Monday Nitro – November 8, 1999

Monday Nitro #213
Date: November 8, 1999
Location: Conseco
Fieldhouse, Indianapolis, Indiana
Attendance: 8,134
Commentators: Tony
Schiavone, Bobby Heenan
Reviewed by Tommy Hall
With less than two
weeks to go until Mayhem, we have a long stretch of tournament
matches to still get through. The question now is can any match
break ten minutes. I don’t remember the last time we reached that
point, but it’s a very rare sight in Russo Land. Hopefully things
start to make a bit more sense but I wouldn’t get my hopes up. Let’s
get to it.

We open in the
production truck with Sid telling a production guy to play a tape
when he gives him a cue.
Here’s
Sid in the arena with something to say. I can’t see this ending
well. The Outsiders think he’s dumb, but he’s not as dumb as he
looks. This brings him to Goldberg, who quit at Halloween Havoc.
The tape is cued up and we see Goldberg beating on Sid as Sid shouts
I QUIT. That’s it. Seriously, that’s it. This brings out the
Outsiders with Hall carrying the US Title.
Wait a minute. Hall
took the belt from Sid, who wasn’t champion when he took it from
Bret. So does that make Bret Bad News Barrett, Sid R-Truth and Hall
Dean Ambrose? Suddenly my life makes so much more sense. (That’s a
Wrestlemania XXXI reference if you’re reading this ten years from
now).
Hall brings up beating
Sid last week but Sid says Hall was supposed to lay down. Hall
doesn’t lay down for anyone, because that’s how the Kliq works. Nash
wants Sid to call out Bret, but Hart saves Sid the trouble.
Apparently Bret thinks Goldberg is the real US Champion and he’s
going to give Goldberg his belt back tonight. Cue Goldberg to spear
Sid and challenge him to an I Quit match. Goldberg also challenges
the Outsiders to a game of hide and seek. They hide, he seeks and
destroys. Isn’t that the name of Sting’s theme song?
Here are the updated
brackets. Sting and Luger have both advanced due to injuries.
Bret Hart
Perry Saturn
Norman Smiley
Kidman
Total Package
Sting
Chris Benoit
Madusa
Scott Hall
Lash Leroux
Buff Bagwell
Vampiro
Curt Hennig
Jeff Jarrett
That is one lame
tournament.
Sting
isn’t sure he can trust Luger and thinks Lex has a lot of splaining
to do.
Luger and Liz arrive in
Indiana Pacers gear and try to sneak into the building without being
noticed. The camera on them doesn’t help this.
We look at Kimberly
running David Flair over last week.
Kimberly
arrives and tells Doug Dillinger that David has been harassing her
all week. So why is she here? Dillinger gives her extra security.
Kevin Nash has his
security license and that’s all we hear as we go to commercial mid
sentence.
The
Filthy Animals are in the ring for all their sex based catchphrases
because Russo thinks they’re like DX. The insults bring out the
Revolution, with Dean challenging Rey to a mixed tag with Torrie and
Asya. Rey says it’s on.
WCW World Title
Tournament Second Round: Norman Smiley vs. Kidman
Norman
is officially Screamin Norman Smiley. As he comes to the ring, Tony
announces Hall vs. Sid vs. Hart vs. Goldberg in a Texas tornado
ladder match for the US Title. This would be different from all
those ladder matches where you have to tag. Since Norman is hardcore
now, Brian Knobbs and Jimmy Hart come out for commentary. Kidman
rips off the helmet Norman is wearing and it’s fighting time.
Norman can’t quite take
his gloves off though so Kidman takes him to the ropes for a
spanking, only to get kicked low. Something like an inverted
powerbomb gets two on Kidman and Norman does his spanking (what is
with Russo’s obsession with spanking?) dance while Kidman screams for
Torrie. There are so many connotations there, I don’t know where to
start. Knobbs sneaks in with a hockey stick to lay out Norman,
giving Kidman the pin in barely two minutes.
To recap, Kidman is now
in the final eight of the World Title tournament after needing the
help of Brian Knobbs to defeat Norman Smiley in a two minute match
that saw both men being spanked. This is the brilliant Vince Russo’s
grand solution to Rock, HHH, Austin, Angle, Undertaker and company.
Sting searches for
Luger.
David Flair is lurking
around with his crowbar.
Kevin Nash is getting a
rainbow turban put on. Nash as the Grand Wizard would be….well it
would be stupid actually.
Here’s
an angry Sting to call out Luger. He gets Liz instead, who, after
tripping on the ramp because of her heels, says that Luger would
never do anything to hurt their cherished friendship. Sting puts his
arm around her and says she can be the female Total Package. Now
Luger comes out and says he’s here in friendship and apologizes for
what happened last week. Sting chokes him against the ropes and says
he’ll rip his throat out if that ever happens again. As we’ve known
for years, Sting can be a bit of a psycho.
Kimberly goes into her
dressing room when the lights go out. David Flair’s voice says she
won’t feel a thing. What am I even watching anymore?
WCW World Title
Tournament Second Round: Chris Benoit vs. Madusa
Madusa
actually puts on a hammerlock but Benoit calmly brushes it off. He
tells her to leave and talks to the referee but Madusa fires off some
kicks and a hurricanrana. That’s it for Benoit as he rips off a chop
to put Madusa on the mat. Cue Evan Karagias to get in a fight with
referee Johnny Boone, who easily holds his own against Evan. Jeff
Jarrett runs in and lays out Benoit for the DQ, because this isn’t
the WWF and we don’t hit women.
Madusa freaks out on
Jarrett for costing her a shot at the title.
Chavo Guerrero Jr.
comes in to ask the Powers That Be for his opportunity for winning
the battle royal on Thunder. Russo tells him that the opportunity
around here is selling Amway, so get out of his office. So yeah, no
reward and the battle royal was a waste of time.
Jim Duggan is cleaning
toilets.
TV Title: Rick
Steiner vs. Disco Inferno
Steiner
is defending and Disco is Cruiserweight Champion. A quick
Steinerline sends Disco to the floor, where the kid who has been
hanging around Disco is carrying a bucket. He’s officially named
Tony Marinara and says he’s been carrying Glenn since they were kids.
Tony says he wants his money and it turns out the bucket is full of
concrete. Rick takes it away and hits Disco in the head with it,
setting up a German suplex for the pin. We’re getting a mafia angle
aren’t we?
Nash
is indeed the Grand Wizard of Wrestling and has powder, chloroform
and brass knuckles. He and Hall are ready for Sid and they have riot
police following them around.
We see the Nitro Girls
finalists do a mini routine until AC Jazz comes out and throws out
all the Nitro Girl wannabes. They’re skanks and various other
insults so here’s Spice to call AC a ho, triggering a fight. Who
looks at the Nitro Girls and says they need a story? Who looks at
the Nitro Girls and says they need to exist actually?
Kimberly
is hiding in the boiler room. David is there with her and says his
master needs another bride. In case you’re wondering, we’ve had
about five and a half minutes of wrestling time so far but this is
the third or fourth bit about these two.
Here’s
Dustin Rhodes as Seven for his debut promo. With the floor covered
in smoke, he flies to the ring with the help of some not very well
covered wires. “I want everyone here to take a good long look at
this crap I’m in.” He rants about leaving the WWF because of
gimmicks like Goldust, which completely sucked. It nearly ruined his
wrestling career and he wanted to come back home and just be Dustin
Rhodes. The Powers That Be think Dustin is boring though, so he’s
dressed up as Uncle Fester. “My new name is Seven by the way.”
He won’t have any of
this or Goldust and they know where they can shove it. Last week,
WCW fired Dusty Rhodes so now his mission is to make the Powers That
Be, WCW and TNA all suffer the consequences. You will never forget
the name of Dustin Rhodes. To recap, Russo came up with this
character and now has written a promo where he calls it stupid. He’s
already bored of burying the talent so he’s going to bury himself I
guess.
David is still on the
hunt.
Luger and Liz have a
plan to make up with Sting.
Sting vs. Goldberg
Just
a match and Goldberg’s first match of the night. After a two minute
entrance, Goldberg slugs Sting up against the ropes but gets caught
in a sleeper. Cue Luger and Liz as the referee goes down. They mace
Sting (clearly intentional) and it’s the spear and Jackhammer for the
pin in 2:13. These two should have been the biggest match all year
and Russo has run it twice in fifteen days in 5:21 total. That’s
borderline criminal. Also, in case you have hope for the future,
this is their last singles match ever.
And now, after that
huge match, the Outsiders offer Sid the riot squad when Rick Steiner
comes up and demands Sid make time for him tonight. So Rick is the
clingy ex?
Luger and Liz see
Duggan mopping floors and steal his “wet floor” sign.
Kimberly finds a
security guard and, say it with me, it’s David Flair. What happened
to the extra guards she was given earlier?
Vampiro is now a full
on member of the Misfits. Well sweet goodness I totally want to
watch the show, buy the merchandise and order the pay per views now.
This totally changes my perspective on the company and wrestling as a
whole and I can’t put into words how excited I am to have seen this
thrilling turn of events.
WCW World Title
Tournament Second Round: Vampiro vs. Buff Bagwell
The
Misfits jump Bagwell during his entrance and the referee has no issue
ringing the bell during a 5-1 beatdown. Vampiro takes him inside for
a running clothesline but completely misses a top rope flip attack.
Bagwell fights off all of the Misfits but the referee gets poked in
the eye and Vampiro hits a missile dropkick. I don’t see why we
needed a ref bump for that but I’m still reeling from the
announcement that Vampiro has joined the Misfits so I probably missed
the subtext. Berlyn comes down and nails Vampiro with a chain,
setting up the Blockbuster for the pin. Five people, a ref bump and
a chain. Match time: 82 seconds.
The
Bodyguard beats up the Misfits post match. Creative Control comes up
and beats Berlyn down as well. As terrifying as this is to me, I’m
starting to understand these stories.
Luger is on the
bathroom floor holding his knee. After a break, the EMT says there’s
nothing wrong with it.
WCW World Title
Tournament Second Round: Bret Hart vs. Perry Saturn
Bret’s
knee seems to be fine and Shane Douglas is on commentary. Hart goes
after the arm first but gets caught by a forearm to the face. Saturn
gets smart and kicks at Bret’s recently injured knee which Bret
quickly remembers to sell. A t-bone suplex drops Bret but he avoids
the Lionsault. Must be the Canadian instinct.
We hit the Five Moves
of Doom (Shane: “I’ve seen this before!”) but Asya distracts the
referee as Bret puts on the Sharpshooter. Shane gets up and hits him
in the head with a cast, setting up the Death Valley Driver for a
surprising kick out. Saturn throws him outside so Malenko can get in
some cheap shots but Benoit runs out for the save. Bret gets thrown
back in but escapes a sunset flip and puts on the Sharpshooter for
the win to advance.
Rating:
C-.
Another potentially good match ruined by too much overbooking. Hart
kicking out of the Death Valley Drive surprised me a bit, even though
I know how this tournament ends. The bad side of that is I fully
expected there to be a screwy finish if Bret was eliminated because
that’s the standard operating procedure around here these days: be
screwy for the sake of being screwy.
Kimberly asks Creative
Control for a meeting with the Powers That Be.
Nash does Johnny
Carson’s Carnac bit, meaning he gives the answer to a question and
then reads the question. The answer is 316 and the question is how
many times Undertaker and Austin have worked a pay per view against
each other. Oh get over yourselves WCW. That shouldn’t be hard
given how low you are in the ratings.
Here’s
Booker T. with something to say. He’s alone this week as Stevie Ray
has been suspended. Booker has three things on his mind: Jeff
Jarrett and Creative Control. He wants all three of them out here
right now for a Harlem street fight.
Booker T. vs.
Creative Control/Jeff Jarrett
Jeff sits on commentary
because Creative Control can handle Booker on their own. Booker
backdrops one of them to the floor and forearms the other so Jarrett
comes in with the guitar for a threat, allowing Creative Control to
hammer on Booker. Cue a woman who looks like a black Chyna….and
gets hit with a guitar a few seconds after she gets in. That’s the
end of the so called match as Jarrett and Creative Control walk out.
The Powers That Be tell
Luger that he has to face Sid or he’s out of the tournament.
Asya/Dean Malenko
vs. Torrie Wilson/Rey Mysterio
Torrie
is in a swimsuit top, the bottom half of a dress and very high heels.
She tries to take the dress off but Rey stops her for some reason.
Asya handcuffs Torrie to the ring five seconds in and Rey gets double
teamed. Torrie was really that big of a threat? A suplex gets two
and it’s off to Malenko for two more off a clothesline but Rey comes
back with a one legged dropkick. He knocks Asya off the apron but
Dean kicks him in the knee, only to get sent hard into Asya. Rey
misses the Bronco Buster, setting up the Cloverleaf for another fast
ending.
The Animals come in for
the save as Tony says this was a grand plan. There was nothing grand
about this Tony. Well except Torrie.
Kimberly goes into the
shower and David is waiting for her. Good grief just leave the arena
already. Then again David seems to have superpowers tonight so it
might not matter.
Sid Vicious vs.
Total Package
Liz
wheels Luger down and Lex says his knee is too banged up to compete,
but he’ll be fine for the tournament match next week. This brings
Sting out to beat Luger up and throw him in to face Sid. Sid hammers
away but has to move Liz to get at Luger again. Luger actually sells
the knee (still wrapped in ice) as Sid stomps on it. A big boot puts
Luger down and the riot squad comes out. They stop an invading
Goldberg, then step aside so he can come in and spear both guys for
the no contest, even though it should have been a DQ on Luger since
Goldberg got speared first.
Brian Knobbs vs. Bam
Bam Bigelow
Hardcore
of course and the winner will face Norman Smiley for the Hardcore
Title. Norman comes down to do commentary and asks if Bigelow has
dental insurance because he’s been missing that tooth for years.
He’s already the funniest commentator this company has. After some
trashcan shots they fight into the back with Norman playing Road Dogg
as roving commentator.
They knock each other
into a wall and Norman wants to know where Doug Dillinger is when you
really need him. Knobbs hits Bigelow with a chair and drives him
through a table as Norman screams a lot. Kimberly shows up and has
Bigelow come with her, meaning Knobbs wins by countout. Backstage.
In a hardcore match. This was a way for Kimberly to get some
protection but Norman continues to be hilarious.
Norman beats up Knobbs
and Jimmy and throws them in trashcans.
Kimberly and Bam Bam
Bigelow are looking for David. Bigelow: “If you want to pick on a
girl, pick on me!”
WCW World Title
Tournament Second Round: Scott Hall vs. Lash Leroux
Nash
is with Hall and in the Grand Wizard garb. The riot guard is with
them as well to really overbook things. Heenan thinks the guest
referee for the ladder match is going to be from another
organization. We start with a toothpick throw and Lash is tossed
into the corner. Hall drives in the shoulders and puts on an armbar
to slap Lash in the back of the head. Back up and Lash scores with
some forearms and a dropkick as Tony is really putting Lash over.
The Outsiders have a meeting on the floor and Nash offers chloroform.
Back in and Scott
offers a test of strength and pokes Leroux in the eye. Tony talks
about the tournament and Heenan says he sounds like Dick Vitale.
Tony: “Really?” Heenan: “No.” A chokeslam sets up the Giant
imitation, because it makes sense to mock someone who left nine
months ago. Tony tries to cover for him by saying it’s climbing a
ladder, which is better than most ideas he’s had before.
Hall puts on an
abdominal stretch and lifts Lash’s leg to make it even worse. As
Lash makes his comeback, Tony promises a recap of everything that’s
happened earlier in the night. The fact that that’s a featured
attraction tells you how messy this show has been. Hall stops the
comeback with a discus punch and the fallaway slam. The Outsider’s
Edge is good for the pin.
Rating:
C.
You know what? This wasn’t half bad. Maybe it’s my shock that they
had a match end clean, but this was a totally acceptable six minute
(longest of the night) match. It’s nothing great and nothing I’ll
think about by the time this show is over, but this was such a nice
change of pace from the other “matches” all night that it was
pretty entertaining.
Nash
calls the riot squad into the ring and one of them is Goldberg. You
can figure the rest out for yourselves. Before the double spear,
Nash tries to throw powder in Goldberg’s face. I’m sure Nash had a
plan to get it past the helmet and visor.
Recap of Hennig having
to avoid getting pinned to keep his job. We still have no idea why
this stipulation has been put into place.
WCW World Title
Tournament Second Round: Curt Hennig vs. Jeff Jarrett
Hennig
jumps him in the aisle to start and they head inside with Jeff
grabbing a quick small package for two. They head right back outside
for a slugout with Jeff going after the knee as is his custom. Cue
Creative Control to watch from the stage as Hennig kicks out of a
Figure Four attempt.
Curt fights back and
naturally we get a ref bump. You can feel the ratings triple as fans
just know the referee has gone down in a five minute match and the
excitement cannot be contained! The PerfectPlex doesn’t matter
because no one is there to count, allowing Creative Control to beat
Curt down. They slam him through the announcers’ table and it’s a
countout, meaning this stupid angle MUST CONTINUE!
Rating:
D+.
Somehow this might have been the second best match of the night. I’m
already getting bored of telling Russo that there’s no need to have a
match this overbooked when you have two talented guys in there, but
this was more of the same problems over and over again. Boring match
but at least they had some time to set something up.
Jeff gives Curt the
Stroke post match.
Here are the updated
brackets:
Bret Hart
Kidman
Sting
Total Package
Chris Benoit
Scott Hall
Buff Bagwell
Jeff Jarrett
Kimberly comes to the
ring and says she’s tired of running from David, so come get her.
This brings out David but Bam Bam Bigelow jumps him. David hits him
low and gets in a crowbar shot though, sending Kimberly running away
again.
Post
break, Kimberly is trying to get in her car with David Flair behind
her. She drops her keys but gets in anyway, only to have David break
out a window. Creative Control comes up and chases him off, saying
the Powers That Be will see her now. Why she hasn’t CALLED THE
FREAKING POLICE all night is never made clear.
US Title: Sid
Vicious vs. Goldberg vs. Bret Hart vs. Scott Hall
Ladder
match with Goldberg defending. During the entrances, Tony recaps the
evening and my goodness it sounds even worse. Hall and Sid start
fighting before the other two get there and it’s clear that Sid could
easily reach up and pull down the title without a ladder. Bret and
Goldberg come in with no music as we’re reminded about the special
referee. We could also use a ladder, so here comes Nash with a
ladder and a referee’s shirt.
Goldberg and Hall slug
it out in the aisle and we’re told it’s Kimberly vs. David Flair at
Mayhem. So it’s Kimberly vs. a man stalking her and potentially
trying to rape her earlier. No, of course Russo doesn’t have issues
with women. All four get inside as the fans chant for Goldberg but
they get Rick Steiner instead. He plants Sid with the bulldog and
slugs it out with Goldberg. Hart pulls down the belt but Nash hits
him in the bad leg with a pipe and picks up the belt. Hall climbs
one rung and is handed the belt to make him the champion.
Rating:
D-.
Why did I expect anything else here? It was an overbooked ladder
match and that’s the best idea they could come up with, but at least
Hall is the champion now and….what exactly does that change?
Nothing of course, because titles mean nothing in this company and
are nothing more than a plot point. That’s one of those Russo ideas
that has stayed around, despite the fact that it’s rarely made things
even better.
Overall
Rating:
F+.
At what point did this stop being a wrestling show? Somewhere
recently this turned into a bunch of direct to video movies spliced
together. Kimberly was all over this show more than the Filthy
Animals had been recently, which makes for good scenery but some
STUPID moments. She had no reason to be there tonight as she quit
the Nitro Girls and Page is allegedly hurt, but she showed up for the
sake of the plot. Bad show with some watchable matches when they
were given time, but we needed more shenanigans with Luger’s knee or
Kimberly being stupid. Standard WCW fare in other words.
Remember to check out my website at kbwrestlingreviews.com and head over to my Amazon authors page with wrestling books for under $4 at:
http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6
%d bloggers like this: