One year ago this week: Chris Benoit gets a World Title shot, while Brian Pillman wrestles one of his last TV matches on the 02/10 Saturday Night. Superbrawl 96 was a total disaster, with Flair and Savage drawing blood and forcing the camera to show the match from about 150 feet away so as not to offend us, while Hogan beat The Giant. Konan defended the US title against Top Contender Devon Storm, and Arn Anderson pinned Hulk Hogan on the 02/12 Nitro. Finally, and most importantly, Meng, Kevin Sullivan, and the Shark all teamed together one final time in a winning effort over Todd Morton, Buck Quartermaine, and Luis Astea on the 02/12 edition of Prime. You can peruse those, and wander back here when you’re done, I’m patient.
Taped at Disney MGM at some point in 1993, it’s the ONLY show that matters on WCW TV, Worldwide! This is the lone place you’re getting names like Ciclope, Akira Hokuto, Kaoru, and Meiko Satamura!
TONY SCHIAVONE and “SOBER” BOBBY HEENAN are hyping up Superbrawl, and specifically … Lex Luger and The Giant against the Outsiders. Wait, there are other matches taking place that don’t involve Roddy Piper? I’m no longer sure I want to hand over my $29.95.
THE FACES OF FEAR (with Jimmy Hart) vs. THE ARMSTRONG BROTHERS
Meng kicks and punches the set on his way to the ring, for no apparent reason other than he’s fucking Meng and you don’t ask questions. Steve Armstrong, being the bigger of the two brothers, starts because he’ll make a more impressive “thud” sound as he gets thrown around the ring. Steve attacks from the second turnbuckle and gets launched into orbit by Meng. Barbarian punches his kidneys until he’s in need of a donor; and both guys headbutt Armstrong, cracking his head open like an egg. Barbarian’s backbreaker is delivered with enough force to turn the man into a quadriplegic, but he misses the flying headbutt, giving Steve just enough to use the last breath of his rapidly ending life to stag in his brother Scott. Scott punches both guys which might be the stupidest thing I’ve ever seen happen, and Barbarian replies with a double pumphandle powerbomb! What the HECK was that?!? Since I can’t find it anywhere on Youtube, I’ve taken the time to upload it myself for YOUR viewing pleasure:
Tongan Death Grip finishes seconds later at 3:31. The Fear engage in a manly embrace, and scream jungle profanity at the cameraman. My screen doesn’t have enough room for the number of stars I give this match.
CICLOPE vs. MIGUEL PERES
Bobby: “Miguel Peres is the guy in the blue fur shirt.” Miguel immediately blows some springboard thing, so Ciclope takes over with a senton for 2. Miguel dropkicks Ciclope as he comes off the top, and then misses elevating him with a legtoss, so Ciclope is forced to throw himself over the ropes. Miguel uses the Space Flying Tiger Drop because he’s trying like hell to redeem this terrible match, and he gets the win with a roll up at 2:12. The replay shows Miguel was going to miss the Space Flying Tiger Drop by about 4 feet until Ciclope stepped forward to take the move. This was lucha libre at its worst; both guys are lucky they weren’t immediately sent back to Mexico. -**
MR. JL vs. CHRIS JERICHO
Heenan starts in on Jericho’s “goon” of a father again, while Tony gives him hell for not even following the NHL. “I know he hurt his back as soon as he retired; went to hang up his skates and forgot to take his feet out of them.” Tony, for maybe the first time ever, realizes that ignoring Bobby is the only way to get him to stop, and goes back to watching the match. Jericho boots JL in the mouth and gets 2. Tony starts figuring Jericho as a top contender for the World title. In 1997? On what planet? I know what he’s doing, sucking the kneecaps of the online guys, but even they aren’t crazy enough to believe this, so it comes across as ingenuous pandering. JL misses a senton (“missed dropkick!”), and Jericho hits the Lionsault en route to the missile dropkick and win at 4:06. Bobby: “That could have gone either way!” From our top world title contender? Well I never! *1/2
PSYCHOSIS vs. EDDIE GUERRERO (for the WCW United States heavyweight title)
Psychosis attacks before Eddie can take his ring jacket off, and the elbows are flying fast and furious. A second rope splash misses, and Eddie drops him with a side suplex. Psychosis fires back with a spinning heel kick and heads up. Up there, he nails a super spinning heel kick, but Guerrero kicks out at 2. Stinger splash gets 2, and Psychosis starts angrily feeding it to Mark Curtis. An armbar has Eddie squealing, but he doesn’t tap. Eddie is moved to the top rope, and the super Frankensteiner connects, but Guerrero somehow kicks out at 2! He’s put back up again, but Psychosis misses a dropkick, and Eddie flattens him with a European uppercut. The superplex sets up the Frog Splash, and Eddie retains at 5:04 by the skin of his teeth. **1/2
AKIRA HOKUTO and KAORU (with Sonny Onoo and A Little Japanese Girl) vs. MADUSA and MEIKO SATOMURA
Madusa’s got some stones placing her faith in a Japanese lady we’ve never seen before against her mortal Japanese enemies. We have some early heel miscommunication, and Satomura gets 2 on a rollup off Kaoru. Hokuto hits an axehandle off the top, and grabs Satomura’s arm to tease Madusa with a close tag. Unfortunately for Hokuto, Satomura’s feisty and does manage that tag. Madusa, house of fire, immediately has her powerbomb turned into a rugmuncher press for 2. Madusa comes back by hitting both ladies with clotheslines, and the faces do a little clubberin’ on Kaoru in the corner. Sonny causes a little distraction so Madusa chases him around, and Kaoru’s super rugmuncher, and Hokuto’s bridge suplex gets the pin on Satomura at 2:36. 1/2*
Next week: The Faces of Fear, Rey Mysterio Jr., Arn Anderson, and Chris Benoit. Christ, how isn’t this a pay-per-view? We’ve got a week to build anticipation, so start those saliva glands running now!