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Matt’s Recap: WWE Battleground 2014

We start with clips of John Cena vs. The Authority and the lead-up to Battleground.

We are LIVE(!!!) from The Tampa Bay Times Forum in Tampa, Florida!

Looks like the Usos are first…
MATCH
#1: The Usos (Jimmy & Jey) (champions) vs. The Wyatt Family (Luke
Harper & Erick Rowan) (challengers) in a 2-out-of-3 Falls Match for
the WWE Tag Team Championship
1ST FALL
Jey
and Rowan are first and Jey just punches his sheep mask off his face.
Rowan is pissed and comes out, roaring, punching at Jey and pounding him
in the corner. Tag to Harper and he misses a clothesline. Jey hits a
Sitting Dropkick. Jimmy comes into the ring and they clear the Wyatts
out. Harper gets back in and he’s on Jey in the corner, slapping at Jey.
He tosses Jey into the other corner and Jey slides to a stop and
charges. Harper grabs him and tosses him outside. Back inside, it’s Jey
and Rowan. Rowan slams Jey and gets two. Nerve hold by Rowan and Jey
punches out and hits a kneelift. Rowan just comes back with a high elbow
for a two count. Tag to Harper and he hits a knee for two. Gator Roll
and headlock and Jey’s in trouble. Jey manages to finally pick him up
and hit a side suplex, hitting a tag to Jimmy. Jimmy jumps in and Harper nails him with a big boot. Wyatts get the first fall.
WINNERS OF THE FIRST FALL: The Wyatt Family
2ND FALL
Rowan
is in with Jimmy and hits a Warrior Splash for two. Jey, meanwhile, is
practically out on the floor as Rowan hits the Vice Squeeze on Jimmy.
Jimmy ights out and tries for a body slam but Rowan falls on him for
two. Tag to Harper and they just strangle Jimmy on the mat and against
the ropes. Harper hits an uppercut. Jimmy comes back with his own. They
trade shots and Harper mauls Jimmy against the ropes. Harper picks Jimmy
up for a side suplex and he flips out and tags Jey who rolls up Harper
for the second fall. Sheesh.
WINNERS OF THE SECOND FALL: The Usos
3RD FALL:
Rowan
hits a Fallaway Slam on Jey after a beatdown, getting two. Tag to
Harper who slingshots Jey against the second rope for two. They trade
shots but Harper knocks Jey down and tags in Rowan. He beats on Jey in
the corner and charges but Jey moves. Harper tagged in. He tries the
same and he misses. Jey tags Jimmy and there’s nobody in the ring, so
Jimmy hits a Flying Uso on Harper. Rowan flies in and gets dumped and
it’s another Flying Uso to the outside. Jimmy leaps at Harper off the
barricade and Harper rolls back in the ring. Jimmy hits a cross body off
the buckle and NEARLY gets the fall. Jimmy kicks Harper and tries a
Samoan Drop but Harper escapes so Jimmy hits the Enzuguri. Harper’s in
the corner and hits the Rikishi Butt Splash. Harper gets to his feet and
nails Jimmy in the corner. Sitting Powerbomb but Jimmy escapes and hits
a Corkscrew Splash for a NEAR fall. Jimmy tries the Superkick and
Harper hits a big boot, sending Jimmy outside the ring. Harper hits a
nice Suicide Dive of his own. Harper rolls him back in and goes for the
Sitting Powerbomb but lets go off a distraction. 
Harper
tries to dive at Jey outside but Jey clocks him with a High Kick and
NEARLY gets rolled up by Jimmy. Harper gets up and hits the Sitting
Powerbomb. NEAR FALL. Rowan goes up to the top and MISSES. Tag to Jey
who hits the Superfly Splash! 1…2…NO. Jey’s confused as the crowd
has lost their shit. Jey goes back to the well again. Harper interferes.
Rowan gets to his feet. Jey fights back. The two trade shots in the
corner. Jimmy tags himself in and they attack Rowan…but ROWAN HITS A
DOUBLE SUPERPLEX!!! He pins…1…2…NO! Rowan tags in Harper. Harper
picks up Jimmy but Jey comes in and nails Rowan! Jey gets dumped! Harper
turns and HE gets Superkicked…AND COMES BACK WITH THE BIG
CLOTHESLINE! 1…2…JEY SAVES IT. Jey runs back outside, Jimmy tags
him. Harper rushes at Jimmy who moves. Jey rolls him up and NEAR FALL.
Jimmy and Jey hit a double Superkick on Harper. Rowan jumps on the mat.
He gets the same! They BOTH got to the top…AND HIT A DOUBLE SUPERFLY
SPLASH FOR THE WIN!
WINNERS AND STILL CHAMPIONS: The Usos
GRADE: A-. THAT. WAS. AWESOME. The quick two falls at the beginning made the match more intense for the remainder.
Cole, JBL and King are worn out already. Cole plugs Rollins and Ambrose as the next match.

We get the build-up for this match.

Rollins
is backstage with Tom Phillips. Rollins says he’s ready to finally
finish off Dean Ambrose who’s not a wrestler. He’s a cockroach. He says,
“NO”, that ISN’T “all he’s got”. When he’s fnished with Ambrose, his
eyes will be glued to the Fatal 4-Way. He will be the next WWE–BOOM.

Ambrose attacks backstage! The Men in Suits show up to stop him. Triple H
tells them to get him out of there. Get him out of the arena?!

Uh…what?

Cole, JBL, and King are confused. Cole’s pissed. JBL…and, fuck this, we’re not having Dean/Seth. FUCK YOU, WWE.

MATCH #2: Paige (challenger) vs. AJ Lee (champion) for the WWE Divas Championship
Paige
goes for a handshake…and AJ shakes. Paige backs AJ into the ropes as
the crowd chants for CM Punk. The guys push the WWE Network, which is
freezing and the buffer looks awful right now. The two exchange roll-ups
and Paige hits a high kick for two. Paige tosses AJ into the corner and
chokes her with a boot. Paige picks up AJ and slams her for two. Paige
hits some knees against the ropes and gets two. Paige puts AJ in a
headlock, then just twists her to the mat. Paige puts AJ in a Surfboard
hold but AJ rolls up. AJ charges but Paige clotheslines her for two.
Paige pleads with AJ, saying “Come on1” So AJ hits a DDT. AJ gets up and
Paige charges her and both women are on the floor outside. She rolls AJ
back in and goes up to the top buckle. Paige botches a Powerbomb off
the top. Paige tries to lock her up but AJ kicks out and tries for the
Cross Body. Paige catches her and tries the Paige Turner but AJ reverses
into the Black Widow. Paige doesn’t tap and counters! She hits the
Paige Turner! 1…2…NO. Wow. AJ is out. Paige gets to her feet and
goes for the PTO but AJ counters into a cradle but Paige kicks out and
cradles AJ and AJ kicks out. AJ hits The Shining Wizard out of nowhere
and she wins at 7:14.
WINNER AND STILL CHAMPION: AJ Lee
GRADE: C+. Are you kidding? That was it? Am I watching RAW?

Also, post-match, nothing happens.

We get clips of Orton and Kane in their new feud.

Backstage,
Orton is trying to find Kane. He apologizes for what happened on RAW.
Orton wants an apology for getting attacked. Kane isn’t going to. Orton
says he knows it was an accident. He says they can’t allow Cena or
Reigns to have the title. Kane says “the champ is standing right here”.
He leaves.

Cole sends us to Renee Young who is with
Booker T, Christian, and Alex Riley. They laugh and joke around but
Renee tells them to shut up! SHE WANTS FATAL 4-WAY PREDICTIONS, DAMMIT!

We get the build-up for the Rusev/Swagger thing. Are we sure about this match or did we wanna throw Swagger out of the building?

Lana and Rusev are on their way out to the ring. Guess we’re doing this.

Lana’s
on the mic. Crowd is hot. Rusev is shouting in anger. Lana tells them
to shut up. Lana makes reference to “current events” and says she’s
offended that America is blaming them. Lana says America is weak,
Prez-zee-dent is wuss. Poo-teen is awesome. Wow. Vince just doesn’t give
a shit. Rusev will ca-dush each and every single one of the fans. ARE
WE HAVING A MATCH? Please?!

Swagger finally shows up
and, now, ZEB gets on the mic. To his credit, he FINALLY calls Rusev
“Boris” before Lana slaps the taste out of his mouth.

MATCH #3: Rusev (w/ Lana) vs. Jack Swagger (w/ Zeb Colter)
Swagger
attacks Rusev and tosses him out of the ring. Rusev gets back in and
the match begins. He goes for the Patriot Lock but Rusev bails. Swagger
tells him to get back in. He does. Rusev kicks him and kicks him in the
corner. He headbutts Swagger and punches away but Swagger comes back.
Swagger in the corner, moves out of the way of Rusev and goes for the
Patriot Lock but Rusev bails again. Swagger chases as Rusev argues with
Lana. He rolls Rusev in and clotheslines him in the corner, hitting
multiple knees. Rusev comes back with a clothesline and hits a Fallaway
Slam, stomping at Swagger near the ropes. Rusev puts a nerve hold on
Swagger and hits elbows to Swagger’s chest. Swagger powers out but Rusev
starts kicking at Swagger, hitting the high kick with ease. He shouts a
Swagger and rakes at his eyes. More nerve holds. Swagger gets out and
runs at Rusev. Rusev body drops him from the ring. Colter checks on
Swagger who tries to get back in but Rusev keeps knocking him out of the
ring. Finally, he gets back in and starts hitting running clotheslines
and a big boot. Rusev is down. He hits a Swagger Bomb and gets two.
Swagger gets to his feet. Rusev starts fighting back with more punches
but Swagger hits a Powerslam and NEARLY gets a pin. The two trade shots
and Rusev hits a mean uppercut, knocking Swagger down. Rusev goes for
the the big kick but Swagger catches him for the Patriot Lock. Rusev
stretches for the ropes but Swagger drags him back to the center of the
ring…Rusev almost taps out…but gets to the ropes. He rolls outside
and Swagger chases, clips his knee and puts the Patriot Lock near the
steel steps. Rusev breaks free and pushes Swagger into the steel post.
Rusev gets in the ring and Swagger is counted out at 10:02.
WINNER: Rusev
GRADE: D+. Really? This whole thing was a middle finger to the fans.

Post-match, we get the Russian Flag and Rusev locking in the Accolade to Swagger. Fuck you, WWE. Rusev and Lana leave.

I might add: we’re not getting Rollins and Ambrose tonight.

We get an ad for Taki’s Fuego chips.

Stardust
is backstage. He’s talking about alignments and luminous points and
stuff. The cosmic key is so far away. Goldust shows up to talk to him
about this stuff. Tonight…they watched the stars do stuff. Whatever.

Seth
Rollins is coming out to the ring…and this is a match? Seth gets a
mic and says Ambrose has automatically forfeited his match tonight. He
wants to be announced as the winner and his hand raised.

MATCH #4: Seth Rollins vs. Dean Ambrose
Not happening.
WINNER: Seth Rollins via forfeit.
GRADE: A giant pile of monkey dookey eaten by a cow and shit all over garbage.

Seth leaves…and Ambrose is back.
He attacks Rollins in the aisle and fights him in the crowd. He tosses
Rollins on the announce table and Rollins is, once again, ripping
Ambrose off of him.

Ambrose breaks free and dives at Ambrose, punching
at him. It’s a fucking orgy of zebra print as the refs physically
restrain Ambrose with guys in suits as Triple H shows up. Rollins
attacks Ambrose as they carry him off. The fight continues to rage and
they’re finally separated.


Jesus fucking CHRIST. LET THEM FUCKING FIGHT IN THE RING. This is bullshit.

Cole and King argue with JBL who, of course, is on the side of Triple H and company.

Jericho and Wyatt are next.

MATCH #5: Bray Wyatt (w/ Luke Harper & Erick Rowan) vs. Chris Jericho
This
better be good. The initial lock-up goes nowhere. Bray punches and
slaps at Jericho. Jericho comes back and slaps Bray. Bray roars in his
face and attacks, slapping Jericho hard. Jericho hits a back elbow and a
kneelift after getting back to his feet. He puts Bray in the corner but
Bray runs out and hits a clothesline. Bray puts Jericho in the ropes
and clotheslines him for two. Bray goes for a suplex but Jericho goes
for The Walls. Rowan jumps up on the mat to distract the ref. Harper
tries to get in the ring  Bray knocks Jericho down with a clothesline.
Jericho comes back with a dropkick and knocks Bray from the ring. The
Family consoles Bray outside so Jericho climbs the ropes and knocks them
all down. Bray gets back in the ring. Jericho tries to get back in but
the Family interferes…so, FINALLY, the Family is tossed from the match
by the ref. Bray can’t believe it. He runs at Jericho who is put
outside.

Bray is ruthless now, kicking at Jericho
outside. He puts Jericho back in, getting a two-count. He puts Jericho
in the corner and charges but Jericho moves and Bray hits the post.
Jericho comes back with punches and an axehandle off the ropes. Bray
hits a Stomach Buster for two, breaking it all up. Bray beats on Jericho
and clotheslines him but Jericho knees him in the spine on the Senton
attempt. Jericho hits the Enzuguri and gets two. Jericho drops the knee
to Bray and goes to the top rope but Bray knocks Jericho off. The two
trade shots. Bray goes for the Superplex but Jericho punches and shoves
him off. Bray grabs Jericho and drops his head to the mat for two. Once
again, Bray puts Jericho in the corner but Jericho moves and hits the
bulldog. Jericho goes for a move but Bray kicks out.

Bray
goes into Spider Mode which isn’t that impressive if Jericho can’t see
it. Bray hits a Spinebuster and gets two. Wyatt hits a clothesline in
the corner and Bray taunts him and tells him that this is goodbye.
Jericho runs at him and knocks Bray’s head into one of the turnbuckles.
Jericho tries a pin but they’re too close to the ropes. The two guys
battle outside the ropes. Bray hits a face slam on Jericho and gets two.
Bray hangs upside down in the corner and goes for Sister Abigail but
Jericho counters into the Walls of Jericho. Bray fights out, misses a
clothesline and hits a huge shoulder spear, getting two. Wyatt tells
Jericho to get up — so Jericho does and hits the Codebreaker and gets
the win at 16:23.
WINNER: Chris Jericho via Codebreaker
GRADE: C+. This just didn’t have much energy or heat. 

Hysterically,
Rollins is still in his X-Men gear and he’s headed to the parking lot.
Is he showing up like that at his local hotel? Anyhow, Rollins tells
security he doesn’t need them. They bail. Rollins stands in the parking
lot for like a full minute, doing nothing. Ambrose crawls out of the
trunk of his car and attacks with a crowbar. He gets some shots on
Rollins as JBL shouts about Ambrose “still being in the building” even
though they’re OUTSIDE in the parking lot. Ambrose gets in his car and
speeds off as Ambrose watches him go.

We get an ad for Saturday Night’s Main Event.

IC Title Battle Royal is next.

MATCH
#6: Big E, Alberto Del Rio, Cesaro, R-Truth, Ryback, Curtis Axel, Zack
Ryder, Titus O’Neil, Damien Sandow, Heath Slater, Diego, Sin Cara,
Xavier Woods, The Great Khali, Kofi Kingston, Bo Dallas, Dolph Ziggler,
The Miz, WWE United States Champion Sheamus in a Battle Royal for the
Intercontinental Championship

Everyone’s ready to fight…but
Barrett comes out, wearing a cast. He says who ever wins tonight will be
the champ but he’s got some bad news: becoming champion will be like
being a retiring old couple in Florida — you’ll enjoy it until the
inevitable — which will come at his hands.

Everyone
attacks Khali, who throws them all away from him like Neo in The
Matrix. He eliminates Woods. Sheamus Brogues Khali and Khali is gone.
Axel and Sin Cara get the boot as do Truth and Sandow. Miz appears to be
gone as is Diego. Zack Ryder is gone as well. Everyone is down except
for Ryback and Sheamus who stare each other down. Sheamus takes his
shots and gets sent into the ropes. Sheamus hits a kneelift and Brogues
him out of the ring. Miz (I guess he’s not gone) tries to eliminate
Sheamus but can’t. Miz bails under the bottom rope, protecting his face
and falls down. Wow. Titus beats on Sheamus and Bo eliminates him. Bo
celebrates and Cesaro knocks him down. Kofi NEARLY body drops Cesearo
out of the ring but he lands on his feet. Kofi tries Trouble in Paradise
and misses. The two fight near the ring ropes and nearly eliminate each
other. Swagger dropkicks Del Rio but Del Rio hits the Arm Breaker using
the ropes. He goes for another move but Swagger DDT’s him on the ropes
and knocks him out of the ring. Kofi does one of his awesome spots where
he lands on Big E’s shoulders and Cesaro suplexes him inside the ring.
Then eliminates him. Slater sliminates CESARO?! What the…? Sheamus and
Bo fight near the ropes and Swagger kicks Bo out of the ring. He’s
gone. Miz is still outside. It’s Swagger and Sheamus. They counter each
other’s moves. Swagger tries a Fame-Asser but Sheamus ain’t having it.
Sheamus misses a Brogue and slingshots Ziggler over the top rope.
Ziggler lands on his feet. They fight near the ropes until Sheamus tries
a Battering Ram but Ziggler kicks him in the stomach and Sheamus is
gone! Ziggler thinks he’s won it but Miz comes in and eliminates Ziggler. Fuck that.
WINNER AND NEW CHAMPION: The Miz
GRADE: C+. Complete crap finish. 

Commercial for SummerSlam in L.A.


Build-up for the Fatal 4-Way.

MATCH
#7: Randy Orton (challenger) vs. Kane (challenger) vs. Roman Reigns
(challenger) vs. John Cena (champion) in a Fatal 4-Way Match for the WWE
World Heavyweight Championship

Ok…so The Big Gold Belt is
still around. Big brawl to start. All four guys are all over each other
and Orton and Cena fall out of the ring. Orton takes out Cena and goes
in the ring to help Kane double-team Reigns. Reigns fends them off and
hits a double clothesline. The heels come back with a double suplex.
Finally, Cena enters and gets a Fisherman’s Suplex for two. Cena hits a
Bulldog to Orton but Kane his a Side Suplex as Reigns falls out of the
ring. The two guys stomp at Cena but Cena goes for the AA. Kane comes
back in to break it up. Kane hits a back elbow off a whip and Orton gets
two. Reigns tries to get involved but Kane takes him out. Kane goes
outside the ring. Reigns beats on him. Cena hits Moves #1-4 on Orton. He
goes for the AA but Orton hangs on to the ropes.

Reigns
gets into the ring and Cena rubs his hands together…but Orton and
Kane stop the fight. Kane knocks down Reigns and pins him for two. Orton
is furious. He gets back in the ring and pushes Orton around. Kane
belts Orton and beats on him. Kane puts Orton on the buckle and goes for
a Superplex but Cena and Reigns break it up and Powerbomb EVERYONE off
the buckle. Sheesh. Cena and Reigns square off again. Kane sits up like
The Undertaker because those powers come and go at random. Reigns and
Cena boot him out of the ring. Orton goes after Cena who goes for
Vintage Orton. Reigns gets involved but Orton hits both of them. Orton
pins Reigns but Kane breaks the pin. Kane beats on Orton and hits a Big
Boot and pins for two but Reigns breaks it up. Reigns comes back with a
Samoan Drop for two as Orton breaks that.

Orton beats
on Reigns who comes back with punches of his own. Orton hits a Half Crab
off a run but Reigns powers out and hits a Half Crab of his own. Cena
comes in and hits the STF on Orton as wel. Kane breaks it and gets an
AA…but rolls out of the ring. Orton tries to RKO Cena but Cena
counters into the STF as the crowd chants “boring”. Orton goes to tap
BUT REIGNS CATCHES HIS HAND. He drags Orton out and dumps him to the
announce desk. He gets back in the ring and it’s another face-off with
Cena. The two trade shots. Reigns hits a botched clothesline and Cena
goes for the STF which Reigns kicks out of. Reigns hits the Samoan Drop
and goes for the Superman Punch but misses and Cena hits Move #3. He
goes for the 5KS but Reigns hits the Superman Punch! Reigns goes for the
Spear! 1…2…KANE BREAKS IT.

Reigns and Kane trade
shots and Reigns hits a clothesline off a run. He nails Kane in the
corner and the two trade shots and Kane nails him with a punch, draping
him on the ropes. He hits the outside Sitting Drop Kick to Cena, then
Orton and THEN Kane. He roars…and SPEARS ORTON INTO THE TIMEKEEPER’S
PIT. Reigns gets into the ring and goes for a Spear but Kane tries for
the Chokeslam. Reigns powers out and HITS THE SPEAR! 1…2…3CENA SAVES
IT! Cena gets a pin but Reigns breaks it! The two break each other’s
pins left and right. Cena grabs Reigns and hits the AA and KANE breaks
the pin. Everyone is down. Cena gets to his feet as done Kane. Kane hits
the Chokeslam on Cena and Reigns. He covers Reigns but Reigns kicks
out! Kane is pissed as he gets to his feet. He calls for the Tombstone
but Reigns gets out and hits a Spear! 1…2…NO. RKO to Reigns! AA by
Cena to Orton ON TOP of Kane and Cena gets the win at 21:17.
WINNER AND STILL CHAMPION: John Cena via AA
GRADE: B-. Not bad but way too much going on.

Post-match, Cena celebrates with the titles as we go off the air.


OVERALL:
C+. A complete lack of intensity with completely unnecessary and
illogical finishes. Like a slightly better RAW without the garbage
second hour.

Er, that’s it.

Andy PG will be back to start your week off
right with the PG Era Raw Rant on Monday, I will be back on Tuesday with the Main Event Recap.

Thank
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