This has nothing to do with the WWE
Corporate Custodian Garth Holmberg is out sweeping the floors which means The Administration is coming out. White Coat Security guys Rockstar Gary & his fan, Bill Ray, and Average Joe Everyman are coming out. Behind them are Nebb28, wearing his tuxedo t-shirt and chauffeur’s cap, and Gosh Hopkins, who is holding the pet rock. Now GM Bayless and Assistant GM and Director of Operations and paper goods, Justice Gray, comes out. Bayless grabs the mic:
“Jef Vinson, you better be listening! I don’t care if you are with that skank you call your valet or not but listen to the words that are coming out of my mouth. No one, and I mean no one will get away with what you did last week. And just because I have yet to address those that were in on your act doesnt mean they will not get what they deserve. You see Mr. Vinson, what you did last week ensures you will not be getting a title shot at BoD Night of Champions. But you will have a match. Jef Vinson, at BoD Night of Champions, you will be facing………………………………………………………………………me!!!! And let me tell you this, that skank of a valet is barred from rinside and if she does appear, not only will you be disqualified but you will also become banned from competing for the BoD Championship. Jef Vinson, tonight I will do you your last favor as I have removed you from the main event tag team match. However, next week, you will have a match of your own when you face off against the entire Administration. And because I am feeling extreme so to speak, its going to be a hardcore match.
And speaking of BoD Night of Champions, I have been informed that Cultstatus has exercised his rematch option and will be facing champion, Jobber123, for the strap at the show. And don’t you worry as tonight you will see another video of your wonderful champion taking part of the BoD’s “We Kinda, Sorta Care a Little Bit” charity program. (Points to Nebb) Hey you, Holmberg looks tired so mop the floors then make sure that there is not any shit on the limo tires of both myself and the champ (The rest of the administration laughs as Nebb looks pissed) Now Nebb (points at the rock) any pushback will result in the pet rock being taken away permanently (Nebb begrudgingly picks up the mop as Holmberg is relieved to have a break). And you all enjoy the show (The Administration now leave together). “
Paul Meekin is in the ring with White Thunder, who is doing the Flair strut in the background. Meekin, wearing his Ebert jacket that be bedazzled his name onto the back, takes the mic:
“You know something otters (crowd groans), after reading the comments in my last thread, I give all of you two thumbs down.”
PrimeTime Ten runs down the aisle and attacks the Meekster from behind as their match is starting now.
PrimeTime Ten vs. Paul Meekin
Primetime fires away on Meekin, who he blames for losing a six-man tag last week. The crowd cheers PrimeTime for interrupting Meekin and he remains in control of the match. Thunder grabs PrimeTime’s leg but drops his beer and reaches for that. Meekzilla attacks PrimeTime from behind then chokes him out. Meekin uses clubbing forearms to the back of PrimeTime as the crowd boos. The Meeker charges in the corner but PrimeTime rolls away as both men are down. They struggle to get to their feet then they trade chops. PrimeTime ducks one chop and hits a flying forearm that stuns Meek then flattens him with a super kick and he looks like he is out. Or is he just playing Meekaboo? Anyway PrimeTime waits for him to get up but from behind comes Thunder, who hits him from behind for the DQ. Thunder pounds away and Meekin also joins in then has Thunder hold up PrimeTime. The man from Meekadopolis charges but Thunder falls and pulls down the ropes as Meekdizzle spills to the floor! PrimeTime gets his hand raised as I do not believe we have seen the last of this.
Now, a word from Biff Kensington III:
“Hello, BoD Nation. As my blond hair and blue eyes already tell you, I am a proud White Anglo-Saxon Protestant. However, I am even prouder to make money and put people out of work so I can make a profit. Cutting a job of a single mom with four kids to earn 0.01% increase on my stock makes me hard every morning. And coming to the BoD to throw around my wealth makes me even prouder. BoD Nation, Biff is coming and he is buying and beating whoever he wants”
And now, exclusive footage of Hoss vs. The Ice Cream Truck
(The Ben & Jerry’s Truck skids sideways in order to avoid and enraged and ice cream depraved Hoss, who did not budge. Hoss angrily goes over to the driver’s side door and rips it off)
Hoss: GIMME SOME FUCKING ICE CREAM NOW
Driver: (scared shitless) Um, I………..uh………um…uh
Hoss: OPEN THE BACK OF THE TRUCK BEFORE I SNAP YOUR LEGS
Driver: (fumbling around his keys)
Hoss: I WILL DO IT MYSELF (Hoss then punches the driver in the stomach, takes the keys, and opens the back. Hoss takes out all of the chocolate chip ice cream)
Driver: Why are you taking all of the ice cream?
Hoss: (looks enraged, holds up his giant empty bowl and spoon) YOU SHUT YOUR MOUTH. I AM EATING MY ICE CREAM. (Hoss shovels ice cream in his bowl as the Driver remains petrified)
Driver: (shaky) Why were you in the middle of the road?
Hoss: (looks up and is agitated) YOU TALK TOO MUCH (Hoss walks over to the driver and picks him up by the neck and chokeslams him on the grass) NOW YOU WON’T BE INTERRUPTING ICE CREAM TIME (The driver is out cold as Hoss fills up his giant bowl)
(All of a sudden, we hear sirens as Hoss takes his bowl and the keys to the truck and gets in. Hoss then starts the engine and pulls away as the driver remains on the side of the road.)
Next week, we will update you all on the whereabouts of Hoss.
Tommy Hall has now entered the GM’s office. He is told to take a seat
GM: Take a seat, Tommy
Tommy: Okay. I have a question for you
GM: Funny you should say that. I have a question for you too. (Pulls out a box) Tommy, why am I getting a box from Mitchell & Ness delivered to my office with your name on it?
Tommy: (a bit anxious) Well, uh……I figured it would be easier to get it here.
GM: (slightly irritable) Tommy, what’s in the box?
Tommy: Its the 1995 NBA Draft Lottery Throwback Collection. Both Pro and College throwbacks included.
GM: (more irritable) So you mean to tell me you needed not one but two Cherokee Parks throwbacks?
Tommy: (sheepishly) Shawn Respert too.
GM: Are you kidding me, Tommy? I am beginning to think you have an addiction to throwback jerseys. Which has me asking this question: How are you affording all of these jerseys?
Tommy: My Clash of the Champions e-book sales have been greater than expected.
GM: Tommy, I heard a house show report that in your match, that you were supposed to hit your opponent with a sock full of coins and it looked very light. In fact I heard the sock spilled out and all that came out was 4 dimes and a chrome cap off of a bicycle.
Tommy: You see, the czars at Mitchell and Ness would not take my e-book currency. Damn Nazis.
GM: Its because it is ILLEGITIMATE CURRENCY!!!!!!!! Tommy, you are costing me money. And because of Jef Vinson, I have to withhold paychecks this week to the lower midcard. So stop buying throwbacks before I cut you off from Mitchell & Ness permanently.
Tommy: Could you just front me for this sweet Ralph Sampson University of Virginia throwback until next paycheck? Promise it is the last one.
GM: Fine. By the way, didn’t you have a question for me?
Tommy: Yeah, why am I facing Andy in the semifinals? Seems early to me.
GM: Well, you said that he didn’t do the job in 20 minutes so I am going to see if you can.
Tommy: (disappointed) fair enough. (Tommy then walks out of the office).Th
And folks, Stranger in the Alps is here tonight scouting his competition. He has his paper championship with him too. Stranger is shaking hands with all of the children and old ladies. Careful grandma, get your geriatric hands off of him as he is married.
BoD Writer’s Championship #1 Contender’s Tournament Semifinals
Andy PG vs. Tommy Hall
These two have a hatred for each other that runs deep. Match starts with Tommy getting backed to the ropes and breaking cleanly. Tommy is rocking out with his Elvis Grbac throwback to honor NFL opening weekend. Tommy gets backed into the ropes again but slaps Andy off of the break. Andy goes after Tommy, who ducks outside. Tommy pumps up his sneakers before he goes back into the ring. Tommy use the ref as a shield but Andy is able to get around that and hammer away. Andy whips Tommy against the ropes then hits him with a back elbow smash. Andy takes him down with an armdrag and works the arm for a bit. Tommy reaches the ropes then ducks back out for a breather. Andy follows him out and fires away. Tommy is able to reverse an Irish whip and sends Andy into the guardrail. Tommy gathers himself then suplexes Andy on the mat. Tommy rolls him back inside and applies a chinlock as we are at the halfway mark. Tommy picks up Andy then hits a backbreaker. He drops an elbow and that gets two. He puts Andy in a surfboard as the crowd boos Tommy. Tommy now chokes out Andy on the mat until the referee breaks it up. Tommy puts the Reebok pumps to Andy as he is growing frustrated at not being able to put Andy away. Tommy picks up Andy and hits a Death Valley Driver but Andy manages to kick out of that. Tommy is furious and sends Andy into the corner. Tommy charges but eats boot and Andy fights back. Andy leaps but Tommy catches him with a stungun as we are at the 5 minute mark. Tommy drags Andy near the ropes and sets up for his finisher, the Vader Bomb, and hits that. Tommy covers one……two…………….and Andy manages to get his foot on the ropes as Tommy is in disbelief. Tommy now climbs up top and comes off with a splash but Andy rolls away as both men are down. Tommy is up first but Andy fires away. Andy bounces off of the ropes and gets a sunset flip for two and that triggers a pinfall reversal sequence. The fans applaud their efforts as their are just 2 minutes left. Tommy misses a haymaker and Andy hits him with a back suplex that gets two. Andy goes up top and gets two with a missile dropkick. We are at the 1 minute mark as Tommy gets his knees up on a splash attempt. Tommy hits Andy with a gutbuster then goes for another Vader Bomb but Andy gets up and hits Tommy. Andy then tries to take of Tommy with a Splash Mountain but struggles and they fight up top as time expires. The match is ruled a time-limit draw. Tommy gets down and is irate that he lost the match. Assistant GM Justice Gray comes out and says that due to a tie, both men are eliminated from the tournament, which means the winner of Perri vs. Rockstar Gary will be facing Stranger at Bod Night of Champions. Stranger shakes hands with Andy but Tommy shoves his hand away as he heads back to the locker room.
Now, lets go down to New Zealand for Mr. Garea and YJ2310
Garea: Now son, let me tell ya aboot a tale of myself. I was just a young sheep farmer in Auckland, eating cheese wheels and wishing I lived in Australia. But one day, the sheep, they got out so in order to prevent it from running away, I grabbed its neck and it picked me up in the air boot I held on and took the sheep over and still had my arms wrapped around. When I was a wee bit older, I joined the army and got a tattoo on my bicep and ever since, I decided to become a professional wrestler with a limited moveset who makes sure he loses on his own terms then sticks around well past his prime as an agent. Son, ya got the same intensity I did and when I see you, I see me as a young lad. Son, its time to go back, and reclaim your spot in the Top 13″
And now, it is time for “Welcome to the BoD” with your host, Abeyance!!!!
Abeyance: Welcome to the BoD!!!!!!!!!!!!
Crowd: Thank you!!!!!
Abeyance: How are you tonight?
Abeyance: So am I
Crowd: We know!!!!!!
Abeyance: I know too. Here is my friend and tag team partner, thebraziliankid
Abeyance: So, how is your girlfriend!
thebraziliankid: She is good, thanks.
Abeyance: I have a girlfriend too. Her name is Maria Marry.
thebraziliankid: I think that might be a bot
Abeyance: No, she is a real, beautiful person
Abeyance: I am sorry too. But we have guests tonight. Let’s welcome, Curtzerker.
theberzker1: HUSS!!!!! HUSS!!!!!
Williams: I am here tonight because we are not getting the respect we deserve. We are the premiere tag team (theberzerker is yelling HUSS the entire time)
Abeyance: I have a question: Which one is Curt and who is Zerker?
thebraziliankid: Yeah, I do not know either?
theberzerker: HUSS!!!!!!!!!!!! HUSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Abeyance: Oh, so you are Huss and he is Curtzerker? Why are you not part of the team name?
thebraziliankid: Its not nice to exclude people, Curtzerker
Williams: What the……………
theberzerker: (looks at his partner, shrugs shoulders) HUSS?
Williams: We have a match now and next week, we will be facing the both of you
theberzerker: (Right in the faces of Abeyance & BrazilianKid) HUSS!!!!!! HUSS!!!!! HUSS!!!!!!!!!
New Age British Bulldogs vs. Curtzerker
Williams starts the match with Selby. Williams takes him down and stomps his leg. Lots of “HUSS” chants from theberzerker on the apron. theberzerker tags and yells a lot as he kicks Selby. thebezerker tries a slam but Selby floats over and makes the tag to Andrews. theberzerker is in a bit of trouble as the New Age British Bulldogs use quick tags to isolate him. Selby charges but theberzerker boots him in the face, HUSS STYLE. Williams tags and he puts Selby in a crossface as theberzerker gets down on the mat and yells “HUSS” right in Selby’s face as he cannot take it anymore and taps out. A decisive, HUSS-FILLED, victory for Curtzerker.
And now, footage of Jobber and Big Dirty Murph at this past weekend’s BoD’s “We Kinda, Sorta Care a Little Bit” charity program.
(We are at a house that needs paint and yardwork to be completed. A dozen or so kids are doing work with Jobber and Murph smoking near the fence)
Jobber: How much longer until this ends?
Big Dirty Murph: Yeah, this sucks. We could be snorting coke somewhere with AC and vodka
Jobber: And fresh guacamole too. Not this prepackaged horseshit.
(A kid comes up to both of them)
Kid: Why aren’t you guys helping out? Don’t you know it is fun to give back to the community?
Big Dirty Murph: Because helping out sucks.
Kid: Why don’t you like to share?
Jobber: But we are sharing. Here take this (gives him his guacamole). Now, what we are not is mean and yell at people what do to . Why are you saying that we are not helping or sharing? We sat down and did not have fun on purpose just so you could have all that fun raking those leaves and painting the house.
Kid: I’m sorry. I did not know you were sharing.
Jobber: Well we are and you hurt our feelings. But, to make it right, you should share your work with someone else. See that fat kid over there? Share with him because you are not fat and by moving around a lot, you will be helping him lose weight. He probably cant even fit in the back of his mom’s Infiniti.
Kid: Okay (Goes off and makes the fat kid rake leaves instead of playing on Nintendo DS.
Jobber: (motions to the kid) Take this (slips a $100 bill) and give it to the guy named Pedro in the blue car when he pulls up and he will give you a bag of my medicine. If anyone asks, tell them its for me, Jef Vinson.
Big Dirty Murph: Great work, boss.
Jobber: (Lays down and lights up another smoke) I do love to share and help. Lets go share some of my money with those whores at the Cellular Twat.
Jobber, the anti-hero your children all want to be like.
BoD Writer’s Championship #1 Contender’s Tournament Semifinals
“Marvelous” Matt Perri w/ Miss Danielle vs. Rockstar Gary w/ Bill Ray
Winner faces Stranger for the Paper Championship. Gary attacks before the bell but Perri fires back. Perri then rams Gary into the corner and knees him in the gut. Gary fights back as Ray tries to interfer but gets slapped by Miss Danielle. Perri hits Gary with a uranage then puts Gary in a Texas Cloverleaf. Gary slips out and gets to the ropes. Gary low blows Perri and now takes control. Spinebuster gets two. Top rope clothesline gets two. Gary sends Perri into the corner and follows with another clothesline. Gary hits a sideslam then climbs up top but Kyle Fitta & Logan Scisco run down the aisle and attack Ray. Gary is distracted as the men they fucked over last week are getting revenge. As this is going on, Danielle slides her man a pair of brass knux. Perri puts them on and slugs Gary in the face. Gary is out like a light then Perri picks him up for the brainbuster and gets the win and the match against Stranger at BoD Night of Champions. Perri looks over at Stranger and signals that he will be the next champion.
Backstage, The Upper Midcard Express are with the GM. They say that Miss Diagnosis still requires them to wear their helmets at all times. kbjone is still confused as to why they have to face off against the regular midcarders. GM Bayless tells them its because the Midcard Mafia are cheaters. Petuka said that he plans to launch several Petuka Bazookas at BoD Night of Champions that will make Hiroshima look like a fucking Ben Vereen music video as the GM appreciates his intensity. They walk away the Justice Gray alerts the GM that Miss Diagnosis cannot find Magoonie. Bayless says that they need to heighten security.
In the locker room, Dancin’ Devin and Lil’ James are GITTIN FUN-KAY. Matt Indeed is still asking those if they want to be a part of Strike Force. WWF1987 & Bobby, dressed as Jimmy Jack Funk and holding a Dos Equis bottle, take offense to those GITTIN FUN-KAY in their presence and shut off the music as those four have an altercation. Old-School Biscuit is shown messing with some gym bags as Danimal Crossing lets us know that next week, he will reveal another clue about his new gimmick. Dock Muraco is watching ****3/4 matches but is not impressed. C-Listers DBSM, Mikey Mike, and Night 81 are talking about facing off against BoD Night of the Champions as Biscuit interrupts and tells them they are having a Fatal Four Way match at the show.
In the GM’s office, Bayless can be heard screaming “WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU CANNOT FIND STACKHOUSE!!!!!!!!
Cultstatus & The Fuj vs. Jobber123 & Parallax1978
Parallax comes out by himself here and asks Jobber where he was today. Match starts with a wild brawl at ringside. Parallax and The Fuj are trading blows outside as Jobber and Cult slug it out. This is now into the crowd as someone throws an old “Flair4daGold” t-shirt at Cult. But from the crowd, Big Dirty Murph, Stuart Chartock, and Zanatude run out and join Jobber as it is a 4-on-1 attack on Cultstatus. They assault Cult and try to break his leg but here comes Jef Vinson, Adam Curry and the ENTIRE MIDCARD MAFIA!!!!!!! Magoonie is back and cleared……………..TO KICK SOME ASS!!!!!!! This spills out in the parking lot as The Administration is waiting outside. THIS WAS A DAMN SET UP!!!!!!! Parallax and the Fuj are in the ring going at it as the Administration and Jobber’s stable are destroying Vinson, Cult, Curry and the Midcard Mafia. The beating continues as Bayless is shown laughing in the background as the show goes off air. WHAT WILL HAPPEN NEXT WEEK? TUNE IN TO FIND OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!