WCW Worldwide: September 22, 1996

WCW Worldwide is ready to
go, and man have we got a doozy today. Who’s here? Well, just the biggest stars
on the planet, like Super Calo, the Rock & Roll Express, and no fewer than
FOUR members of the Dungeon of Doom. Is Maxx amongst them? Well the only way to
find out is to take us “live” (taped ages ago) to the studio, where…
We say hello to TONY SCHIAVONE and “SOBER” BOBBY HEENAN!

“DYNAMIC” JERRY LYNN vs. JUVENTUD GUERRERA
Lynn is a WCW newcomer
wrestling in his debut, who we have never ever seen before, not even tagging
with “Desperado” Joe Gomez as recently as last night. Heenan figures “Juventud”
means “My Sombrero is too tight”. Tony corrects him, as it means young, so
Heenan accepts that it means “my young Sombrero is too tight”. NICK PATRICK is your referee, so do not
rule out the likelihood of this “international star” Jerry Lynn being an nWo
member. Heenan debuts the use of “Juvi” which Tony takes offense to and will
probably never catch on. Lynn hits a headscissors out of the corner, and Juvi
throws a fit on the floor. Heenan kills me at this point, when Tony starts
listing off great members of the Cruiserweight division, he talks over him with
“JL!” Juvi hits a springboard somersault plancha re-entering the ring, and
flattens Lyyn with a brainbuster for 2. Lynn comes back with a German suplex,
complete with bridge, but he gets 2. Juvi retaliates with a t-bone, but Lynn
gets a foot on the ropes. Guillotine legdrop looks to finish, but Juvi uses an
arrogant cover and Lynn kicks out. That’s cool, he says, cuz he goes for the
springboard 360 guillotine, but Lynn rolls away and Juvi eats canvas. Missile
dropkick from Lynn gets a close 2. Lynn tries a second one, but Juvi swats him
and Lynn falls powerbomb style. A super Frankensteiner gets the win at 6:50. Tony calls it a
“hurricanplancha”. Have I mentioned lately how happy I am to have
Cruiserweights taking up the spots previously occupied by the likes of Joey
Maggs? ***
DIAMOND DALLAS PAGE vs. DISCO INFERNO
Disco is an unfortunate
casualty of the nWo, because he was starting to pick up a strong cult-following
earlier in the year before the entire promotion shifted its attention
elsewhere. Of course, he’s no Steven Regal. Page nails Disco with a discus
lariat, and follows with a backdrop. He starts his own disco dance, so Disco
uses that opportunity to schoolboy him for 2. Tony points out that he has never
seen Disco Inferno’s album in any record store, which Heenan heralds as a huge
success because it’s constantly sold out. Disco uses an eye poke to turn the
tide, and throws in a bionic elbow which just serves to make me sad that Dusty
wasn’t here to see it. Swinging neckbreaker gets 2. Disco celebrates with the
swim, and winds up eating a Diamond Cutter at 4:22. *
SUPER CALO vs. BRAD ARMSTRONG
Heenan deduces that Calo
probably has never worked in an airport, but that he’s the smartest masked
wrestler in the world because he left the ears uncovered, so he can hear what
people are saying about him. I would love to watch video of Vince McMahon in the
gorilla position trying to get Heenan to talk, WWE style, and Heenan ignoring
him and continuing to go off on his insane tangents. Calo hits Armstrong with a
swinging dropkick, and then hits a senton bomb to the floor. Back in, a
tilt-a-whirl slam sets up a missile dropkick – but that misses. Armstrong
flattens him with a clothesline and finishes with the Russian legsweep at 2:23. Heenan can’t believe Calo’s hat
never fell off. So now that we’re officially finished with any scent of a Calo
push, can we bring back the missing Psychosis?
THE DUNGEON OF DOOM (with Jimmy Hart and Maxx) vs.
THE ARMSTRONG BROTHERS, TONY MELLA, and PEPE PRADO
You know, it’s been over
a week since we last saw RON THE
LEPRECHAUN
, but here he is running around ringside. Our Dungeon of Doom
representatives are the Faces of Fear, Hugh Morrus, and Bubba. I have never
seen either Pepe or Mella before, but I would absolutely love to see much more
of them, ESPECIALLY Mella. He’s about 400 pounds, in nothing resembling
wrestling shape, but he bumps like a pinball. Bubba hits the Bossman slam on
Pepe, but Mella saves. He’s promptly killed for that, and Barbarian finishes
Prado with a superplex at 3:30.
Morrus hits No Laughing Matter on poor Pepe, and then everyone takes turns
teeing off on him. The Armstrongs just stand there during all of this. A giant
curse on you, Bullet Bob. *
THE ROCK & ROLL EXPRESS vs. CHRIS BENOIT and
ARN ANDERSON
The R&R go for a
quick pin on Arn, and that doesn’t endear them to the Horsemen. Benoit tries to
extract a little revenge, but Ricky snaps off a rana. Hiptosses keep Benoit at
bay, and Gibson hits an enzuigiri. Gibson hits a nice little headscissors
takeover, but Benoit powers him back to the Horsemen corner and tags in Arn. In
fact, Anderson takes him to the floor, and Arn goes for a big closed fist, but
Gibson ducks and Arn punches the ringpost. His knuckles might be sawdust.
Morton smells the blood, and starts working over the arm. Quick tag to Gibson who
applies an armbar. Morton drops a knee on the arm, but Arn gives him snake eyes
and tags in Benoit. Benoit wears him down and throws Morton to the wolves – in
this case Anderson, who whips Morton’s shoulder into the ringpost on the floor.
Ricky re-enters with a sunset flip, getting a close 2. However, Arn sees Gibson
a little too close, and recognizes he needs to get up and keep Morton in the
Horsemen corner. Benoit delivers a backdrop suplex, but it only gets 2. Morton
shows a little fire, getting in a punching war with Chris, but a powerslam
stops that. Anderson comes off the top, but Morton boots him in the face, and
the hot tag is finally made. Gibson has elbows and kicks for everyone. Things
break down, and Arn is the recipient of a double dropkick. The referee tries to
clear Morton, and that allows Benoit to fly in behind his back with a double
axehandle, and Arn rolls over for the pin at 8:46. **1/2

Tony re-iterates for the
zillionth time on the last few shows that Macho and Hogan are main eventing Halloween
Havoc – just incase you didn’t know this. Heenan vows Savage will rip the belt
off Hogan’s carcass in the Las Vegas desert. And that wraps things up until
Nitro tomorrow.