The SmarK Rant for Monday Night RAW–07.24.95

The SmarK Rant for Monday Night RAW – 07.24.95 Live from Louisville, KY Your hosts are Vince McMahon & Jerry Lawler Meltzer on the Dungeon of Doom this week: The 7/22 Saturday Night show had perhaps the all-time most poorly-acted and dumbest skit in history. Hulk Hogan visited the Dungeon of Doom. Anyway, they’re on the set and Hogan is beamed into the Dungeon by a saying, “Where is this? Where am I?” obviously showing he has the good sense not to waste his time watching his own television show. He and Kevin Sullivan then got in an argument when the really tall guy, who I believe was called The New Warrior (Paul Wight), came through the wall, dressed up like Andre with a new afro and an Andre ring outfit and gave Hogan the legendary Zeus choke and Hogan went right out. To make matters worse, for the rest of the show the announcers never acknowledged what happened, probably due to personal embarrassment, but you were left with the idea Hogan was dead. After that segment, the horrible tag title change where Dick Slater & Bunkhouse Buck beat Harlem Heat for the straps looked like an All Japan main event. Anyway, they’ve got Dungeon of Doom segments booked on the Saturday show at least through October, which should make the Saturday show a shoo-in for several Emmy Awards by the end of the year.” So another new era for RAW, with redone graphics and the iconic RAW letters now forming the entranceway, a look that basically stuck around until the RAW is WAR overhaul in 1997. Shawn Michaels v. Jimmy Del Ray I thought the Heavenly Bodies were long gone, but maybe they were doing a one shot deal because they were in SMW country? Also, why is there no SMW on the Network? Shawn is of course fresh off winning the IC title in a ***** match, and in fact Jeff Jarrett and the Roadie both walked out of the promotion immediately after the show. How Roadie managed to get his job back after doing that, I have no idea. I guess Vince REALLY liked him. Shawn puts Del Ray on the floor after an atomic drop and follows with a baseball slide. Back in, Del Ray takes over with a floatover DDT for two. You know, given the time period, I’m wondering why Vince didn’t repackage Dr. Tom Pritchard as an actual wrestling doctor, perhaps one who distributed illicit substances to the other wrestlers. Certainly would have been better than what we got. Del Ray with a neckbreaker for two. He hits the chinlock and goes up with a flying splash that misses, and Shawn makes the comeback. Flying elbow gets two and he superkicks Pritchard off the apron, but Del Ray catches him from behind. So Shawn superkicks him as well to finish at 5:20. Short but sweet. **1/2 Meanwhile, Vince McMahon insinuates that JJ may not have been singing at his own concert, and that’s the last we see of Jarrett for quite a long time. The Smoking Gunns v. John Faulkner & Rick Stockhauser The jobbers try to double-team and Stockhauser gets slugged down for his troubles. Vince clarifies that the Gunns know “how to mix it up, tag team style”. Well that explains everything. Body vice into Billy’s top rope bulldog finishes at 2:00. Barry Didinsky shills the cassette of “With My Baby Tonight.” What the fuck is a “cassette”? GOLDUST is coming. Meanwhile, Fatu takes us on a tour of San Francisco because he’s MAKIN’ A DIFFERENCE. It’s so weird how we were just supposed to buy that this guy was a samoan savage who couldn’t even figure out a pair of fucking boots just a few weeks before this, and now suddenly he’s a social crusader from California. Waylon Mercy v. Gary Scott Waylon tosses the jobber around and dumps him, then offers him a chance to get back in before snapping the bottom rope on him. Ha! Back in, he picks him up at one and then finishes with his CRAZY EYES SLEEPER at 2:00. Vince points out that Mercy is, in fact, showing no mercy at all. Thank you Captain Obvious. In Your House 2 Wrap-Up with Todd. The Allied Powers want a rematch at Summerslam but…that didn’t happen. Also, Sid wants a shot at Shawn’s new IC title! And that doesn’t happen either. Bret Hart v. Hakushi Like you care about this. Next week: Yoko & Owen v. Razor & Savio for the tag titles!                             Just kidding. Bret Hart v. Hakushi Hakushi attacks on the floor and sends Bret into the railing, but tries a pump splash in the ring and hits Bret’s knees. Bret pounds away in the corner, but Hakushi reverses him into the post and then dropkicks him in the ribs. OUCH. We take a break and return with Hakushi hitting a handspring elbow and a broncobuster in the corner. Bret comes back with a legsweep, but Hakushi puts him down with a spinkick and a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker for two. Diving headbutt gets two. Hakushi with the nerve pinch, but Bret fights out of it and gets sent to the floor. Hakushi teases a dive as we take another break. Back with the TV debut of the SPACE FLYING TIGER DROP, but Bret has had enough and hits Hakushi and Shinja with a quebrada because FUCK YEAH. Back in for a backbreaker and middle rope elbow that gets two. Shinja comes in and Bret beats on him again, then bulldogs Hakushi for two. Small package gets two. Hakushi with a backdrop suplex and he goes up and misses the flying splash, and Bret follows with a superplex. Sharpshooter finishes at 13:31. Shinja gets piledriven right into the unemployment line for good measure. Sadly, Jean Pierre steals the severed head of Bret Hart afterwards to lay the groundwork for their ridiculous feud later in the year. Anything in 1995 with a Space Flying Tiger Drop just gets **** automatically, it’s the law. **** Meanwhile, Dean Douglas aims to educate us. The gimmick was fine, but Shane was wooden as hell here compared to his ECW promos. Next week: The tag titles are on the line!