Joe Klunk: The Headbangers, hot wax and vomit…I’m just at a loss at who those segments were supposed to appeal to.
After a look back at last night’s Shotgun (apropos since that show needs a blast to the temple), JIM ROSS and JAMES E CORNETTE welcome us back to the Cajundome in Louisiana for the second week in a row! You can rest assured, Joe Klunk, and all concerned viewers, that this show will NOT feature any wrestlers vomiting on any other wrestlers. Sunday Mornings wouldn’t stand for it.
VADER (with Paul Bearer) vs. CED MANN
Ross figures Vader might be suffering from a Shotgun Headache, which would be darn impressive seeing as how this was taped 2 weeks ago. This is Ced’s WWF debut, and there’s something decidedly unfair about pairing him with Vader. Some newcomers get vignettes, and they’re fed the likes of Salvatore Sincere, but this guy, unworthy of a package, is forced to do battle with a former WCW champion. Of course, that would be a hell of a way to make a name for yourself, but Ced Mann is unprepared for the challenge, eating a Powerbomb, and Vaderbomb en route to the loss at 1:27. DUD
KEVIN KELLY requests an interview with The Man, but not Ced Mann. Damn it Cedd – I care, even if no one else does! Bearer screams about the Final Four, which draws interest from MANKIND. Mankind starts muttering that it should be a final five, because he wants a shot at the title too. Not getting any attention, he starts ripping out his hair and throwing a tantrum.
Speaking of vignettes … BLACKJACK MULLIGAN stands over a fire pit out in the old west, and guarantees the Blackjacks will ride again. Blackjack Lanza’s only 62 years old, how can this go wrong? Unless of course they’re planning to create new Blackjacks, but that would be silly.
For god knows what reason, someone on the production team who is clearly in need of a mental health check, replays the entire Savio / Jesse James match from last night.
ABISMO NEGRO vs. EL HIJO DE PERRO AGUAYO
Abismo is right up Vince’s alley, at least as far as Mexican wrestlers go, looking like a human transformer. I need this guy on RAW, just to hear Vince scream “HE’S MORE THAN MEETS THE EYE!” Aguayo Jr. is all of 17 years old here, and absolutely looking the part. Negro hits the young guy with a top rope elbow, and hits a clothesline that sends referee PEPE CASA into deep concern. An airplane spin is countered into an armdrag, and Aguayo sends Negro sliding to the outside of the ring, right on his face. With Negro stunned, Aguayo hits tope suicida! Back in, Negro fails to sell any of that impact, and hits a top rope Frankensteiner. A senton misses with some serious force (seriously, did he just break his ass?), and Aguayo hits the top rope double stomp for 2. Negro tries a powerbomb, but Aguayo rolls forward and scores the pin at 2:12. This was just a bunch of moves. 1/2*
MARC MERO and SABLE are back in the locker room getting ready for Mero’s upcoming match against the Undertaker. He’s pumped … in fact, he’s ready to go “WILLLLLD!”
Hanging out in the Gorilla position, THE UNDERTAKER promises a new age of darkness. Oh.
MARC MERO (with Sable) vs. THE UNDERTAKER
Mero makes the mistake of turning his back on the Undertaker, and he attacks from behind. A blind charge misses, and Mero throws his quick right hands. Taker stops that nonsense with a head slam to the buckle, and he goes Old School as we head to commercial.
Sable’s shaking her fists in support of Mero like she’s got a set of maracas (in her hands). Unfortunately for her enthusiasm, Taker is beating the piss out of the former executive vice president of WCW Prime. A quick clothesline knocks the Taker down for 2, but Taker turns it right back in his favor with a double handed chokeslam into the corner. Sable jumps on the apron, just in time for Taker to throw Mero into her where they meet head to head. Sable cries, and with tears streaming down her face, we take our final commercial break. Dudes, we just HAD one!
While we were away, apparently the referee has decided to stop the match temporarily while Mero checks on his lady. I’m … fairly sure that’s not in the rule book. It’s a good thing the wrestlers don’t have a union, that’s a grievance waiting to happen. Taker yanks Mero back to the apron, and immediately knocks him off again into the guardrail. Mero stumbles back in, where Taker continues his assault. Mero looks to his boxing skills, and after 2 punches, Undertaker kicks him in the face. A scoop slam goes ignored because Sable’s bent over the ring apron, and Mero clotheslines Taker to the floor. A plancha is caught, and the Undertaker rams him into the ringpost. Sable starts kicking at Taker’s ribs, which just serves to piss him off, and he starts to stalk the future Playmate. Mero dives in with a chop block, and both guys get counted out at 8:37. I find it fascinating that after doing absolutely nothing to protect Mero throughout the match, the bookers decided a double countout would undo all the damage of the previous 8 minutes of ass-kicking. For kicks, Taker clotheslines and tombstones Mero on the floor, lest he still have anything resembling credibility left. *1/2
Another breezy show, amongst my favorites to recap week after week. Aside from the bizarre decision to further shunt Mero down the card, we got some more quality stuff out of Mankind, a couple of moderate luchadores, and a threatened return of Blackjack Mulligan to a weakened tag-team division. RAW tomorrow’s been hyped as a Royal Rumble Replay, with the Rumble and Title matches airing in full. Could this be the easiest week of recapping ever? Or will the pay-per-view companies force Vince to be creative and air fresh content? TUNE INTO NITRO TO FIND OUT!