This has nothing to do with the WWE
Before the show, Bayless is with the Administration and the Job Mob. He said that he relied on a friend to get them out of jail after Vinson and pulled some strings of his own so they could all be here tonight. Bayless then tells them to remember the plan and that everything will come together as long as that happens.
Six Man Tag Team Match
Adam Curry & CabsPaintedYellow & Magoonie v. Stuart Chartock & Zanatude & Big Dirty Murph
The leader of the Midcard Mafia leads his teammates to the ring as a huge six-man donnybrook breaks out! Magoonie is all over Zanatude as Curry takes down Murph, who cost him the B+ championship at BoD Summerfest! CPY and Chartock tumble out of the ring, and Magoonie with a dropkick sends Zana out onto them! Curry’s on the top rope and ready, and all three men are bowled over with a battering ram! Magoonie celebrates, but that allows Big Dirty Murph to hit a big dirty low blow onto Magoonie and take over. Zana tags in and goes all SSW on Magoonie, slamming his head into the corner and working the neck. In comes Chartock with kicks to the head, and he and Murph tag in and out quickly, keeping Magoonie isolated. Chartock chokes Magoonie in the corner before bringing in Zanatude one more time. Zana waits for Chartock to slam Magoonie before bouncing off the ropes and dropping a big knee on Magoonie. “Stay down, Belmont!” he yells before covering, but Magoonie’s shoulder is up at two. Chartock is tagged back in, and the duo give a double suplex to Magoonie. Chartock gets two out of that. Murph tags back in, and Magoonie is sent into the corner — and Chartock gets an avalanche! Murph avalanches both of them, crushing Magoonie. It looks like it’s time to end this, and Zanatude goes up top as Magoonie is up on Murph’s shoulders… but no! Magoonie slugs Zanatude out of midair! He gets a Victory Roll on Murph, who kicks out, but Magoonie flies in with a double dropkick to Zana and Murph! Zanatude looks to tag Chartock in, but the chaos lasts too long and there’s the big tag to CPY! He’s going nuts with right hands on Chartock before throwing him into the corner… and it’s a Stinger Splash! Zanatude goes flying off the apron from a clothesline! DDT to Chartock, the cover… Murph saves! Murph picks Chartock up and slams him to the mat before going to the second rope… but Curry springboards up with a Frankensteiner! It’s a pier-six brawl again as the referee loses control of everything. Chartock and Murph bail, and now Curry races the ropes and flies over the top onto the entire Job Mob! Chartock’s legal, and Curry throws him back in… but the referee asks him to get to the corner! CPY is ready, but Chartock has something in his hands — and he clobbers CPY with it! He throws whatever it was to the corner and covers as the ref turns around… not like this! 1! 2! 3!!! The Job Mob have stolen one! Curry is furious and gets back in the ring with a chair, swinging like a maniac, and the Mob disperses… except for Murph! This is for Summerfest! STORM WARNING ON THE CHAIR! That’s for his regular partner Kyle Warne! Meanwhile, Magoonie looks at the foreign object in the corner… it’s the keys to his Toyota Yaris. Irony!!!
BoD Tag Team Championship Gauntlet Match
Midcard Mafia vs. Trunk Barlow & Slip Karstens
Tag Team Champions, the Upper Midcard Express, are watching from ringside. The MCM start off against the ex-Spam Bots. Barlow charges at Piers but misses and Piers catches him with a backbreaker. Piers tags Ferrari and they hit a double gutbuster. Karstens runs in and eats a double super kick. Ferrari takes Barlow on his shoulders and Piers climbs up top and hits a DDT as that gets the pin. One down, nine to go.
Midcard Mafia vs. Rockstar Gary & #1 Fan
Gary and Ferrari go at it briefly to start. #1 Fan grabs Ferrari from the apron as Gary hammers away. #1 fan tags and he hits an elbow drop. #1 fan misses a second attempt and Ferrari tags out. Piers springboards in with a clothesline then takes Gary off of the apron with a dropkick. Piers tags Ferrari and he hits #1 fan with a tombstone piledriver as Piers prevents Gary from breaking up the pin as the MCM score another pinfall.
Midcard Mafia vs. Bill Ray & Average Joe Everyman
Joe & Ray attack the MCM from behind. They put the boots to the MCM outside of the ring. Back inside, Ray gets two with a sitout powerbomb on Piers. Ray tags Joe and they use a few double-team moves as the MCM are showing a bit of fatigue here. Joe chokes out Piers as the UMX are throwing popcorn into their mouths while holding on to their helmets. Piers fights back but Ray kicks him down from the apron and the ref is dealing with Ferrari as his partner is getting double-teamed. Piers rolls away from a splash and makes the tag to Ferrari, who runs wild. He backdrops a charging Ray to the floor then picks up Joe and hits a tombstone before tagging Piers, who flies off the top with a frog splash for the pin.
Midcard Mafia vs. WWF1987 & Bobby
Bobby and WWF1987 are taking it to the MCM who are definitely slowing down. Bobby is the true shooter of the BoD and stretches out Ferrari with the Rings of Saturn. Bobby tags WWF1987 who hammers away on Ferrari in the corner. Bobby rings his signature cowbell that he modeled after Jimmy Jack Funk on the apron as Piers rallies his partner from the apron as the UMX look on in approval. Ferrari is taking a beating as Bobby has him in a butterfly lock. WWF1987 tags and goes up top and hits a double axe handle and covers but only gets two. WWF1987 sends Ferrari into the corner but misses a charge as both men are down. Ferrari crawls over to make a tag but Bobby runs over and knocks Piers off of the apron. WWF1987 gets up but Ferrari catches him in a small package and that gets two. WWF1987 gets up but Ferrari takes him down and makes the tag! Piers runs wild on this newly formed team. Bobby grabs the cowbell and swing it at Piers but he ducks and it whacks WWF1987. Piers knocks down Bobby then Piers picks up WWF1987 and hits the Falcon Arrow for the pin. The UMX are starting to look a bit worried here.
Midcard Mafia vs. Paul Meekin & White Thunder
Meekin grabs the mic and starts to rap:
I am the big bruiser
Left the BoD
Because I am sick of you losers
Ebert would never write you
Ya illiterate pricks
Maybe you can understand this
Y’all can suck my…………
And Piers dropkicks Meekin into Thunder as he spills out. The MCM take Meekin and hit him with a double clothesline then Piers hits him with a frog splash for the pin.
Midcard Mafia vs. Dancin’ Devin Harris & Lil’ James
Harris grabs the mic:
“Me an my partner were thinking and since the GM and UMX are not giving the MCM a fair shot, we won’t play fair either. C’mon James, lets get FUN-KAY!!!!!!!!!!!
The bell rings and James & Harris start dancing outside of the ring. They are intentionally getting counted out as the UMX are livid. The bell sounds as the MCM move one step closer to the belts. SOMEBODY CALL MAMA HARRIS AND LET HER KNOW HER SON DID A GOOD DEED PRIOR TO GITTIN’ FUN-KAY!!!!!!!!
Midcard Mafia vs. THE RIPSHIT KILLERS
Uh oh, THE RIPSHIT KILLERS ARE OUT AND UNLEASHED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
THE YETAAAAY and ARRRRGH THE BARBARIAN are looking as crazy as ever. They go after the MCM but they duck the attack and come back with dropkicks. ARRRRGH charges but the MCM catch him with a double hiptoss but they then eat a double clothesline from THE YETAAAAY. The MCM are down and hurt as ARRRRGH gets revenge with a flying shoulder tackle on Piers. THE YETAAAAY runs in and goes for a big boot but accidentally hits his partner and Piers uses a reverse rollup for the win!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Just two teams left for the MCM!!!!
Midcard Mafia vs. Curtzerker
Oh man, what a tough, tough draw. The HUSS section is in full force tonight. Williams and Piers start off the match. Williams pushes Piers in the corner as theberzerker screams HUSS!!! HUSS!!!! HUSS!!! as the HUSS section chants along with him. Williams takes down Piers then tags theberzerker, who screams “HUSS” into the face of Piers. Fatigue is starting to set in with the MCM as theberzerker has Piers in a chinlock. Curtzerker is using quick tags to isolate Piers as Ferrari tries to rally his partner. theberzerker chops Piers hard in the corner as he HUSSES in his face. Williams tags and puts on a high angle single leg crab that bends Piers in half. Piers is in trouble as Williams nails him with a crucifix bomb for two. theberzerker tags and goes up top. Oh my! He leaps but Piers dropkicks him in midair as both men are down. Ferrari is stomping on the apron as the crowd is getting behind Piers, who somersaults over and makes the tag! Ferrari clotheslines theberzerker then hits him with a slam. He starts swinging and hammering away on Curtzerker as he is a one-man wrecking crew. Piers starts to get up but from behind, kbjone whacks him on the knee with his helmet then kicks him down! Ferrari then picks up Williams for the tombstone and hits it for the win! However, he looks over and sees his partner clutching his knee. They now have a shot at the belts.
Midcard Mafia vs. Upper Midcard Express
The UMX run in and attack Ferrari from behind. Petuka then chop blocks Piers, who flies off of the apron. Back in the ring, kbjone is beating on Ferrari. Tag to Petuka and the UMX are hammering on Ferrari in the corner. Piers tries to climb back on the apron but kbjone runs over and takes him off with a baseball slide. The UMX’s strategy is too beat on Ferrari and constantly attack the injured knee of Piers. The UMX hit a double slingshot suplex and cover but that only gets two. kbjone yells at the ref to count faster as Petuka chokes out Ferrari on the apron. The UMX stay on the attack as Piers is barely able to stand. kbjone is up top and comes off with a knee drop but Ferrari gets his foot on the ropes during the pin attempt. Ferrari is struggling mightily here as the UMX are fresh and dominant because of the way this match was arraigned by our no good GM. Petuka tags and oh my god he is setting up for the Petuka Bazooka. THE PETUKA BAZOOKA. Petuka picks him up but Ferrari slips out. He ducks a clothesline and comes back with a super kick as both men are down. Ferrari can try to tag but his partner might have less of a chance than he does. kbjone runs in and pulls Ferrari back as the ref orders him on the apron. Petuka gets up and drops an elbow but Ferrari rolls away. He tries to make the tag as Piers is on the apron clutching onto his knee. Petuka tags then shoves Ferrari into Piers, who this time twists around and makes the tag. Petuka laughs as Piers clutches his knee. He moves closer and tries to kick his leg but Piers dodges the attack and chops Petuka. Piers slingshots in and hits a clothesline. Piers is in agony as kbjone runs in but Piers rolls away from him. kbjone charges but Piers pulls down the ropes and he flies outside. Petuka gets up and Piers hits a back suplex and he is climbing up top. kbjone runs over to push Piers off but Ferrari spears him through the ropes and they both fall to the floor. Piers is up top and he flies and hits the frog splash!!!!!! COVER HIM. COVER HIM. Piers is crawling over to Petuka and goes to make the cover one……….two………………..thr…………..no!!!!!!! That’s GM Bayless and he just yanked out the referee. OH COME ON. The referee now signals for the bell as the MCM win by disqualification. The MCM were robbed by this evil GM.
Solid B+ Championship
HartKiller09 vs. Joedust
Hartkiller hands his glasses to a fan in the front row before entering the ring, but Joedust cuts him off and lands knees to the side of the head. He backs Hartkiller into the corner, ready to land shot after shot to the sternum with flush kicks. Hartkiller goes for the ride, but he catches Joe charging in with a back elbow! Hartkiller begins his methodical work on Joedust’s back, holding a prolonged bow-and-arrow and the ever-dangerous R1 Circle X Lock. Joe is able to get to his feet and throws Hartkiller into the corner, but his back has no strength left in it and he can barely stand. PROBLEM! Hartkiller pounces with a fantastic DDT, and it’s time for the Five Moves of Doom! Suplex! Backbreaker! Russian legsweep! He goes up for the elbowdrop, but Joe meets him there and begins firing off headbutts… and it’s a superplex by Joedust! He pulls himself up, hoping to land a Heluva Kick in the corner, but Hartkiller moves and Joedust is all tangled in the top rope! Hartkiller grabs Joe by the head and delivers a Randy Orton inverted draping DDT to Joe! VINTAGE HARTKILLER! Wait, is it vintage if neither he nor anyone has done it before? Hartkiller’s back to the top because he isn’t done with his five moves… and there’s the elbowdrop! He grabs the legs and is ready for the Sharpshooter… but Joedust shoves him into the corner! Joedust is up and lifts up Hartkiller… he wants the Brainbuster… no! Hartkiller slides down the back and gets a German suplex. Joedust lands hard on his neck and seems disoriented, and Hartkiller goes for the Sharpshooter! He’s got it! Joedust is near the ropes, but he can’t quite reach them. One more burst and he’ll be there… but Hartkiller drags him to the center of the ring! That’s it, Joedust taps out! Hartkiller is still the B+ champion. Hartkiller gets his hand raised in victory, then takes the microphone and, with disdain at the challenger who won thanks to Zanatude’s interference, claims that the challenge Joe provided was only a 4 out of 10 anyway. What a show of disrespect!
Coffee Pot on a Poll Match
Aric Johnson vs. Mar Solo
After months of coffee deprivation, Mar Solo will have his last chance at coffee as if he fails, he will permanently switch to Sanka. Johnson attacks Solo before the bell with a partially frozen bag of croissants from Tim Horton’s. Johnson tosses Solo to the floor then sends him into the guardrail. Solo gets thrown over the announcer’s desk as he is dangerously close to hitting 3-time ATA Award Winner and A+ Timekeeper, Mister E Mahn. Johnson rolls Solo back inside and climbs up top. He goes for a double axe handle but Solo catches him with a punch to the midsection. Solo fights back and hits a suplex. Solo drops an elbow then tries to climb the poll for that sweet pot of unscalded java! Johnson comes back and yanks down Solo. Johnson sends Solo in the corner but eats boot on a charge. Solo comes back with a flying forearm. Solo chops Johnson in the corner before slamming him down. Solo goes to the top rope and connects with a leg drop. Solo can almost taste the coffee now as he heads up the pole but Johnson cuts him off again. Johnson takes control of the match as he chokes out Solo against the ropes. Johnson sends Solo to the floor and now he climbs the pole. Solo looks up and uses everything he has to get up and prevent Johnson from making him a Sanka drinker for the rest of his life. Solo gets up and he starts to climb and grabs Johnson’s leg. He pulls himself up and goes underneath Johnson, who is clinging on to the pole. Solo powers up and now has Johnson sitting atop his shoulders and then takes him off with an electric chair drop!!!!!! Both men are on the mat as the crowd is going insane. All Solo has to do is get up and climb that pole. Solo pulls himself by using the ropes. He slowly heads over to the pole and climbs. Johnson is getting up and he crawls over to the pole and slowly climbs. Johnson grabs the foot of Solo and tries to yank him off but Solo boots him off with his other foot. Johnson splats on the mat as the crowd is going nuts. Solo climbs and climbs and he reaches the coffee pot!!!!! MAR SOLO CAN NOW DRINK COFFEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Solo grabs the pot with both hands and looks at it as we see flashbacks of him reciting slam poetry about being deprived off coffee and the unstable being trapped inside of his head. Solo picks up the pot and drinks it. Uh, that is hot coffee that he is chugging like water. That might burn but victory is ointment for that ailment as Solo just downed a pot of java and he seems very excited. Very, very excited. Solo is now doing a victory lap around the ring at a lot faster pace than you would expect. Mama Solo, put on a pot of coffee because your son can drink it again!!!!!
BoD Writer’s Championship
“Marvelous” Matt Perri w/ Miss Danielle vs. Stranger in the Alps
Perri won the #1 contender’s tournament to get this match. The “Paper Championship” sits near timekeeper extraordinaire Mister E Mahn. That man can keep time like nobody else! Match starts with Stranger working the arm. He backs Perri into the corner and breaks cleanly but Perri comes back with a slap. Stranger wipes his face then looks at points at Perri as he goes over and pummels on him. He hits a pair of corner clotheslines then backdrops Perri to the mat and works a surfboard. Stranger goes to bounce off the ropes but Miss Danielle grabs his leg and distracts him enough to let Perri attack him from behind. Perri places Stranger in the tree of woe and starts kicking him hard in the chest. Perri hits a backbreaker and now has Stranger in a Boston Crab. Stranger fights to the ropes as Perri barely breaks the five count. Perri uses clubbing forearms to the back of Stranger and has him hurting. All of the Little Strangers and elderly woman are getting behind Stranger as Perri continues his assault and Miss Danielle tells them to shut up. Perri charges in the corner but Stranger flattens him with a clothesline as both men are down. Perri gets up first but Stranger is punching him from his knees. They trade chops as Stranger wins that battle then Stranger knocks him down. Stranger uses a fist drop and measures him up for a roaring elbow. Stranger whips Perri against the ropes and catches him with a powerslam and now he signals for the Can Opener! Stranger sets him up but Miss Danielle runs in from behind and takes him down with a low blow for the DQ. Ouch!!!!!! Miss Danielle attacks Stranger with her shoe as Perri gets up and takes Stranger down with a double underhook DDT. Perri and Miss Danielle celebrate in the ring as White Coat Security is holding back all of the old ladies attempting to check on Stranger. I have a feeling this is not the last we will see of these two.
In the luxury box, we see Biff Kensington III, who took it upon himself to buy half of them for himself and not use them incase any people of lower income sat near him. Biff is now lighting his cigar with a $100 bill as he kicks his feet up on the chair in front of him. What is Biff doing here tonight.
And now, it is Welcome to the BoD with your host Abeyance and his partner, thebraziliankid!
Abeyance: Welcome to the BoD!
Crowd: Thank You!
Abeyance: How are you today!
Abeyance: I am too!
Crowd: We know!
Abeyance: I do too!
Kid: So Do I!
Abeyance: Enough small talk because our guest has a #1 contender’s match tonight. Here is by BFF on the BoD, Parallax
Crowd: (50/50 reaction)
Abeyance: Welcome to the BoD!!!!
Parallax (Annoyed) Yeah, I get it. First off, I am not here by choice but rather because I was booked this way. And how about you two just sit back and let the adult do the talking (Crowd unhappy). As a matter of fact, if I had my way, you two would be banished to that ridiculous forum with that moron of a moderator because all three of you deserve each other. (Addressing the crowd) Stop groaning, you know it is true. You see, I have to face off against some part-timer legacy guy who would rather be elsewhere than here. I am the franchise player of the BoD, like it or not. And that is a fact, not just one of the many dumb opinions that pollute the BoD. And I have run off a lot better than what I have to face tonight and who I will defeat in the future. But for me, to be cast aside as an afterthought, is just not right and it is really just bullshit. Top 5 talent like myself doesnt grow on trees (points to Abeyance) and no, I do not include you in my top 5, one-word Willie. I am leaving but you all can remember this, after I toss whatever loser I have to run through to the curb, I’ll make damn sure I will stomp him into it right afterwards. And I hope it is you Cultstatus, I hope you win the title tonight, just so I can take it from you. Just so I can stomp you right into that curb and you can sit back and moderate that empty forum with these two morons (points at Kid & Abey then slams down the mic and leaves)
#1 Contenders Match
Parallax1978 vs. The Fuj
Parallax and Fuj circle each other as the match begins. Parallax backs Fuj into a corner and slaps him around, but that just makes Fuj mad. It’s a slugfest! Neither man backing down as they pound on each other, and the referee tries to separate them to get a proper match, but he’s helpless. Parallax gets a high kick on Fuj to take over. He begins using weardown holds to keep Fuj under his control, but Fuj elbows out and charges straight into a high kick! The cover… no, just 2. Parallax goes to the top rope, but Fuj catches him and hooks him up for an incredible superplex! Fuj is able to get up and he heads to the outside, clearing his head. Parallax is up and sees Fuj, and he’s ready to run for a big dive… but Fuj dodges and Parallax hits barricade! He was suckering him in! Fuj throws him back into the ring and goes up top, and it’s the falling headbutt! He covers, two, NO! Parallax is up! Fuj keeps firing away, but Parallax is running on pure adrenaline. Fuj goes for a big clothesline, but Parallax leaps up and gets a crucifix for two! He goes to the top, and Fuj again follows, but Parallax headbutts him into a daze. He doubles Fuj over, leaps over the top… it’s a sunset flip powerbomb! Fuj has to be out! Parallax isn’t done, though – he knows the Fuj is a tough bastard – and he goes to the mount to keep up the attack. He begins trash talking Fuj, who still has enough wherewithal to kick Parallax in the back of the head! Fuj gets up and charges, but it’s a double clothesline! Both men are down! As the count goes on, Cultstatus – who has the big match later tonight – appears at the ramp to observe who may be his first challenger if he wins. Parallax is up first, but Fuj has something in his hand… it’s salt! Salt goes into Parallax’s eyes! He’s partially blind! But he refuses to take time out and delivers a low blow… but Fuj pulls the ref in and the zebra takes the shot! Parallax still doesn’t know this – and he Curbstomps the referee! That ref may be dead! Parallax goes to cover the referee – he really thinks that’s Fuj! But there’s no count! He begins to clean out his eyes and sees the referee’s done for. Parallax charges Fuj and lands a Stinger Splash in the corner. He goes to the outside and looks for something… it’s a chair! He throws the chair into the ring, but someone jumps the barricade to stop him… it’s Paul Meekin! White Thunder is right behind him! Meekin steals the chair as Thunder grabs Parallax from behind. Meekin winds up… but Parallax ducks and Thunder gets it! Meekin checks on Thunder as Parallax comes off the ropes – Curbstomp to Meekin! He kicks both men out… but wait! Cultstatus is there with the chair! He clocks Parallax in the face! Parallax has been busted open! Cultstatus ducks out of the ring as the referee begins to stir. Fuj moves in and picks Parallax up – it’s the Fuji Vice! He’s got the Fuji Vice locked in! The referee slowly checks on Parallax, who is fading fast… and that’s the bell! The Fuj will be the next challenger for the BoD Heavyweight Championship, and he can thank Cultstatus for it! He backs up the aisle, a cruel grin on his face, and Meekin and Thunder follow – are those three in alliance? And what’s Parallax going to do when he wakes up?
Andy PG vs. Tommy Hall
Tommy is sporting a badass Tim Couch University of Kentucky throwback tonight. The winner here will receive the loser’s paycheck tomorrow night on RAW. The rumor is that Tommy made the stipulations as he is in debt for all of the throwback jerseys he bought. Tommy also blames Andy for why he is not the BoD Writer’s Champion. Tommy goes after Andy but he ducked. Andy slides underneath the legs of Tommy then gets two with a reverse rollup. Tommy swing and misses then Andy takes him down with an enziguiri. Andy works the arm then Tommy reverses as they trade arm wringers. Tommy knees Andy then hammers away. Tommy hits Andy with a facebuster then works a chinlock. Tommy screams “that’s my paycheck” then breaks to do the make it rain taunt. Tommy pumps up his sneakers then climbs up top and delivers an elbow smash but that does not put Andy away. Tommy grapevines the leg and stretches out Andy as he yells about how he will get Andy’s paycheck. Tommy tries to make Andy tap but he will not submit. Andy manages to escape but Tommy runs over and drops a knee before taking control. Tommy gets frustrated as he takes Andy up top and climbs up for a superplex but Andy blocks the attempt. Andy punches away and grabs a front facelock. He then flips over Tommy and balances himself on top then takes Tommy down with a super reverse neckbreaker as both men are down! Holy shit, indeed. Andy struggles to get up but does and picks up Tommy. He hits several knee smashes then whips Tommy into the corner. Andy charges and gets backdropped but lands on the apron. Andy catches Tommy with a forearm smash then goes for a slingshot attack but it sends Tommy into the referee, who flies outside. Andy has Tommy for a DDT but that get reversed and Tommy uses a thumb to the eye to slow down Andy. Tommy takes Andy down with a shoulderblock and now reaches into his pants for his sock filled with his e-book coins. Um, that sock seems a bit light to me. Tommy takes out the sock and hits Andy but it has no effect because Tommy is very short on legitimate currency. He tosses the sock out of anger and all that falls out are two nickles and a token from Chuck E Cheese. Tommy goes over to make sure the referee is down and goes out to grab a chair. He looks to hit Andy but he ducks then they fight over the chair as it goes flying when they crash to the ground. These guys are brawling then take it back inside. Tommy catches Andy low just before the referee gets up. The ref is in the ring as Tommy sets Andy up for the Vader Bomb but Andy gets up and cuts him off. Tommy kicks him down then gets off the top rope. He attempts a clothesline but Andy ducks that then grabs his arm and puts him in a La Magistral Cradle and gets the win!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Tommy is shocked as he will be losing his paycheck tomorrow night. Andy celebrates the victory as Hall is yelling obscenities at him.
GM Bayless vs. Jef Vinson
This match has been months in the making. Bayless has come out on the losing end opposite Vinson on three separate occasions. The Authority is absent from ringside but they are probably here somewhere. Vinson gets the best of Bayless after a series of holds then dope slaps him on the back of the head, pissing off the GM. Bayless charges but Vinson catches him with a drop toehold. Bayless charges again but Vinson leapfrogs him then catches the GM square in the face with a dropkick that gets two. Vinson takes the GM down again with an armdrag then with a hurricarana. Bayless ducks outside for a breather but as that happens Vinson sends him into the railing with a tope. Vinson hammers away on Bayless and tosses him over the guardrail. Vinson tries to suplex him back over but Bayless blocks the move by pushing the guardrail into Vinson. Bayless comes back over and slugs away at Vinson before ramming him into the post. Bayless gauges the eyes of Vinson as the referee is distracted by Assistant GM Justice Gray, who as come down to ringside. Bayless sends Vinson over the guardrail as we see Bill Ray & Rockstar Gary beat on Vinson before tossing him back over. The GM seemingly has devised a plan to have his Administration set up all over the arena. They toss Vinson back over as he is bleeding from the forehead. Bayless rolls Vinson back into the ring then applies a Dragon Sleeper. Bayless breaks to deliver clubbing forearms to the chest of Vinson. He then sets him up for a piledriver that he dedicates to Vinson’s “skank of a valet” but Vinson reverses that with a backdrop. Bayless is up first then tosses Vinson back to the floor as they almost hit the camera guy. Oh come on, that is not the camera crew, it is Corporate Custodian, Garth Holmberg and Average Joe Everyman and they are beating on Vinson as Bayless distracts the referee. Vinson is even more busted open than before as he gets rolled back inside. Bayless waits for Vinson to pull himself up then nails him with the Sweet Chin Music. This is it for Vinson, folks. Bayless covers but Vinson gets his foot on the ropes! Bayless is not happy as he drags Vinson near the turnbuckle and heads up top. Bayless goes for a splash but Vinson gets his knees up as both men are down. These two are fighting from their knees and start to get up with Vinson winning that as he uses everything he has left. Vinson hits the GM with a running knee strike in the corner that knocks him right down. Vinson is face-washing the GM as he is now busted open. Vinson picks up the GM and powerbombs him into the turnbuckle! Vinson covers but Justice Gray sneaks Bayless’ foot on the ropes. Vinson looks pissed and goes out after Gray and chases him around until Holmberg trips him with the camera cord. Bayless ducks outside and attacks Vinson with the ref distracted by a few members of the Administration. Bayless drags Vinson off of the ramp and takes a breather but looks worried. I think he is expecting something to happen. Bayless is increasingly worried as he now goes down and looks in horror as Gosh Hopkins & Nebb28 are passed out and bloodied. Bayless backs up but bumps into someone and it is…………..ARCHIE STACKHOUSE!!!!!!!!!! Bayless is mortified as Stackhouse has blood splattered all over his clothes. Stackhouse then pulls something out of his pocket and it is the pet rock! STACKHOUSE HAS THE PET ROCK!!!!! STACKHOUSE HAS THE PET ROCK!!!!! Stackhouse now walks after Bayless who is backpedaling his way to the ring. He traps Bayless against the ring apron as the rest of the Administration is afraid of him. From behind, Vinson heads down as Stackhouse steps aside and Vinson knocks the GM down with an uppercut. Stackhouse stares down the Administration as they are petrified then rolls Bayless back into the ring. Vinson is in now and he picks up the GM and hits the TKO and covers one….two……three!!!!!!! Vinson beats the GM again as his plan backfired. Archie Stackhouse came down from Riverdale and screwed the GM. Stackhouse now leaves through the crowd as they make sure to get out of his way. What is Stackhouse doing with the pet rock? What does he plan to do with the pet rock.
And now, part three of Hoss and the Ice Cream Truck:
(Hoss is driving with the hillbilly Pump N’ Pantry Clerk. He pulls over at the Ben & Jerry’s distribution center. Hoss drives the truck through the gates and pulls up sideways underneath a window)
Hoss: CLIMB THROUGH THE WINDOW AND GET ME ICE CREAM. YOU BETTER FILL THIS TRUCK.
Hillbilly: But I cant carry all of that back through the window.
Hoss: YOU STUPID FUCK, ONCE YOU BREAK IN YOU GO THROUGH THE DOOR. AND IF YOU GET ME HEALTH FOOD, I WILL KNOCK OUT THE TWO TEETH YOU HAVE LEFT. (Hoss then shoves the Hillbilly down as he climbs on top of the truck and breaks the window and climbs in but the alarm goes off. The Hillbilly comes back through the door a few minutes later with ice cream)
Hoss: (Looks at Strawberrry Cheesecake flavor) I SAID NO HEALTH FOOD (Throws it at the Hillbilly’s head then chokeslams him down as he hears sirens. Hoss hops in his truck and takes off as the two-toothed Hillbilly is unconscious. Hoss made sure to toss all of the non “health food” ice cream in his truck)
C-List Championship Fatal Four-Way
DavidBanzaiSaldanoMontgomery vs. Biscuit! vs. Mikey Mike vs. Night81
DBSM goes straight for Biscuit, who cost him a chance at being champion entering the match, while Mikey and Night tangle. DBSM gets a hard whip on Biscuit, sending him into the other two in the opposite corner. With all three men dazed, DBSM charges with a spear to Biscuit, knocking all three men down! Mikey rolls out of the ring as DBSM grabs Biscuit for a suplex, but Mikey trips DBSM and Biscuit falls on top. Night’s on the top rope and drives the knee into Biscuit as the move ends! Night grabs DBSM, but this kicks off a series of reversals between two men who know each other so well. They wind up fighting over a backslide… and now Mikey returns and grabs Night for a DDT! DBSM is off-balance from the pull, so Mikey gets a German suplex – but Biscuit splashes both men! We’re getting nowhere fast. Mikey throws Biscuit into a corner, then tries to cover DBSM again, but now Night is ready and pulls him away. Night tosses Mikey out of the ring, then charges Biscuit… straight into a pair of knees! Big clothesline from Biscuit! But DBSM is ready and gets a big crossbody on Biscuit to flatten him! Mikey’s back in an drops an elbow on DBSM, then tries to steal the pin… but Night is back to break it up at 2. Night grabs Mikey and fires away repeatedly, backing him into the ropes… Cactus Clothesline sends them both out! Biscuit’s ready to follow, and he goes up top as the two fight on the outside… but DBSM has him from behind and it’s Splash Mountain on Biscuit! On the outside, Night tosses Mikey into the timekeeper’s area and charges… and the barricade gives way! Both men are out! Back in the ring, Biscuit is flat on his back as DBSM is on the middle rope… BANZAI DROP! One, two, THREE! WE HAVE A NEW C-LIST CHAMPION! DBSM takes the Gary Coleman title and celebrates in the ring… he has redemption, and it came at Biscuit’s hands! Mikey finally looks up and sees his belt is gone from him, and he wasn’t even pinned. THIS ISSUE IS NOT OVER! Mikey is furious, but DBSM doesn’t care as he celebrates all the way up the aisle.
BoD Heavyweight Championship Match
Cultstatus vs. Jobber
And here we are in a matchup of the inaugural BoD Mania main event. Cultstatus took the belt from Jobber last time and will he do the same again? Cult signals that he will be the champion as Jobber and the rest of the Job Mob laugh. They lockup and fight against the ropes until they finally break. Jobber ducks out and consults with the Job Mob as the crowd taunts him. Big Dirty Murph sparks up a joint as he yells back at the fans. Jobber heads back in as he locks up with Cult. Jobber catches Cult with a back elbow smash. Jobber charges but Cult picks him up and presses him over his head and tosses him outside at his stable!!!!!!!! Cult then challenges all of them to come inside of the ring. Jobber holds the back of his neck as he once again regroups before going back inside. Cult slingshots Jobber back in then drops an elbow that gets two. Cult gets up and tries a suplex but Jobber blocks it then backs Cult into the corner. These two trade chops then Zanatude grabs the leg of Cult and that allows Jobber to stun him with an European Uppercut. Jobber stays on the attack as he wears out the ex-champ with an abdominal stretch that he turns into a gutbuster. Jobber tosses Cult outside then yells at the ref as the Job Mob beat on Cult. They roll Cult back inside as Jobber covers but only gets two. Jobber picks up Cult and hits a backbreaker then repeats the move and covers but Cult still manages to kick out. Jobber heads up top and hits a missile dropkick and covers but that only gets two. Jobber beats on Cult in the corner then charges but eats boot. Cult shakes off the cobwebs and heads over to Jobber and fires away. He whips Jobber against the ropes and drops him with a big boot. Cult picks up Jobber and hits a piledriver! He covers but that only gets two. Cult picks up Jobber but Big Dirty Murph jumps up on the apron. Cult runs him off then Zanatude and Chartock step on opposing sides of the ring and that allows Jobber to get back up and drop Cult. Jobber picks up Cult but out come the Midcard Mafia as they run out and attack the Job Mob!!!!!!!!!! Piers is still limping but that will not prevent him from getting revenge on the Job Mob. The ref is paying attention to the brawl outside as Jobber has Cult up for the Razor’s Edge but Cult slips out. Jobber ducks a clothesline then they both collide and are down. The brawl outside is spilling into the stands as the ref yells at them to stop. But, out holding a chair comes a bandaged and still bloodied Parallax.That is the same chair Cult used on Jobber as the camera zooms in on the blood splatter than remains on that chair. He barely seems to know what he is doing and looks to be headed towards Cult, who is beating on Jobber. Parallax ducks behind the apron as Jobber reverses an Irish whip then Parallax holds the chair sideways and cracks Cult in the back of the leg. Cult is hunched over then Parallax gets up and whacks Cult in the head and Jobber sets him up and hits the Razor’s Edge for the win!!!!!!! Jobber retains his title. Jobber celebrates as Parallax staggers up the ramp. The Job Mob celebrate with Jobber as the shows ends. TUNE IN TOMORROW NIGHT TO BoD RAW AT 10:35 PM EST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!