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The PG Era Rant: Raw, 08.18.14

The PG Era Rant for Raw, August 18,
2014.
I’ve been doing this for a year and I
still feel like I’m being punished on a regular basis. Note to the
readers: buckle up, we’re in for a long ride.
Live from Lost Wages, Nevada.
Things to see tonight:
  • The debut of the new title belt,
    to be presented to Brock Lesnar.
  • Stephanie McMahon will discuss
    Nikki Bella’s betrayal.
  • …Um, any matches? Please?
We open by looking back at SummerSlam
in movie trailer form. It’s basically the same as the opener to
SummerSlam only in the past tense.
Your hosts are JBL, Lawler, and Cole.

And we open with Daniel Bryan’s
music… playing out Stephanie McMahon in a Bryan-esque T-shirt,
doing Bryan’s entrance. The announcers go over the big story from
that match: Nikki. She loves that the crowd chanted her name (they
didn’t). Social media said SummerSlam was better than WrestleMania,
and it’s partly because of Brock Lesnar’s big win. And tonight, he’s
getting a new belt. (Note to Stephanie: never imitate Paul Heyman
again.) Also, apparently John Cena isn’t here tonight.
Also, Chris Jericho had to recover from
being humiliated by Bray Wyatt; Dean Ambrose learned that Seth
Rollins was the man of the Shield; but the big loser was Brie Bella,
of course. Lesson from last night: You fight the Authority,
Authority always wins. (And you can see it all for 9.99.) But she
didn’t do it alone… HHH helped by standing by her side and being
faithful – you know, unlike Daniel Bryan. Daniel Bryan knows who
Brie really is. Brie only cares about herself. But there’s more:
here’s Nikki.
Stephanie says that Nikki is clearly
upset, and she’s been abused by Brie. Is it an act of betrayal? Who
knows – the mic went out. Mic’s back – and it was supposed to be
the sisters against everyone. But it wasn’t. Nikki was always there
for Brie. She always loved her. (WHAT?) But Brie wasn’t the woman
Nikki wanted her to be – she became selfish. She goes into Owen’s
playbook about how Brie always had to be better, always blamed Nikki,
etc. They actually play up the Total Divas story about Nikki not
able to get married and how Brie was racing her to the altar. But
Nikki won because Brie was stuck with Daniel Bryan.
Brie may be cunning, but she got stuck
in a match with Stephanie. (9.99!) But Nikki… to be honest, she’s
heartbroken. This has been going on her whole life. But now she’s
her own woman. She may have lost a sister… except she never had
one. Now, she’s free! And it feels good!
But wait, here’s a very angry Brie.
Crowd gives this a YES. She simply asks (off-mic) why. Brie loves
Nikki, they’re family for life, Nikki destroyed it… Brie is crying.
Brie can forgive last night… and Nikki slaps Brie and will never
forgive her. Brie leaves in tears as the crowd tells Nikki she sold
out.
Later tonight, a new belt for Brock!
But up next, Big Show and Mark Henry against the Wyatt Family… on
Superstars? No, RAW.
So it’s the night after SummerSlam,
the Authority stands tall, John Cena is out injured, and no faces
look like they can rise to the top. It’s like the last year never
happened. This is a rerun.
Moments
ago, blah blah slap.
Luke Harper and Erick Rowan v.
Big Show and Mark Henry.

The German announce team has been cut to two. Rowan and Henry start.
It’s a slugfest, won by Henry. He headbutts Rowan down in the
corner, but runs into an elbow as the fans chant Sexual Chocolate.
Henry with a clothesline, then a boot for Harper. “I’m fire and
brimstone, bitch!” Henry pounds down Harper, and Show enters with
a CHOP OF DOOM. Headbutt follows, and he boxes Harper in the corner.
Slam and headbutt follows. Another CHOP OF DOOM and more boxing.
Body blows in the corner, but Harper with a back elbow and thrust
chops. Show is cornered but manhandles both guys, tossing Harper
over the top as we go to break.
As a refresher for those of you who
don’t remember: Paul Wight’s act is 1000 times more tolerable as a
heel than a face to me because he’s good at not selling and throwing
people like crazy. It makes faces more impressive in coming back,
but makes heels look incompetent that they can’t get out of the
blocks. Show’s offense and style is much better suited for a heel,
basically.
Wyatt Family v. Show/Henry, part
two.
Harper bails out of
the ring to get away from Show, but Show palms him to the apron only
to get dropped on the top rope. Harper tries a whip, but it’s
reversed and Show with an avalanche. Rowan’s low bridge just annoys
Show, but it allows Harper a dropkick and Harper tags Rowan in
forcefully. Big boot on the outside, and he barely gets Show into
the ring. It gets two. Harper in, and the two double-team Show and
choke away. Fans are behind Big Show. Harper with uppercuts and a
palm strike and Rowan in with right hands. T&A double-team by
the Family into a superkick gets two. Gator Roll on Show – sort
of, since Show is the size of about three gators – and a headlock.
Show suplexes out of it. Rowan in with a clobber of some sort, and
he slams Show (!!) for two. He tries again, but Show reverses to a
DDT. Hot tag Henry, and Rowan goes flying. Harper takes Show out as
Henry avalanches Rowan and goes or the World’s Strongest Slam.
Harper boots the pile over and Rowan gets two. Harper gets Rowan
focused, but Show WMDs Harper, then Rowan, and the World’s Strongest
Slam ends it at 11:37. Much better than it had any right to be.
**1/4
Later
tonight: The Miz cashes in his rematch for the Intercontinental
Title! Plus, Reigns/Sheamus/RVD face Orton/Ryback/Axel! But up
next, a look at the Lumberjack Match!
Okay,
that was impressive. There’s a perverse fun in seeing four big guys
bump like crazy.
Ric
Flair is congratulating Dolph Ziggler when Miz enters. This is going
to be a sequel where the hero wins. Dolph doesn’t deserve the gold
the way Miz is. Miz says it’ll come back home tonight to an A-list
superstar: him. Dolph rebuts that Miz is more A-hole than A-list,
and Flair punctuates it with a WHOO.
Here’s
some stills from Ambrose/Rollins. This leads to Renee Young
interviewing Rollins. Rollins accepts congratulations for winning,
and it feels good. He didn’t run or hide; he stood and fought, and
he proved he was better. He’s the future champ and the future of the
WWE. And then Dean Ambrose ice buckets him. Dean: “What? It’s
for charity!” And the brawl is on. Fade to break.
Okay,
I admit it, I laughed. Dean Ambrose is the most outside-the-box
character in WWE since Roddy Piper. I’m glad they let him do this
stuff.
Moments
ago, it was for charity.
Backstage,
an angry Rollins asks Kane and HHH to do something about it. They
need to eliminate him entirely because he’ll never go away. HHH
tries to calm Seth down… and tonight, there will be a rematch.
Same stips? Nope. Because Dean Ambrose is crazy, so they can’t
predict what he does. So it’s a WWE App match – that way, Ambrose
won’t be a martyr because the fans made it happen.
Natalya (in the ring) v. Paige.
Non-title. Stills from last night show Paige is the new champ. But
before the match, Paige tells us she respects AJ and loves her.
Tonight’s match is dedicated to her. Paige with a hammerlock to
start, but Natalya with a fireman’s carry for one. Jack-knife pin
gets one. Backslide fight, which Paige stops so she can kick Natalya
in the back of the head. She slithers over Natalya before
headbutting her for one. And here’s AJ to skip to the ring. Paige
watches AJ skip around and around, and here’s a shock: Natalya with a
cradle for the pin at 1:38. Post-match, AJ takes the microphone and
says she respects Paige and loves her. And she dedicates her LIFE to
Paige. She wants to shake Paige’s hand, which creeps Paige out so
much she runs away. Crowd is so thrilled by this story they chant
for CM Punk.
Your
choices for the WWE App Match: No Holds Barred, Falls Count Anywhere,
No DQ. Wait, that’s a choice??
Up
next: the new belt presented to Brock Lesnar!
I’m
beginning to see why Scott wants to murder the people who invented
the distraction finish. It makes everyone look bad and no one look
good. And WWE Universe: stop trying to make CM Punk’s comeback
happen. It’s not going to happen!
A
montage of the locker room while Dwayne puts over the craft. Only
9.99.
HHH
and Stephanie (now in a formal black dress) emerge for the belt
presentation. Fun shot of the announce table, as JBL defends Nikki’s
actions and Cole just looks away like he’s sick of hearing it too.
HHH proclaims last night historic – perhaps the greatest SummerSlam
ever. And not just because Stephanie won. It’s also because of the
epic title match. Last night’s match will go down in history as an
instant classic. Two men gave it their all. So let’s show the title
they were fighting for. (The side plates have a copy of Brock’s back
tattoo on them.) And now, the new champion: Brock Lesnar! Here
Comes The One.
Everyone
poses for photos with the new title as we get a hashtag. The fans
are chanting for Brock as handshakes abound. (JBL’s snide “They
just cheer for the winner” comment actually makes sense.) A “Thank
you, Lesnar” chant begins as ladies and gentlemen, his name is Paul
Heyman. He is the Advocate for the one and only WWE Heavyweight
Champion of the World. And now, business.
Heyman
is authorized that there’s a bad secret: John Cena is not here
tonight. He WANTS to be here, but he can’t because he can’t walk,
thanks to Brock. Brock: “Say that again, please.” Heyman
obliges. Heyman’s been in wrestling since he was 14 and he’s never
seen a one-sided match like Cena’s beatdown at Lesnar’s hands. And
it’s not like Cena’s an average superstar – he’s the top superstar
of a generation. Consider: Dwayne was on top for 3 years; Austin for
5; but John Cena was on top for TEN.
Hey,
credit where credit’s due: a normal man would’ve lost after 30
seconds. But after an eternity of suffering, Heyman figured it out:
why do people love John Cena – including Heyman’s kids? Because he
takes all the beatings and coming back for more and more. Cena does
not give up – and he means it. Cena has Heyman’s respect and
admiration – in another time, he could’ve been a Paul Heyman Guy.
“If
they wrote the history of WWE before… last night, John Cena would
go down as the single greatest fighting champion in WWE history.”
Unfortunately, Brock Lesnar doesn’t feel this way. See, according to
Brock, Cena walked in a hero and was carried out a martyr, and
martyrdom doesn’t mean street credibility. And he who dies with
street cred, still dies. And it’s at Brock’s hands. Just like the
Streak died at Brock’s hands. Just like the Undertaker’s career died
at his hands. Just like Hustle, Loyalty, and Respect died at his
hands. Just like the CeNation died at his hands.
And
the same thing awaits anyone who tries to take his gold. It’s
unfair, really: if you step in, you’re just a challenger – just a
man. Brock Lesnar is not a man – he’s the Beast. So any man who
goes for his gold will be wrecked. The same beating awaits, so every
title defense is must-see and can’t-miss.
Now,
if you don’t want to spend 9.99 to see it, here’s what happened:
Brock Lesnar imposed his will on John Cena in “basic Brockanomics”.
Eat – sleep – suplex – repeat. Suplex – repeat – suplex –
repeat – suplex – repeat – you get the idea. This is how Brock
is… eat, sleep, F-5, victimize, beat, conquer, etc. The crowd
cheers as Brock winks to the camera and leaves.
Let’s
stall for time by replaying the Bella confrontation.
Later
tonight, Ambrose and Rollins rematch in a street fight WWE App “vote”
match! Plus, Sheamus/RVD/Reigns vs. Orton/Ryback/Axel! But next –
the Intercontinental Title is on the line in a rematch!
I
don’t want to be one of those guys who says a wrestler has to beat
himself up until he’s in a wheelchair, because that’s not what I mean
when I say this: part-timers should never be champion. Ever. Being
champion should be a full reward for being over, entertaining,
hard-working, and hungry. When Dwayne beat Punk, it’s when
everything went downhill. I know most people don’t agree, but that’s
what I see.
Intercontinental Title: Dolph
Ziggler (champion) v. The Miz (challenger).

Hashtag alert! Boxing intro alert! Some jockeying for position to
start, ending with a Dolph hiptoss for one. Round 2 ends with a Miz
cradle for one, then segues into Dolph tweaking his knee on a
leapfrog. Miz goes to work on the knee, wrapping it around the post
as we go to break.
This
being Dolph, I have no idea if he’s hurt or selling at first. But if
he’s allowing Miz to work it over it must be selling.
Intercontinental Title, part two.
Miz
continues working the leg, but Dolph gets a sunset flip for two and
backslide for two. Miz goes for his corner rope clothesline, but
Dolph gets the Sky High DDT for two. Dolph clutches his leg in pain
and can’t follow up. Dolph tries a superkick, but Miz catches it and
slaps on the figure-four. Crowd is freaking out. Dolph barely makes
the ropes, then rolls out to get away from Miz. He hangs Miz up on
the middle rope, then sweeps the leg as Miz steps through them.
Dolph with a superkick on the apron that sends him back to the floor,
and that’s a countout at 7:11. *1/4
Miz is none too thrilled with this development, and he attacks after
the bell, sending Dolph into the apron and tossing him in. Back in,
though, and Miz is caught with the Zig Zag. JBL insists Dolph took
an intentional countout from a fake injury. Wrestling? Fake?
Renee
Young is with Jack Swagger as we look back at stills from last night,
then at Rusev kicking Colter in the face. Swagger quietly says that
last night was an opportunity to defend America and he failed. But
America is great because they come back from adversity. When times
are tough, America gets stronger. So tonight, he’ll do what every
American does: he picks himself up and comes out swinging. WE THE
PEOPLE!
Jack
Swagger is out alone for his match, next!
Between
JBL yakking about Dolph Ziggler faking an injury and saying Swagger
let all of America down, I’m kind of tired of him. Why do announcers
need to be characters if they’re not also wrestling? Just call what
you see.
Jack Swagger v. Cesaro (no
intro).
I
can watch this all day. Cesaro tweaks Swagger’s ribs with a short
punch, then another. Cesaro does some boxing moves, but Swagger has
had enough and beats him down in the corner. Blind charge hits the
buckles rib-first, and Cesaro kicks the ribs and gets a gutwrench
suplex. Swagger fights back, but gets caught in an abdominal
stretch. Swagger hiptosses out, but runs into a knee to the gut and
big boot. Double stomp gets two. Armbar by Cesaro as he slaps
Swagger around. Swagger fights to his feet as JBL all but calls
Swagger a traitor. Big boot by Swagger, then a Vaderbomb gets two.
Suplex fight, but Cesaro goes to the ribs with knees and hangs
Swagger gut-first on the top rope. Swagger fights back, but Cesaro
recovers and sends Swagger into the turnbuckle. Big boot is caught,
and Swagger does the ankle lock, but it’s from the apron so he has to
break. Back in, he re-applies, but Cesaro is right in the ropes.
Cesaro goes to the eyes, and the Neutralizer ends it at 4:34. JBL’s
burial on commentary was bizarre. *1/4
And
after the match, Bo Dallas comes out to talk about how 318 million
Americans were let down at SummerSlam. And now look at Swagger –
still a loser. He’s lost his manager, he’s lost self-respect, and
he’s lost his dignity. But hey… he can get it back if he
Bo-Lieves!
Stills
of Chris Jericho and Bray Wyatt from last night. This leads to Renee
Young interviewing Jericho. Jericho says he realized that Bray Wyatt
isn’t like anyone else. He’s nothing like anyone else, and that
spider walk is beyond disturbing. But there’s an emptimess behind
his eyes. Last night, Bray said he was already dead – dead inside.
Sure, Jericho lost last night, but he’s not dead inside. He has
fire to compete and be the best. He has fighting spirit to drive
forward. And he has the best fans in the history of this company.
The fans will have his back and chant Y2J (after some prompting from
Jericho). That’s something Bray can never – ever take away from
him.
Up
next: Reigns, Sheamus, Van Dam! Orton, Ryback, Axel!
Enough
of JBL. He needs to leave, now. He wants to be a heel, so he acts
like a bully, but it takes away from what he does best as a
commentator, which is tell the story of a match. Re-watch
WrestleMania 23 to see how he gets Batista/Taker over as an epic
match. He and Cole do a #1 job at that.
Your
Main Event main event is Big Show against Erick Rowan. It’s implied
Henry and Harper will be at ringside.
Randy Orton, Ryback, and Curtis
Axel v. Sheamus, Rob Van Dam, and Roman Reigns.

Sheamus and Axel start as JBL won’t shut up about Swagger. Sheamus
gets the better of it with a clothesline off a leapfrog, but Axel
leverages to take over. Orton in, getting a boot off a duckdown, but
the backbreaker is reversed to the Finlay Roll as RVD follows with
Rolling Thunder. The heels regroup as we go to break.
Uh…
already? A break?
Six-man tag, part two.
Axel beats up Sheamus until he’s caught in the Ten of Clubs as the
crowd wants Ryback. Ryback’s caught in the Ten of Clubs as well.
Orton drops off the apron to avoid it, and Axel catches Sheamus and
pounds away. Corner whip is reversed, but Orton low bridges Sheamus
out of the ring. Orton tags in and drops down, suplexing Sheamus on
the barricade. Crowd chants Feed Me More as Orton poses. Orton
acknowledges by saying, “Your turn, Big Man,” before sending
Sheamus into the table. Back in, Orton stomps Sheamus in the gut and
points to Ryback, finally tagging him in to a huge cheer. Ryback
works Sheamus over in the corner with ten gut shots and a Hammer
Throw. Sheamus’s leg is in trouble as Ryback goes to a front
chancery and the crowd is HOT for Ryback (the hometown guy). Ryback
with a stalling suplex on Sheamus for two. Orton in (crowd am
disappoint), but the Draping DDT is reversed to White Noise. Hot tag
Reigns (Orton wisely tags in Axel), and it’s a Samoan Drop and flying
clothesline. Big kick flips Axel, and an avalanche and uppercut
follow. Drive-By Dropkick follows. Superpunch is called for, and it
delivers to Axel. Then one for Ryback for good measure. Crowd wants
the Spear, but Orton with the back-to-back backbreaker to stop it.
RVD in, and he gets a crossbody on Axel for one. Leg cradle gets
two. Corner high kick and split-legged moonsault gets two, Ryback
saves. Sheamus with a Brogue Kick to Ryback, but Orton an RKO to
Sheamus. Enzuigiri to Orton by RVD, then Reigns adds a spear. Axel
(the legal man) sends Reigns into the corner, but RVD gets the
stepover enzuigiri and Five Star Frog Splash for the pin at 11:13.
Started slow but really picked up at the end. **

Earlier
tonight, ice buckets led to a main event. (A word of advice to every
wrestler: when Renee Young ducks out of the way, brace yourself.)
Vote on the name of their street fight!
You
couldn’t throw Ryback a bone in his hometown? It’s a meaningless
six-man. Okay, fine, the crowd got over it pretty fast so it’s a
nitpick.
Backstage,
Orton is icing his neck and walking away when Ric Flair finds him and
wants to talk. Orton doesn’t want to hear advice and tells him to
walk off, invoking the Legend Killer tag.
Bray
Wyatt interrupts the feed. A Pale Horse arrived for Chris Jericho,
and Bray was the Pale Rider. He told Jericho it would happen, and
Bray’s a man of his word. Jericho says he saw nothing in Bray Wyatt,
emptiness. Bray thinks that, yeah, maybe Jericho’s right that Bray
has no souls but just collects them. But there’s one thing for
certain: Jericho can’t comprehend Bray. Behold the new face of
salvation. Follow the Buzzards.
The
Usos will be in action, next!
The
way Bray Wyatt is over right now is kinda scary. So much for that
clean loss to Jericho derailing him. And on another note: Kevin Dunn
delenda est.
But
let’s keep the Usos in the ring waiting while we replay the Bella
thing. Again.
The Usos v. The Brotherhood.
That reminds me, you think Kane will say something based on the
lumberjack match last night? Goldust was the first to get in Kane’s
face about interfering, after all. This is non-title, of course.
Dustin starts with Jey. It leads to a shoving match, and after
Dustin spits in Jey’s face, Jey rolls him up for one. Spinning
armdrag by Dustin, but Jey gives him a few of his own. Dustin
charges into a waistlock by Jey, and Jimmy tags in to work the arm.
Jey returns to drop on the arm from the top rope, and more
armbarring. Jimmy back in, and the Usos double-team Dustin for one.
JBL says he wants to stay away from weirdos (referring to Dustin and
Cody), which leads to discussions of Orlando Jordan and Jillian Hall.
Cody in, and he knocks Jimmy over but gets caught and sent to the
Uso corner. Jey with a flying forearm and back suplex, getting one.
Jimmy tags in during a front facelock, getting a snapmare and
chinlock as JBL mocks Cole rather than call the match. Cody with an
armdrag, but he runs into a clothesline. Jey back in, and he keeps
up the chinlockery. Cody fights out into the corner, but gets back
suplexed again. It gets two. Back to the chinlock as the crowd
wants Dustin in. They tease a hot tag, but Cody turns it into a
sunset flip… for the pin at 5:55? Wow. This match was totally
disjointed. 3/4*
Hey!
Have you voted on the WWE App match? Why not? It’s not like
they’re all the same match!
Yeah,
the Usos looked out of place playing heel in that match. Cody/Dustin
would’ve been better playing heels, or maybe they just go with a
straight-up face/face match. The over-reliance on the formula hurt
it, especially since the “hot tag” portion never happened.
Your
SmackDown main event is Rob Van Dam facing Randy Orton.
Rusev
and Lana are here. More stills of last night. Blah blah blah
Vladimir Putin blah blah blah Mother Russia blah blah Russia is
superior… and in comes Mark Henry! Crowd chants more USA. Mark
calls it American pride. Henry has been a US Olympian twice, and
it’s his proudest moment. Henry has no problem with any other
patriot… except “the way you two jackasses do it”. Last night,
it got under Henry’s skin to see Russia’s flag in America. It made
Henry sick. Lana tries to interrupt, but I’M NOT TALKING TO YOU!
Lana flinches. Do you think the power in America is gone? Hell no.
So listen up, “boy” – and that means something to Mark Henry –
Rusev is getting a tour of the Hall of Pain.
A
massive standoff follows, neither man going forward or backward…
until Rusev sucker-punches Henry. It goes nowhere, as Rusev sets up
the superkick… but with the bad ankle, so Henry blocks it and gets
the World’s Strongest Slam! Henry tells Lana to clear out, then
splashes Rusev. He gets high fives from the announcers and wears
JBL’s hat for no reason.
Here’s
a look at the Road to SummerSlam documentary, starring Dean Ambrose,
Seth Rollins, and Roman Reigns.
Well,
Operation Get Rusev Over So He Can Be Fed to Cena continues. As our
joke goes, this would be the last black guy for Rusev to beat, right?
Here’s
a look back at Paul Heyman’s victory speech. Next week, John Cena
will be back to talk about what happened.
WWE
App Match → Falls Count Anywhere Match (41%): Dean Ambrose v. Seth
Rollins.

This match gets a hashtag. Huge brawl to start. Ambrose with a
bodypress, but Rollins goes to the throat and follows on. Rollins
slugs Ambrose down as the crowd tries to rally Ambrose. Dean replies
with a dropkick to send Rollins out of the ring, then clotheslines
him into the crowd. And the brawl goes into the crowd floor section,
with Ambrose getting a straight right onto the concrete for two.
Ambrose throws Rollins onto the stage and follows, but Rollins takes
over temporarily. Suplex on the stage is escaped, powerbomb by
Rollins is escaped, and Ambrose gets the suplex for two. Right hand
sends Rollins tumbling down the ramp. Crowd is LOUD for this match.
Rollins is tossed in, and Ambrose finds some weapons. He eschews the
kendo stick for a steel chair to the guts. Ambrose gets a
chair-assisted slam on Rollins. To the top, and Ambrose with a
chair-assisted elbowdrop for two. Ambrose rakes the face of Rollins,
but a whip is reversed and Ambrose gets sent into a chair wedged into
the corner. This gets two as we go to break.
Wow,
the crowd is WHITE HOT for this match. Maybe the WWE is backing the
wrong Shield member for the next big thing…
Falls
Count Anywhere, part two.

Rollins has a kendo stick around Ambrose’s mouth. (During the
Break, Rollins took over by smashing Ambrose in midair.) Rollins
fires off a shot to Ambrose. “This is what you asked for, huh?
Come on, Ambrose!” Running kendo shot is caught by Ambrose, and he
unloads on Rollins, stealing the stick… and getting superkicked.
Ambrose’s tangle clothesline misses, and Rollins with an enzuigiri
for two. Rollins goes to get another chair, but a chair-assisted
Stinger Splash misses and Ambrose gets a Tornado DDT for two.
Ambrose slaps himself into focus, but Disty Deeds is blocked, the
Curbstomp is escaped, and both men gets a crossbody for a double KO.
Rollins up first, and he forearms Ambrose down, but Ambrose responds
in kind. It’s a slugest, won by Rollins, and Ambrose is knocked
down. But when Rollins picks him up, he fires back, ignores kendo
shots, and slingshots Rollins into the corner. Ambrose gets the
stick and swings away on Rollins, getting a White Russian legsweep
for two. Ambrose gets more chairs to the ring – like, 6 or 7 –
and piles them up in the ring. Ambrose stops Rollins from using one
and sets Rollins up top, teasing a superplex on the chairs. Rollins
blocks and goes to the throat, and it’s the MURDERDEATHKILL POWERBOMB
INTO THE CHAIRS! For two! Crowd is going nuts. Kane arrives and
sits down at ringside as Rollins acknolwedges him and the ref clears
the debris. Rollins goes out to tell Kane he’s got it under control,
then fishes out a table to a HUGE pop. Rollins with more kendo
shots, and the table’s set up. Rollins drags Ambrose to the table,
setting up a Curbstomp on the table from the top rope, but Ambrose
was playing possum and catches him. Hey, he thinks, here’s a table
behind me – and Ambrose sends both men through with a superplex!
Ambrose got the better of it, but he crawls through the table to…
knock Kane off the apron. Rollins is tossed out too, and both men
get hit with a tope suicida. Ambrose chucks Rollins back in, getting
the tangle clothesline and Dirty Deeds… but Kane pulls him off at
two and uppercuts him. Hey, no DQ. Kane sends Ambrose into the
table, but Ambrose blocks a stairs whip and sends Kane into them.
Rollins charges and gets backdropped into the crowd, so Ambrose keeps
it up on Kane. He has a decision to make, and decides to run the
tables to take out Rollins. He flings Rollins back to ringside and
stalks him, sending him into the table – the one where Kane’s lying
behind. He clears the table as This Is Awesome. Rollins is put on
the announce table as we see Kane lying in wait, and sure enough,
Dirty Deeds is blocked when Kane chokeslams Ambrose onto the table
(that doesn’t break). Kane orders Rollins to end it, and a Curbstomp
on the table (still doesn’t break) knocks Ambrose out. But Kane’s
not done, as he reveals concrete blocks under the timekeeper’s table.
Kane sets Ambrose up, and it’s Rollins with a Curbstomp ONTO THE
CONCRETE BLOCKS (breaking some of them, laws of physics be damned) as
Ambrose is half-dead. Crowd is violently on Rollins’ case as the ref
stops the match at 20:26. Whew. ****1/4
EMTs are looking over Ambrose, who is motionless. Rollins
celebrates as Ambrose is put on a stretcher. Fade to black.
MORK
CALLING ORSON – COME IN ORSON:
Two
new main eventers were just made tonight. All of a sudden, Seth
Rollins has the credibility to be a future champion, and when Ambrose
comes back from his movie filming, he’s going to be cheered like a
maniac. The question is: who steps up? John Cena basically HAS to
carry the face side with Bryan and Ambrose out. This is why I was
upset last night over Swagger/Rusev being changed to a regular match,
by the way: they need faces, so roll the dice.
Too
many recaps of the Bellas, and it’s clear the crowd doesn’t care for
AJ Lee as herself, which could ruin a good career. It looks like the
three title matches from SummerSlam will be rematched at Night of
Champions, which is unfortunate because they need to shake things up
a bit.
The
fact that there’s 5 shows between SummerSlam and Night of Champions
means they could go slower with stories this week. Building to a
Rollins/Ambrose blowoff and letting it carry Raw was a good idea.
Heyman’s speech was well-done, even though it still got cheered. Add
in a decent power match, a decent six-man, and the chance for a
future Swagger/Dallas match, and I’m happy.
STATS:
MATCH
TIME: 62:34 over seven matches
BEST
MATCH: Ambrose/Rollins
WORST
MATCH: Paige/Natalya
NIGHT
MVP: Seth Rollins (NOTE: this is a kayfabe award)
FINAL
SCORE: Let’s call this one a 5.5, but it was going on 4/10 until the
main event. One match can lift a show quite a bit, and this match
did in spades. I’m hoping next week goes as smoothly.
Matt
Perri will have Main Event. Tommy Hall checks in on Wednesday with
Impact. NXT and SmackDown will follow. Brian Bayless has the e-fed
goodness. Scott Keith runs the mailbag. Logan Scisco is looking at
WWF 1998. And the rest of you will be here to disagree with the
writers.
Nanu,
nanu.