Great American Bash 1999

Great
American Bash 1999

Date:
June 13, 1999
Location: Baltimore Arena, Baltimore,
Maryland
Attendance: 11,672
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Bobby
Heenan, Mike Tenay 
Reviewed by Tommy Hall 
To
say this show doesn’t sound thrilling is an understatement. We’ve
spent weeks getting ready for Nash vs. Savage with antics ranging
from makeup to human waste to attempted murder. Other than that we
have Rick Steiner no selling against Sting for the TV Title and more
of the mess that is the Tag Team Title scene. Let’s get to it.

Master P. and the No
Limit Soldiers arrive. Curt Hennig pops up and says how much he
loves him and asks how much he loves him. P. signs a CD for him
(which one of his guys just had in his pocket) and Hennig breaks it.
The Soldiers all start jumping up and down and shoulding what sounds
like “Hoody who” in high pitched voices. This is a southern
promotion for a show in a southern city and they expect Hennig to be
booed here?
The opening recap video
shows us a stupid Savage vs. Nash feud.
Tony
and the announcers explain who Master P. is and call him the biggest
entertainer of our time. We hear about the main event as well.
We
recap most of the matches on the card. Well at least it cuts into
the main event time. They even go back and cover the hardcore match
twice.
Hak vs. Brian Knobs
I
sit corrected: this is a kendo stick match and Knobs is officially
part of the First Family. So why did he say he had to think about
it? Tony calls this a kendo stick hardcore match because they can’t
even keep their stupid gimmicks straight through a single entrance.
Brian has promised Mrs. Nasty a birthday win today so let’s get rid
of the sticks and have a real hardcore match. So in the span of 90
seconds we’ve gone from kendo stick to kendo stick hardcore to
hardcore. I know it doesn’t matter but it sounds like WCW has no
idea what they’re doing.
Brian
wants to throw away the weapons but Jimmy throws him a trashcan for a
cheap shot. Knobs hits him in the head with a trashcan lid and
there’s the Pit Stop. Hak stops a charge with two boots to the face
and blasts Knobs with the trashcan. It’s ladder time but Knobs comes
back with a trashcan shot of his own. He gets decked by the ladder
though and Hak hits a slingshot….something onto the ladder onto
Knobs.
Hak gets thrown into
the ladder in the corner and a few more ladder shots put him down.
The advantage only lasts a few seconds as you would expect but Hak’s
Swanton only hits ladder. Jimmy holds up a chair but Hak sends him
face first into the steel, setting up a kendo stick shot for the pin.
Rating:
F.
We waited thirteen minutes for the matches to start and this is the
best they can give us? The only positive about this is the match
wasn’t even six minutes long, which is way better than the usual
lengths that we have to sit through. It’s still bad though and I’m
tired of seeing these disasters.
Hugh Morrus comes out
and helps beat down Knobs.
Piper
is in the back when Buff comes up to thank him for giving him the
ball. He has a big match tonight (against Disco Inferno) and
promises to have Piper’s back tonight against Flair. Buff leaves and
Piper mutters about stupid kids. Lines like that defeat the purpose
of Piper as the mentor to the young guys. He should be thrilled with
where the future is going instead of being annoyed with them for
saying they’ll have his back. Also, is a match with Disco Inferno
“getting the ball” when you had a US Title match last month?
Mikey Whipwreck vs.
Van Hammer
Bonus match. Mikey
gets shoved down a few times but comes back with some armdrags.
Hammer chokes him to take over and drives a knee into Mikey’s ribs.
A middle rope slam sends Mikey flying as the fans think this is
boring. Hammer gets two off a delayed vertical suplex and a legdrop
before we hit the abdominal stretch. Nick Patrick finally catches
him holding the ropes so Hammer throws Mikey to the floor. Mikey
goes throat first over the barricade but he comes back with a legdrop
to the back of the head and a plancha. Back in and Hammer catches
him in a spinebuster, setting up a cobra clutch slam for the pin.
Rating:
D-.
Somehow that was eight and a half minutes long. To recap, we can’t
get Booker T. on this show but there’s time for Mikey Whipwreck vs.
Van Hammer. Mikey is one of those hires that never made sense. He
won like two matches in his six months with the company, even though
WCW knew he was banged up when they got him. Eh whatever you can do
to screw with ECW I guess.
Disco Inferno vs.
Buff Bagwell
In
case you didn’t get enough of it on Nitro I guess. They start fast
for a change by trading kicks to the ribs until Disco grabs a
neckbreaker to send him outside. Back in and Buff kicks him in the
ribs a few times, setting up a swinging neckbreaker of his own. Buff
cranks on an armbar and starts a DISCO SUCKS chant. An early
Blockbuster attempt sends Disco running to the floor and Buff says it
was that close.
Back
in and Bagwell flips him off (some hero) so Disco nails him with a
Stun Gun to take over. Disco chokes on the ropes so Tony
congratulates all the recent high school graduates in the country.
Ok then. More slow stomping in the corner from Inferno followed by a
dancing middle rope elbow for two. Disco goes up for the same spot
but Buff moves (that might have been some miscommunication as Tony
made a big deal about Bagwell not moving the first time) and starts
his comeback.
Some
right hands look to set up the Blockbuster but Buff takes too long
and gets crotched. They head outside and Disco hits the Last Dance,
only to take too long dancing to allow Bagwell to beat the count.
Back in and the Macarena Driver (exactly what it sounds like) is
countered with a backdrop. Buff hits some really basic stuff and
goes up for the Blockbuster. Disco ducks away but Bagwell doesn’t
bite and hits the Blockbuster for the pin. Nice little callback
there.
Rating:
D+.
Of all the guys that WCW never pulled the trigger on, Bagwell might
surprise me more than anyone else. He was young (29 here), an eight
year veteran, had a great look and a good finisher, yet he never won
a singles title in WCW. That’s not even factoring in the whole
broken neck story. He’s a good example of a guy that could have been
something but instead we’re stuck with the Steiners as the midcard
champions and Nash vs. Savage for the World Title. Bagwell never
would have carried the company or anything, but there’s no reason he
couldn’t have gotten the US or TV Titles a few times.
We
recap the battle of the musics. Again, WCW was stupid enough to
think that the country boys would be the heels in this story.
DJ
Ran wastes our time and brings in Master P. and the No Limit
Soldiers.
Curt Hennig/Bobby
Duncum Jr. vs. Rey Mysterio Jr./Konnan
Tenay
actually picks rap. We also get the debut of Rap Is Crap as the
cowboys’ theme song. I have no idea why A, Mysterio is Cruiserweight
Champion is he never defends the thing and B, why he and Konnan come
out wearing gas masks. Tenay tries and fails at getting me to care
about Master P. The rappers jump Hennig for talking trash about
Master P. and the cowboys are quickly dispatched. P. gets in a cheap
shot to the back of Curt’s head because that’s what good guys down.
We
get down to an actual match with Mysterio dropkicking Hennig to the
floor and nailing a plancha but diving into a backbreaker from
Duncum. A big powerbomb plants Rey again and Hennig slams him down
as well. Rey takes the Bret Hart chest bump into the corner and the
cowboys keep things slow. The referee misses the hot tag to Konnan
and takes him to the floor, allowing Bobby to send Mysterio hard into
the barricade.
Back
in and Curt hits a perfect dropkick to Rey’s jaw and spits at Konnan
to draw him in. Bobby crotches him against the post and Rey is in
big trouble. Hennig does a Rude hip swivel and it’s quickly back to
Duncum. Rey crawls through the legs and tags Konnan which the
referee sees but “he didn’t see it” so it doesn’t count.
Hennig
gets two off a suplex but Rey moonsaults over him and scores with a
dropkick. Now the hot tag brings in Konnan as everything breaks
down. There’s the Bronco Buster to Curt and he fights with Konnan on
the floor. Cue Barry Windham to nail Konnan but Master P.’s
bodyguard Swoll jumps the barricade and nails Duncum, setting up a
slingshot legdrop for the pin.
Rating:
D+.
This was pretty dull and the ending was messier than it needed to be.
The idea doesn’t work either as the country boys are far more
popular with WCW’s fan base but we’re supposed to cheer for rappers
who jump up and down and shout HOODY WHO for some reason. But hey,
at least Master P. is on the show right?
The
cowboys destroy the rappers post match.
The
announcers talk about what we just saw and we look at a replay of it
to waste even more time.
Cat
vs. Scott Norton
Sonny
has a briefcase with him. Actually scratch Norton as Horace comes
out to complain about getting hit with the crowbar on Thursday. Time
for a replacement.
Cat vs. Horace Hogan
Horace
says Miller couldn’t even beat himself and the fight is on. Cat gets
beaten down in the corner and choked with a boot before they head
outside. That goes nowhere so Miller kicks him in the face back
inside. Miller slams him down and throws Horace outside for some
kicks from Sonny. Back in and Horace hits a slam of his own and
drops an elbow for two. A splash gets two more but Sonny gets up on
the apron for a distraction. Horace sees through it and backdrops
Miller to the floor. In the confusion, Miller gets his sparkly red
shoe from the briefcase and kicks Horace senseless for the pin.
Rating:
D-.
Oh come on man I already had to sit through this on Thunder. Isn’t
that enough for WCW? I knew things were going to get bad around this
time but no one told me I was going to have to sit through this match
twice in four days. Miller needs to turn face soon and Horace needs
to turn to another career.
We
recap Piper vs. Flair. Piper is old, Flair is crazy (actually just
more evil than anything else) and they’re fighting for control of the
company.
Roddy Piper vs. Ric
Flair
Flair
has Asya and Arn with him. They trade chops to start and Piper takes
over with some lefts to the face. We get a delayed Flair Flop and
Ric begs off in the corner. The slowest backslide this side of the
last Piper match gets two and Flair gets punched to the floor. Back
in and Piper bites Flair’s nose, followed by even more of his weird
punches. Ric finally gets in a low blow to get a breather and things
slow down even more. Anderson gets in a shot on the floor and Asya
adds a rake of the eyes.
There’s
another low blow from Flair but a sunset flip sends his trunks down
as usual. Ric gets slammed off the top and Piper nails Anderson for
bad measure. I can’t say there’s anything good, even a measure, in
this match. Back in and Roddy puts on a sleeper but Flair quickly
breaks it. Anderson trips up Roddy so Flair can nail Piper with a
foreign object. Piper is up at two but there’s the Figure Four.
Bagwell comes out to break up Anderson’s interference and goes in,
drawing the DQ.
Rating:
F.
Gah. Seriously just gah. This was another mess with Flair having to
work down to Piper’s level and Piper just being awful. I have no
idea why WCW insists on keeping Piper out there when the fans don’t
care and the stories go on and on. Piper and Flair had a great feud
seventeen years ago. We really don’t need to see it again here and
this match is good proof of why.
Post
match Piper nails Bagwell, making this whole feud TOTALLY POINTLESS.
Bagwell gets whipped with a belt for good measure. So yeah, Piper is
in league with Flair and Anderson, presumably for daring to challenge
the status quo.
DJ
Ran. Again.
We recap Sting vs. Rick
Steiner who are fighting…..actually I have no idea why they’re
fighting. My best guess is Goldberg is out making a movie though.
Sting vs. Rick
Steiner
This
is hardcore and non-title for no apparent reason. Sting scores with
an early clothesline and they head outside to start brawling. That’s
a bit too boring though so they head inside where Rick nails some
forearms to the back. A pair of atomic drops don’t have much effect
on Steiner and they head outside again. Tony says there must be a
winner.
Steiner
hits Sting with a chair and then a beer. Sting comes back but the
Stinger Splash hits the barricade. A piledriver on the exposed
concrete gets two and somehow doesn’t break Sting’s neck. Back in
and Rick gets two more off a release German suplex, followed by the
chinlock. Rick cannonballs down onto Sting’s back and gets two off
an elbow drop. Sting finally gets his knees up to crotch Rick and
some Vader Bombs actually keep him down.
The top rope splash
connects for two and Sting is all fired up. He nails the Stinger
Splash and puts on the Deathlock but Rick crawls under the ropes.
They fight to the internet location and into the back where Tank
Abbot is waiting…..with two dobermans and a rottweiler who attack
Sting. They take Sting down as security runs in like a bad shot from
an action movie. Rick is declared the winner as the fans just rip
this apart.
Rating:
F-.
Three dogs. Three dogs. THREE DOGS. Next. Please.
The
Steiners say Rick pinned Sting off camera because WCW was too scared
to air it. They own WCW, Baltimore sucks, etc.
We recap the Triad
against Saturn/Benoit. The easiest version: Kanyon was in league
with the Jersey boys the whole time but Benoit and Saturn beat Kanyon
and Page for the titles on Thunder.
Tag Team Titles:
Chris Benoit/Saturn vs. Kanyon/Diamond Dallas Page
The
announcers are joking about pyro after Sting WAS NEARLY MAULED BY
DOGS. That’s a long running problem with commentators: they have the
attention span of drunken gnats. Someone must get in their ear as
they start talking about how terrifying a moment it was but assure us
that Sting was dragged away from the dogs. Benoit runs Kanyon over
to start and Page isn’t pleased. The champs clear the ring with
clotheslines and Benoit stands…..well not very tall actually.
It’s
off to Page vs. Saturn with DDP taking a few slams. Everything
breaks down again and the champions easily dispatch the Jersey boys.
That’s not enough for them though as they go outside to beat up
Bigelow before snapping off overhead belly to bellies on Page and
Kanyon. Bigelow trips Benoit to the floor and sends him into the
barricade to get the first advantage. Kanyon gets two off a middle
rope Fameasser and Benoit is in trouble. Back to Page whose
powerbomb is countered into a sunset flip but Benoit gets kicked
right back down.
The
helicopter bomb gets two on Benoit and it’s back to Kanyon, but he
misses a moonsault. The hot tag brings in Saturn for a frog splash
on Page. Saturn hammers on Page in the corner but Kanyon takes him
down with an electric chair faceplant for two. Things settle back
down with the challengers hitting a nice sequence into a Russian
legsweep from Kanyon and an elbow drop from Page. Saturn grabs a
sunset flip but Kanyon tags out on the way down and holds Saturn’s
head so Page can come in off the top for the save.
Back
to Kanyon for a front facelock into a swinging neckbreaker. A sitout
Dominator from Kanyon gives Page two but he misses a charge into the
corner. It’s finally enough for the second hot tag to bring in
Benoit for some much needed house cleaning. Kanyon takes the Rolling
Germans for two but Page makes the save.
We get the old school
dragon suplex for a VERY close two and Benoit hits the Swan Dive,
only to have Saturn dive into the Diamond Cutter. Cue Dean Malenko
to try and help Saturn back in but the distraction lets Bigelow come
in to lift Benoit up for a super Diamond Cutter. Kanyon’s
unconscious body is put on top for the pin and the titles.
Rating:
B-.
I’m so glad they gave us that three day reign before the Triad got
the belts back. As usual the (mostly) old guys get the win and the
titles while the (mostly) young generation is laid out. In theory
this sets up a six man at least which should be good, but knowing WCW
it leads to Benoit, Saturn and Malenko jobbing for months.
Dean gets laid out too.
We
recap Savage vs. Nash. Savage wanted a title shot so he put lipstick
on Nash’s face, called him a stupid person and tried to have him
crushed with a Hummer. Don’t you see the logical progression of
events?
WCW World Title:
Kevin Nash vs. Randy Savage
Nash
is defending and powers Savage into the corner to start, showing
absolutely no injuries from being crushed by a Hummer six days
earlier. Wait scratch that as he winces a bit after a clothesline in
the corner. The impact is kind of lost though when he picks Savage
up for a side slam three seconds later.
Randy starts going
after the ribs and knocks Nash to the floor so the girls can get in
shots of their own. Back in and Savage drops the big elbow for two.
Nash comes back with Snake Eyes followed by a big boot and the strap
comes down. The girls all interfere and get dispatched but SID
VICIOUS runs in and attacks Nash for the DQ.
Rating:
F.
The main event of a pay per view didn’t even make it seven and a half
minutes. Actually that’s a bit better than the alternative of
watching these two fight any longer as it’s clear that Savage has
nothing left in the ring. Sid interfering was a big surprise as he
hadn’t been seen in a major wrestling company (unless you count ECW)
since 1997. Nash not selling the ribs for the opening part of the
match brought it down but you can’t expect Nash to sell and toss his
hair at the same time.
Overall
Rating:
F.
If I’ve ever seen a less interesting or worse show, I can’t recall it
off the top of my head. There was one good match, three matches that
should have been on Nitro or Thunder (one of which was) and Sting
being attacked by dogs. Say that out loud and see if you think it’s
stupid. Couple that with the horrible main event and there isn’t
much to feel good about.
The
problem here is much more than the wrestling being bad. This show
died because there’s nothing interesting going on. Nothing on here
makes me want to tune in to see what’s coming. It’s all the old guys
dominating and the young guys getting beaten down. In theory that
should set up a good story, but I have no faith in WCW to pull that
off. Hogan’s return looms over everything too and that might make
things even worse. I’m not sure how, but it could. This was one of
the worst shows I’ve ever seen and I didn’t see much hope.
Remember to check out my website at kbwrestlingreviews.com and head over to my Amazon author page with wrestling books for under $4 at:
http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6