WCW Saturday Night: November 9, 1996

Did you have any idea
that Roddy Piper showed up at Halloween Havoc to confront Hollywood Hogan? WCW’s
lack of coverage to this point is embarrassing, as this is clearly the biggest
story of the millennia. So, for you Joe Curious, here’s a clip that hasn’t
aired on any WCW programming to this point. Especially not the last two
episodes of Nitro and last week’s Saturday Night (and tomorrow’s Worldwide).
TONY SCHIAVONE will never forget Hogan’s face at Halloween Havoc when Piper showed
up. Neither will I, because they’re going to play it on every show from now
until 2085. DUSTY RHODES can’t
believe they met face to face, and promises to talk a lot more about this.

JUVENTUD GUERRERA and PSYCHOSIS vs. THE AMERICAN
MALES
There is nothing that
sucks the hope out of a potentially fantastic match than to hear the quiet
build to the American Males theme. Bagwell claps, Riggs claps, everyone’s got
the clap! No mention of the problems from Monday, and Bagwell’s super babyface
tonight by leading a You Ess Eh chant against these awful foreigners who …
well, haven’t actually done anything to anyone. Juvi hits Bagwell with a spin
kick, and delivers the chops. Bagwell responds with a powerbomb, because he’s
kind of a jerk. Riggs enters and misses a blind charge, allowing Psychosis to
tag in and immediately take a dropkick. Juvi tries to get involved, but Bagwell
dropkicks him, and they clothesline both guys to the floor. AND WE CLAP. Juvi
re-enters with a springboard missile dropkick, and the sheep in attendance boo.
Juvi Driver is on point, but instead of a pin he hits a People’s Elbow. Not
sure I understand your logic there, Juvi. Spin kick in the corner sets up a
springboard guillotine – but Bagwell moves and Juvi destroys his tailbone.
Bagwell tags out, and Riggs has clotheslines for everyone. Riggs bounces into
the ropes and knocks Bagwell to the floor by mistake, and Psychosis launches
himself with a flying body attack! Juvi’s right behind with a slingshot 360
guillotine, and Team Mexico wins at 4:39!!!
That was my shock of the day, and I could not be happier. ** Bagwell gets a
little mad, but offers his hands for a high 10 to ensure they’re cool, and they
are. Jian Ghomeshi recommends a little bit of hate fucking to clear those
problems right up.
JIM DUGGAN vs. STEVEN REGAL (for the WCW world
television title)
NICK PATRICK is assigned here, which probably bodes well for his lordship. You
may recall the Outsiders were instrumental in Regal claiming the TV title; but
he doesn’t appear to be associated with the nWo. Nick Patrick finds a roll of
tape in Duggan’s pants, and discards of it rightly. Duggan stomps around like a
retarded robot, and Regal hits the floor with bugged out eyes trying to
comprehend what’s happening. Once he figures it’s safe, he re-enters and hits
Duggan with a European uppercut. Duggan responds with a half dozen
clotheslines, and Regal hits the floor in the worst pain he’s ever suffered
based on his face. Back in, Patrick gets between them to give Regal a chance,
and as he moves Regal claws the eyes. More European uppercuts send Duggan
stomping around again. He throws some rock hard punches, but Regal pokes the
eyes and Duggan is blinded. Unable to see, he wanders around like Moses in the
desert, and since Regal is God, he parts Duggan’s eyes with a knee lift. Duggan
refuses to get his head slammed to the buckle (literally screaming
“NOOOOOOO!”), and slams Regal instead. Regal responds with a back elbow, but
misses a senton. Duggan tapes up his fist, and Patrick sees it immediately
throwing it out at 4:05. Regal is
decked regardless, but still the champion! Duggan points his board at Patrick’s
head, but he scoots away to the floor where Regal gently ensures he’s alright,
like the gentleman that he is. *1/2
TONY SCHIAVONE checks in with Duggan, and immediately makes me long for the still
missing Mean Gene. Apparently he’s sick to his stomach about Nick Patrick
(Duggan, not Gene). He says the only flag he salutes is the red white and blue,
and not Nick Patrick. What the hell is he talking about? He throws out a
message to his good friend Terry Hogan (who?), and orders him to shoot straight
with him going forward, or he’ll beat him up. I don’t find it fair that he’s
able to utter these threats without letting this alleged Terry Hogan reply.
DIAMOND DALLAS PAGE vs. ICE TRAIN (with Teddy
Long)
This is a rematch from
Nitro, right down to the referee, NICK
PATRICK
. Train had Page beat on Monday until an untimely shoulder injury
stopped Patrick’s ability to count, and the Outsiders sealed the win with an
assist for Page. Dusty actually brings up Page’s past history with Hall and
Nash, which I believe is the first time WCW has brought this up. Train hits the
Train Wreck almost right away, but Page actually kicks out on a fair 2 count.
Page comes back with a boot to the face, and a clothesline to take Train down.
The pancake gets 2, and Train accidentally hits Patrick’s shoulder on his
kickout. Patrick doesn’t sell it, but he could just be putting on a tough face
for all of us; let’s keep our eyes on this. A headlock is worked, but Train has
no neck so I don’t really see the point. A swinging neckbreaker gives Page time
to head to the top, but Train crotches him HARD. Those plums done turned purple
on that one. Train pulls Page off the top by the hair, and faceplants him. 10
head shots to the buckle set up a powerslam, but Patrick’s way out of position
so it takes an extra second to count, exactly what Page needs to kick out. Page
digs in his tights for something, and Long starts freaking the hell out!
Patrick goes over to find out what Long’s problem is, as he’s hollering and
pointing at Page. Of course, DDP levels Train with no problems, and by the time
Patrick checks, Page is already on top for the easy win at 5:08. *1/2 Dusty speculates there’s “some cahootin’ goin’ on”. Long
loses his mind on Patrick, but Nick tells him if he’d stayed in his damn corner
maybe he’d have seen it. “YOU WASN’T LOOKIN’!” Long tells Patrick he’s no
longer the man he used to know, as Gotye songs start going off in my head.
THE AMAZING FRENCH CANADIANS vs. HARLEM HEAT (with
Sista Sherri)
The Canadians demand the
anthem be played, but they’re greeted with Harlem Heat’s music instead. No
matter, they sing the National Anthem anyway, though I WISH they’d tried to
keep it on beat with the music because that would have been amazing. No Colonel
Parker, because slavery ended 100 years ago. A donnybrook erupts immediately,
with everyone trading punches! There’s some feelings here, not seen since the
best of 401 series between Harlem Heat and Rough & Ready. Stevie Ray drops
an elbow on Ouellette, which is unfortunate because that means he’s run through
his whole moveset already. Booker hits the flying jalapeno, but isn’t able to
follow up because Rougeau pulls him to the floor. The Frenchmen work over
Booker in the corner, and Ouellette builds up some steam with a quadrouple rope
bounce before hammering Booker with a clothesline. Rougeau works a camel
clutch, and by god, COLONEL ROBERT
PARKER
shows up! Ouellette misses the assisted senton as Parker goes to
talk to Sherri, and he’s a world of emotion, not even stopping to mop his brow.
Parker jumps on the apron to cheer his boys on, but Sherri decks him! Parker
threatens to knock her back to the 1800’s, but Harlem Heat dives to the floor
to whoop the massa. That gets them counted out at 3:01, but it doesn’t matter. Stevie says the Colonel has a major
malfunction threatening to hit a woman. Tune in next week for their public
hanging. *
HUGH MORRUS vs. CHRIS BENOIT (with Woman)
Benoit’s shoulder is
still taped, and NICK PATRICK’s neck
is still in a brace. Morrus comes out clubberin’, and Dusty doesn’t even call
it! Woman’s powers of distraction are truly amazing. An avalanche has Benoit
gasping for air, but Morrus spends too long posing and gets dropkicked in the
knee. He goes right for it, working it over in the ropes. A dragon screw has
Morrus limping around, and Benoit keeps kicking away at the knee.
Unfortunately, he gets too close, and eats a shoulderbreaker. A clothesline
sends Morrus up top, but Patrick’s standing in the way checking Benoit. Morrus
drops down to scream at him to move, letting Woman rake the eyes! Belly to
belly overhead with a bridge scores the win at 3:35. **
MAXX
and BIG BUBBER attack post-match,
and with Morrus behind him, Benoit’s outnumbered. He does a good job fending
them off, until Bubba catches him and slams him spine first over the guardrail!
Jeezus man! KEVIN SULLIVAN and JIMMY HART hit the scene, and Sullivan
kicks him in the ribs repeatedly. Bubba gives Benoit two more Rock Bottom’s
directly on top of the guardrail! The fans start reaching over to try and pull
Benoit to safety, but he’s property of the DoD now, and they’re feasting like
dogs. Great segment, and Benoit’s a sick man taking those bumps.
TONY SCHIAVONE demands to know what the heck was up with that? Jimmy says that a 20
second phone call from Nancy started this, and it’s proof that nobody should
ever trust a woman. Sullivan demands to know where Benoit’s cavalry is. Sullivan
says he’s not soft, and he can’t wait to feed it to Benoit again in Baltimore.
Elsewhere, MIKE TENAY wants JEFF JARRETT’s thoughts on the lack of a leader in WCW. Jarrett
says he’s ready to lead the Four Horsemen, and he’s going to prove it at World
War 3. Jarrett reminds everyone the Giant hasn’t chokeslammed him yet, and he
won’t.
REY MYSTERIO JR. vs. DEAN MALENKO (for the WCW
world cruiserweight title)
This is a hell of a match
to be giving away on this show, but I ain’t complaining. Winner gets Psychosis
at World War 3. Rey starts in with dropkicks immediately, and packages Malenko
for 2. Before we can get too involved, we turn things over to …
Words from PSYCHOSIS! Hell yes! He bangs out about
the 3 English words he knows, “you and me, Cruiserweight title” before
reverting to Spanish. I like to think it was planned that way, but I used to
co-ordinate interviews for my company, and I’ve seen on more than one occasion
candidates pretending to be bilingual and giving me answers in much the same
vein as Psychosis just did. Though to be fair, Psychosis’ English was better
than theirs often was.
Back in the ring,
Malenko’s regained control and is flattening Rey with the double leg slam. A
delayed brainbuster gets 2. To the mat we go, where Malenko locks on a grounded
version of the abdominal stretch. He releases, and hits a backbreaker for 2.
Rey gets kicked to the floor, which is probably the best place for him because
Dean isn’t hitting him out there. Rey scoots back in, taking a fireman’s carry
into a gutbuster smoothly. Deano goes for the electric chair, but that’s about
the worst position to put Rey in, because he rolls forward and takes them both
to the floor. Malenko rolls Rey back in first, which is once again a mistake,
because Rey dropkicks him off the apron as he’s coming in, before flattening
him with tope suicida!! Back in, Rey hits a springboard sunset flip for 2.
Malenko is angry, and hits a tigerbomb for 2. Rey delivers a back elbow, and
pops up to the top with a sky twisting bodyblock for 2. He tries to finish with
the West Coast Pop, but Dean hooks the shoulders and backslides Rey for the pin
at 5:31. While I could bear to let
these guys chill out without a rematch for awhile, they have great chemistry
and this was no exception. ***1/2
TONY SCHIAVONE wants to interview the champ about his upcoming match with Psychosis.
Malenko tells Psychosis he’s giving him an opportunity to prove himself to
Mexico, but not to kid himself, he’ll still be champion. Let’s take the
microphone away from Malenko in the future.
Meanwhile, on nWo
Saturday Night, we continue the Cruiserweight tournament…
THE BOUNTY HUNTER
Height: 6’5”
Weight: A lean 325 lbs.
Reach: 35”
Fist: 16”
Hometown: Oakland, CA
Pro Record: 52-12
Voted Most Likely to
Offend
Way Big for a
Cruiserweight
KEVIN NASH welcomes us to a sold out arena (surrounded by completely empty
seats). TED DIBIASE is your ring
announcer, DOCTOR X is the referee,
and SCOTT HALL joins Nash on
commentary.
THE BOUNTY HUNTER vs. SYXX (in a Cruiserweight
tournament match)
Nash figures Bounty
Hunter hasn’t showered in 10-15 days to get that level of buildup in his hair.
Regarding the Bounty Hunter, Nash sums it up with: “This man looks horrible!”
The Outsiders move to golf-style commentary, with whispering. Bounty Hunter shoves
Syxx knocking off his bandana, which is a big mistake. Hunter pounds Syxx in
the corner, but misses an avalanche and Syxx kicks him a dozen times. 3
straight spin kicks drops him in the corner, and then chokes him in the ropes
in front of the announce team, who take turns slapping him. Hall: “Don’t you
run your mouth to me Bounty Hunter, or I’ll put you in the tag-team
tournament!” Nash: “I have two words for you: eat salad!” Syxx hits an early
version of the Bronco buster, with just one big penis thrust – still not
perfected! Syxx drops the straps, as Nash declares him the house of proverbial
fire! Spinning heel kick scores the pin.
The Outsiders want a word
with the victor, but mostly so Nash can throw a parting shot at the Bounty
Hunter. Syxx thought he was in trouble when his bandana got knocked off, but
he’s a swinger baby, and you don’t mess with a swinger. Does Chyna know?
MAXX vs. LEX LUGER
We actually saw this
match once before on the May 27
edition of Nitro, but it may have been overshadowed by something else. You
know, if I’m Maxx, I’m a little bothered the Dungeon can’t be bothered to send
me back up. Hart is always ringside for the Faces of Fear. Braun the Leprechaun
frequently tries to eat referees anytime Kevin Sullivan is present. But Maxx?
Always the bridesmaid. Lex tries a shoulderblock to no avail, but after picking
up a little steam on the second go, it works. And so we ROAR! A pair of slams
set up some sort of leaping something, but Maxx lifts his knees, and Luger’s
hurt. Oh no! Will he be able to come back and win? Could this be the era of
Maxx? Maxx stomps Lex by the ropes, and delivers a powerslam for 2. He was 1
second away from main eventing Starrcade, don’t kid yourself. Maxx argues with
the referee, giving Luger a chance to small package him for 2. A clothesline
sets up the inevitable Rack, and Maxx taps at 3:07. 1/2*
We close by re-airing the
entire Hogan interview from Nitro, but you and I already saw this, so no need
to talk about it.

Tony believes, deep in
his heart of hearts, that Hogan wants no part of Roddy Piper. This Tony
Schiavone is something of a visionary, I think he might be on to something. And
they sign us off, telling us to remember to check out Nitro.