwrench suplex on Booker but Mr. T. nails an ax kick, allowing for
the hot tag to Bagwell, despite the match not even being three
minutes old yet. Bagwell cleans house and everything breaks down.
Buff mostly misses the Blockbuster but the other twin offers a
distraction, allowing Hennig to hit Bagwell with a chair to retain.
Midnight comes out for
the post match save.
Russo
is livid that he has to book some Japanese guy named Jushin Thunder
Liger. That’s not me being sarcastic. Russo actually referred to
him as “some Japanese guy.” If Guerrera can beat him tonight for
the IWGP Light Heavyweight Title (again his words), he’ll take care
of Juvy’s visa issues. Russo has a plan to make sure this happens.
If he wants Juvy to win and take care of his visa issues, why not
just take care of them?
Luger threatens to sue
Liz over breach of contract, hence the papers earlier. She offers to
do anything to make him drop the suit, which intrigues Luger.
Piper can’t get in to
see Russo but is fine with waiting if he gets the $3 million a year.
Our hero everyone.
Singh and the other
girl wonder what they should wear for their match tonight.
Symphony (Ryan
Shamrock) receives flowers and a love letter from Maestro.
Jeff Jarrett doesn’t
care about angering Dustin Rhodes and blasts Tenay with a guitar.
Where was he during those One Night Only shows?
Here’s
Brian Knobbs with something to say. That might be better than having
him wrestle. He wants Norman Smiley (who he calls a woman) out here
right now for a fight over the Hardcore Title. We cut to the back to
see Norman cowering because he doesn’t have his protective gear.
Finlay
walks by to send Norman diving under a table as he goes to the ring
to fight Knobbs in Smiley’s place. Finlay comes out to the ring and
throws Knobbs a kendo stick for a duel. This goes about as you would
expect for a fight to go against Finlay, as he beats Knobbs down and
cuts his hair. Finlay says if Knobbs wants to be a soldier, he can
look like one.
The Mamalukes take
Okerlund to a strip club. Ok then.
Russo
yells at Hennig and the twins for getting beaten up by Midnight and
makes Hennig vs. Midnight later tonight.
Piper is ready for the
mud wrestling and cracks some bad jokes.
IWGP Junior
Heavyweight Title: Jushin Thunder Liger vs. Juventud Guerrera
Guerrera
is challenging/trying to get a work visa and neither guy gets an
entrance. Ten seconds in, Buzzkill comes out carrying a Down With
Big Brother sign. They run the ropes to start until Juvy hits a
sitout bulldog ala Rey Mysterio. Liger is sent to the floor for a
springboard dive but comes back in with a frog splash for two. A
tilt-a-whirl backbreaker sets up the surfboard as the fans finally
wake up a bit.
Liger gets two more off
a belly to belly and Juvy taps, which means nothing in this case for
reasons not explained. They fight over a backslide as Buzzkill wants
them to give peace a chance. Tony actually brings up Buzzkill’s
matches against Liger back in the early 90s but Buzzkill doesn’t
acknowledge him. Eh points for trying I guess. Juvy hits a Stunner
over the top rope but Liger escapes the Juvy Driver and grabs a
German suplex. Buzzkill offers a distraction though, allowing Juvy
to hit Liger in the head with a bottle of tequila for the pin and the
title.
Rating:
D+.
I wasn’t shocked to find out that New Japan didn’t acknowledge this
title change for years. Russo has deemed a worthless hippie
character (the character, not the wrestler) more important than one
of the best cruiserweight wrestlers of all time. This shouldn’t
surprise you, as Russo clearly has no respect for wrestling
whatsoever. The match was nothing to see as it barely broke five
minutes and the guys were just doing moves until we got to the stupid
ending.
Chavo
Guerrero has taken over the interviews for the night and offers to
sell us some fine china for $39.99. Oh and Dr. Death and Oklahoma
(his official name now) are going to destroy Jerry Only.
Symphony gets another
gift from Maestro.
Gene is getting drunk
at the club. Because GENE OKERLUND needs a story.
Chavo
tries to sell the Outsiders a home security system before asking when
he’s going to start defending the TV Title. Well that would be
tonight if you listened to Tony earlier. Hall is annoyed that he
hasn’t gotten to meet any TV stars or received any free TV dinners so
he throws the title belt to Nash, who throws it in a trash. That
makes two titles trashed either literally or figuratively in less
than an hour. To be fair though, that thing died during Steiner’s
first reign.
Here’s
the Revolution with an American flag, which they immediately throw
down and step on. Douglas brags about taking out the Filthy Animals
from the inside and now the Animals are gone. The Revolution isn’t
cool with a Canadian like Hart holding the World Title and doesn’t
like the fans cheering him. Malenko was booed when he eat a Canadian
last week so he’s fed up with America.
The
Revolution is declaring themselves a sovereign nation and they all
have snake names. Malenko will be the Python, Shane will be the
Rattler, Asya will be the Boa and Saturn will be……the Trouser?
This of course brings out Jim Duggan to talk about America and swing
the 2×4, which clearly twists around in his hands because it’s made
of foam. I had one of those when I was a kid. The Revolution beats
him down and does the Iwo Jima pose over him with the American flag.
Benoit finally makes the save like a good Canadian. You can add the
Revolution to the list of things Russo didn’t understand. Oh and put
WOOD on there too.
Speaking
of Russo, he wants Piper in his office.
The Wall issues an open
challenge for the Block, which is a SHOOT in a boiler room.
Piper can’t come in to
see the boss because he has to go to the bathroom to take a Vince
Russo. So if he can say Russo’s name, why can’t anyone else?
US Title: Sid
Vicious vs. Scott Hall
Street
fight. This would be a bait and switch on the TV Title no? Heenan
rips on Sid’s talking abilities on the way to the ring. Nash sits in
on commentary and his first line is to call the TV Title a piece of
garbage. Sid hammers on the champ but gets distracted by the shine
on Nash’s hair, allowing Hall to rake the eyes to take over.
The Outsider’s Edge
doesn’t work so Sid grabs a chokeslam, only to bump the referee.
There’s the powerbomb but Nash comes in, only to get kicked in the
face. Jarrett runs out with a guitar to break up the powerbomb on
Nash before putting Hall on top to retain. That would be worthless
street fight #1 of the evening.
Goldberg comes out (in
a t-shirt for some reason) and hits Jarrett with the worst spear I’ve
ever seen from him.
Gene
is still at the club and dancing with what appear to be strippers.
Is there a point to this anytime soon?
As expected, the women
will be in the mud later.
The Nitro Girls get in
a food fight and the mud wrestler starts choking. Juvy runs in with
the Heimlich for the save. It’s as random as it sounds.
Jerry Only vs. Steve
Williams
Escape
only. Williams pounds on the singer to start and scores with a
powerslam as Oklahoma is in on commentary. Heenan: “Why do you say
everything three times?” Oklahoma: “It’s my gimmick son.”
Williams stays on Only but Vampiro and the Misfits jump the barricade
and cover Oklahoma in barbecue sauce. The Oklahoma Stampede (running
powerslam) plants Only but Williams throws him through the door to
give Jerry the win. The announcers treat this as nothing of
interest.
Quick
sidebar on Oklahoma: why is this supposed to be funny? He doesn’t
say anything outlandish other than talk about barbecue sauce, which
is hardly wild stuff. The football obsession is nothing new. What
is the joke here supposed to be? What good is it to mock a guy by
calling moves? Isn’t that what he’s supposed to be doing? Ross is
known for being over the top, so the parody is acting a lot like him
but as a comedic guy? It’s more like a caricature than a parody,
which again isn’t funny.
Guerrera
says he saved the choking girl with mouth to mouth. Russo calls her
a wildebeest. Here’s the thing: yeah she’s bigger than say Lita or
Stacy Keibler, but the commentators are basically calling a fat cow.
She has a fairly pretty face and is far from fat, but since this is a
Russo company, all women have to range from evil to fat to stupid to
property of some man to just a sex character.
Luger has an idea.
Bret Hart knows he has
a tough fight in Meng but he’s ready to fight. Chavo says the shine
in Bret’s hair is due to the hair care product Chavo sold him. Wait.
You have HAIR product and you pitched a security system to KEVIN
NASH??? No wonder you bombed as a salesman. Know your customers!
WCW World Title:
Bret Hart vs. Meng
No
DQ, no countout, which isn’t mentioned during the introductions.
Bret hammers away to start and gets clubbered down for his efforts.
More right hands from the champ are countered by a backhand punch to
the face. A running boot to the face gets two and Meng plants Hart
with a shoulder breaker. Bret comes back with the Five Moves but
Hall comes in and the referee goes down. Meng puts Hall in the
Tongan Death Grip but Nash slides in and goes off on Meng with a
kendo stick. They go after Hart but Benoit comes out with a stick of
his own to beat up the Outsiders. Bret goes back in and puts on the
Sharpshooter for the TKO.
Rating:
D.
The match was nothing, but I liked Bret’s promo (minus Chavo) before.
It was old school Bret where he praised his opponent but said he was
just that much better. That’s Bret’s bread and butter and it still
worked here. I’ll even give them points to building Meng over the
last few weeks and then giving him a match like this. The booking of
the match went down hill, but this was a logically built match with a
decent pre-match promo.
However,
at the same time, the curse of Russo strikes again. The problem with
Russo is simple: if you’ve seen one of his grand conspiracy
storylines, you’ve seen them all. There are little signs here and
there and once you know what to look for, it becomes really obvious.
Now that being said, it had only been seen once in 1999 so it wasn’t
such a problem. What it means though is the story worked back then
and doesn’t hold up as well now.
Now
Symphony gets a bear.
Luger has an idea to
pop the ratings. Would that involve Luger taking a long vacation?
Tygress and Spice fight
again with Tygress being thrown into a shower.
Madusa is in Evan’s
locker room and talks him into a Cruiserweight Title shot at
Starrcade with the power of the lips and silicone.
As expected, Luger
tells Russo that Liz will be in the mud.
Chavo is interviewing
Sting when Liz comes up to beg him for help. Just like last week,
Sting doesn’t care.
Chris Benoit vs.
Sting vs. Jeff Jarrett
One
fall to a finish and the winner gets a World Title shot at some point
after Starrcade. Jeff wins a slugout with Sting to start but Benoit
suplexes Jarrett down for two. All three beat on each other for near
falls until Jarrett comes out on top of it and punches Sting up
against the ropes.
Benoit
flips out of a belly to back suplex but Sting splashes him by
mistake. Well in theory as you can’t tell anyone’s motivation these
days. The Stroke is countered into a Crossface but Sting breaks it
up. Cue Liz for a distraction so Luger can hit Sting with a chair,
but Jarrett hits Benoit with the guitar. This brings Dustin Rhodes
through the crowd with I think the bell to knock Jarrett out, giving
Benoit the pin.
Rating:
C-.
Oh yeah Benoit won but it only took three people running in, a chair,
a guitar and the ring bell with Benoit getting the pin while being
unconscious for a title shot somewhere down the line. Thank goodness
on that one as they were getting close to making someone look strong.
The
Mamalukes leave the club with some girls, meaning Gene is on his own.
Symphony goes up to see
Maestro but it’s David Flair in a wig. Oh good grief. He makes her
go over to the piano and opens it up to find Maestro inside. So now
David Flair some kind of criminal mastermind stalker. Of course he
is.
Goldberg vs. Kevin
Nash
No
DQ, no countout again. Goldberg does his entrance but stops to beat
up Hall. Your US Champion ladies and gentlemen. Nash comes out and
goes after Goldberg as Sid is locked in a room. That lasts all of
ten seconds and it’s a four way brawl as the music keeps playing.
They fight out into the arena and into the ring for the opening bell.
Goldberg cleans house until Hall chairs the referee and Goldberg
down. Sid comes back in but Hart sneaks in and steals the chair away
to blast Nash. Goldberg gets back up and spears Nash, setting up the
Jackhammer for the pin in 100 seconds.
Three
street fights, three ref bumps, one broke three minutes. That’s the
triple main event.
Roddy
Piper keeps ranting about mud.
The Outsiders want Sid
and Goldberg in a cage tonight.
Rhonda Singh vs.
Elizabeth
Piper
is refereeing. Singh comes out to stripper music but there’s no Liz.
We go to the back where Liz says she doesn’t care about the lawsuits
and walks away. Singh slaps Piper and pulls him into the mud, where
he rides her like a horse and spanks her a bit. No Russo doesn’t
have issues with women. Why do you ask? Creative Control gets muddy
as well and Piper covers one of them for a pin.
The
Mamalukes are cooking dinner in the girls’ apartment. This is what,
the fifth time we’ve seen these guys tonight?
Arn Anderson is upset
about being fired so here’s Hennig to offer him a spot on the team.
Anderson just walks away.
Chae gets in a fight
with Skye.
The Wall vs. Jerry
Flynn
Boiler
room brawl, called the Block and billed as a shoot. They fight, they
kick, they punch, they choke, they ignore the fans booing, they can
barely breathe, Berlyn comes in and hits Flynn with a pipe, Wall
chases Berlyn off with the pipe and it’s another no contest. Heenan:
“I don’t get it.” END THIS SHOW ALREADY.
Chavo
is in the back when Piper comes up. Roddy talks about the wars he
had with Chavo Sr. and tells Chavo to stand up for himself. The
Outsiders come in and get in a fight with Piper.
Curly Bill asks Hennig
for a job.
Russo
yells at Luger, who promises to get Liz muddy before the end of the
night. Creative Control is already cleaned up and wearing new suits.
Midnight vs. Curt
Hennig
Hennig
headlocks her down to start but Midnight nips up. A shoulder drops
Hennig and stuns him at the same time. Hennig chops away in the
corner and puts on an abdominal stretch, where he continuously slaps
Midnight’s chest. So we can add sexual harassment to Russo’s time in
charge. The lights go out and Stevie Ray returns to beat up Curt for
the DQ.
The lights go out again
and Curly Bill appears to beat on Stevie, but then the lights go out
again so Arn Anderson can beat up Hennig. Even the Horsemen music
can’t save this mess.
The girls tie the
Mamalukes to the bed, allowing Disco Inferno and Lash Leroux to come
in and pour spaghetti sauce on them. And that’s the big payoff for
the night.
Luger
brings Liz out and throws her in the mud, followed by pouring a
bucket of mud over her. He takes off the jacket but Sting comes out
and shoves him into the mud, ruining most of the suit. Liz appears
to slip badly getting out of the pit.
The
Mamalukes are still in bed. Thanks for coming back to that.
Goldberg/Sid
Vicious vs. Outsiders vs. Chris Benoit/Bret Hart
In
a cage with one fall to a finish and muddy Piper refereeing. It’s a
brawl to start as you would expect with a lot of punching all over
the ring. Both Outsiders get double teamed in the corner and the
fans chant for Goldberg. Nash gets fired up again and punches Sid
down in the corner but Tony talks about sauce (both kinds, because
Russo felt the need to have three people covered in two types of
sauce in one night).
Things
slow down as the match is already three minutes old as even more
punching abounds. Since a triple threat cage match with the Swamp
Thing as referee isn’t enough, cue Jeff Jarrett with a cart full of
weapons. Guitar shots all around of course and it’s time for the
handcuffs with Hart being chained to the cage. Hall gets knocked out
so Benoit, I’m guessing out of boredom, goes up and hits the Swan
Dive on Hall for the pin.
Rating:
D.
I can’t say it fails after that dive but my goodness this was dull.
It was a bunch of standing around and punching with Piper offering
nothing interesting or important to the match. I’m really not even
sure why these people are fighting, but it’s probably better to be
confused than to ask.
Jarrett and the
Outsiders beat up Benoit, Goldberg and Sid, seemingly not bothered by
the loss.
Overall
Rating:
F.
This is the stuff people talk about when Russo is discussed. We have
gimmick matches, unfunny jokes, women being treated a hundred times
worse than the Divas of today are treated, matches being made on the
fly and stories that make no sense. Oh and a bunch of mud for some
reason and titles being destroyed because there’s no point to having
them around.
I
lost count of how many gimmicks we had all night as well as the ref
bumps, the guitar shots and the women being treated as either stupid
or sex objects. That’s a good way to sum up Russo: there’s so much
of the same kind of stuff going on that you can’t tell where anything
is going. It’s definitely easier to sit through than one of the
boring shows, but my goodness the quality goes through the floor.
Horrible show here as Russo just burns through everything he has in
record time.
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