The PG Era Rant for Raw, 10.6.14

The PG Era Rant for Raw, October 6,
2014.
I didn’t get back in time to watch the
Pre-Show, so we’re flying blind. However, the live look-in says
we’ll hear from Roman Reigns, and that Seth Rollins wants to start
Raw.
Live from Brooklyn, NY.
Your hosts are Cole, Lawler, and JBL.
A look back at Ambrose pirating (not
stealing) the Money in the Bank briefcase and everything else.

And as promised, here’s Rollins, and
he’s MAD. “You think that’s funny, huh?” “YES!” But
Rollins show he got even at the end of the night. Seth says he’s
patient, but embarrassing him crossed the line. But before he can go
on too much of a rant, Noble and Mercury get his attention and tell
him something. They want him out of the ring. Rollins isn’t worried
– he knows he’s a marked man and loves it. Everyone wants to take
out Rollins – especially Ambrose and…
…John Cena, who skips the music and
just runs Rollins off. But Rollins takes time to taunt, and Ambrose
walks up right behind him. The two trap Rollins, and Cena yanks
Rollins only for Ambrose to dive on both men. The Stooges allow
Rollins to run away before anything serious happens to him. Crowd is
undisputably on Ambrose’s side.
And now, the Authority come out.
Enough with the chaos, Stephanie says. Egos are overriding brains,
and after SmackDown, it’s clear the two of them aren’t working
together. But they both want Rollins. And hey, the Authority’s all
about opportunity, and Rollins wants it, and the crowd CLEARLY wants
it (as the Authority inexplicably plays to the crowd)…
…it’s happening tonight! But Rollins
will have Kane and Orton as tag partners. “Careful what you wish
for, boys.”
We get a look back at Flag-gate. Big
Show is de-activated tonight.
Important note: Michael Cole noted
that Cena overreacted and ruined the tag match on SmackDown.
Goldust & Stardust &
Cesaro v. Dolph Ziggler & Jimmy Uso & Jey Uso.

An inset promo shows the Usos imitating the Dusts. “Bros before
weirdos.” Goldust rushes in and starts the melee, which ends with
Stardust alone in the ring. One of the Usos gets tossed into the
stairs and appears to have dislocated his shoulder (Jey). Jey is,
for some reason legal, but Stardust misses a charge. He recovers
with a kneelift and slam as the crowd demands Ziggler. Choking in
the ropes, and Goldust is in. He wins a slugfest, but Jey with a
crossbody only for Cesaro to tag himself in. Uppercut to Jey, and he
boxes in the corner. Jey escapes to bring Jimmy in, and it’s a
leaping clothesline and some chops. Cesaro reverses and chops
harder. Hammer Throw gets Cesaro seated, and the Rikishi Hip Check
follows. Cesaro recovers quickly to corner Jimmy, and all six men go
at it. Cesaro sends Dolph into the steps and the heels stand tall as
we go to break.
So
far, this match is kind of disjointed. But the hot tag to Ziggler’s
going to blow the roof off the place. Plenty of time to recover,
too.
Gold/Star/Cesaro v.
Dolph/Jimmy/Jey, part two
.
Stardust works over Jimmy with an abdominal stretch. Jimmy
hiptosses out, but Stardust gets a high kick from his back and brings
in Cesaro. Cesaro does Dolph’s heart attack elbow for two. Cesaro
with a hesitation dropkick for two. Cobra clutch by Cesaro as the
crowd wants Dolph to get in. Cesaro gets cradled out of nowhere for
two. Goldust in, and he gets a front elbow for two. He stands on
Jimmy’s head before stomping it, but that wakes Jimmy up and he gets
a Dragon Whip. Hot tag Dolph, and Cesaro eats Stinger Splash and
Rude Awakening. Tilt-a-whirl sleeper by Dolph gets Cesaro in trouble
(with overselling by Cole), but Cesaro sends Dolph into the corner.
Uppercut misses, Rocker Dropper gets two. The Usos dive onto the
Dusts, but Cesaro uppercuts Dolph for two. Cesaro disposes of Jey,
and Dolph with a cradle for two. Stardust tags himself in and gets
Cross Rhodes for two. Another Uso hits the stairs off-camera. Dolph
cuts off Stardust, and the Usos help Dolph eat a triple superkick.
Superuso Splash ends it at 12:14. Hot finishing sequence. **1/2
Cena
was on the Today Show earlier today; they will return the favor
tonight.
I
have a feeling this segment will set the universe’s opinion of
wrestling fans back 15 years.
So
here come Kathie Lee Gifford and Hoda Kotb, your special guests
tonight – as part of the Exotic Express. And wearing Ric Flair
robes. As Rose is dressed like Hugh Hefner. And OF COURSE there’s
wine in the ring. As soon as Rose leaves and the girls get the mic,
the boos begin. Kathie turns it around with a cheap pop or two.
It’s a toast to Raw as they’ve begun drinking already. Crowd resumes
booing. Hoda and Kathie say they need to behave on the Today Show…
but not tonight, as Hoda goes full Brie Mode. Kathie breaking the
bottle of wine over Hoda’s rear end – and Hoda returning the favor
– um, happened. Thankfully, Rose still gets some cheers for his
routine. The ladies do Rose’s stage dive and we’re out.
Luke
Harper is on his own. Be scared.
Well,
small favors. They only booed it.
Bo Dallas v. Mark Henry.
Pre-match video shows Henry is in a bad mood. Henry goes
a-clubbering to Dallas and chokes him on the middle rope. Straight
right hand and Henry crushes him in the corner. More clubs to the
back. Dallas wisely bails on an Irish Whip, but Henry follows and
sends him into the table, then the post. Henry whips Dallas upside
down into the barricade and clears the table. He goes for the
World’s Strongest Slam, but Dallas escapes and races back into the
ring to beat the count at 1:54. Who’s supposed to get over from this
match?
I
know I am Real American and have been since I started this review,
but seriously, whom did Jack Swagger get on the wrong side of?
SmackDown
XV this Friday!
Back
to the top.
And
Dean Ambrose is back out. The crowd looks livelier than it sounds.
Ambrose is upset that John Cena is getting in his way. They’re
teaming tonight, like they SHOULD have teamed on Friday, but Cena
abandoned Ambrose to chase Rollins. Ambrose has just about had it
with Cena, and he wants Cena out so they can hash it out. “Please,
John, indulge me with your presence!”
Crowd
sings “JOHN CENA SUCKS” in tune with Cena’s music as Cena calmly
walks to the ring. Cena brings up Ambrose’s dive onto everyone from
earlier, but he says everyone understands everyone’s actions, so
there’s nothing to talk about. Ambrose says, yeah, I care more about
Rollins than you – we don’t care about each other – but neither
one cares about anyone’s opinion. So can they coexist? Not that
Ambrose cares – he’ll drop Cena and fight the Authority alone.
Cena reminds Ambrose about how poorly that went last time.
Cena
then changes tone – he says Ambrose has guts. He says and does
whatever he wants, but there are consequences. Cena has no problem
dropping Ambrose either. Both men want to avoid not liking the
other. Ambrose changes the subject: he’s hungry. He feels like
going to Coney and skipping out on the match. So he drops the mic
and walks out.
A
bit of a big deal here: the announcers are sympathizing with Dean
Ambrose walking out. They do think John Cena has this coming.
Moments
Ago.
We
see Dean Ambrose leaving Raw on the Q Train.
HHH
mocks John Cena backstage. “Kids nowadays, huh?” HHH tries to
blame Ambrose to Cena, acting like Ambrose is an ingrate. It’s now
3-on-1, apparently. Cena, though, knows he’s trying to cut off the
match in order to protect Rollins and wants the match. HHH offers to
have Rollins start the match so that Cena can get a little of
Rollins.
Brie Bella v. Summer Rae.
Brie has one arm tied behind her back. Summer tackles Brie and
mocks her, then adds a boot choke. Summer slams Brie’s head into the
corner and snapmares her for two. To the chinlock. Summer kicks
Brie down and chokes her on the bottom rope. Crowd is so enthused
they chant for Derek Jeter. Brie leverages Summer into Layla and
gets a running knee to the head for the pin at 1:55. Brie leads the
YES chant.
Meanwhile,
someone’s giving Kane a fruit basket. Oh, it’s Miz. With Sandow
imitating him. This is an apology for last week. Kane says they
don’t want apologies because they know Miz is a phony. Kane brings
up Miz’s actions on SmackDown, then books him against Sheamus.
Sandow rescinds the gift basket.
It’s
a shame the fans don’t care about the Bellas, because the story isn’t
actually bad. Of course, it needs Stephanie, which it won’t get.
Jack Swagger v. Tyson Kidd.
Kidd gets no entrance, but Swagger gets no American flag. This is
your Total Divas cross-promotion. Swagger charges the corner to
start, then vaults a charge only to get run down. WE THE PEOPLE!
Kidd bails on a whip before hiding behind Natalya and getting a kick
to the head. Stomp on the apron and in the corner, then he catapults
Swagger into the bottom buckle. Rude Awakening gets one. To the
chinlock. Kidd with a back kick, but Swagger gets the comeback with
a huge hiptoss. WE THE PEOPLE! Vaderbomb connects, but Kidd
reverses the high angle spinebuster into a Sharpshooter, which
Swagger reverses to a Patriot Lock try. Kidd kicks Swagger from the
apron and goes up, but Swagger throws him off and gets the Patriot
Lock for the submission at 3:11. Kidd pulls his shoe off and glares
at Natalya. 3/4*
Edge
and Christian are the WWE main offices to play up the post-show
history of SmackDown show.
The
irony here is that Tyson Kidd may be more popular as a deadbeat jerk
husband than he’d ever be as a Hart Dungeon member or legacy of Bret.
Roman
Reigns follows in the family tradition and is live via satellite.
(Sorry, too easy.) He says rehab is going well, and he’s counting
down the days until he’s able to get back, and it’ll be “sooner
rather than later”. Not really an interview so much as a
videotaped statement.
Back
to Night of Champions to show why Cena dislikes Rollins.
Either
Dean Ambrose shows up later tonight – like he wouldn’t – or this
main event is going to be trashed. Bonus points if they’re faking
hating each other, but we know they aren’t.
Ultimate
Warrior’s final words are used to sell the WWE Network. More on this
later.
El Torito v. Mini Gator.
Another Hornswoggle match? Slater and Gator are arguing during
intros. And during a pep talk for Swoggle. Gator crawls to Torito,
who jumps away. Torito goes for the headgear, then grabs a cape from
one of the Matadores and covers Swoggle’s head with it. Crowd: “THIS
IS STUPID.” Slater walks in and checks on Swoggle, who Gator Rolls
Slater for no reason. He realizes his error, so O’Neil’s on the
apron and gets gored. Crowd wants Derek Jeter. Torito avoids a
charge and does a moonsault to end it at 2:18, which is 2:18 longer
than it should’ve gotten. -**
Cole can’t even call it awesome with a straight face. But at least
Vince found it hilarious, and that’s what’s important, right?
Another
recap of Flag-Gate.
So
because I want to talk about ANYTHING ELSE ON EARTH but the minis,
let’s look at the WWE Network ad. I love it, personally – the
words of Warrior about how the fans make people legends, with shots
of said legends, was well done. I can understand if others don’t
share my enthusiasm or feel that, given Warrior’s untimely death, the
words should be off-limits. But it’s not like Warrior was on his
deathbed when he said it, so I approve.
Your
Main Event main event is Bo Dallas getting a shot at the
Intercontinental Title match against Dolph Ziggler. Not bad.
Here
are Rusev and Lana. It’s apparently Vladimir Putin’s birthday. Lana
accidentally admits Rusev is from Bulgaria. The Rusev/Show match
there was supposed to be is off because of you know this. Lana: “He
should be in prison!” She even calls it a hate crime. Crowd isn’t
moved by Lana and chants USA. Rusev tells the “bigots” something
in Bulgarian about Big Show, then says Big Show is afraid of him. He
even calls Big Show out. Of course, Big Show can’t come out, so
Rusev calls him a coward.
BUT
WAIT! Will Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson suffice? Crowd considers
this a HSM. And that it’s Awesome. And Rock hasn’t said anything
yet! Rock says Rusev needs to 1) know his role and 2) shut his
mouth. He mocks Rusev’s tight shorts as he goes over his day. He
says Lana’s favorite place is the Meat Packing District, claims to
have swum from Manhattan to Staten Island on his way to visiting all
five boroughs. And he plays off the Derek Jeter chants from earlier.
This is all a set-up for FINALLY.
Lana:
“Who do you think you are?” How dare he interrupt the great
Rusev! Shu Tup, she says. Rock: “And YOU need to stop dressing
like a Soviet street walker.” Rusev takes offense now and calls
Rock an “American piece of garbage”, telling him to leave now or
get Crushed. Rock mocks Rusev’s bad breath for no reason before
saying Lana is beautiful. Smokin’, even. But she clearly has a
Smirnoff bottle up her Putin. Back to Chewbacca (Rusev), and it
doesn’t matter what he thinks. Sure, Rusev’s undefeated because he’s
big, strong, and dangerous. But here’s the deal: it’s not about
Rusev supporting Russia. It’s because you’re a-holes.
Lana
calls off the diatribe and sicks Rusev, the wolf, on Rock. The medal
is slowly removed and the staredown begins. So as Lana quotes Putin,
Rock quotes Jay-Z to do his 50-word nickname. And the fight’s on as
Rock beats down Rusev, sending him flying from the ring. IF YA SMELL
and he’s out.
Recap
of Ambrose walking out.
People
in my friends’ list on Skype are arguing over what the point was of
Rock. On one hand, he shows up, insults the big heel, beats him
down, doesn’t get touched, and makes him look like a chump. On the
other, he put him in a must-see segment, made a big deal out of him,
and put him over as a threat verbally in passing. Me? Well, the
crowd loved it, and that’s kind of the point. I doubt Rusev is going
to get de-pushed from this, so I’ll let it slide.
Paige and Alicia Fox v. AJ Lee
and Emma.

The idea is that AJ’s out of friends, so she just picked someone.
AJ and Alicia will start. AJ with a spinkick and she throws Alicia
into Paige. Paige goes into the table, then runs off. Emma wants
in, so AJ obliges as Emma faces Alicia. Alicia runs her over with a
knee and tosses her, but Emma’s on the apron and gets a Pele kick.
Cradle gets two. Corner charge goes nowhere, and Alicia runs Emma
into the corner. Alicia’s blind charge also misses, and Emma with
the Tarantula. Corner splash hits this time on Alicia, and AJ gets
sick of Emma’s dancing and walks off. This leaves Emma with Paige,
and a superkick follows. Package DDT ends it at 2:48. AJ refuses to
have anything to do with Paige or Alicia and walks away. I don’t get
it. 3/4*
Erick
Rowan is a man-child, insulted by humanity. But Bray Wyatt fixed
him, and now he’s set free for revenge.
Okay,
serious question: what was I supposed to get out of that tag match?
AJ’s the babyface, right? So why is she abandoning her partner and
not caring about anyone on earth? And Paige is supposed to be the
heel, but she sticks up for Alicia. And the heel team didn’t cheat,
either. I’m totally confused. At least the crowd didn’t chant CM
Punk as loudly as usual this time.
Happy
birthday, Bruno Sammartino!
The Miz v. Sheamus.
Sheamus rushes Miz into the corner, but Miz escapes. Miz avoids an
elbow to the face and slaps Sheamus, but Sheamus catches him. Miz
goes to the eye and kicks away in the corner, but Sheamus with a back
elbow. Miz returns the favor to gain control and uses the knees, but
he runs into a slam. Miz rolls to the apron, getting Sheamus hung up
as the crowd chants for Sandow. Miz off the top into a chop. Miz
uses the boot, but the SCF misses. Brogue Kick is escaped as Miz
bails and we go to break.
Sheamus
is just not motivated by these matches. It’s showing.
Miz/Sheamus, part two.
Miz with the chinlock as we return, but Sheamus steps on the foot to
break. Miz recovers with a backbreaker and through-the-ropes
clothesline. Forearm smashes follow. Crowd keeps chanting for
Sandow as Miz gets a boot choke for two. Of note: they’re chanting
for SANDOW, not MIZDOW. More rope choking, and Sandow adds a cheap
shot to a huge pop. Miz with the Austin Straddle for two. Abdominal
stretch, including shots to the ribs, follow. Crowd: “SANDOW’S
BETTER.” Sheamus backs Miz into the corner to break, but Miz with
a kick to the back that just annoys Sheamus. Comeback begins with
Irish Hammers and a kneelift. Running knee in the corner and an
Oklahoma Slam. Brogue Kick time, but Sandow pulls Miz out. Sheamus
throws Sandow into the barricade (crowd hates that), so Miz jumps
Sheamus from behind. Brogue Kick is meant for Miz but hits Sandow,
and Miz with a cradle for the pin at 10:09. Disjointed mess. *1/4
Sheamus chases everyone off with a chair.
If
this leads to a Sandow face turn, I’ll enjoy it, but it really seems
like Vince is tone-deaf. Miz is in DVD movies, so let’s push him!
But not too seriously, lest anyone think Hollywood is better than us!
Jerry
Lawler acknowledges some breast cancer survivors at ringside before
introducing Joan Lunden. Who’s Joan Lunden? She speaks as a breast
cancer fighter. Ah, the search engine says she’s a former host of
Good Morning America. She introduces each of the survivors by name.
And John Cena hugs Lunden at the end, because it’s 10:52 and he wants
to get his match started.
As
the Gospels say, “When you give to charity, don’t make a big deal
out of it, or your reward will be on earth. When you give, just give
without announcing it, not even telling the left hand what the right
hand does. Then your reward will be eternal.”
Real
Housewife Nene Leakes will be on the show next week. ARE THEY EVEN
TRYING?
Main event (FINALLY!): John Cena
v. The Authority.
Cena,
to his credit, conducts the crowd in singing about how much he sucks.
Cena demands Rollins start, per HHH, so he does… then IMMEDIATELY
tags in Kane. Of course. Cena pounds down Kane and knocks Rollins
off the apron, but Kane recovers and stomps away. Uppercut follows,
and Orton enters with a clothesline. He stomps Cena, but Cena tries
to fight back only to run into a powerslam for two as Lawler gets mad
at Ambrose for walking out because Cena. Kane in, and he gets an
open kick to the gut and corner clothesline. Now Rollins finally
enters as Cena is in deep trouble and dances, punching away on Cena.
Running forearm in the corner floors Cena as the crowd has no
patience for this. Rollins slaps Cena around, but that allows Cena
to fire back. Charge by Cena eats elbow, and Rollins with the
Blockbuster for two. Rollins picks Cena up by the jaw and talks
trash, then kicks Cena to the ropes and chokes away. Orton adds a
cheap shot, but Cena shoves Rollins away and begins the comeback on
Rollins. Five-Knuckle Shuffle connects, and the AA is tried, but
Rollins throws Cena into Kane as the 3-on-1 begins at 4:39. *1/4
Kane with a chokeslam, and Orton mocks Cena and the crowd before
calling for the RKO…
…and
Dean Ambrose is back, having brought the whole damn hot dog cart with
him. He munches a Coney Island dog and watches, but Orton and Kane
approach him. Crowd wants hot dogs. Ambrose attacks with the
CONDIMENTS OF DOOM before bowling both men over with the cart and
rushing Rollins, delivering a huge beating as the crowd wakes up.
Orton and Kane attack, Cena saves. Rollins is sent out over the top,
Orton eats AA, and Cena disposes of Kane so that Ambrose can dive
onto Rollins. Ambrose throws everything at Rollins for no reason,
then uses the hot dog tongs on a different wiener. Kane drags
Ambrose back in, but Cena cuts him off with the AA. Rollins crawls
away as Cena and Ambrose stand alone in the ring…
..and
here’s HHH. Hey, the heroes are back on the same page, but only one
can fight Seth Rollins. They have to fight each other first at Hell
in a Cell, and the winner gets Seth Rollins inside the Cell. So
basically, one or the other is going to Hell, weakened for Rollins to
pick apart. Cena gets ready to leave, but Ambrose delivers a Double
Arm DDT to a HUGE reaction from the crowd.
THOUGHTS:
I
understand there was a lot of sports on, but that does not excuse
people – LOOKING AT YOU, VINCE – from phoning in a Raw. That’s
what this was: phoned in. And in the worst way, too. It’s not even
the 4/10 water treading you usually see. This show made me question
whether anyone would care if I stopped early and posted that I gave
up.
Well,
I soldiered on for you. But if you didn’t stick around until the
end, I don’t blame you.
STATS:
MATCH
TIME: 39:08 over eight matches
BEST
MATCH: The six-man tag
WORST
MATCH: The minis match
NIGHT
MVP: Dean Ambrose
FINAL
SCORE: 2. One for Ambrose, one for the Rock. And that’s IT. I’m on
your side, WWE. I know you’re better than this. Don’t do this to
me.
Matt
Perri will have something to say about this on Main Event. Tommy
Hall will review the rest of the shows this week. Logan Scisco takes
you to 1998. Dock Muraco continues to say major Japanese matches are
better than average Raw matches as though that’s a revelation.
Stranger in the Alps will run the daily discussion and hold the
Writers’ Title. Speaking of, Brian Bayless has the e-fed Raw up.
Read that instead. I know I will.
Seriously,
Vince, show some pride in your work, would you?
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