Saturday Night’s Main Event Countdown: #16

– Taped from Springfield, Maine.

– Your hosts are Vince & Jesse. (Yay, another point system rant.) 

– Hacksaw Jim Duggan v. Hercules.   Who the hell thought of THIS matchup? (Well, Bill Watts originally, I’d imagine.)  Herc pounds away, but gets clotheslined. He bails and talks things over with Andre. Duggan gets an atomic drop and Hercules bails again. Back in, Duggan gets a backdrip, but misses a kneedrop and Herc jumps on the knee. Duggan fights back, but misses a charge and Hercules chokes him out. Duggan comes back, but gets tossed. Back in, Herc stomps away, so Duggan grabs his 2×4 and clears the ring. We return from break as Herc goes to the eyes and grabs a bearhug. That oughta pick up the pace. Not. Kneelift and more choking follow. Duggan comes back and hits the three-point stance, but everyone runs in for a DQ at 7:22. God, they gave it 7 minutes for THAT finish? Warrior saves to give us the Dream Team for the 90s: Duggan & Warrior. There’s not enough stars in the sky and negatives to put in front of them for that teaming. 0 for 1.

– Dangerous Danny Davis v. Brutus Beefcake.   It’s the Pat Patterson Alliterative Nickname Nightmare match. Brutus tosses Danny around and gets a hiptoss. Davis comes back with some token jobber offense, but gets caught with the sleeper and goes to lullaby-land at 3:02. Total squash. 0 for 2.

– WWF title match: Randy Savage v. One Man Gang.   Gang overpowers Savage, but Randy does some sticking and moving. Bodypress gets two as he muscles Gang down by sheer force of will. A bodypress off the top gets a more convincing two. Stungun gets two. Gang nails him in the corner to end all that fast-paced offense, however, and gets down to the business of slowing things down with some good old fashioned choking. Quite a lot of it, as well as that other big fat guy standby, pounding on the back while yelling. (It’s the CLUBBING FOREARMS.)  Elbowdrop gets two, but a charge misses and Savage elbows him right back. He dumps Gang and drops the double axehandle, but presses his luck by coming off the top again inside and gets caught on the way down. Gang goes up, but misses the 747, while Slick puts the moves on Elizabeth. Savage takes offense, so Slick takes a swing with the cane, nails his own man by mistake, and Savage drops the elbow for the pin at 5:56 to retain. They should have done that match at Wrestlemania 4. 1 for 3, for Savage’s offense.

– Demolition v. The British Bulldogs.   This is non-title. Smash & Smith start off, and Smash kicks some ass. Dynamite sneaks in with a clothesline, but Smash blocks a rollup and tags in Ax. He gets double-teamed by the Bulldogs, but a well-timed cheapshot turns the tide. Smash gets a backbreaker on Dynamite for two. Bearhug, but the Kid fights free. Ax keeps pounding him, but Smash misses a charge. Hot tag Smith, and he dumps Ax. Dynamite comes in, but Smash tosses him. The dog chases Fuji to the back as we go to a break. We return with a brawl and the Bulldogs quickly getting DQ’d at 4:46. Hot match, stupid finish. 2 for 4. The canned heat was ludicrously overbearing here as they constantly tried to drown out the cheers for Demolition.  (It’s BIZARROWORLD.)

– Ted Dibiase v. Don Muraco.   Dibiase attacks to start and pounds away, but gets backdropped. He bails and buys some time. Back in, Muraco overpowers him and gets a clothesline. Powerslam gets two. Dibiase takes over with a clothesline for two. Suplex gets two. Side salto gets two. Muraco catches him with his head down and gets an elbow and standing powerslam for two. Dibiase sucker-punches him, however, and gets the pin at 4:10 as the referee “accidentally” fails to notice Muraco’s foot on the ropes. Vince makes allegations about the ref’s honesty. Good little match while it lasted, though. 3 for 5.

– Rick Rude v. Koko B. Ware.   Koko slugs away to start, and loses badly. Rude poses and gets dropkicked, which only further serves to piss him off. He pounds away on Koko’s back, and the goes up for the fistdrop. He gets a rare dropkick, but tries again and misses. Koko comes back but quickly hotshots himself and the Rude Awakening puts him away at 3:37. You can’t spell sasquatch without “squash”. 3 for 6.  (I have no idea what I was going for there, either.) 

– Vince wraps things up.

The Bottom Line: Quite the decent little episode here. A .500 average is about all you can ask for these things anyway.