WCW Nitro: September 30, 1996

We’re almost up to date
kids. Just 5 days (and 18 years) behind from being back on target.
Was last week’s Nitro an
oversaturation of the nWo, after months of prime booking? BigDaddyLoco thinks so, and explains:
I remember this being the first time I was turned
off by the nWo. WCW couldn’t have looked any lamer here which was of course a
big part of the problem. It wasn’t as bad as the redo the set episode, but it
wasn’t exciting television. Hall was on his game though.
wannaberockstar adds his thoughts as well:
I get the whole suspension of belief thing but, at
this time, the NWO was literally assaulting WCW employees and interrupting a
live, nationally broadcast television program and the people in the trucks nor
the people where ever the main TNT broadcast hub was located, didn’t once think
that they’re witnessing a criminal act on live tv and they should either call
the police or, at the very least, shut down the feed and air some rerun of
Thunder in Paradise or something.
Let’s not lose hope now.
Because hope is all we have. Hope that a hero emerges. Someone who can stand up
to the nWo. Someone with the where-with-all to dial 9-1-1 during an emergency.

Dr. Unlikely feels someone in particular might be up to the task:
I would love to have seen a sit-down interview
with Glacier at this time, where he’s all “Holy shit, did I return from my
mystical trip to Japan just in time for the start of a massive gang war? People
are stealing police cars and being beaten with bats on live telvision! Why
aren’t the authorities involved in this?! My dad was a cop, this is really
messed up!” We can only assume that Glacier will now be the the focus of
Bigelow-esque bidding war by the nWo, Dungeon, Horsemen and Luger, right? Like,
that’s what the next two months of this show must be about, everyone trying to
recruit this massively-hyped, superpowered ninja who has arrived to fill the
Sting-sized void in the war for WCW’s soul?
There is no time to
expand on this, because we are LIVE from Cleveland, Ohio, the home of the
defending AL Champion Indians, and a bunch of teams that have won JACK SQUAT
for about 300 years. TONY SCHIAVONE
and LARRY ZBYSZKO are your
announcers, and gee whilickers is Tony ever hot. Not in body, but in rage, of
course. His good friend Eric Bischoff was slapped around like Lash LeRoux’s stepchild,
but even worse, they debuted an nWo race-car. I actually didn’t make that last
part up.
ERIC BISCHOFF is behind the desk, to talk about the “New World Odor” (oh good,
THAT’S spreading). Bischoff starts the 1905 crap, and skips Ric Flair’s name
when listing the greatest champions in its history. “The nWo is nothing but
DIRT BAGS! That means you Hulk Hogan!” Whoa, watch that potty mouth. Bischoff
declares his hiring of Hogan the biggest mistake of his life. The fans reply in
total support of WCW by chanting “NWO!” loud enough to blow the roof off of any
arena in the country.
EL TECHNICO and JUVENTUD GUERRERA vs. THE PUBLIC
ENEMY (for the WCW world tag-team titles)
El Technico is dressed
like The Flash, assuming the Flash started with the red body stocking and
stopped accessorizing immediately. They really couldn’t have tapped any other
Cruiserweight talent, they had to agonizingly import another Mexican instead of
using, say, Billy Kidman? Billy Kidman would have been a much better choice
here. A real shame Billy Kidman isn’t in this match. Maybe WCW will realize all
their mistake and book Billy Kidman in the future, instead of El Technico, who
certainly isn’t Billy Kidman. Juvi hits a springboard rana onto Rock, and he
rolls to the floor. Juvi’s right behind – big mistake because the floor is like
the STREETZ, and the guardrail is now home to Juvi’s face. Technico tags in,
and faces a double team sidewalk cutter, which he sells like Billy Kidman. Juvi
gets dumped to the outside, allowing them to blind El Technico by turning his
mask around. Drive By finishes at 2:05.
* Technico is put through the table after the match, by a slingshot senton from
Rock. Technico is left for dead, eventually eulogized by Billy Kidman.
In the locker room, MIKE TENAY is on duty. Gene’s face has
been printed on Milk Cartons at this point. CHRIS BENOIT, MONGO
MCMICHAEL
, and DEBRA MCMICHAEL are
present. Mongo promises no more 60-on-1 assaults by the nWo. Does WCW realize
they had about 1,000 jobbers in the back? Surely their combined jobber
superpowers could have been the strength of at least 2-3 Sting’s. In other
news, Chris Benoit vows to kill Rick Steiner for some reason. Rick had better
seek the asylum of the enclosed pool area with the rest of the dogs.
THE FOLLOWING ANNOUNCEMENT HAS BEEN PAID FOR BY
THE NEW WORLD ORDER (NOT ANYMORE):
Hollywood is hangin’ and
bangin’ with Nasty Nick Hogan, and the rest of the nWo. DiBiase yuks it up that
WCW is on the hook for the nWo ads since they lost at War Games. Hall welcomes
WCW back from Japan, figuring a little R&R must have done them some good.
Nash makes dated jokes about Ross Perot and Bill Murray, but then this show IS
18 years old, so I suppose it might have been hip amongst that critical 45-60
year old demographic they were chasing at the time.
DEAN MALENKO (with Rey Mysterio Jr’s mask) vs.
ALEX WRIGHT
Wright dominates Malenko
early with a bunch of holds. Nobody’s buying Alex’s technical prowess, WCW.
Malenko hits a backdrop suplex out of a headlock for 2, and Tony calls for a
commercial break.
Apparently it was “all
Dean Malenko” during the break, but Wright is rallying. Malenko ends that fast
sending him to the floor, and whips Wright into the guardrail. Back in, Deano
grapevines the leg, while Alex contemplates his options. Dean releases, and
Wright hits a bunch of European uppercuts, but he is NOT Dave Taylor so Malenko
retains his life. Malenko tries a crossbody off the top, but Wright ducks and
then locks Malenko in a crucifix for the big upset at 5:19. Ain’t that a stinker. *1/2
MIKE TENAY welcomes Randy Savage, who’s hot off his rampage on WCW Saturday
Night (read
the recap
!). However, Savage no-shows his appearance, so Tenay calls an
audible for a break. Does he have the authority for that? Know your role,
rookie.
“JUICED” JIM POWERS (with Teddy Long) vs. EDDIE
GUERRERO
I don’t see good things
in the immediately future of Mr. Powers. NICK
PATRICK
is your referee, and sporting a neck brace after his vicious
assault. Larry thinks Savage was in the wrong, since he’s supposed to be our
savior right now and he’s not in control of his faculties. If you’re waiting
for Savage to commit to sanity, Larry, then you’re in for a long, long ride.
Powers hits a clothesline on Eddie for 2, and slaps on a chinlock. We check out
the crowd, where the NWO LACKEYS are
once again parading around with signage. Powers connects with a vertical suplex
for 2, while the crowd shits all over this match and starts chanting for the
nWo. Eddie fights back with a European uppercut, but Powers just slams his mug
into the buckle. Eddie manages a backdrop suplex, and heads up, but Powers cuts
him off. Powers hits a superplex for a close 2, which draws the ire of Long –
but Patrick’s been on the up and up. Eddie manages a German suplex with a
bridge, and scores the pin at 6:26.
Long argues that Eddie had HIS shoulders down and it was Powers who kicked out,
but Patrick doesn’t particularly care. Long demands Patrick return to referee
school. *1/2
THE FOLLOWING ANNOUNCEMENT HAS BEEN PAID FOR BY
THE NEW WORLD ORDER (NOT ANYMORE):
The Nasty Boys have
joined the nWo party, wanting to talk that business Hollywood brought up last
week. Syxx brings in the caterer who has more food, while the Nastys just want
to party it up. Nick Hogan throws on a wolf mask, letting Hall coin the term “Wolfpac”
for the first time. Saggs bends over and talks out of his ass, impersonating
WCW.
MIKE TENAY has tracked down ARN ANDERSON,
WOMAN, and ELIZABETH. Arn says the Horsemen forgave Liz once for her moment of
weakness after War Games with Savage, but then on WCW Saturday Night she
strayed again. Arn says she is a Horseman, there’s no grey area. Liz calls
matters complicated, but Woman’s all bitch,
please
. Arn warns Liz to start thinking, long and hard.
HUGH MORRUS vs. BRAD ARMSTRONG
What the hell is this
crap? WCW has been slapping themselves on the back all night about having their
roster back, and THIS is what they send out? Thankfully, the Countdown to RAW
Hour #2 hits the screen, which means it can only look up from here. Armstrong
delivers dropkicks as the fireworks explode.
MIKE TENAY, ERIC BISCHOFF, and “SOBER” BOBBY HEENAN take over the
booth. Tenay tries to explain what happened with Savage, shedding absolutely no
new light on anything.
Meanwhile, Morrus drops a
leg across Armstrong’s pooter, and then drops his weight down in the same spot.
Yikes. Armstrong comes back with an enzuigiri, and punches Morrus in the
stomach causing him to sell like Bald Bull. Brad tries the side Russian
legsweep, but Morrus hooks the ropes to block. Scoop slam sets up No Laughing
Matter, which is not good enough for Morrus, who does it again, finally
accepting the pin at 4:16. **
Backstage, ARN ANDERSON and WOMAN are arguing with ELIZABETH,
demanding to know if she’s with them or not. Arn tells her to take her heart
out of business.
ERIC BISCHOFF drops his headset, and says he’s going to go looking for Randy
Savage as well as the hotel the nWo is staying at. He invites Schiavone to take
over if he’s around.
CHRIS JERICHO vs. ARN ANDERSON (with Woman)
TONY SCHIAVONE takes over the lead headset, and declares his loyalty to Eric
Bischoff. NICK PATRICK referees,
which seems strange since he’s allegedly an nWo guy, but they’re in a hotel
off-site. Jericho takes down Arn with a drop toe hold and applies a half Indian
deathlock. Arn comes back with shoulderblocks to Jericho’s midsection, as ELIZABETH watches from a small monitor
backstage. Jericho kicks Arn in the head, which sends him to the floor. Jericho
comes off the apron with a shoulderblock, but before he can follow up he’s
getting slapped by Woman and decked by Arn. Back in, Arn drops a knee across
Jericho’s face, as Liz walks off. Jericho is given fishhooks which are illegal,
but this is wrestling so you’ve got at least 5 seconds to break and it’s
totally cool. Arn comes off the top which is funny because he has nothing in his
repertoire from there, and eats a dropkick to the face. Jericho hits a spinning
elbow off the top, but only gets 2. Lionsault misses, and Arn leaps up to
flatten the kid with a DDT for the win at 5:35.
Loads of fun here. ***
ELIZABETH
grabs her bags and leaves the building.
M. WALLSTREET vs. LEX LUGER
What the hell happened to
“VK”? He was called that as recently as Last Night! Did he wake up and legally
change his name? What were his motivations? Is he running from the law? The
mob? The IRS? The 99%? Luger’s fired up, overcoming Wallstreet like Warren
Buffet. But like a depression, Wallstreet fights back to crush his dreams and
apply an abdominal stretch. A scoop slam sets up an elbowdrop for 2. The rear
chinlock is applied because all of 2 minutes in, we really need to slow this
baby down. Luger fights loose, but is stopped with a snapmare. Wallstreet
misses a blind charge, and Luger rolls him up for 2. A foot to the face stuns
Wallstreet and Luger hits the forearm of STEEL for 2. A clothesline from
Wallstreet turns things around once again, and he goes for the kill. Luger
fights out of a Vertical suplex, and applies the Rack for the submission at 7:23. *1/2
Back at the announce
table, Tony says it takes a big man to admit a wrongdoing, and Eric showed a
lot of guts admitting his signing of Hogan was a mistake. Heenan: “I told you
that a long time ago.” Tony brings out WCW’s new peace offering to Sting: The
WCW/Sting Sports Motor Car. It’s purple and yellow, WCW’s colors, with Sting’s
face on the front. Elliot Sadler will drive it this week. Tony begs Sting to
come back.
THE FACES OF FEAR (with Jimmy Hart) vs. THE ROCK
& ROLL EXPRESS
Meng and Morton start,
and Morton’s using the “hit and run” strategy which lasts about 3 seconds
before Meng catches him and chokes him. Morton jumps on Meng’s back with a
sleeper hold. Heenan: “Meng hasn’t slept since ’62!” And indeed, Meng’s face
changes from savage to uncomfortable savage as his selling, and he eventually knocks
Morton off. Barbarian comes in and they give Morton a double headbutt. Morton
winds up in a fallaway slam position, but Gibson hits a dropkick to launch Morton
on top for 2. Each guy takes turns trying pinfalls to no avail. Gibson manages
a sunset flip for 2 as we head to a commercial break.
You won’t believe it if I
tell you, but when we come back, Morton is being beaten down, and kept away
from his corner. I know – on what planet, right? Meng kills him with a spike
piledriver, but Gibson saves. An atomic drop sets up a big boot from Barbarian,
and that gets 2. Morton is powerbombed to China, but somehow he kicks out. Holy
hell. A nasty backbreaker hits now, but Morton escapes again. Meng comes in,
but Morton slams his head to the buckle and dives for Gibson. He’s denied, so
he leaps on Meng’s shoulders with a front facelock. Meng swats him down and
axehandles the back of his head. Morton dives with a desperate crossbody for 2.
Barbarian comes back, and he hits a hard elbowdrop. Scoop slam brings back
Meng, and both guys dive at Morton with headbutts, but again Gibson saves.
Barbarian tries a swandive now, but Morton moves to safety, while Barbarian
shakes the cobwebs. Gibson gets the hot tag, but the fans don’t respond at all.
He hits a kneelift followed by an enzuigiri! Barbarian is pounded in the
corner, before he turns back to Meng and hits a double dropkick with Morton’s
help! Hart interferes long enough for Barbarian to hit Gibson with the Kick of
Fear and the Islanders win again at 9:24.
I loved every second of this. ***1/2
THE PUBLIC ENEMY hit the ring to save the Express, so the Faces of Fear figure what
the hell, and decide to try and break Johnny Grunge’s leg for kicks. GIVE THEM
THE TAG-TEAM TITLES NOW DAMNIT!
THE FOLLOWING ANNOUNCEMENT HAS BEEN PAID FOR BY
THE NEW WORLD ORDER (NOT ANYMORE):
The Nasty Boys are
stuffing their faces while DiBiase orders a bottle of Dom. Kyle Petty sits with
the nWo, who confirms he will be driving the nWo going forward, before mocking
the WCW car. Hogan says at Halloween Havoc, Liz will both be trick AND treat.
CHRIS BENOIT (with Mongo and Debra McMichael) vs.
RICK STEINER
Yes, this is the main
event of Nitro and NOT WCW Worldwide. The giveaway is the audience of greater
than 100 viewers. NICK PATRICK
referees, lecturing the camera that he is the one under scrutiny yet still
continues to work hurt. Benoit and Steiner throw meathooks at each other, with
neither getting an obvious advantage, until Steiner throws a German suplex to
break the stalemate. Yikes. Benoit comes back with a short-armed clothesline
for 2. A headbutt crosses Steiner’s eyes, and Benoit follows with a snap
suplex. Rick comes back with a huge powerslam that takes Benoit over his head,
but it only gets 2. Debra comes over to distract Patrick, allowing Mongo the
chance hit Steiner with the Haliburton, and Benoit scores the win at 4:26. ** The announcers complain that
Patrick must have heard the briefcase shot, because apparently he’s held to a
different standard than every referee in history.
Tony signs off, but after
the credits come up …
THE FOLLOWING ANNOUNCEMENT HAS BEEN PAID FOR BY
THE NEW WORLD ORDER (NOT ANYMORE):
We’re in the hotel room,
where Scott Hall has put on the Wolf mask. Elizabeth(!!!) is seated between
Giant and Hogan. Giant tells Liz he’s already had a chance to do two movies
since he joined the nWo, including one with Arnold Schwarzenegger. Hogan tells
Liz to stop worrying about Savage. Vincent comes in with a giant bowtied
present, while Hogan promises Liz a three-movie shoot if she joins the nWo. Liz
says everything’s changed since they made the initial deal, but Hogan promises
to make it work. She takes off into the hallway, where Randy Savage is waiting!
“YOU SET ME UP! YOU’VE GOTTA BE RIBBIN’! WHAT’S YOUR DEAL? I CAN’T TAKE IT NO
MORE!” Liz cries and begs for her life, as Nitro goes off the air for real this
time.
Well, at least he didn’t slap her.

What will Macho do! Tune
into WCW Prime to (not) find out!