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QOTD #39: The Munchies

Off topic Wednesday!
Today’s Question:
What’s your go-to food late
at night when you’re starved and need something fast?
We’ll take a closer look at that and our waistlines
tomorrow. If you want to see what we talked about Monday, stay tuned –
otherwise skip to the head to start right away.


So two days ago, I asked you to tell me about your favorite promos of all time.

Starscreamlive: What happened to today’s qotd?
Oh, yeah … right. I had a particularly long work day, and
passed out minutes after I started watching RAW on the PVR. I never fully got
moving until much later than my usual wake-up time, and never had the chance to
do this. I apologize to everyone.
Petrock: “The Genesis Of McGillicuddy” will
never be replicated.
I don’t think you’re on the same page as the rest of us,
Petrock.
PrimeTimeTen: “For the Hogans! And the Pipers! And
the Macho Mans! And the Sids! Now it’s Ric Flair! And
Y’ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL… pay homage… to the mannnnn. WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!”
Flair pretty much became the owner of the WWF right there.
jobber123: I think it was Bash at the Beach 94 (or
clash 28) when Arn turns on Dustin to help Funk and Buck house Buck win a
match. Back in the locker room the heels are celebrating and Okerlund does this
interview and Funk gets down on his knees and cuts this insane promo about
kicking little kids out of his way to get back to dressing room and before he
kicked one of them the kid apparently looked funk in the eye and said
“Why, why did you hurt Dustin Rhodes so bad. He’s a great wrestling
entertainer?” And funk like a maniac just screams “I KNOW…AND HIS
DADDY WAS TOO”
Funk had a pretty stellar 1994 on the whole. His ridiculous
appearance as a “legend” at Slamboree, followed by him taking over the entire
show is also terribly underrated. Love the choice here.
JT Murphy: There are plenty of Rock promos that are
bigger, better, or more important, but this one is my personal favorite:
“God Spake To Billy” in 1999.
This alone pretty much derailed the Billy Gunn singles push
for 2 years.
flamingtoilet: Cane Dewey. One of the all-time greatest
promos from one of the all-time promo guys.
While I have no idea why the author titled this 1998, this
is definitely one of Foley’s absolutely best promos. The fact he wasn’t brought
in to the WWF for his speaking ability remains an asinine, and embarrassing
oversight.

wnyxmcneal: Cut that music! Cut the damn music NOW!! How
dare you, Rock. How dare you disrespect me, Rock! I AM THE UNDISPUTED CHAMPION
– I AM THE MAN YOU WILL BE FACING THIS SUNDAY AT THE ROYAL RUMBLE AND YOU HAVE
NOT EVEN MENTIONED MY NAME ONE TIME! On top of that, everybody’s talking about
facing you at WrestleMania as if it’s some kind of a foregone conclusion that
you’re gonna beat me this Sunday – as if I’m some kind of a fluke champion, or
a transitional champion, but they can all go to hell if they thing that! And all
of YOU all can go to hell if you think that! But most importantly, Rock, YOU
can go to hell, too. Because there’s something a lot more painful than any
beating you can get, Rock, and that is the truth – because the truth
hurts!” Pause for “Rock E” chant. “The truth hurts, Rock,
and the truth is you had the chance to become the Undisputed champ last month
at Ven gea nce, but YOU FAILED! YOU were beaten by ME! And you wanna talk about
facing the Undertaker or Steve Austin at WrestleMania – you can face anybody
you want at WrestleMania, but it won’t be for this Championship! [“Ass
hole!”] Because this championship is not yours, Rock – this championship
is MINE – it’s MINE – IT’S ALL MINE – IT’S ALL MIIIINE – and the truth
is…Chris Jericho is the most overlooked champion in WWF history! But you know
what else is the truth, Rock? At WrestleMania, I will STILL be the Champion –
because this is MY championship – this is my championship, dammit, and this is
my show, and this is MY…
“NO!!! NO NO NO
NO NO!! THIS IS NOT A JOKE! I AM NOT A JOKE! I AM SERIOUS! AND YOU WILL NOT
LOOK PAST ME, YOU STUPID SON OF A (BITCH)!”
It was so unfortunate the company never got behind Chris
Jericho until much later in his career, because he put everything he had into
making himself World Champion material, WWE be damned.
DrFacts: This one right here:

I recommend nobody watch this with a mouthful of water.
Starscreamlive: I’m sure there are better, but the only
thing popping into my mind other than all of Flair’s promos from NWA is Dusty’s
“Hard Times” promo. Dusty connected with so many people in that
promo, especially in the South, where all the textile mills were closing down
and so many people were out of work or worried that they would soon be out of
work. If you were a working man from the South in the ’80s and weren’t a Dusty
Rhodes fan at that point, after hearing that promo, you were instantly a fan of
“The Dream”.
Dusty Rhodes always played his role perfectly. He knew how
to connect with blue collar America, which often make up the biggest slice of
the wrestling pie, and make sure he was the hero he’d rally around. He was
wrestling’s equivalent of a factory union head, strong enough to stand his
ground, and charismatic enough to make you want to buy into whatever he said.

NoCash: Backlunds promo at Survivor Series after
winning the title, because for one brief moment in his speech, he sounds
completely lucid then snaps back into crazy old man and it’s creepy awesome.
Part of what made Backlund’s run in the 90’s so successful was
his sudden ability to cut fantastic promos. He was NEVER known for his
microphone work during his pre-Hogan runs, so his complete makeover definitely
caught a lot of old school fans off guard. I have to love him being defined as “crazy
old man” with that babyface that didn’t let him look a day over 30.

Mike Mears: Oh, snap. I just remembered my favorite one
ever. We were just talking about this here a few weeks ago, too. It has no real
historical significance, but it’s Angle’s pre-Elimination Chamber promo at New
Year’s Revolution ’06:
Todd Grisham:
“Ladies and Gentlemen, my guest at this time Kurt Angle. Kurt, later
tonight you’ll be participating in your first ever Elimination Chamber Match
for the WWE Title, what’s going through your head right now?”
Kurt Angle: “Well
before I get into that, first of all I’d like to say that I hope the U.S. loses
the war in Iraq. And ah, while I’m at it, I think the greatest country in the
world is France, what do you think? And you know, truth to be told, I’m not a
very big fan of ‘the black people.’ And if I would go back in time, the one
person in history I’d like to make tap out would have to be Jesus.”
Todd Grisham:
“Kurt, what do you… what are you talking about?”
Kurt Angle: “The
point is, I can say anything I want to these idiots and they’ll still cheer for
me. Sure, when I first come out, they’ll chant ‘you suck’, but after a couple
of seconds I got them in the palm of my hands. They give me a standing ovation
every time. And why is that? It’s like a dog knows when a storm’s coming in.
Everyone, all these fans know that I am the greatest wrestler in the world. I’m
better than Cena. I beat Shawn Michaels and Kane at WrestleMania. And Chris
Masters and Carlito aren’t even in my league. Now, I won my very first title
here in Albany and tonight, I’m gonna do it again. Yeah!”
I’m looking forward to Kurt re-using much of this material
as part of his Hall of Fame 2016 induction. At least he didn’t threaten to have
“Beastiality Sex” with anyone in this match.
YankeesHoganTripleHFan:
Don’t know if its the best but certainly
worth mentioning….”They loved you. They believed in you. And dammit The
Rock believed in YOU! So you talked about headlining, you talked about main
eventing Wrestlemania, after Wrestlemania, after Wrestlemania. Well how about
you main event one more Wrestlemania WITH THE ROCK!”
The only thing that hurt this one is that it went on so damn
long, with the WWE trying to milk every second of it. With that in mind … I’ve
seen this about 8000 times.
Paul Meekin: Funny: Kurt Vs. Rey

Virgil’s Gimmick
Table:
Cactus Jack’s
“professional wrestling will never be respected” promo from ECW. It
gives me chills every time. It’s like watching a man who had realized his
entire life has been for nothing and crumbling before your eyes. God Foley was
amazing in his prime
Foley’s creativity when given free reign to say and do
whatever he wants, is unmatched by anyone. He hit more home runs in his brief
ECW period than perennial main eventers like Randy Orton ever will throughout
their entire careers.

Sweet Lee: I could name a million, but I chose the one
that I personally liked the best. “Who’s your daddy, Montreal!!” There
was guaranteed heat, because its HBK in Montreal, but the reaction he got was
more than that – it was fucking nuclear.
There was 8 years of pent up frustration from these people
just ready to tear into Shawn, and the WWE finally said “here, have at him”,
gave him a live microphone and told him to do his thing like a piñata of meat
in front of a sea of piranhas. Brilliant.

Koko B Flair: Mark Henry’s “retirement” speech
and subsequent turn on Cena was a thing of beauty. Best piece of legit acting
by a wrestler since … I don’t know, one of The Rock’s movies.
This is probably going to get forgotten within a year or
two. Hell, it’s nearly off our radars now. Great piece of business from all
involved, and quite frankly, should have bought Henry another title reign for
selling such a badass angle.

JohnPetuka: I don’t think I’ve seen one vote for
Hollywood Rock’s Toronto promo yet. That promo and character were so unique. He
could make you laugh while muttering “asshole” under your breath. You
could love everything he was doing, but still had no problem booing the guy. He
kept everyone entertained, but still adhered to the heel/face boundary lines.
He had become a caricature, but it made sense given that his character’s ego
was firmly out of control. Such a sublime balance.
I haven’t seen or thought about this promo in 10 years.
Amazing choice; I am absolutely riveted watching this again for what feels like
a crazy case of dejavous.

VintageECW: I could easily pick an ECW promo like
Shanes’ epic 30 minute promo or Cactus’ Cane Dewey from late 95 but the one
that always sticks out was a Jericho/Malenko face to face where Jericho asked
Dean if he ever wondered why he and his brother don’t look alike. Really top
notch stuff from the two of them in the abyss that was 98 WCW and this one
stood out big time for me.
I can’t find the video of this encounter, but I know exactly
what you are talking about. The Jericho/Malenko feud was an expertly crafted
work, that made fans believe Jericho was legitimately stepping over lines that
had no business being stepped on. Finally, with a working agreement that
Malenko would get a shot at the title as long as he kept his hands off Jericho,
Chris went to work trying to get under Dean’s skin with as many insults as he
could hurtle. Dean managed to keep it all in stride until Chris finally started
making insinuations about his mother’s relationship with the milkman while
daddy was on the road all the time, finishing with “have you ever wondered why
you and your brother look nothing alike?” BAM – Malenko struck and beat him
with the kind of raw intensity rarely seen in our so-called-sport. Killer.
Darren X: Does it get any better than Stone Cold in
1996, and those promos for Survivor Series? I remember seeing him in the
junkyard before Survivor Series, and thinking you could not help feeling like
Bret Hart’s ass is in trouble. His dead-panned “I dont dance, son” in
disgust regarding Shawn Michaels: CLASSIC.

New wrestlers should study this over and over. Austin was
nothing more than a glorified midcarder, with the usual on-again off-again
push, but in this promo he’s made to look like the baddest man on the planet
that NOBODY should mess with.
Lenny Vowels: No love for the CM Punk heel turn promo from
Death Before Dishonor III after he won the ROH World Title from Austin Aries in
June ’05, the original Summer of Punk? It was absolutely masterful. He had the
crowd completely on his side through the whole match, won the belt, then went
on a tirade about how he was taking the belt with him to other pastures (i.e.
WWE) and how he screwed them all over. The crowd was just rabid as could be, but
they were still eating it up. It only served to heighten the pop of a returning
Christopher Daniels as well, who returned to kick Punk’s ass and show him
what’s what. Anyway, watch it if you haven’t. You won’t regret it.
This was certainly discussed at length in the Punk thread,
but I don’t think I shared the video. The fans never saw it coming, until it
was too late.

MrJustinB: Hulk Hogan : Fee Fie Fo Fum, Andre. One Long
Year and your time has come, man! (…) As Andre The Giant falls into the
ocean, and as my next two opponents fall to the ocean floor and I pin’em, so
will Donald Trump and all the Hulkamaniacs! But as Donald Trump hangs on to the
Trump Plaza with his family under his other arm, as they sink to the bottom of
the sea, THANK GOD Donald Trump is a Hulkamaniac! He’ll know enough to let go
of his material possessions, hang on to the wife and kids, dog paddle with his
life, all the way to safety! But Donald, if something happens, you run out of
gas, and all those little Hulkamaniacs run out of gas, JUST HANG ON TO THE
LARGEST BACK IN THE WORLD, and I’ll dog paddle us, backstroke us back to
safety! (backstrokes out of scene)
Sweet Jesus.
TraitorAlex: I’ll throw out someone who probably won’t
get mentioned in here. Miz’s promo where he walked from the locker room all the
way to the front talking about how JBL wouldn’t let him change in the locker
room at first, and how everyone hoped he would have quit by now. That was a
high quality promo. And probably the only case in history of a guy talking his
way into being the champion. The only thing he was doing at an above average
level was promos but for 6-8 months he was just crushing them one after the
other. In hindsight he was saying the same thing every time but it felt fresh
at the time.
If Miz could show this level of hunger and desperation
again, I’d be willing to … nope, he’s still the frickin’ Miz. I can’t do it.
Mitch, The Godfather:
Very underrated one.

I would have much preferred to have seen these guys have
issues about 10 years earlier; but I’ll take whatever Foley/Heyman work they’re
willing to give us.
James: The Rock tore the crowd to shreds the night
after Survivor Series 1998. It was in the same vein as his initial heel promo
in ’97, but he was now fully into his Rock persona and could skillfully
articulate his beef with the fans
This is another beauty I can’t track down, but would be
thrilled if someone shared in the comments section. Just a full on shit fest
all over anyone who ever believed in him.
There were so many more in this thread, but I just did not
have time to get to everyone’s choices.
The one I’m going to share today is not the most articulate
promo you’ve ever seen. It’s probably not even the most well thought out. But
it served its purpose in front of a hungry Canadian crowd who was so desperate
to see their hero fight through the sea of crap that was WCW, and have a moment
… any moment. And lord, did he have his moment.

I also have a soft-spot for this one:

Enjoy all the videos in the thread – and I’ll see you back
tomorrow.