The PG Era Rant: Main Event, 1.13.15

So with my health issues basically
relegating me to early rest 9 times out of 10, plus the fact that
this past few weeks have made it clear I’m in for more of everything
I hate (McMahons and various Attitude Era superstars named Paul),
I’ve decided to save my sanity and make a permanent trade. Matt
Perri already did Raw recaps for his own blog, so doing them here is
no big deal. Meanwhile, I’m going to watch more wrestling for
wrestling’s sake by hitting up the B Shows: Main Event and
Superstars. Yes! Someone will admit to watching Superstars!
Anyway, this report comes on a slight
delay because PSN. Sony: Power to the [offline].
The PG Era Rant for Main Event, January
13, 2015.
ALMOST LIVE from Baton Rouge, LA.
Your hosts are Tom Phillips and JBL.
We meet again, Bradshaw.

MATCH: Goldust and Stardust v.
Los Matadores.

An inset promo reveals that the Brothers Dust are in the Rumble
match. Primo and Goldust start, and Goldust throws El Torito off the
apron. Primo is royally pissed and attacks, but after some back and
forth, Primo gets a rollup on Gold and a clothesline on Star. Primo
vaults over the ropes and clears both guys, but Stardust with the
Disaster Kick to send him to the floor. Goldust tosses Primo into
the barricade, and back in, he gets two. Stardust in, and he stomps
the abs before giving the sign of the Star. This gets two (the
stomping, I presume). Stardust with a butterfly lock, but Primo
fights out only to run into a sliding uppercut. Stardust charges and
is dumped. Hot tag Epico, and he goes nuts with back elbows. He
puts the brakes on, then sets Goldust up for the Austin Straddle and
flying sunset flip for two. He goes after Stardust, which allow
Goldust to knee in the back and choke away. Torito’s on the apron to
rally the team, so Goldust grabs him only to get headscissored. No
DQ there because he had it coming, and Primo with a cradle for the
win at 4:02. 3/4*
Also, I think I got Primo and Epico backwards.
Okay,
now’s as good a place as any to describe a concept I’m going to keep
track of here: the Losers’ Title! Just like Scott Keith did back in
his e-fed days – and I bet he thought no one remembered – we will
keep track of who the Ultimate Loser in WWE is. According to
Boston-based fanblog Sons of Sam Horn, we start with Adam Rose
holding the Scarlet L. Here are the rules:
  • The
    title is “defended” in any match – singles, multi-man, or tag.
  • It
    is “passed on” if the current holder gets the pin in the match.
    His tag partner cannot “lose” the L for him, nor does it count
    if he’s not involved in a triple-threat decision.
  • If
    the Losers’ Champion does not “defend” his “title” in 30
    days, it reverts to the loser of the Main Event main event. By
    coincidence, advertising here says Rose is in that, too!
  • And
    before anyone asks, the Losers’ Title is for men only. Like Divas
    would ever main event even a B show.
Got
all that? Good.
Main
Event is not on WWE Network next week for some reason (and, as I later find out, may not be on WWE Network in the future due to Sky Sports), so instead,
Santino will be hosting a Royal Rumble pre-show. Oh, fine, I’ll
cover it.
MATCH: The Ascension v. This Guy
and That Guy.

Because some NXT traditions must be upheld. Ascension calls out the
Road Warriors and says there are no more great tag teams of the past,
because they’re the one Tag Team of the Future. Viktor beats up This
Guy to start with European Uppercuts, then Konnor tags in and it’s a
double-team. Konnor goes clubbering in the corner, and Viktor pounds
away before clotheslining This Guy out of the ring. Konnor tags in
and throws This Guy around before knocking That Guy off the apron.
Another clothesline follows, then Viktor tags in for a double-team
hiptoss-flapjack thing. Fall of Man ends it at 1:47.
Your
first Thursday SmackDown main event: Daniel Bryan’s grand return
against Kane.
RAW RECAP: John
Cena wasn’t allowed to overcome the odds when for once he honestly
should have, as a bazillion heels beat him up and the Authority
won… but not before Kane and Big Show saved the day. Because
heaven forbid anyone who wasn’t in the WWE in 2000 get over. I’m
telling you now, the only real conclusion of this is that Vince
McMahon steps in and either re-instates the Corpus Christi Trio or
has Sting do it for him. Both of which make the wrestlers seem
impotent compared to the McMahons, so I hate it. You tell me if that
makes sense.
Anyway,
then we had the contract signing, where a fight broke out and
(interestingly) Rollins stood tall. But he couldn’t get a clean win
earlier in the night?
MATCH: Rusev v. Justin Gabriel.
Gabriel sticks and moves, but gets caught and pummeled. Kicks in
the corner, but Gabriel fires off with forearms. Gabriel slips out
the back of a slam, getting a calf kick and big chop, but his leg is
caught. He escapes an elbowdrop, but Rusev reverses to a Hammer
Throw and smacks Gabriel upside the head. Back in, Rusev with a
series of elbowdrops and a headbutt, into a cobra clutch. Rusev
rides him down and headbutts him repeatedly, but Gabriel tries to
fight back. Jawbreaker rattles Rusev, who misses a blind charge.
Warrior’s Way by Gabriel starts a comeback, into a springboard
clothesline. He tries something off the top and is caught in a
powerbomb, and Rusev Crush ends it at 3:49. Some good big/little
stuff here. *1/4
Rusev lands his leaping superkick for no reason after the match.
Your
first inductee into the Hall of Fame for the Class of 2015 is RANDY
SAVAGE. As we all knew.
Raw
Reunion in Dallas next week!
MAIN EVENT: Kofi Kingston, Big E,
and Xavier Woods v. Tyson Kidd, Cesaro, and Losers’ Champion Adam
Rose.

To let you know how much of a nerd I am, when I heard Kidd and
Cesaro say they’re the “Masters of the Universe”, I didn’t think
He-Man; I thought Bonfire of the Vanities. Rose and Kofi start.
Kofi gets a go-behind, but Rose turns it into a top wristlock. Kofi
reverses it and gets a splash for one, but Rose escapes. Kidd
doesn’t do much better, and Big E and Kofi do the T&A tag team,
followed by a wheelbarrow splash from Woods/E. Kidd recovers and
slams Woods into the corner, but a blind charge eats boot and the
Honor Roll gets one. Woods clears the heel corner, but Kidd throws
him into the bottom rope and out. Rose slams Woods into the apron,
and back in, it gets one. The heels triple-team Woods, leading to a
Kidd slingshot into a Cesaro uppercut for two as we go to break.
We
return with Rose working a sleeper on Woods, but a suplex is reversed
by Woods to a small package for two. Rose prevents the hot tag, and
Kidd pounds away in the corner. Cesaro adds a choke, and Kidd does a
boot choke and legdrop as Cesaro adds a hesitation dropkick. Back
in, it gets two. Cesaro works the sleeper, but Woods pounds out and
wins a slugfest. Cesaro cuts Big E out, but Woods with an enzuigiri
that dazes Cesaro. Hot tag Kofi, who runs over Kidd and ends with
the Boom Drop. Running knees in the corner sets up a trip to the
top, but he takes Rose out before landing a springboard crossbody for
two. Cesaro tags himself in, and that allows Kofi to leap right into
Swiss Death. It gets two. Forearms to the head, and Big E is again
knocked off the apron. GIANT SWING OF DOOM ends with a Kidd
dropkick, but Woods saves. He’s dumped, but Kofi with a cradle for
two. FINALLY, Big E gets in and pounds Cesaro down hard before
catching Kidd with a uranage and Cesaro with a Greco-Roman suplex and
Ultimate Splash on both men. Sorry for the run-on sentence there.
Big Ending try, but Rose tags himself in. Big E catches Rose and
suplexes him for two, Cesaro saves. Wods with a wheelbarrow facejam
to Cesaro, but Kidd kicks him in the jaw. Trouble in Paradise takes
Kidd out, but Cesaro suplexes him to the floor. Rose with a
spinebuster on Big E for two. Rose runs into a lariat from Big E,
and the New Day takes EVERYONE out (Big E spears Rose through the
ropes, Kofi with a plancha to Kidd, Woods with a senton to Cesaro).
Back in, Midnight Hour ends Rose at 11:02. Good finish to a decent
match. And Rose is still wearing the Scarlet L. **1/4
Looks
like I might have to find Hulu Plus for next week’s show. Until
then, see you for Superstars!