6 weeks is a long time to build up a pay-per-view event. It gives the promoter a chance to flesh out a real story for their main event. With Hogan and Savage, it’s a cinch really. On again off again besties for roughly a decade, Savage had always been the loose cannon to Hogan’s sturdy hand. Hulk’s glue kept them together, through the best and the worst. When they had their rift, Savage’s insanity was the trigger. But now, Hogan stabbed his best friend in the back in a middle-aged crisis, finding a couple of (slightly) younger friends to chum around with and make him feel like a star again.
And if you think for a second that’s how this show was promoted, well then you haven’t read a word I’ve written these last 6 weeks. And if that’s the case, shame on you. How else are you supposed to keep up with Harlem Heat’s never-ending TV appearances?
Nope, it’s all about Elizabeth. Is she in love with Mach, or is it a game? She clearly took some sort of payoff from Hogan in order to … hell, I don’t even know why she took some sort of payoff from Hogan. Something about movies and getting to Randy. Except that she’s spent the last year throwing his money into the crowd, and banging Ric Flair. But forget all that, NOW IT’S REAL!
LIVE from the MGM Grand Arena, it’s MONSTER TRUCK MADNESS! No? That’s not a tradition? It should be.
Your hosts are TONY SCHIAVONE, DUSTY RHODES, and “SOBER” BOBBY HEENAN. Tony wastes no time with the hyperbole; this is the biggest match in the history of our sport since 1905. Tradition, you see. Taking it to a new level! Heart! Where do I cash in my Buzzword Bingo card?
DEAN MALENKO (with Rey Mysterio Jr’s mask) vs. REY MYSTERIO JR. (for the WCW world cruiserweight title)
I’ll give the company credit; they filled the giant space of time between Fall Brawl and Havoc by nicely building this little feud up, even if both guys are about as interesting as a betta fish on the microphone. My wife actually bought a fish about a month ago, and promptly named it Big Poppa Pump. She wouldn’t RECOGNIZE Scott Steiner if she saw him, but she heard the name once and immediately stored it in her memory banks for the next pet she owned. I look forward to our eventual kitten, Mil Mascaras. MIKE TENAY joins the booth, and sounds like he’s been broadcast over AM radio. Malenko is dumped quickly, and opts to try and slow things down. However, he stops to stare at Mysterio’s mask, and takes a springboard dropkick to the face. That’s followed by Dean hitting the deck just in time for Rey to come somersaulting over the ropes with the ever gratuitous dick to the face. He steals the mask from Dean’s hand, and takes this clear advantage to … change back to his old mask. Impressively, he manages to avoid having us see his face. Dean hits the ring, and winds up on the wrong end of an Oklahoma roll for 2. However, Rey tries to fly again and winds up taking a side suplex. He goes for what appears to be a brainbuster, but throws Rey forward into the ropes instead. A half crab is turned into a sideways half surfboard, and Malenko stretches him further by pressing the ball of his foot into his back as he pulls. The fans call for a rally as they head up, but a backdrop superplex hits for Malenko and he gets 2. He moves into a head scissors submission, and as he releases, hits a brainbuster for 2. Rey manages to sneak in a small package for 2, which serves to piss off Malenko and he gives Rey an angry little dropkick before he can even stand up. He goes back to the submission holds cuz that’s how he rolls, working a camel clutch. A tilt-a-whirl backbreaker gets 2. A frustrated sleeper is applied, and they fall to the mat, but Rey just won’t tap. It’s applied almost like a rear naked choke, which makes Rey’s escape look laughable in 2014; but he does it here only to get slammed on the back of his head. This time Dean works a standing sleeper, but they wind up back on the mat. Dusty talks about Rey’s “vallant effort” as he takes another suplex. Malenko scissors the arms behind Rey’s back, and Rey lets us know exactly how the move works by screaming “AHHHH MY BACK”. Dean tries to go up, but Rey quickly sacrifices himself to knock Malenko to the floor. Rey whips Malenko to the guardrail, and mounts him from behind, but takes a low blow. Back in, Dean goes for another tilt-a-whirl, but Rey twists in mid-air and gets 2! He’s gaining speed, as he hits the springboard somersault senton, then rolls through for 2! Rey goes up, but Malenko shrugs him off before the rana. Still, Rey lands on his feet, drops Dean, and bridges back with a CLOSE 2! Malenko is sent to the floor again, and you know what that means, as Rey hits a springboard twisting bodyblock! Back in, Rey hits the West Coast Pop, but Dean kicks out!! He calls for it again, this time with the springboard, but Malenko turns it into a powerbomb for ANOTHER close 2!! The fans are really into this now, as both guys wind up on the top buckle, a little bit weary. Malenko shoves off a rana, and then gives Rey a super gutwrench powerbomb to score the upset and win the belt back at 18:34! Great, great stuff, with WCW really getting the hang of using the Cruiserweights to get the crowds fired up and ready to go. Not a bad day for Dean Malenko either, who scored 4 stars on Worldwide that aired that morning. ****
Meanwhile, JEFF JARRETT chats with TONY THE TIGER. Pride! Charisma! Heritage! Tradition! Ha ha! RIC FLAIR is in the house to support Jarrett, but mostly to face the mile long lineup of women tonight because they’re in Vegas. I appreciate his honesty.
DIAMOND DALLAS PAGE vs. EDDIE GUERRERO (for the Lord of the Ring)
So Eddie won the ring from Page back at the Clash in August, but Page stole it back so … we’re to believe if Eddie wins THIS match that Page will give it up THIS time? Page needn’t worry, he’s got an angel in his corner named NICK PATRICK. Will Page finally acknowledge his nWo membership tonight? Eddie’s frustrated about being denied the stupid ring, and pounces on Page with some energy. That changes fast, as they head to the floor and Page whips Guerrero to the guard rail. Back in, Eddie delivers a series of hiptosses and tries to score a pinfall. Eddie applies a headlock and refuses to let go, killing a few minutes. Page gets to his feet, but he’s taken down with a snapmare, and winds up tied in the ropes. Patrick tries to stop the assault, but Eddie shoves him aside and kicks Page to the floor. Eddie hits the deck as well, and whips Page to the guardrail. Back in, Eddie tries another snapmare, but this time Page crotches him across the top rope, and gets warned by Patrick. See – he’s here to fairly enforce the rules! Back to the floor, Page beats him down and orders him to “get up, girlfriend!” Back in, Page tries to pin Eddie with his feet on the ropes but Patrick catches it. Page decides to drop an elbow on Eddie’s jewels, which is called his mid-section by the crack announce team. Tony, actually using his head, starts questioning whether Page even brought the Battlebowl ring with him. I’m gonna have to lean towards no on that one. Page and Patrick start getting into a shoving match over Patrick’s officiating, and Eddie nearly scores a pinfall in the melee. Eventually they make up, and share a hearty handshake. Eddie jabs a thumb into Eddie’s eye, but Page is able to dump him to the outside. Back in, a waistlock slam is countered into a package for 2. Page avoids a sunset flip, but also misses the punch he throws and winds up taking the move anyway, starting a chain of rolling 2’s back and forth. DDP goes for a punt, but slips on the banana peel and Eddie plants him with a European uppercut. They play 10-punch count-a-long in the corner, finishing with one more uppercut. Page hits the deck, and Eddie follows right behind with a top rope plancha! Back in, Page hits a jawbreaker across the top rope, and a pancake gets 2. A spinning powerbomb gets 2. The fans start getting on Page, so he whips out some momma jokes, before hitting a Diamond Cutter for the pin at 13:32. Patrick reaches into his pocket, and gives Page the Battlebowl ring – which gives the announcers a conniption. They could not be slower at putting this stuff together. **
RANDY SAVAGE is with MIKE TENAY, who doesn’t even MENTION Liz, because he’s jacked to fight Hollywood Hogan, dig it!
Meanwhile, DEAN MALENKO also stops in for a chat with the Professor. Malenko vows to keep the belt for a long time, but won’t deny Rey a rematch if he wants one.
Over in the nWo section of the audience, TED DIBIASE stands with THE GIANT, who is carrying Ric Flair’s stolen US Title. Jeff Jarrett is an idiot for having turned down an nWo invitation, apparently. They figure if Flair isn’t willing to step in the ring with The Giant, that Jarrett can’t possibly think he has a chance. Giant promises a chokeslam.
THE GIANT (with Ted DiBiase) vs. JEFF JARRETT (with Ric Flair)
NICK PATRICK has been assigned to this match because everyone in WCW’s booking offices are colossal morons. Giant puts the US title on the line here, which I guess is about as legit as DDP defending the Lord of the Ring earlier. Jarrett gets all up in Giant’s mug and starts strutting … to a loud chorus of boos. Jarrett manages to stay out of the Giant’s clutches, throwing the occasional jab and strutting with far too much confidence. Then he decides a side headlock is the right way to go, and he gets picked up with one hand and slammed. Still, he pops up and fires away some more, but Giant tosses him by the hair across the ring. Jarrett jumps on Giant’s back with a sleeper, but he runs backwards into the buckle to make him break. Still, Jarrett jumps on once again. Released, Giant rushes him in the corner but misses. Corner punches from Jarrett have the Giant staggering, but Jeff assumes it’s okay to strike and he walks right into a big boot for 2. Giant headbutts Jarrett in the cherries, and follows with a backbreaker. Flair grabs the mic and orders Jarrett to kick the Giant’s “nWo ass!” That fires Jeff up a little, and he tries a crossbody off the middle rope, but gets caught. Giant hits a pair of backbreakers, and threatens the Chokeslam. Instead he uses the bearhug, which Jarrett breaks by biting Giant in the eye. Jarrett hits a pair of dropkicks, and tries to slam Giant but he falls on Jeff immediately for 2. Back to his feet, Jarrett hits a double axehandle off the top, and a crossbody gets 2! With the Giant down, Jarrett goes for the Figure Four, but he’s shoved off easily and sent to the floor. Giant charges Jarrett, but hits the ringpost with his shoulder! Jarrett puts on the Figure Four, but Giant sits up and grabs Jeff by the throat; exactly the same finish as his World Title change against Flair back in April. Flair can’t stand to watch, and punches The Giant in the plums drawing a DQ at 9:56. THE HORSEMEN hit the ring to ensure the Giant doesn’t attack anyone, and all 5 guys stand tall together. *1/2
Back in the crowd, TED DIBIASE, VINCENT, and NUMBER SIX stand together. DiBiase says a win is a win, and Flair simply made sure Jarrett left alive. Turning to the upcoming match, they all give Jericho props for being a great athlete, before promising to maul him.
NUMBER SIX vs. CHRIS JERICHO
Syxx has been around about a month, and to date hasn’t had his name displayed in a graphic a single time, so the fans are probably left to assume his name is “Six”, until Heenan finally clarifies it by spelling it out. NICK PATRICK is once again assigned to an nWo match. Tony tells us to watch this one carefully, as it’s the first match between an nWo member and WCW. WHAT THE HELL WAS THE LAST MATCH THEN?!? KONNAN, KEVIN SULLIVAN, and BIG BUBBER sit in the front row, but Braun the Leprechaun does not. Jericho hits a monkey flip, and screams “COME ON BAYBEEEEE” because that’s his WHOLE GIMMICK. A corner clothesline connects, but his follow up attempt at a crossbody off the top is stopped with a dropkick that sends him sprawling to the floor. A baseball slide sends Jericho to the guardrail, and Syxx follows with a senton. Back in, Syxx stomps that mudhole and walks it dry. Over to the martial arts kicks, and we move to a headlock. Back up, Syxx hits an enzuigiri, but misses a dropkick and hits the corner. Jericho throws a spinning heel kick that sends Syxx to the floor, and follows with a top rope plancha. Back in, Jericho hits the top rope elbow for 2. Jericho tries to follow up, but walks into snake eyes. Syxx dives off the top, but Jericho stops him in mid-air with a dropkick for a super slow 2. Jericho doesn’t let it bother him, hitting the Lionsault, and bridging back with a pin combo for the world’s slowest 1. Jericho frustrated hits a springboard crossbody for about an 8 count which is actually a 1 by Nick Patrick, and as he argues, Syxx hits a spinning heel kick for the fast win at 9:50. **
MIKE TENAY is with LEX LUGER in the back who looks like he’s been modelling for some sort of Steroid Scarecrow commercial. Luger’s tired of being questioned by Arn Anderson. I imagine he’s also tired of using a hair brush, or some sort of styling product.
ARN ANDERSON vs. LEX LUGER
The interesting thing about this, is that apparently Arn and Luger have somehow become completely blinded or oblivious to the nWo thing. Anderson became so consumed with hate that Luger couldn’t fend off the nWo, that apparently HE needs to be dealt with NOW as opposed to, you know, the common enemy that threatens their very existence. And hatred fuels him here, as he drops a series of knees to Luger’s face. Lex is just as amped though, roaring out of the corner like a lion (with a mane to match!), and clotheslines Arn to the floor. Off the apron, Lex hits a double axehandle, before running Anderson’s back into the ringpost. Kevin Sullivan’s voice somehow cuts over all the fans, as he starts screaming “RACK HIM LOOGAH!” You know what I like about that? It’s a heel openly rooting for a face, because in terms of the storyline, that’s who they are most likely to be aligned with. The WWE could take note of this, instead of “hey, I’m a bad guy now, I’m cool with all my old enemies”. Luger refuses to appease the Dungeon, opting for a backbreaker instead. Anderson throws a desperation back elbow, and heads up, but he gets crotched by Lex, and tied to the reverse tree of woe. Luger kicks and stomps at Arn’s back, and preps the Rack. Anderson isn’t ready to give up though, nailing a spinebuster, taking them both out. Back to the floor, Anderson takes control, beating Luger right in front of the Dungeon of Doom. Luger crawls to the apron, but Arn holds him hostage on the ropes and drives his knee repeatedly to the small of the back, releasing on the third shot so Luger falls to the floor once again. Lex desperately gets back in before the count, and finds himself getting Arn’s knee driven over and over into the back. Luger stands up, right into an abdominal stretch, and Anderson uses the ropes because he’s a lifetime scumbag. He gets away with it too, not caught on any of the peeks from the referee. Anderson releases and starts to work over the neck now, setting up a DDT – but Luger holds the ropes to block it and Arn’s head smacks the canvas. Luger throws a back elbow, but Anderson ducks the subsequent clothesline and Lex pulls up so as not to hit the referee. Anderson kicks Lex in the back driving him into the ref to knock him cold, and grabs a chair. Big swing misses, hitting the ring post! Luger drops Anderson, and catapults Anderson into the ring post. A vertical suplex on the floor gives Lex a chance to grab the chair now, and he pounds away on the back of Anderson, getting revenge for the attack on Nitro a couple weeks ago. Back in, the referee wakes up, and Luger easily applies the Rack for the submission at 12:18. Luger refuses to release the hold for nearly a minute after the fact, just to send a message to Anderson and the rest of the Horsemen. RIC FLAIR and JEFF JARRETT rush to ringside, to check on Arn who gets stretched out of the building. If Savage fails to capture the belt, Lex would seemingly be the obvious #1 contender to chase Hogan. **1/2
LEE MARSHALL distracts us from Arn’s potential career ending injury by finding HARLEM HEAT, SISTA SHERRI, and COLONEL ROBERT PARKER. Booker calls out the “wannabe thugs”, who they gonna jump, Harlem style.
THE FACES OF FEAR (with Jimmy Hart) vs. CHRIS BENOIT and MONGO MCMICHAEL (with Woman, Debra McMichael, and the Haliburton)
Tony speculates with Anderson and Flair out of the building, and half of the Dungeon of Doom sitting at ringside, this might be a Horsemen ambush; which actually wouldn’t be a bad idea if they executed that right now. Of course, with Meng and Barbarian on your side, it’s like having 5 men on your side at ALL times, so this is already theoretically a handicap match. Meng and Mongo hit each other with shoulderblocks for awhile, but all that does is get Meng to scream like a wild man, and neither sell or move. Mongo goes into the 3 point stance and unloads, which Meng sells like a shotgun blast. He turns things over to Barbarian, who chokes Benoit in the corner. Benoit hits an overhead belly to belly with a bridge for 2. Barbarian pounces up because he doesn’t feel pain, and tries for a Boston crab, but Benoit gets away. Everyone trades off once again, and Meng starts stomping around mocking the football poses of Mongo. They wind up brawling like sumo wrestlers in the middle of the ring, and Meng lays in with the CLUBBERIN’! Mongo fires back with chop blocks to both Meng and Barbarian, but Meng won’t even sell THAT, and he gives Mongo a superkick. The wild men hit double headbutts, and Barbarian comes in to work Mongo over. A scoop slam brings in Meng, but Mongo chases him off with a dropkick. And since he figures it worked once, he tries again, but Meng swats his legs like a fly and slams him. A senton backsplash misses, and Benoit gets the tag. He lays in the chops, forgetting Meng is basically made out of cement. He rushes the ropes while Barbarian blindly tags in, and winds up getting backdropped into the arms of Barbarian who powerbombs him for 2! Since Benoit is mortal (oops sorry), Meng chops him down and Benoit howls. Chris is placed on the top rope, but he manages to fight off Barbarian. He stands to do something, so Meng casually walks over and crotches him once again. Hah! Barbarian throws Benoit about 800 feet with a superplex, getting 2. Honest to god, any harder, and Benoit would have hit the opposite turnbuckle. Both of the Fear go up top, and hit the double swandives, and only Mongo can save the pin. This is a full on massacre. Barbarian picks up Benoit with a vertical suplex, and Meng is RIGHT behind with a big splash as soon as he hits the canvas, but Mongo pulls Benoit out of the ring to safety. Meng gets in there, but Mongo has the Haliburton and smacks Meng square in the face. Benoit rushes upstairs, hitting the swandive, and scoring the upset pin at 9:55. ***1/2
The Dungeon rushes in immediately, and storm the Horsemen. Benoit tries to stand tall, while Mongo is killed with a spike piledriver from Barbarian. Benoit somehow manages to fight off everyone, while Sullivan beats Mongo over the head with the Haliburton. Benoit is finally subdued, and is given a spinebuster from Bubba. Woman screams at Kevin to stop, but Hart screams if she’d called Kevin on Friday like she was supposed to this wouldn’t be happening. Sullivan reminds Woman “I’m the man, not him”. Why on EARTH would Woman have called Sullivan on Friday? Actually, forget I asked, I don’t actually want to know, and hopefully this will never be mentioned on TV again. (Spoiler: This will be mentioned again)
Back in the crowd, TED DIBIASE and VINCENT promise there’s nothing Harlem Heat can do to stop the Outsiders from taking the tag-team titles.
THE OUTSIDERS vs. HARLEM HEAT (with Colonel Robert Parker and Sista Sherri) (for the WCW world tag-team titles)
It would appear, on the surface, that it’s a little unfair for Harlem Heat to have had to wrestle about 45 times in the weeks leading up to the pay-per-view, but Hall and Nash DID have to do battle with the Starbuck Twins, so it evens out. And no, Sherri isn’t wearing a Halloween costume, that’s her regular look.
The fans are solidly behind WCW here. Just kidding, nobody’s cheering for that pack of losers at this point, as the roof just about blows off for Hall and Nash. They steal the tag-team titles and pose with the belts, to a loud pop. Booker starts with Scott Hall, who throws his toothpick in Booker’s face. Booker responds with an armdrag. Them’s tough words, Book. Harlem sidekick drops Hall, but he simply looks annoyed. A couple of big right hands turn the tide. Booker applies a hammerlock, but Hall quickly reverses. Booker elbows Hall in the face, and tosses him to the outside. It’s not a DQ, apparently, because it was “momentum”. Stevie Ray bumrushes Hall with a clothesline, and Parker threatens his CANE. Back in, Hall spits in Stevie’s face. Oh no he DIDN’T. Before facing retribution, in comes Nash. He throws his high knees in the corner, and finishes with a back elbow. Stevie explodes out of the corner with a clothesline, spits in Hall’s face, and slams Nash on the buckle. Booker comes in with an axe kick, getting 2. Nash comes back with a sidewalk slam on Stevie, and tags in Hall. A second rope bulldog gets a close 2. Booker tags in with a flying jalapeno, scoring 2. The Colonel was so sure that was it, he’s forced to mop his brow. Of course, he also mops his brow anytime it’s not a close count, any time the fans cheer, any time Stevie Ray stands on the apron, and any time Glacier is mentioned. Which he hasn’t been in awhile, I’m concerned. Now that he’s come, has he ceased coming? Meanwhile, Nash has levelled Booker with a big boot. Hall comes in with a uranage, but Stevie saves at 2. Booker tries another flying forearm, but Hall catches him in mid-air and hits a fallaway slam. Sherri pounces up on the apron and slaps Hall, who responds by shoving his tongue down her throat. Booker explodes in a fit of jealousy with a spinning heel kick, while the Colonel is so angry he can’t even mop his brow! The fans are disgusted by these actions, and show it by chanting “RAZOR” in unison. Booker gets locked in a sleeper, but he manages to shove off and apply one of his own to MASSIVE heel heat. Hall escapes by crotching Booker on the top rope. Dusty: “You’re nuts if you think that didn’t hurt!” Well played. After a collision, Booker is able to make the tag, and Stevie’s got some hurtin’ for the cracka ass suckas. Hall is gorilla press slammed INTO Nash in a nice spot. Booker sends Nash to the outside with a clothesline, and heads up to hit the Harlem Hangover on Hall! However the referee is tied up chasing Booker out, which the Colonel uses as his chance to hit the ring, only to wind up in the meaty hands of Nash. Colonel hands over the cane to save his own hide, and Nash beats Stevie down with the can that won them so many matches, allowing Hall to score the pin and claim the tag-team titles at 13:10. This was so much better than it had any business being (and far better than I remember it being). **1/2
WCW World War 3! Watch for it on Video Cassette! What the hell is a Video Cassette?
Back in the nWo section, HOLLYWOOD HOGAN is dressed in a ridiculous blonde spiked hairdo. And with the main event to come, Hogan’s so focused that he needs to stop to talk about the Three Ninjas movie he just filmed, along with Santa With Muscles that comes out at Christmas. I’m thinking neither of these are worth bragging about.
HOLLYWOOD HOGAN (with The Giant, Ted DiBiase, and Vincent) vs. RANDY SAVAGE (for the WCW world heavyweight title)
Tony announces that the Outsiders were escorted out of the building because apparently they got into an altercation with Doug Dillinger. Wait wait wait, all you have to do to get rid of the nWo is to ESCORT THEM OUT? Why didn’t anyone try this back on Memorial Day, 6 months ago?!? And I’m sorry, Hogan looks preposterous.
Buffer kills me by introducing Savage as one of wrestling’s “classiest stars”. The man is a LUNATIC, classy he ain’t. Macho also brings a Monster Truck with him, because that’s what we do in 1996. Sadly, it’s not 1995, because it would be on the roof. I’m shocked he doesn’t have his own sponsored race car. Savage demands the goons leave, and the referee appeases him by throwing the nWo out. Off the bell, Hogan immediately takes a powder, and orders “fatso” in the front row to sit in his seat. The fans root for Macho here, so at least one member of the nWo is still drawing heat. During the 4 hour stall-fest, Tony turns his attention to talking about the fact that a replica monster truck was given to a fan in attendance. Hogan finally puts on a headlock, and follows up by rolling out of the ring again. We are now 5 minutes into this match, and literally nothing has happened. They opt to start with a test of strength, but Hogan’s a SCOUNDREL and rakes the back of Savage’s head, and screams “YOU AIN’T NOTHING!” Savage gets his head slammed to the buckle, and Hogan hits a clothesline, which gives Hogan a chance to stomp around the ring like a sumo wrestler. Savage gets in his first offense at the 8 minute mark, by throwing a couple of punches and hitting an axehandle. He steals Hogan’s glasses, and WEARS THEM! What a move! Hogan gets down on his knees and apologizes, but Savage kicks him in the sternum, ripping off the wig. OH MY GOD, HOGAN’S BALD! Of course, the announcers can’t say this since it’s in Hogan’s contract as a great big no, so Tony says “there’s the hairdo we’re used to!” Hogan bails, but Savage chases him up the aisle and shoves the wig down Hogan’s throat. Randy grabs a chair and smacks Hogan in the face, which would draw a DQ most of the time but apparently the rules are relaxed tonight. Party like it’s mid-2000, WCW! Hogan somehow comes back in here and throws Slim Jims at Savage. A chairshot drops Randy, and Hogan starts dancing again. Hogan crotches Savage on the guardrail, and kisses him on the head. Of course, the kisses make ELIZABETH jealous, who bounces down to ringside. The distraction in the ring allows Savage to schoolboy Hogan for 2. Savage grabs the tights again and Hogan’s bare ass is on display. Well, not completely bare, he’s wearing a gold thong like he’s Jason Giambi stuck in a slump. Hogan hits the floor once again, and hides behind Liz. Back in the ring, Savage hits Hogan with a knee, which gives Hogan a chance to hit the floor AGAIN. Can we stay in the ring for more than 30 seconds at a time? Hogan hides behind Liz, because this is deja vous, and shoves her into Randy before clotheslining him. Back in, Hogan hits the big boot, but Liz hits the ring to protect Savage from the legdrop. Hogan gently picks her up by the chin and orders her to watch herself, reminding her that she works for him. Then he goes for the legdrop, but misses. Hogan grabs a foreign object, but Liz steals it. Hogan freaks out, and clotheslines the referee. That draws NICK PATRICK down to ringside, along with MARK CURTIS. Savage kicks Hogan in the teeth, and heads to the top rope while Curtis helps the fallen ref to the back. Patrick hits the ring as Savage hits the elbow, counting 2 before his shoulder goes out. Savage rips off Patrick’s neckbrace, and beats him down. Hogan grabs the foreign object, but Savage takes it away and hits Hogan in the head. He goes up for a second elbow, but DiBiase grabs Savage’s leg to stop it. The Giant re-joins us at ringside, and gives Savage the Chokeslam on the floor. Savage is rolled in, and Hogan is placed on top, just in time for Patrick to make the count at 18:39. Just … wow. –**
The Giant lumbers to the back, re-emerging with a bucket of ice water. It’s used to revive Hogan, as well as complete his end of the ALS challenge. Hogan brags that he’s the king of Hollywood, and complains about how bored he is. Tony goes to sign off, but suddenly bagpipes fire up, and everyone knows what’s coming next, as RODDY PIPER walks out! Hogan’s eyes about pop out of his head upon seeing him. They share an uncomfortable hello, before Piper explains why he’s here. If Hogan’s bored, he’s here to break up the monotony. Hogan apologizes to Piper, saying that he didn’t create wrestling alone, Piper was there with him. Piper says he’s not here to represent WCW, he’s here to deliver a reality check. He says he’s just as big a star as Hogan, and just as big a movie star. (I’m willing to bet he believes that, too.) Piper runs down his resume. Hogan senses that time is running out, and tries to cut Piper off, but Piper has no sense of the time and won’t stop rambling. Hogan tries for a second time to bury the hatchet, but Piper said he doesn’t want to hear it yet, because he’s still got more bragging about his resume. We talk Wrestlemania (was that a WCW event?), and he finally makes his point that he’s the only guy Hogan’s never been able to beat. Piper demands Hogan admit that the fans made him. Hogan, for the third time, admits that Piper’s just as big a star. Piper tells him to straighten up. Just as he’s leaving, Hogan throws in a joke about the kilt, and reminds Piper that he’s messing with the nWo now. Tony wraps the show up at this point, even though Piper’s still carrying on like a mad-man, because time ran out about 5 minutes ago with the pay-per-view carriers.
Crazy or not, Piper’s exactly what WCW needs – leadership. Let’s see how they follow through on Nitro.