On This Day: WCW Worldwide – August 25, 1996

Guys, I know you have
been waiting ALL WEEK since I spoiled at the tail end of last week’s edition
that both Maxx AND High Voltage would be here. I don’t want to leave you
salivating for these huge appearances any longer.
TONY SCHIAVONE and “SOBER” BOBBY HEENAN
welcome us to Disney. And they waste NO time in setting us up for our opening
match, which could main event any arena in the country!

THE ROCK N ROLL EXPRESS vs. SOUTHERN POSSE
I am fairly sure this is
the first appearance of Southern Posse, which is made up of Bill Payne and
Butch Long. Singles matches have not been kind to these two – so let’s see how
they fare against the former tag-team champs. Morton single-handedly whoops
both members of the Posse, but he grows bored and goes to Gibson. We have some
heel miscommunication, and Gibson works over Long. Morton throws a running
elbow while Long is perched on the shoulders of Gibson, and gets 2. Payne trips
up Morton, and uses an assisted moonsault to get 2. Long comes back in, and
Payne slams him onto Morton with a legdrop for 2! Tony and Heenan start talking
about cheating in the match. Heenan: “You know a lot about cheating don’t you
Tony? You’ve had 8 very successful marriages.” Long misses a top rope legdrop,
and Morton makes the hot tag to Gibson who cleans house. An enzuigiri flattens
Payne, and a double dropkick scores the win at 5:06. Even against these losers (who gelled quite well actually),
the RnR can’t help but follow the usual script. **
MAXX (with Jimmy Hart) vs. TODD MORTON
There’s something kind of
spectacular about a show that features jobbers whose gimmicks are to rip off
old stars of the past, except that the person he’s impersonating appeared in
the LAST MATCH. Even Bobby can’t ignore this fact, by pointing out that he
looks like Ricky, but is of no relation. Also, he’s a “ham and egger”, Bobby’s
not-so code word for jobber. They’re not even pretending to be trying at this
point. Of course, that’s made clear the minute RON THE LEPRECHAUN starts running around the ring, and gnaws at the
leg of the cameraman before returning to wherever he came from. No continuation
of his ongoing feud with Todd? SHAME, WCW! Maxx wins with the full nelson at 2:25. Bobby shamefully compares this
goon to Ken Patera. DUD
“MEAN” GENE OKERLUND is joined by Hart and BIG BUBBER. Maxx can’t even get interview time. I think it’s time
to find a new stable, geez. Bubba calls Hogan the mastermind behind the nWo. Is
this actually a topic of conversation, trying to deduce who’s behind it all? Do
you figure Sting and Luger having late night conversations in their hotel room
while staring at the ceiling unable to sleep, trying to put their finger on who
came up with the nWo idea? That’s quickly brushed aside, the real story is that
Bubba wants his picture on Jimmy’s tie. Jimmy promises the whole sportscoat.
We’ll need to keep our eyes on this story.
JIM POWERS vs. MANNY FERNANDEZ
From what pits of jobber
hell did THIS emerge from? Is the match ever going to end if neither guy is
paid to win? This has the potential to make Chris Hero look like he lacks
stamina. Tony calls Powers a “great addition to WCW!” Christ, next he’ll be
selling Joe Gomez as “one upset away from being a World Champion!” Fernandez
hits a forward Russian legsweep – that’s PROBABLY his move – but Powers kicks
out at 2. Powers slams him head first to the buckle 10 times, and the fans
count-a-long because that’s what the sign told them to do. Powerslam gets the
win for Powers at 3:13. 1/2*
HIGH VOLTAGE vs. PRINCE IAUKEA and LEROY HOWARD
Rage promises to bring
it, Powerplant Style. I kind of love the idea of a Powerplant invasion. Braun the
Leprechaun leads the charge of High Voltage, Kanyon, Lodi, The Renegade, David
Flair, and Chuck Palumbo as WCW’s Saviors against the nWo. In fact, why ISN’T
this exactly what’s happening? Friggin’ Luger and Sting aren’t doing much good,
it’s time to try anything. Heenan compares Iaukea to a Chia Pet, and complains
about the lack of shoes. Tony points out that Jimmy Snuka also worked without shoes.
Heenan: “Of course not, he couldn’t afford them!” Leroy Howard might be the
blackest of black names that the man could come up with – but it wasn’t racist
enough for ol’ Leroy, no sir. He’d go on to work on the indy circuit as
“Rastaman” and “Black Navy Seal”. WCW really should have used him as a key part
of their defense against Sonny Onoo’s lawsuit, by pointing out they refused to
let him work as Black Navy Seal. Sure, that was negated the minute they allowed
GI Bro, but I digress. No, I REALLY don’t want to recap this match, and I
won’t. Howard nearly kills Kaos when Rage clips him in the middle of a
powerslam, so he just drops him on his head instead. A springboard Hart Attack
finishes at 6:56. *
Meanwhile, HUGH MORRUS has been granted a little
interview time with “MEAN” GENE OKERLUND
who is cleaning the dandruff off Gene’s shoulders. Gene tries laughing along
with him, but Morrus gives him the stink eye. This continues throughout the
interview. Okerlund asks Morrus if he gets along with Sullivan, and Morrus
starts laughing which sets Okerlund off and Morrus gets pissed at him asking
what the hell he finds so funny? Gene apologizes. Morrus pats him down and
tells him maybe they’ll see each other later, which gets Gene to relax, and
promise no more liberties with levity. I wish I could link to this interview,
my words are not doing justice to how great this was.
THE FACES OF FEAR (with Jimmy Hart) vs. THE NASTY
BOYS
If you like the Dungeon
of Doom, you’ll love this edition of the show. NICK PATRICK is your referee, and with the controversy surrounding
the Nasty’s loyalties, maybe we’ll get some answers. Or not, it’s frickin’
Worldwide. Meng and Knobbs start, and we got CLUBBERIN’ TONY! Of course,
Dusty’s not here, but I’m trying to pinch hit. Saggs jumps in for the double
team, and everything’s throwing fists! Saggs headbutts Meng in the pooter, and
with Knobbs they run him over with a clothesline. Barbarian comes in for some
reason, despite no tag, and he gets clotheslined. They regroup, where Hart gives
them words of wisdom: “WE ARE THE DUNGEON OF DOOM! OOKA BACKA! OOKA BACKA!”
Back in, the Nastys hit a beautiful chop block / clothesline combo on
Barbarian, and Saggs works the leg like he’s Ric Flair or something. RON THE LEPRECHAUN makes another appearance,
this time to bite Jimmy Hart before disappearing again. Heenan: “We need to get
him to lay off the Maxwell House.” Somewhere in that, Meng came in and now he’s
clotheslining the last tooth out of Saggs’ head. Both teams spill to the floor,
but nothing develops. Tony starts trying to figure out where Nastyville is,
eventually settling on the fact that it’s a place in their mind – that the ring
is Nastyville, and wherever they are, as long as they are brawling, they’re
home. Let’s get Sigmund out of the booth, hmmm? Tony calls out Bobby on his
Nasty Boys hate, by asking “they’re not on your Christmas card list, are they?”
Bobby smartly replies: “Are they on yours?” and Tony is stuck tripping over his
hypocrisy with a meek “well, we’re not that close!” Meng slams Saggs, but
misses the follow up elbowdrop and in come Knobbs to clean house. Of course,
the only selling Meng’s ever done is for David Maus Toyota, so the hot tag is pointless. Hart winds up
causing a distraction, and Meng tosses Knobbs over the top for the STUPID over
the top DQ at 8:58. They haven’t
called that rule in months, what the hell WCW? Faces of Fear kill Saggs with
the double swandive headbutt, just to remind us they’ve been the best thing in
the tag-team division for the last year. *1/2

Tony signs us off,
without even a reminder to watch Nitro. Which is good, because my recap on that
one is LIKELY to be late since I’m headed to the New York State Fair Tuesday.
Assuming I re-enter Canada without the assistance of an Ambulance after
consuming 3-weeks worth of calories and more transfats than anyone should put
back in a lifetime – then I’ll be back with that on Thursday.