This show is still being written but I gave you a preview. I will write here when it is done but in the meantime, check out this wonderful podcast featuring Dr. Tom Prichard from the fine folks over at placetobenation.com for this podcast:
BoD Heavyweight Champion Jobber123 comes down to the ring accompanied by the rest of the Job Mob. Zanatude is holding all three belts of his own BoD Six-Man Titles. He warns others not to touch him as he comes down the aisle. Jobber grabs the mic:
“In less than three weeks, I will be defending the BoD Heavyweight Championship against The Fuj, a legend of the BoD. I mean, he is not in my class and all, but still pretty good. He couldnt carry a one man conversation about the 2009 NBA draft at 2am in any one of the 1,783 Nitro reviews on the blog. No he could not. He can come in and drop by quickly but he has to leave again for a few more weeks. Well, I am not letting that happen to all the Jobberholics across the BoD. Now, I have to leave as I have some gimmicks waiting for me in the Luxurious Top 5 Lounge if you know what I mean.”
The Job Mob leave and head up the aisle but out from the crowd comes The Fuj!!!!!!!!!! He goes right after the champ. Big Dirty Murph tries to intervene but gets booted in the face. Zanatude opts to protect his belts and he retreats. Fuj hammers away and tries to put the champ in the Fuji Vice but Jobber escapes and heads up the ramp.
Backstage, Assistant GM and Director of Operations and Paper Goods Justice Gray approaches the GM.
Gray: I’m afraid we have some problems
Bayless: What happened?
Gray: Well, Landmonster, you know, the fat bitch Magoonie’s friend used to date?
Bayless: Yes, I like her because she caused serious injury to a lowly midcarder who used to scrub the tires to my car.
Gray: It seems like no one else likes her though. She has eaten all of the catering you got for the Administration and intercepted another delivery for the Luxurious Top 5 Lounge.
Bayless: Jesus Christ! All the top 5’ers aren’t like Abeyance you know. They complain when they do not get their own way.
Gray: That is not the only problem you know.
Bayless: There is more?
Gray: When you sent for Wade Michael Meltzer to report back to judge the Writer’s Tag Match, Gosh Hopkins did not make it back.
Bayless: What happened?
Gray: A tape was mailed to BoD Headquarters. The envelope appears to be covered in blood.
Bayless: You don’t think……….
Gray: I think we should watch it
Bayless: I will shortly…………..
Dancin’ Devin Harris & Lil’ James & WWF1987 & Bobby
HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!! WE GITTIN’ FUN-KAY TONIGHT. GIT DOWN WIT DA OPENING MATCH FUNK!!!!!!!!!!! This match was the result of a backstage attack by Bobby & WWF1987 that occured last week on BoD RAW. Bobby and WWF1987 attack the Brothers of Funk but they fight right back. Harris knocks both men over the ropes with a clothesline then Lil’ James takes them both out with a plancha. BoD RAW IS GITTIN’ FUNKAY!!!!!!!!!!!!! The action heads back in the ring as Harris uses the ol’ double noggin knocker as the funk reigns supreme tonight. The referee maintans order but as that happens, Bobby whacks Lil’ James with his cowbell and WWF1987 goes on the attack. Lil’ James is getting beaten down as the TNA enthusiast and man from Texas are using illegal double-team moves behind the referee’s back. Bobby climbs up top but misses an elbow drop as both men are down. Lil’ James crawls to the corner for the tag……………………but Curtzerker runs out and knocks Harris off of the apron as the ref rings the bell for the DQ. The HUSS section is loud and proud as their boy is slugging away. And now Adam Curry & Kyle Warne run in for the save and after a short brawl, Curtzerker and Bobby & WWF1987 retreat. The tag team division is heating up.
Jones has participated in the “ask and get booked” initiative. Cultstatus finishes his smoke then clotheslines Jones out of his shoes. Cultstatus whips Jones against the ropes and catches him with a side slam. Cult hammers away then hits the jackknife powerbomb for the win. Cult then grabs the mic and calls him “Parallax” as he asks him to get up. Cult picks him up again and hits another jackknife before lighting up another smoke then leaving.
GM Bayless is backstage with Justice Gray. He pops in the VHS tape. He looks in horror at the screen as he sees Archie Stackhouse:
(We are outside the home the scared lady last week in Riverdale. Night has fallen and fireflies dance in the sky. The white picket fence lies in ruins, pieces of it stained with blood; the camera pans over the unconscious body of Gosh Hopkins. Pan up to see Archie and the Riverdale Covenant standing with their arms crossed.)
Hart Killer 09 vs. PrimeTime Ten
It’s the Battle of Canada!!!!!!! PrimeTime starts hammering away on the Solid B+ Player Champion. PrimeTime hits a suplex then an elbow drop before he sends Hart Killer to the corner. Hart ducks out as he takes a breather. Hart comes back in and lockups with PrimeTime. Hart does not break cleanly and goes on the attack. He chokes out PrimeTine in the corner with his foot then yells at him to go train in the Dungeon. Hart Killer applies a chinlock as the crowd starts to rally for PrimeTime. Hart hits a slam then goes for a Boston Crab but PrimeTime turns that into a rollup for two. Hart Killer uses a lot of stomps and knee smashes then heads up top. Hart Killer goes for a double axe handle but PrimeTime catches him with a shot to the gut. PrimeTime slugs away and fights back. PrimeTime gets two with a brainbuster. Uranage gets two. Leg drop gets two. PrimeTime sends Hart into the corner and hits a running Yakuza kick but that only gets two. He sets Hart up for a superplex but gets shoved off and Hart slides off and uses an Oklahoma roll, grabbing the tights and getting the win. Hart Killer cheats again to win, dammit! Who will put a stop to him?
Steve Ferrari & Magoonie are in the ring. They refuse to leave unless they get a shot at the Upper Midcard Express. Nick Piers, who had his leg broken by Landmonster two weeks ago, remains under the supervision of BoD Doctor to the midcard and below, Miss Diagnosis. She finished last in her class at Botch Hopkins University but you know what they call the person who finishes last in her class at medical school,right? They call them “doctor.” Anyway, since they are too poor to buy armbands, they have colored their wrist tape with a black Sharpie marker to show their support to their injured pal. Uh oh, The Upper Midcard Express come out in a golf cart as Petuka is gunning it in reverse. They are still wearing their football helmets too. The UME say that they are not cleared to wrestle tonight but next week, they will give them a match and if they win, they will get a shot at the titles at BoD Hell in a Cell. The Midcard Mafia agree as we have a main event matchup for next week.
Wade Michael Meltzer was helicoptered in from Riverdale to judge this match and if it can reach the **** mark. Muraco and Hall start it out. Muraco goes to work on the arm, looking over towards Meltzer for approval. Meltzer is looking down and nodding but our camera shows that he is in fact watching AJ Styles vs. Tanahashi on his iPad. Muraco has a crossarmbreaker applied then tags Andy as Tommy runs out of the ring. Speaking of Tommy, he is looking ragged in a sloppy Rashaad Salaam throwback that has a spot of honey mustard in the bottom left corner. Perri tags and he and Andy trade arm wringers. Andy wins that battle and stays on the attack. Andy and Dock use quick tags and might be auditioning for the next New Japan tag team tournament. Meltzer is not paying attention to the match as Tommy knees Andy from behind on the apron. Tommy tags and chokes out Andy on the mat. Last word was that Tommy was struggling to get money together and has not been able to utilize his Panera rewards due to a lack of legitimate currency. Andy is getting beat on as Meltzer is finally paying attention to the match. He holds up a “***” sign as Dock furiously rallies behind his partner. Perri hits a slam then tags Tommy, who heads up top. Tommy tries a senton but Andy rolls away as both men are down. Andy gets up and hot tag to Dock! He runs wild with all sorts of chops and suplexes. Meltzer now has a “***1/2” sign in the air. Dock sees this and tries to go all out. He heads up top for a moonsault but botches the move as Meltzer holds up a “***1/4” sign. Andy is up and this has turned into a brawl. Andy hits Perri with a tornado DDT then hits Tommy with a snap suplex has Meltzer has this up to “***1/2.” Dock gets up and hits rolling Germans on Tommy as this is up to “***3/4.” Dock is going whatever the Puroresu equivalent of apeshit is right now as he heads up top and diving headbutt as this now is “****.” Miss Danielle is on the apron and slides Perri a chair after hitting Andy low then Perri whacks Dock and uses a DDT and the ref turns around and covers as that gets the win. Dock looks dazed then turns around in disbelief as Meltzer holds up his final rating………………………………………………..***3/4!!!!!!!! Once again, Miss Danielle has cost Dock a **** match.
In the gen-pop locker room, Mr. Satan hands out a petition to ban all Brazilians from the BoD. Matt Indeed has a box full of White Windbreakers in order to get a partner for his Strike Force team but he he has no takers. Harry Broadhurst has laryngitis but wrote down that next week, we will get an additional 4 Harry Facts to make up for it. Biscuit! is in the back putting all the bags in the showers and leaving the water running. DBSM leaves with his C-List Title proudly on display as he is off to the “Chrisley Knows Best” viewing party at DJ EZ Rock’s house. Those are the perks of the C-List Title. Everyone is also hungry as Landmonster has cut off the food supply so she could have a snack tonight.
And now, it’s time for Welcome to the BoD!
Abeyance: Hello everyone
Abeyance: How are you tonight
Abeyance: I am good too.
Kid: You are Abeyance
Abeyance: I am that too
Kid: Are you too or Abeyance?
(Crowd): He’s both!
Abeyance: Anyway, our guest tonight is going to face the GM at BoD Hell in a Cell. Here is Jef Vinson
Vinson: What’s up guys
Abeyance: The ceiling
Kid: Yeah, not the basement
Vinson (In disbelief) Okay? Well, what do you guys want to ask me.
Abeyance: How do you feel going against the GM in the cell?
Vinson: Good question. The GM has made it a point to screw me over at every turn and he still cannot pin my shoulders to the mat. I am not afraid of him. The GM is nothing. He has no power. He is insecure. He cares only about himself. And at BoD Hell in a Cell, after I defeat him of course, my valet will stomp out the rest of his manhood, just like last week.
Jobber and the Job Mob are complaining to the GM. They are pissed about the Fuj attacking him. The Job Mob wants to face him and the GM has an idea: He said that next week, Zanatude will take on The Fuj and the 6-Man belts will not be on the line. Zanatude is happy about that as the GM says he will see them at the after party
In the luxury boxes, Biff Kensington is chilling by himself. He says that he is scouting talent and will reveal his first acquisition at BoD Hell in a Cell.
Parallax and GM Bayless are in the ring. Bayless takes the mic first:
Bayless: I understand that you are unhappy about not getting a title shot. And I feel your anger. You are a Top 5’er. A prestigious member. Maybe even the best. Not like the French Tickler, Jef Vinson, but a tried-and-true top guy. And that Jef Vinson, the same one who stole the Money on the Table Briefcase from me, cashed in at BoD SummerSlam. And despite my best efforts, I could not get the BoD Board of Directors to overturn the decision. If not for that, you were facing Cultstatus for the Title. Not Jef Vinson. You. And for that reason alone, your anger should be directed towards him. I did not screw Parallax out of a title shot. Jef Vinson did. Jef Vinson screwed Parallax
Parallax: The only thing that is happening is that I will get a shot at the title. And I dont care about the Board of Directors or whoever the fuck else that stands in my way. The belt is mine, Update boy, and I will curbstomp any loser that stands near my path. And I dont give a shit that you blame Jef Vinson for that because I blame you just as much for holding me down as you spend more time involving ice cream, coffee, grannies, and morons instead of focusing on me. And that druggie champ of yours is a joke. I am clean, straight-edge if you will, and like I have been saying, that is not what makes me better than you but rather everything else about me is what makes me better than you.
Bayless: Okay. Okay. I feel ya. I ……….
Parallax: Yeah, you are not going to feel anyone but yourself. Ice down what the valet stomped last week then come back and book me against the winner of the title match or else I will destroy you and the rest of the losers that make up the Administration. (Steps closer to the GM) You better book me in that match, bookerman. (Crowd starts a mild “curbstomp” chant)
Bayless: Alright. It’s not that simple you know. And, you did lose the last #1 contender’s match you were in, right? So, I will give you a shot at redemption. I will give you a shot at the title but you will have to actually win the #1 contender’s match. So, after BoD Hell in a Cell, we are going on a break. And when we come back, I will be rejuvenated then I will come up with who you will face. So, sit tight and enjoy the amenities in the Top 5 lounge. But next week, I am putting you in a match. You can use that anger you have and turn it against the enemy. Next week, Parallax will face off against……………………………………………JEF VINSON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
TUNE IN NEXT WEEK FOR JEF VINSON VS. PARALLAX IN THE MAIN EVENT