This has nothing to do with the WWE
Jobber comes out to the ring. He is now going to expose Jef Vinson:
“My Job Mob guys are out partying and I am here to tell you the truth. At BoD Mania II, I entered as the champion but left without the belt. And normally, that would make me mad. However, there is a reason for that. You see, after getting pressure from the Big Man in Saskatoon, Brian Bayless made me an offer I could not refuse. In exchange for laying down for the champ, as long as I made it look good and got higher than **** by Wade Michael Meltzer, it got ****3/4 by the way, that in exchange I would receive First Class travel and accommodations to all Golden State Warrior Playoff games. So, your hero, Jef Vinson, is nothing but a paper champion (laughs). So at …………..
GM Bobby Bayless cuts of Jobber and has a message:
“Hiya pal. HA HA HA, I like first class travel too. I have my own limo with a Slurpee dispenser. I honored my cousin and got you what he promised. Here it is pal (Hands Jobber an envelope)
Jobber takes the envelope and opens it but looks to be in disbelief as he sees what is inside (Tickets to Santa Cruz Warriors game and a voucher at the Super 8 for free Wi-Fi):
“What the fuck is this!!!!!!!!!!!! I laid down for a D-League ticket!!!!!!
“Fast Eddie on the street said they were the best tickets in town.”
Jobber then storms off angrily backstage. The camera follows him as he approaches Brian Bayless:
Jobber: Bayless, what the fuck! I thought you took care of this
Bayless: The Big Man from Saskatoon cut off my expense card, and the tickets and Four Seasons rooms got axed.
Jobber: You’re cousin fucked me and I dropped the strap to take the NBA Playoffs off, not to see Lester Hudson jack up three-pointers!!!!!
Bayless: Well, what can I do now. I have to face all the writers in a battle royal at BoD Extreme Rules for a chance at the vacant Writer’s Title.
Jobber: We need to get rid of Bobby. He is a moron.
Bayless: Tell me about it.
Jobber: This time, he suffers for his dumbfuckery.
At BoD Extreme Rules, we will have special guest hosts. And it will be none other and DBSM and the C-List Posse.
Over the past few weeks, one man in the BoD has been without fear. That man is Burt Macklin. Lets see what he has to offer:
(Standing in a field with dirt ramps as kids ride bikes and go off of the jumps) Fear, a four-letter word that I never mutter. A word that does not exist in my lexicon. I do not feel fear, I do not see fear, but I can sense fear. (Goes over to a kid who is obviously too scared to hit a jump with his bike) Little man, fear is not real. See that, its just a dirt ramp. You pedal as fast as you can and you go as far as you can. The worst that happens is you become paralyzed, the best that happens is that false feeling of fear you are going through ends forever. (The kid backs up and prepares to ride) NO FEAR, NO FEAR, NO FEAR!!!! (Kid hits the ramp and falls down but gets back up) That’s fearless. And Fat Otters, at BoD Extreme Rules, I will face you both if needed as Marv might need bail money to get set free after berating his employees.
We’re backstage with the new GM, Bobby Bayless, former GM Bayless and Justice Gray.
Bobby Bayless: I’m so excited about tonight! It’s going to be great!
Former GM Bayless: Yeah. Sure.
Bobby Bayless: I’m loving the Cult and Abeyance stuff, guys. But I have one problem.
Justice Gray: What’s that, boss?
Bobby Bayless: It’s this whole tournament thing for the B+ championship contender thing. Now, don’t get me wrong, I do love me a tournament – remember the Deadly Game? Awesome! But this one’s just….wrestling.
(Former GM Bayless snorts derisively)
Justice Gray: So what should we do, boss?
Bobby Bayless: Gray, why are you hunched over, man?
Justice Gray: Uhh…you might not want to go down that rabbit hole, boss.
Former GM Bayless: Bobby, the tournament seems to be going well, so I-
Bobby Bayless: That’s your problem, dude! You don’t think big enough. Thankfully, I’m here to take care of that. So tonight, for our semi-final matches, we’re going to have some stipulations! Everyone loves stipulations, right?
Justice Gray: Yeah!
Bobby Bayless: With that in mind, I have the ultimate solution! (He reaches under a desk and starts rooting around in a box, until he finds….”The BOD wheel o’ stips!)
Justice Gray gets a big smile on his face. Former GM Bayless facepalms.
Before the wrestlers even come out for the Semi-Final match for the BoD Solid B+ Player tournament, GM Bobby Bayless is shown backstage. Lets see what he has to say:
“As I said, we’re going to juice things up around here tonight! So, let’s spin the BOD wheel o’ stips!” He spins the wheel and it lands on….. (Blank) on a pole match! “Excellent! I LOVE pole matches! Okay, so in honor of the best wrestler ever, The Rock, being in the BEST MOVIE OF ALL TIME this week, the winner will be the first wrestler who can get the following item down from the pole; this framed portrait of Vin Diesel!”
Justice Gray brings down the framed portrait and hangs it in the corner. Let’s get this started! Petuka comes out with a mic: “2 more matches to go before I claim my rightful title shot! It’s amazing to me that I carried Marty for as long as I did. Bring it on, Joedust!” Joedust is out, and he’s raring to go! Ring the bell!
Semi-Final Match in the B+ Number 1 Contender’s tournament:
John Petuka vs Joedust
The two circle, warily eyeing the giant Vin Diesel portrait staring down at them, and here’s a collar and elbow tie-up, Petuka with the standing side headlock. Joedust with a go-behind, but Petuka reverses and goes back to the headlock. Works it for a few second, Joedust shoots him off, shoulderblock puts Petuka down. Joedust off the ropes, leapfrog over a ducking Petuka, attempted crossbody by Joedust, caught by Petuka, powerslam! Petuka takes over with a couple of stomps. Drops the elbow. Again. Again. Petuka gets him up, irish whip, reversed by Joedust, wraps Petuka up in sleeper! Petuka makes the ropes quickly, backing him into the turnbuckle. Back elbow by Petuka, bring him out, suplex….making him think about it up there….drops him! Petuka gets up and poses, and saunters over to the corner. He ascends the turnbuckles, and as he gets to the top, he’s reaching for the portrait….but here’s Joedust! He’s set up…powerbomb off the top rope! Petuka is down! Joedust is down! Joedust gets to his feet and starts to go up the turnbuckles….but Petuka catches him and brings him down by his tights. Cross-corner whip by Petuka, but Joedust explodes out with the lariat! He picks up Petuka and hits a side Russian legsweep, and now he starts in on the leg. Knee crusher on Petuka! Rolling leg whip by Joedust, and another stomp. How will Petuka win if he can’t climb? Joedust rolls him over and drives the knee into the mat! Petuka is rolling in pain, and Joedust seems satisfied enough to go for the portrait again. He’s just on the first turnbuckle when Petuka staggers to his feet. Joedust sees him out of the corner of his eye and he turns, charging Petuka with another lariat….but Petuka ducks! Joedust wipes out the referee instead! The ref is out! Petuka finally gets all the way back to standing, only to have Joedust dropkick the knee! Petuka goes down! And now Joedust is heading to retrieve the portrait….he’s got it! But….the ref is still out! Joedust, portrait in his hands, goes over the ref, ignoring the stirring Petuka….PETUKA BAZOOKA FROM BEHIND! And, for good measure, he SMASHES the portrait over Joedust’s head! Glass is everywhere; Joedust is OUT. Petuka hops his way to the corner, ascends the turnbuckles, and rehangs the portrait, yelling at the stirring referee….once the referee is awake, he pulls down the portrait and the referee calls for the bell. Petuka advances to the finals of the tournament!
Abeyance is in the back, pacing. Finally, Vinson’s valet shows up.
Abeyance: Where the hell is Vinson? He told me he was going to be here two hours ago.
Valet: Listen, Mr. Vinson doesn’t tell me much except where he wants me, how much clothing he doesn’t want me to wear, and where he wants to be slapped and how often. But he did tell me that he’s going to be late if he makes it all this week, and you should just sit tight. He said, and I quote, ‘tell Abeyance the plan is in place, and he doesn’t need to worry, and I can’t wait to bang you in-‘ sorry, last part was for me. Anyway, he did say you could have his promo time for a few minutes, so go to it.
Abeyance: Cool!” He turns towards the camera. Cult, let me explain something to you. For so many months, I’ve been the butt of all of your jokes here in the BOD, and I bided my time, waited for the right moment, and then I beat you on the grandest stage of them all! So, in the 3 stages of the BOD match, expect more of the same. In fact, I’m not even bothering to practice with the cage, because we’re not making it to the third fall – I’m taking you out in two straight. Welcome to the BOD, Cult. (He turns to the valet) “Have you seen Dock Muraco? I have some scotch for him.
And let’s go to the back for another stip from Bobby Bayless!
“Hey guys! Let’s see what we’re going to have to make this match awesome! (He spins the wheel, and it lands on… Ding Dong submission match?) Wow, cool! Okay, so remember the original Ding Dong concept? Yep, that’s right, you guys are gonna get in the hunchback costumes and it’s gonna be a submission match, since you all can’t get pinned! Have fun!”
Bill Ray, the lone wolf of the BOD, makes his way to the ring, bat in hand. Leather jacket, hair slicked back, the ladies of the BOD are faint as the man has come around. And here comes Hartkiller, but he’s got a mic:
“This is bullshit! Why do I have to even compete in this tournament? I should get an automatic rematch with that Garea-loving asshole! And what is this garbage? A hunchback submission match? Fuck you all. I’m gonna win anyway, you pricks.”
Semi-Final Match in the B+ Number 1 Contender’s tournament:
Hartkiller09 vs Bill Ray
Bill Ray and Hartkiller are strapped into their hunchback costumes….and they’re given their bells. Both of them look ridiculous. They shrug and here we go! They’re right after each other, rights and lefts flying! Bill Ray gains the advantage and attempts to shoot Hartkiller off the ropes, but the hunch gets hung in the ropes and Hartkiller drops to a knee. He quickly gets to his feet and meets a charging…well, ambling Bill Ray and they re-engage the punches. Hartkiller attempts a headlock and that doesn’t go well, and both wrestlers are frustrated. Cut to the back and we see Bobby Bayless, cheering and clapping, attempting to start a ‘This is Awesome’ chant in his office. The fans do not agree. Finally, Bill Ray manages to maneuver around behind Hartkiller and puts on a very loose chinlock, as we’ve been joined at ringside by none other than John Petuka! He watches intently as Hartkiller starts to rally with elbows to the midsection, and Bill Ray releases the hold, and they circle again. Finally, Bill Ray notices Petuka on the outside and they start jawing….Bill Ray comes over to the ropes and he and Petuka are in each other’s faces. Petuka takes a swing at Bill Ray, but Bill Ray backs out of the way….and his hump smashes a charging Hartkiller in the face! Hartkiller goes down! And he can’t get back up! It’s exactly like Ole Anderson predicted! Bill Ray shrugs and starts applying a spinning toehold! Hartkiller looks more annoyed than in pain….but he taps. Bill Ray moves on to the finals! It will be Bill Ray vs John Petuka to determine the Number 1 Contender to the Solid B+ Championship. And Petuka knows it – he attacks Bill Ray as he’s getting out of his Hunchback suit, and lays him out with a Petuka Bazooka!
Backstage, Kensington Enterprises are hanging out. The Berzerker is HUSSING over all of the HUSS merch over at BoD Shopzone. Steve Ferrari is flipping through a newspaper then tosses it up in the air saying it was written by someone who probably grew up in Pittsfield. Hoss is enjoying his new Ben & Jerry’s “Hoss N’ The Bank” flavor that was made for him due to threats of physical violence towards Jerry and cash from BK III, who speaks:
At BoD Extreme Rules, my men will have to face four guys (Nick Piers, Magoonie, The Brazilian Psycho, and Beard Money) who all have a problem with us. Well, that is fine. And let me welcome you to our newest addition (Ferrari joins him). Before, he was Steve Ferrari, but now we are getting rid of that midcard slave name as he will go by his Superstar name: Extant1979. And this is a message to all of the BoD (Ferrari Grabs the mic) For now on, I am sending all of you shit farmers back to Pittsfield, one by one. (Kensington Enterprises all laugh in unison)
We’re in a darkened alley, with a drum of fire illuminating several faceless individuals. Then, we hear the voice of Archie Stackhouse:
“When Uncle Caliber would tell me tales of life, he would paint the picture of the working man, the blue collar who made the trains of Riverdale run on time. And in-between the screams of pain that shaped me as a man, I realized that the world was truly run by those who lived in the squalor of those who used their pseudo-power to keep them there. The problem is, they didn’t know it.”
(He comes into the light, the flames lighting up his face. Robert Davis, Reggie, Moose, Hot Dog, Nebb, and the rest of the Covenant surround him and begin to hand him $100 bills….with the ostentatiously grinning face of Biff Kensington on them. Archie holds one up to the camera, and drops it into the barrel of flames)
“See, those men who carried society on their back were slaves, BOD. Slaves to the pieces of paper that the slovenly ‘masters’ of society used to keep the true spine of the earth in their place. And if I learned anything from Uncle Caliber, it was that there can be no liberty without blood. No freedom without revolution.” Robert Davis bangs Jughead on the side of the drum with a loud clang.
“When I freed the BOD from the so-called ‘Administration’, I knew that there would be other challenges that would require my attention, more slaves to be freed. And I know that there can be no rest for me and the rest of the Covenant. Biff Kensington, you think that the world revolves around your money, that it gives you power. You think that you can buy anything; what will you do when you face the power of the righteous? What will you do when you realize that you cannot stop those with a mission and purpose? We are coming, Biff Kensington. We’re coming for your gold, to start. We will speak to you in the language you understand, we will strip you of your power by stripping you of your precious prizes. Myself and Robert Davis are coming for the BOD Tag team titles, not for glory, but teach you. I am, first and foremost, a teacher, Biff Kensington, and your Enterprises are my treasured students. You’ve wandered into my classroom, and myself and the rest of the Riverdale Covenant are more than happy to provide a….shall we say, lesson you can understand. So allow me to welcome you, Biff.” He nods and the rest of the Covenant throws the money into the air, $100 Biffs floating in front of the camera as Archie speaks softly: “Welcome to Hell. Welcome….to Riverdale.”
Backstage, Bayless tells his former Administration how is cousin Bobby became a billionaire:
“We where all starting out high school. It was 1997 and I was just 15 years old. My cousin Bobby wasnt the coolest kid. He’d watch “All That” all day long and only wear Umbro shorts, because he said they made his thighs look great. Anyway, I was having a party one day as I became the starting receiver on the varsity team. Everyone was there but Bobby was in the basement drinking Orange Soda and watching “Goodburger.” The party got pretty heavy and we started to take bong rips out of the chimney on the roof. The cable went out so Bobby wanted to fix the antenna. We made Bobby climb up and told him he had to take a bong rip or the entire offensive line would throw him off the roof. Bobby took the hit but had no idea what he was doing and ended up falling off of the roof, with his head whacking a half-dozen branches and a birds nest on the way down. Everyone fled as we had to call an ambulance for Bobby. They came and asked Bobby to describe what happened. He told the EMT’s that a white owl-like bird came to him and said his thighs looked like they belonged to a cruiserweight and drew it out on paper. The EMT had a rich-uncle who worked for a toy company and a year later the “Furby” became a popular toy. When that happened, Bobby began to tell everyone that was the bird who attacked them and his family filed suit. After four years in court, Bobby settled for a replica of KIT from Knight Rider and a lottery ticket. Well, that ticket ended up being a $400 million dollar winner. A year after that, Bobby accidentally hired an investor and he ended up quadrupling Bobby’s assets. Sadly, he passed and Bobby lost half of that investing into a theme park based on the film “Grown Ups” and an anti-sneezing device that caused seizures. And now, Bobby has my job because the Big Man in Saskatoon knows Bobby has the cash.
The rest of the ex-administration, with the exception of an intoxicated Average Joe Everyman, have their jaws drop. Just as this happens, a limo pulls up as GM Bobby Bayless rolls down the window as he sips on an extra large Slurpee. He has a few words for Justice Gray, his Assistant GM:
“Hey pal, I’m going to see “Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2” so you are in charge for the rest of the night. I have some instructions for you in the office. See ya later pal, HA HA HA HA HA (Bobby Bayless watches the film trailer as Blart gets hit by a car)
Doctor Funkopolis vs. FunkDoc1112
HA HA HA HA HA, WE GITTIN’……………………DOUBLE DA FUNK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! However, the crowd boos Funkopolis as it is clear that he is inferior in his ability to GIT DOWN!!!! Both men are by themselves for this match as it begins with FunkDoc putting Funkopolis in a headlock. FunkDoc takes control of the match but Funkopolis ducks outside and attempts to GIT FUN-KAY but that fails as the crowd boos. The FunkDoc, real Dr. of Funk of the BoD, dives outside with a tope. Back inside, FunkDoc hits a clothesline them comes back with a top rope leg drop. He covers but out from the ring comes Night & X-Man as they bring watermelons into the ring. Funk Doc sees this and gets up as Night tosses a watermelon that narrowly misses FunkDoc as the ref rings the bell for the DQ. Its 2-1 as X Man has FunkDoc trapped. Night takes the other watermelon and is about to smash it over the very FUN-KAY head off FunkDoc but Dancin’ Devin Harris runs out and makes the save as the others bail. The DDH then grabs the microphone:
“Night, X Man, for weeks you two have been ruining the fun not just for us but for the fans of the BoD. How about you two miserable men finally step into the ring and stop acting like wimps and accept our challenge to face us at BoD Extreme Rules (As he says this, Doctor Funkopolis still tries to GIT FUN-KAY but fails).”
Night grabs the mic:
“Listen here Amos & Andy, you two poor excuses of African-Americans do not scare us, you just fill us with disgust. So we accept your challenge and after the match, we will finally put an end to your 21st century minstrel act. (X-Man then clothesline Doctor Funkopolis as he walks away with his partner)”
Wade Michael Meltzer approaches Jef Vinson in the locker room. He asks him about Jobber’s claim from earlier:
” You know, ever since BoD SummerFest, no one has taken me seriously. I keep winning and all they do is try and beat me down. But that is fine. I can handle the underdog role. I always win, I come out on top. And Jobber, at BoD Extreme Rules, I will show you that your obvious lie will not discredit me or my title reign.
Biscuit vs. Jose Gomez
Gomez is a youngster trying to make a name for himself here in the BoD. Biscuit, who got hosed out of the C-List Title, puts the boots to Gomez. Biscuit hits a jumping back elbow smash then works over the back. Gomez escapes and fights back with a dropkick and a suplex but ducks his head for a backdrop and Biscuit slams him down then puts him in the Stump Puller for the win. After the match, the not so expensive BoD Jumbotron 100 turns on as Camp Cleveland are standing in the parking lot. They turn around and reveal Biscuit’s 1987 Buick Regal. Biscuit looks infuriated as Mikey Mike speaks:
“The only thing worse than a 1st round quarterback bust is poor white Midwestern trash. And Biscuit, that is exactly what you are. (Picks up a baseball bat and points it at the Regal) Look at this shitbox, its old and beat up, just like you and your whole damn family.”
WWF1987 now speaks:
“Biscuit, just like BoD Mania II, hell, just like everything else you do, BoD Extreme Rules will be a disappointment. And do you know why that is the case? Well, of course you don’t so let me have my friend tell you why that is the case.”
White Thunder now speaks:
“Dinner Roll, lets make one thing clear: You are a loser. No one cares how many miles you have on your car or how many legion halls you jobbed at on the ride to the arena. Because next week at BoD Extreme Rules, you will be facing one of us, Camp Cleveland. But the thing is, you aren’t going to find out who it is until after the bell rings. (starts to laugh) okay guys, time to go. (They all walk away then Thunder reaches over and grabs a rock and throws it at the Regal, smashing out the driver’s side window. They all laugh as they walk away.)
The camera now shows a pissed off Biscuit in the ring, who takes off to the back.
The Job Mob has continued their pilgrimage, taking them to Wichita, Kansas, the home of the very first White Castle. While standing outside this hallowed ground, Zanatude speaks while a drunken Murph is throwing empty White Castle boxes at a barely conscious Chatrock, who is clearly higher than….just pick a metaphor that involves being high.
Zanatude: Here we are. The very first White Castle. Come on, guys. Let’s go in.
(They stumble through the swinging doors and inhale deeply; Chartock immediately passes out and falls face first to the ground. Murph laughs his ass off, and points at the camera – ‘this is gonna be you, Curry’ he mouths, pointing at the unconscious Chartock)
Zanatude: I have only one question, oh great ones – can you direct us to the White Castle of fear?
(A very confused teenager behind the counter just stares. Finally, he squeaks out “Do you mean the bathroom?)
Zanatude: Is that the White Castle of Fear?
Teenage: The bathroom?
Murph: “Bathroom? Awesome. I gotta hurl and piss, not sure which will come first. Get me some chicken rings, ‘kay?
Zanatude: Take your time, Murph. (To the teenager) I MUST find the White Castle of Fear! Damnit! Does anyone here have any LSD?
(Behind the teenager, every employee raises their hand. Zanatude smiles)
Zanatude: THE WHITE CASTLE OF FEAR IS HERE!!
White Goodman vs. The Fuj
Match starts with Fuj ducking a clothesline then taking Goodman down with a big boot. Fuj tosses Goodman into the corner and follows that up with a running knee smash. Fuj then grapevines the leg as he softens that up for a bit. Goodman gets an eye rake and lands a few shots but Fuj comes back with a shinbreaker and then immediately turns that into an ankle lock as Goodman taps out quickly. After the match, Fuj grabs the stick:
“I have been around here for a long time. And my time has been spent on the top. But no matter how many people come and go, there is one certainty: I am the best. Knowing that, I challenge the BoD, anyone here, that if they beat me, I will retire.”
As that is said, an irate Hart Killer 09 comes out:
” I got screwed over by a kiwi-eating moron and some dipshit with an idea to give me a shell. But make no mistake, one-on-one, in an actual match, I will defeat anyone, including yourself, Fuj. I’ll snap your arm and send you to the retirement home once and for all. You just sign the dotted line and we will face off at BoD Extreme Rules
Let’s catch up with Cultstatus as he prepares for the 3 stages of BOD match:
“Abeyance, you know I’m a man of few words, unless I’m telling someone they’re wrong, so listen closely. (He throws a couple of kicks and punches at the heavy bag.) Your world is about to come to an end. By the time I’m done with you….you’re gonna wish your daddy pulled out early. (He starts firing rapid-fire kicks with a sick grin on his face as the camera fades out)
Archie Stackhouse & Robert Davis vs Bot 1 & Bot 2
The Bots come out in luchador masks, handing out flyers at ringside advertising work from home jobs for thousands a year. The Riverdale Covenant flanks Archie and Robert Davis as they make their way to the ring. Davis and Bot 1 start. Davis locks up, go behind into an armbar, Bot 1 goes to a headlock, Davis shoots him off and shouldblocks him down! He picks him up, shoots him off again, dropkick! Bot 1 scampers to the corner, and here comes the bigger, potentially more virus-infested Bot 2. Bot 2 stalks Robert Davis, who calmly slaps him in the face! Bot 2 reaches for Davis, but he ducks under and hits a German Suplex! He drags Bot 2 into the corner and tags in Archie Stackhouse, and this might get ugly quick. Archie picks up Bot 2 by the mask, and Bot 2 starts firing rights and lefts into Archie’s midsection – Archie laughs at his pathetic attempts at offense and hits a huge short-arm clothesline! Bot 2 is dazed, and Archie picks him up again – powerbomb into the turnbuckles! Brainbuster! And here’s the Welcome to Riverdale Driver, and that’s more than enough to get the win. 1,2,3.
Archie and the Covenant celebrate in the ring, but who’s that on the tron? It’s Biff Kensington, the 3rd and he has something to say:
You know, you Riverdale punks aren’t really worth my time, to be honest. You are just the type of people that Kensington enterprises hires when we need shoe shiners. Car drivers. Our laundry done. That type of thing. The truth is, Stackhouse, you don’t scare me like you do the rest of the BOD. OOOOHHHH, you can make the lights go out! Scary! You have a Covenant, a gang; well, I have a Hoss.” The rest of Kensington enterprises appear behind Biff. “So, Stackhouse, what I’m trying to say is that when you’re as rich as I am, you don’t worry about a couple of hoods that don’t know their place in the world – you simply teach them a lesson, a lesson that all of Kensington enterprises is more than happy to impart upon you. So bring it on, because there’s nothing you can do to stop Kensington Enterprises from taking over the BOD!”
Let’s see what “Happening” Harry Broadhurst has to say about the upcoming “Not Doing the Job” open challenge at BoD Extreme Rules:
Everyone knows that Harry Fact #109 is the show Cheers improved when Shelley Long left and come BoD Extreme Rules, everyone, including whoever is man enough to face me, will find out the most important Harry fact of all and that fact is…………………………………HARRY NEVER DOES THE JOB”
Folks, our “Canadian Debate” between PrimeTime Ten and Mister E Mahn has been cancelled as it was foolishly scheduled during the NHL Playoffs. But we have some prerecord comments from both.
(Wearing a Wayne Gretzky jersey, holding the stolen Canadian Timekeeper trophies) Mister E Mahn, I am the greatest Canadian. I am Wayne Gretzky, you are Alexandre Daigle. You are overrated garbage. I am number one, baby!!!!! HA HA HA HA HA HA
Mister E Mahn
(camera spans over his 235 trophies) PrimeTime Ten, I feel sorry for you. Sure, I won the Vicksburg, MS guest timekeeper award three times and the Scandinavian lifetime achievement in Timekeeping but I dont need these to validate myself. I am not insecure. I just go out and do my job. But let me leave you with this………………………………Once there is a break in the NHL playoff schedule, we are having a match. And that break will be Sunday Night, the day of BoD Extreme Rules. At that show, we are having the “Pride of Canada” match. See you then.
Bobby Bayless comes back to the arena. He sees his cousin and hands him a note he wants him to give to Justice Gray. Bobby leaves as Bayless opens it up:
“Make sure to set up the banquet tables and 26 chairs for our new writing team, pal. HA HA HA”
Brian Bayless is beside himself and mutters “He must be stopped” as he crumbles up the paper.
BoD Extreme Rules Card:
Jobber vs. Jef Vinson in a Hell in a Cell match for the BoD World Title
Cultstatus vs. Abeyance
Kaptain Kiwi vs. John Petuka/Bill Ray for the BoD Solid B+ Player Title
Curtzerker & Extant 1979 & Hoss vs. Piers & Magoonie & The Brazilian Psycho & Beard Money
Battle Royal for the BoD Writer’s Championship
Job Mob vs. Adam Curry & Kyle Warne & Cabspaintedyellow in a White Castle of Fear Match for the BoD Six-Man Titles
“Happening” Harry Broadhurst Open Challenge
The Fuj vs. Hart Killer 09
Biscuit vs. A Member of Camp Cleveland