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The SmarK Rant for Monday Night RAW–08.14.95

The SmarK Rant for Monday Night RAW – 08.14.95 So we’re BACK, as three new episodes have finally been added and I’ve wrapped up Nitro for 1995, and now it’s back to RAW again for a while. Ad roulette day 2: Just a WWE logo again. Double or nothing tomorrow! God, after watching the refreshingly raw (OH THE IRONY!) and messy production of Nitro for a few weeks, switching back to the antiseptic and overly glossed WWF product is pretty jarring. Thankfully November would bring a bit of a kick in the ass to Vince’s dated production values thanks to a concussion angle, but that’s a long ways away yet. For the moment, Gorilla Monsoon is the new WWF President and we’re building to Summerslam 95. Live from Worcester, MA. Nice looking smaller arena, actually. Your hosts are Vince McMahon & Ted Dibiase Doink the Clown v. Waylon Mercy Of all people you’d think Doink would be the one not to fall for a fake handshake, and indeed he takes Mercy down with armdrags. Mercy bails and lures Doink into a charge that goes badly, but Doink stomps away on him back in the ring. Mercy with a lariat and he finishes with the CRAZY EYED SLEEPER at 3:03, complete with “Kill the Clown” chant from the smarky crowd and giant face pop. ½* Yeah, it was 1995, everyone thought they were ECW for some reason. Meanwhile, somewhere in Hollywood, Goldust cuts his introductory promo. And it’s LONG. He really took a few months to fully nail down the character. Meltzer pretty much called this one a career-killer in the Observer for the week. Meanwhile, Henry Godwinn comes out against the format sheet and slops Ted Dibiase, thus ending his brief association with the Corporation. So this gives us Dok Hendrix on commentary for the rest of the episode. The Smoking Gunns v. Bill Garrett & Cody Wade Garrett has some sort of train-related graphics airbrushed onto his ample tights, but before I can even question the reasoning behind one jobber having “Engine” and the other “Caboose” on their gear, the Gunns finish the skinny one with the Sidewinder at 1:30. Would you REALLY want to be the guy who is the Caboose? Meanwhile, Dean Douglas critiques Bret Hart and instead of anything meaningful he makes a bunch of semantic arguments about how Bret doesn’t hook a jobber’s leg and so he can’t really be “excellence” or some such. So basically he’s the heel equivalent of the grammar Nazis on the internet. Hunter Hearst Helmsley v. Jeff Hardy Your future WWE title main event feud! Someone on WWE.com or YouTube (Hi guys!) should do a list of future main events that previously happened as squashes or at least in vastly different forms. Jeffrey controls with a dropkick, but whiffs on the Whisper dive and gets stomped down in the corner. Pedigree finishes at 2:00. Summerslam Insider with Todd. Henry Godwinn v. Russ Greenberg So Godwinn is supposed to be a babyface now, but fans still don’t give a shit about him. Choking, big bot, and Slop Drop finishes at 0:30. And then the poor jobber gets slopped because it’s apparently HILARIOUS. Meanwhile, Isaac Yankem drills some teeth, and apparently he’s going to do the same to Bret Hart or something. I already miss Nitro. Jerry Lawler v. Shawn Michaels But first, Barry shills a sheet of WWF-branded Pogs while the Kid and Savio Vega pretend to play with them in the background. And all of this is brought to you by Stridex! So blame them. Is it seriously any wonder that Nitro started destroying them in short order? This match was actually the best-built thing they had going for weeks because both guys can talk and people care about them. Shawn clowns around and dodges Lawler’s offense (“Here’s a whopper for ya!”) then escapes a piledriver and slugs away while Sid joins us at ringside. This allows Lawler to take over and dump Shawn, and we take a break. Back with Lawler in control via a suplex and a DDT, but he goes up and misses by a mile. Shawn makes the comeback and drops the big elbow, and the superkick sends Sid running in for the DQ at 7:00 or so. The Network was crashing like crazy tonight so my time might be off. Sid proceeds with the beatdown, but Razor makes the save and gets into a big snit with Shawn over possession of the IC belt to wrap up the show. ** Next week: Undertaker v. Tatanka!