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On This Day: WCW Saturday Night – August 31, 1996

Slim Jim brings the
excitement (SNAP INTO IT), and WCW brings a FULL 2-hour edition of Saturday
Night, due to the fact the Braves played (and got killed) at 12:05 in Wrigley.
Their loss is YOUR gain. Midcarders, Jobbers, and Mean Gene oh my!
TONY SCHIAVONE and DUSTY RHODES recap
the most recent nWo attack. Dusty wonders what Ted DiBiase has in store for us,
now that he’s stepped onto the “bowels of the battleship”.

THE GIANT (with Jimmy Hart and Hugh Morrus) vs.
THE RENEGADE
Tony sticks to the company
line that DiBiase must be the fifth Horsemen, but Dusty’s skeptical because he
“knows the history of the Horsemen” and is aware there’s never been a fifth
Horseman. I’m delighted Dusty is here, because he throws out these utterly
pointless factoids, but sells it with such pride that you KNOW he’s proud of
himself for thinking outside the box. Giant wins with a Chokeslam at 1:52. Then Morrus climbs the buckle and
hits a moonsault. If this is all we get out of the Dungeon tonight, I’m cool
with that – but let’s not kid ourselves. DUD
“MEAN” GENE OKERLUND wants to chat with Jimmy and Giant, but NOT
Morrus. Hart tells Savage he’d better bring something bigger than a chair to
Fall Brawl, because what goes up must come down. Giant says he’s sick of taking
all the blame for the nWo, since Savage was far too scared to show up in
Sturgis.
Shortly afterwards, Gene
finds ICE TRAIN and TEDDY LONG. They gonna bring it at Fall
Brawl, in a Submission Match against Scott Norton. Seriously, this is STILL
going?!? Gene throws out “hey Teddy, great haircut” and Long, without breaking,
nods and says “thank you!”
KURASAWA vs. ICE TRAIN (with Teddy Long)
Train and Kurasawa trade
chops for awhile, before Train grows bored and turns to the hiptoss. Powerslam
gets Train jacked, and he follows with a standing splash with some air! Train
throws Kurasawa’s shoulder to the buckle, and applies an arm breaker while
screaming Norton’s name. Kurasawa won’t tap, which probably doesn’t bode well
for Train’s chances at the PPV. Train drops a leg on the arm, and applies the
cross arm breaker for the win at 2:54.
Kurasawa has never been booked weaker, and he may want to consider returning to
Japan at this point. 1/2*
MR JL vs. CHRIS JERICHO
Have I mentioned before
how giddy I get that Jerry Lynn uses the exact same music that Jerry Flynn
eventually would? Let’s see if Jericho can bust out of being a white bread
loser today, and actually accept the idea of winning a match. Jericho plants
him with a dropkick, while Tony announces they need to “pull out” for a
commercial. Ladies, I know you’re disappointed by Tony, but stick with this
recap, because I never pull out.
JL tries working
something of a half-crab when we’re back, but can’t get anything going, so he
hits a rana instead. Jericho ducks a crossbody, and hits a clothesline for 2. Jericho
hits a standing vertical suplex to show off his strength, and turns to the
chops. JL turns them around on Jericho, and hits a dropkick in the corner.
Tony, focusing on the nWo as usual, comes up with a smart idea; play out War
Games on the level, and once the entire squad is in the ring, send in everyone
from WCW to leave them in a bloody heap. If he didn’t announce it on TV in
front of the world, I’d call this brilliant. Meanwhile, Jericho hits a bulldog
off the apron that leaves JL dizzy. He rolls back in gingerly, where Jericho
meets him with a backdrop, followed by a senton backsplash. Up to the top, JL
dropkicks him off and to the floor, and follows behind with a plancha off the
buckle! Back in, JL rolls Jericho up, but it’s only 2. A back elbow drops
Jericho, and JL follows with a missile dropkick for a VERY close 2. Jericho
manages to fight out of something, hitting a fisherman’s buster, and he
finishes with the Lionsault at 6:52.
**1/2
THE NASTY BOYS vs. THE STEINER BROTHERS
Rick Steiner comes out
from the Star Trek doors getting beaten up by both Nastys. The backstage camera
shows that Scotty is laid out backstage. It should come as no surprise that
your referee here is NICK PATRICK.
Rick fights both guys with as many punches and suplexes as he can muster. HARLEM HEAT, with COLONEL ROBERT PARKER and SISTA
SHERRI
all rush the ring, bringing the fight right to the Nastys. The bell
is rung as a shmoz, but nothing ever officially started this. I’d be fine if
they retired the tag-team belts at this point, I’m sick of all these teams.
“MEAN” GENE OKERLUND grabs Sherri and Parker in the locker room. The
Colonel says he hasn’t slept well in a week since the Nastys attacked Sherri,
and today, it starts. Parker offers the Nastys a job on his ranch, slaggin’ pig
slop.
DIAMOND DALLAS PAGE vs. BILLY KIDMAN
The arrows could not be
pointing harder at DDP as an nWo guy at this point. He managed both Hall and
Nash. He had a mysterious benefactor that got him back on his feet (Ted
DiBiase?). Someone is helping the nWo in and out of the building. DDP has never
been seen during any of the carnage. Nick Patrick referees most of his matches;
albeit not this one (hi Mark Curtis!). He’s ALMOST as suspicious as that darn
Ultimate Dragon. Oh, there’s a match, yes. Kidman hits a springboard crossbody
and nearly scores an upset. DDP whips Kidman into the corner, and is right
behind with a shoulderblock to the midsection. A pumphandle backbreaker gets
DDP excited, but no one’s there to give him a rating out of 10. There’s been a
real emptiness to Page since Kimberly left him for Johnny B Badd, who is of
course leading the WCW version of the nWo in the WWF. Kidman manages a tornado
bulldog, and comes off the top with a crossbody, but DDP finds a Diamond Cutter
for the win at 4:02. He gives
himself a self-high-five after the match. Good man! **
Back in the locker room, “MEAN” GENE OKERLUND grabs a word with
DDP, who is still insisting he’s the Battlebowl Champion. DDP says if Eddie isn’t
man enough to take the ring, then he doesn’t deserve the title as champion.
Gene asks about the whereabouts of the ring, but Page claims he has no idea.
Page calls the Guerreros a bunch of zeroes. No monkey? I’m let down.
Double Gene-o segment,
with JIMMY HART and KEVIN SULLIVAN. Sullivan insists on
interviewing Gene. He again repeats that if everyone had listened to him a year
and a half ago, we’d have no problems today. On that note, isn’t Gene the guy
who’s travelled with him through every major event of Hogan’s career? Wasn’t he
leading the ticker tape parade? Didn’t he idolize him? Gene admits it. Sullivan
mentions that Gene sells that he has inside scoops to the nWo to promote his
hotline, and suggests that Gene is not only still buddies with Hogan, but part
of the nWo. Gene freaks out and demands to talk to the Taskmaster, and NOT Johnny
Cochran. Sullivan tells the fans that the only person to blame for Hogan today
is Gene.
“HARDWORK” BOBBY WALKER vs. SCOTT NORTON
According to Tony, Ice
Train and Walker are close friends. I suspect it’s because they have a lot in
common, if you catch my drift. (It’s the fact they both love Hard Work!) Norton
wraps his giant arms around Walker’s melon, and chokes him in the ropes while
trash talking the entire time. However, he misses a blind charge, and Walker
springboards up, comes off the top … doing absolutely nothing in the process. Literally,
he jumped and landed behind Norton. No surprise we move to the shoulderbreaker
followed by a cross armbreaker at 3:48.
Same move as Ice Train. That should help sell the 40th rematch at
Fall Brawl between those two. DUD
After a sell-job for Fall
Brawl, “MEAN” GENE OKERLUND welcomes
NICK PATRICK. This is turning into a
witch-hunt, at this point Patrick has nothing to lose by going nWo because
nobody trusts him anyway. Gene admits, if it wasn’t for himself, it’s possible
that nobody talks about his mistakes – but he’s tired of all these “little
mistakes”. Patrick reminds Gene that he has been cleared by WCW for every indiscretion,
and outside of Gene and Dusty, nobody else has been levying these ugly
accusations. Patrick brings up that Gene has long ties to the Outsiders. Gene
tells him they’re not here to talk about himself, but about Patrick. Patrick
says he drives a 94 American made car, and lives in a $125,000 house. Gene says
he saw Patrick in some Armani clothing. Patrick in turn mentions Gene was
driving a red Mercedes earlier. Gene: “That’s a rental car, pal!” Patrick: “Sure
it is.” Patrick is playing his role to a tee, who knew the referee could be so
dynamic?
THE FOLLOWING MESSAGE HAS BEEN PAID FOR BY THE NEW
WORLD ORDER
It’s Hogan alone in a
room with a giant inflatable globe, which he’s kicking around because the nWo
have taken over the world. He brags about the nWo belt, poses with a baseball
bat, and calls it a “home run”. He spray paints out a WCW log (“World Crybabies
Wrestling”), and vows to leave Sting stung. “You gotta change with the times,
man.” Hogan says you have to take what you want, bond for business. Because
anything less, would be uncivilized.
COBRA and SGT CRAIG PITTMAN (with Teddy Long) vs. THE
FACES OF FEAR (with Jimmy Hart)
Meng tells it like it is
on the way to the ring: “Hawwwwf … mawchu maw maw”. The lousy Cobra attacks
Meng before the bell, and Pittman joins in. Hart screams “THIS AIN’T A HANDICAP
MATCH, REF DO SOMETHING!” – but thankfully Meng can take care of himself and he
stomps Cobra in the face. He might need some make-up to cover the mess that
probably made, he should look in to some face paint. Sting would be a good
person to speak to. Barbarian takes Pittman to the floor with a Cactus
clothesline. Back in, Meng punches away but Pittman no sells because his head
is just that hard. I’d love to watch these two have a headbutting contest, it
might go on for days. The savages hit a double headbutt off the corners, but
Cobra saves. A legdrop misses, and Pittman hits an atomic drop that allows him
enough time to tag Cobra. Dropkicks for everyone! Until Meng gives him some
Sweet Chin Music for the win at 4:37.
*
“LORD” STEVEN REGAL (with Jeeves) vs. LEX LUGER
(for the WCW world television title)
NICK PATRICK is assigned to this match. Fans chant USA, which sends Regal into a
white hot rage – shame on you American fans, trying to throw a real sportsman
off his game. Luger hits a back elbow, and roars, which makes Regal’s eyes pop
out of his head. Back to their feet, Regal tries to wring the arm, but Luger
puts him in a headlock. Luger hits a backslide for 2, and hits a pair of
armdrags which sends Regal out to take a powder (and insult a couple of
cameramen). Back in, they wind up in a test of strength, which ends on the
ground where Luger stomps on the hands. Regal holds them like they’re on fire,
blowing on them and begging off. They lock back up, Regal is powered to the
corner and immediately starts screaming “BREAK REF, BREAK!” As soon as Luger
releases, he gets a thumb to the eye, and Regal goes mental with a flurry of
punches and kicks, along with a lecture, Sunshine. A double knee to the face
drops Lex, but doesn’t finish much to Regal’s ire. A blind charge gets a Luger
kick to the face, and Regal is staggering like he’s just emerged from the pub
after a few dozen Guinness’s. A vertical suplex looks to finish, but Regal gets
his foot on the rope. Regal goes back to what works, with another thumb to the
eye, but this time Luger swings wildly with a clothesline and Regal hits the
floor. Luger follows, and that draws in THE
OUTSIDERS
from the crowd!!! They throw Luger shoulder first to the
ringpost! Back in, Regal rolls Luger in, and scores the pin at 7:40!!!!! REGAL WINS! REGAL WINS!!!!
NEW CHAMPION!!!!!!! Dusty immediately starts asking whether or not Regal is
part of the nWo, but there’s no time to think about it because we head to the
back. ***
Regal reminds Tony
Schiavone that he promised weeks ago there would be change coming, and exactly
as he stated, if Luger started bouncing his pecks around he’d rip his shoulders
off his frame. He says that Nick Patrick is a wonderful referee, and promises
to take the title all over the world, unlike Hogan or Flair who wait for people
to come to them. He promises to defend with honor and pride. He will go to
wrestle in the sandpits of India, or beat up any champion in Japan, because
this title will remain his as long as he “bloody well wants it to”. Tony has
enough and calls for the end of the show. I don’t see why, Regal just wants to
be a fighting champion. Shame on the biased announcers.

Worldwide tomorrow!