WCW Saturday Night: September 14, 1996

Just a day removed from
Fall Brawl, there remains questions. Why did Sting turn rogue? Has Lex Luger
recovered from his broken heart? What of Glacier? And why is WCW Saturday Night
Joined In Progress?
ICE TRAIN (with Teddy Long) vs. THE GAMBLER
Yes, there will be no
blueprints showing how to Build Your Own WCW Cyborg this week, this match is
already underway, as I’m serenaded by DUSTY
RHODES
and TONY SCHIAVONE.
Gambler taps to an armbreaker at 0:22
of what aired. Seriously, you dare clip my Gambler? That’s grounds alone to
defect to the WWF, you miserable bastards.

“HARDWORK” BOBBY WALKER vs. CHRIS BENOIT
Walker ain’t been working
hard enough, because I don’t think he’s won a match since about May. You could
point to the influx of Cruiserweight talent from Mexico, you could point to an
inflated roster, but one thing is crystal clear – it’s probably racism. Tony
suggests the way to beat Benoit is to keep him on the ground, and I’m not
touching that one. Benoit chokes out Walker, and screams “IS THAT ALL YOU GOT?
YOU DON’T BELONG HERE!” If he’d thrown in a “boy”, Sonny Onoo is a much richer
man today. Benoit starts the knife edge chops, but Walker reacts with rage. To
the ground we go, and a chinlock goes nowhere. Walker hits a sunset flip out of
nowhere, but that only serves to make Benoit mad, who stomps him into the
ground and lectures him once more. Walker escapes a backdrop suplex, and
schoolboys Benoit for 2. Small package gets 2. And now it’s time to sell like
the 15th round of Creed vs Balboa, and trade shots trying to get the
other man to fall. Of course, we’re like 6 minutes in, but I appreciate the
effort. Walker misses a blind charge, and Benoit hot shots him. Crossface
finishes at 7:36. CHRIS JERICHO hits the ring, and jumps
Benoit. What the bloody hell? Apparently they’ve been booked at Fall Brawl, but
that doesn’t explain Jericho’s rage about it. Relax guy. **
“MEAN” GENE OKERLUND talks to RANDY
SAVAGE
about Sting. Savage announces he’s out of his mind, which would effectively
make him the last person to find out. He thinks Sting is short sighted
considering the nWo won’t even survive past Fall Brawl. Savage promises to
destroy the Giant for “a million zillion reasons”. Can he list them? Is there a
website we can get the cliff-notes?
GO AWAY HIGH VOLTAGE vs. THE NASTY BOYS
Immediately we go to the
split screen which is the universal sign I won’t like this match at all. Kaos
winds up in the ring with Knobbs, who is screaming “NASTY” because it makes up
the bulk of his wrestling repertoire. Dusty is mid-story about a shotgun, but
stops for a second to let out “clubberin’clubberin’clubberin’” and then resumes
his story without missing a beat. Knobbs pins Rage with a second rope splash at
2:27. They on the way to the pay
windah. 1/2*
The Nastys join “MEAN” GENE OKERLUND in the locker room
to talk to the Nastys about their title shot against the Heat tomorrow night.
Knobbs issues a warning to Sherri and the Colonel – “IF YOU STICK YOUR NOSE
WHERE IT DOESN’T BELONG I’LL KNOCK IT TO THE OTHER SIDE OF YOUR STINKIN’ FACE.”
Actually, that doesn’t do it justice, I should have used 72 point font.
Meanwhile, deep inside
the Dungeon of Doom, JIMMY HART and MAXX give the secret password, “The War
Continues”. KEVIN SULLIVAN, HUGH MORRUS, and THE FACES OF FEAR go and wake up BIG BUBBER from behind his door. Sullivan says amongst the big
factions in WCW, both the Horsemen and nWo have World Champions, something they
are lacking. However, they have one now. No, not RON THE LEPRECHAUN who is snarling, but KONNAN who is offered a spot in “the gang”. How the hell did Konnan
get there? Did he know the secret password? Was he transported through the
rocks in a bolt of lightning? Was the water temperature to his liking? Where is
the Yeti? Konnan promises once he’s in, it’s blood in, and blood out. Everyone
shares an erotic groan of satisfaction to seal the partnership, while Bubba
rubs Braun’s head. THIS ALL HAPPENED, and I’ll be damned that I can’t find a
YouTube video to make you believe me.
Let’s turn things over to
resident Dungeon of Doom expert Dr.
Unlikely
:
A masterful move by The Taskmaster, putting
together all the pieces and seeing the bigger picture. The Horsemen do nothing
to respond to losing The Giant, but The Taskmaster immediately recognizes an
ally and signs the Hulk Hogan of Mexico to aid his crusade against The Actual
Hulk Hogan of Everywhere But Mexico. It’s a shame we didn’t actually get to see
Sullivan recruit Konnan, but we can assume that’s where Konan suddenly got the
second n and became Konnan, much like Maxx is Maxx and not just Max. The pieces
fit, people!
KURASAWA vs. RICK STEINER
Kurasawa points to the
giant red sun on the back of his coat, just in case you weren’t sure he was a
foreigner and you are supposed to boo him. I love that Kurasawa continues to
kick around directionless long after the rest of Sonny Onoo’s failed nJo
retreated last winter. Tony tells us if we’re going to order one pay-per-view
this year, to make it this one. The problem is, he’s used that line during the
last 6 pay-per-views, so if you’d already used your One Pay-Per-View THEN what
are you supposed to do? Kurasawa kindly leaps off the top with his vicious move
– the big hug, which allows Steiner to launch him with a belly to belly. A
scoop slam sends Kurasawa back up, but he’s caught this time and given an
overhead belly to belly superplex. Dangerous looking German suplex is on point,
and a clothesline finishes at 5:17.
Tony says if he had to pick one person to defend WCW right now, he’d pick Rick
Steiner. I’d recommend Tony Schiavone not invite himself to any more booking
meetings. *1/2
That leads to a talk with
“MEAN” GENE OKERLUND. Steiner says
he’s 100% behind the WCW boys. Steiner keeps looking up, confusing Gene who
does the same. Rick wants the tag-team champions at Halloween Havoc, and barks.
JOE GOMEZ vs. SCOTT NORTON
I feel like we’ve spent
more time building up Norton vs. Ice Train over the last month than we’ve spent
on even nWo vs. WCW. Would it have killed them to even mention Benoit vs.
Jericho prior to tonight? Or were they saving Benoit just in case Sting or
Luger turned in favor of the nWo and Team WCW would need a sub. Wait, that DID
happen. Gomez taps out to the cross armbreaker at 1:15, which appeared to be on the up and up despite the match being
refereed by one NICK PATRICK.
Off to the back where “MEAN” GENE OKERLUND waits. Norton says
Train gave up last month, begging for his life. He’ll do the same tomorrow, not
just to Train but to Teddy Long too. What the heck did he do?
A segment building up the
Horsemen shows highlights of a quality 1996 run, including them working over
both Ricky Morton and his unrelated twin Todd Morton.
Footage from Monday’s
limousine is re-watched, with subtitles, proving there was another voice inside
the car on top of Sting, so we’re looking at at LEAST one more nWo member.
RIC FLAIR,
ARN ANDERSON, and LEX LUGER hang out with “MEAN” GENE OKERLUND. Luger is shocked.
He started as a Horsemen, and while he has no desire to ever become one again,
he’ll be one tomorrow night. He can’t wait to get his hands on Sting, and he
won’t like the side of Lex Luger he’s going to see. Arn says he often brings
his son to the shows to show off, but he’s leaving his kid at home tomorrow
because he might not even come home after it’s over. Flair reminds Hogan they’re
not on the set of Thunder In Paradise where Hogan has full creative control (oh
boy), and he promises to put him in the hospital. That’s assuming he doesn’t
kill him, which he threatens to do repeatedly.
UP CLOSE WITH THE BOOTY MAN: Wait, this is happening? Booty remembers as a kid
where Hogan made him cut his hand and become blood brothers 4 life. When his
mom had cancer, her last words were “Eddie my Eddie my son”. That was the
hardest time of his life, but Hogan was there. He had a restaurant and his wife
ran off with one of the waiters. Then he had a freak accident that nearly
destroyed his face. In the hospital, Hogan held his hand and told him “don’t
give up brother, we love you man”. But now, it’s all over, because it’s all
business. Pencil this in as your Starrcade main event. HOGAN vs. BEEFCAKE II –
JUST BUSINESS.
RON STUDD vs. LEX LUGER
Before I descend into
some tangent topic of how much I’d love to see Ron Studd square off against the
Super Giant Ninja, apparently we have a disturbance in the back.
THE GIANT,
THE OUTSIDERS, and TED DIBIASE are looking for Luger’s
car. Thankfully, a helpful stagehand points them in the right direction, while
Nash breaks in to confirming it (Hall: “There’s protein shakes in there, it’s
his.”) Giant smashes all the windows, and then nearly slips on the trunk which
would have been either the most tragic fall in wrestling history, or funniest.
Luger, of course has no
clue, because he’s mid-match with the awkward Studd. Luger can’t slam him
because he’s far too big, but somehow he’s able to Rack him at 2:26. My kingdom for a quality match.
DUD
THE FOLLOWING ANNOUNCEMENT HAS BEEN PAID FOR BY
THE NEW WORLD ORDER
This is filmed from
inside of an nWo cage. More demands from the nWo. DiBiase demands Flair’s limo,
but asks how nice it is. Hogan: “It’s junk.” DiBiase: “We DON’T want your limo!”
Nash starts a take for the Nick Patrick fan club. Hall shakes his head in
disgust at WCW blaming their losses on a poor referee. Hall’s demand? McMichael’s
dog Pepe. “I’ll squash him like a cock-a-roach.”
DIAMOND DALLAS PAGE vs. “HACKSAW” JIM DUGGAN
NICK PATRICK has been assigned to our main event, interesting considering
continued nWo threat DDP is present. However, before we do this…
Here’s a special look at
another nWo suspect, GLACIER, who
debuted last week. And what do we see? Roughly 3 seconds of him posing.
Honestly, the entire Glacier thing feels like the world’s biggest troll move.
We start the match, and
Duggan demands Patrick search him for fist tape. He finds a roll, to no
surprise. That’s followed by an order of No Clenched Fists in this match. The
announcers whine about Patrick here, because he’s preventing Duggan from cheating
his ass off as usual. Keep up that line of consistency, WCW. Duggan goes to
clock Page, but Patrick rushes in to remind him again, No Clenched Fists.
Dealing with Duggan is like dealing with a 3 year old, it takes a lot of
repetition. Page gets in his face, so Duggan goes to punch him again, and now
for the third time Patrick has to warn him. Just DQ the idiot, he clearly doesn’t
get it. Patrick goes to check the time keeper, while Page starts cheating. The
fans try to rat him out, but Page plays it cool, shouting “SHUT UP YOU IDIOTS”.
Page pulls the hair, which Duggan complains about, so Page roll him up with a
handful of tights but only gets 2. Back to the hair, which Patrick misses, so
Duggan punches him in the face and gets DQed at 3:31. I actually kind of enjoyed this. *1/2
“MEAN” GENE OKERLUND talks to DDP as we close the show. Page complains
that Duggan knocked his tooth out, and wants to welcome Honest Referee, Nick
Patrick. Page says he doesn’t bend the rules, and is thrilled that Patrick
doesn’t either. Gene accuses Patrick of tightening up the rules. He says he has
to, because he’s been accused of being biased, so he’s not letting anything go.
He says he warned Duggan repeatedly about the closed fist, and even found a
foreign object. Gene brings up the $23,000 custom made Rolex again, because he’s
an asshole.

Final sell for the
pay-per-view tomorrow, includes shots of last year’s Wargames with main
eventers Kamala, Zodiac, Kevin Sullivan, and Shark Man. This year’s
edition isn’t quite packing the same star power punch as 1995, but hopefully
the in-ring will make up for it.