BoD Battleground

This has nothing at all to do with the WWE



20 Man Preshow Battle Royal to Determine the #1 Contender for the Soon to be Shipped BoD C-List Champion: DBSM, Night81, Biscuit, “Pistol” Pete Labozetta, Flyin’ Brian Gutan, WCW1987, Bobby, SpicoliDriver, Juvydriver, Harry Broadhurst, Daminal Crossing, THE YETAAAAY, Mick, Buck Nasty, Dan Selby, Andrew Dean, X Man, James, Aric Johnson, MattIndeed


Its truly the who’s who of who gives a fuck in this ring tonight. Match starts with a lot of brawling as Flyin’ Brian Gutan is our first elimination, courtesy of the True Shooter of the BoD, Bobby. At least Gutan can beat the traffic home from the show. Juvydriver is eliminated next after he charged at Danimal Crossing and was backdropped to the floor. The New Age British Bulldogs eliminate MattIndeed with a double dropkick then press slam SpicoliDriver to the floor, sending him to the showers. Uh oh folks, THE YETAAAAY is out of control in the ring. He tosses out both Dan Selby & Andrew Dean then with one hand eliminates Bobby with a slam. Now, several of the boys gang up on THE YETAAAAY and try to eliminate him but he fights them off. As this happens, WCW1987 sneaks up from behind and eliminates James. The ACLU will not like that booking decision, folks. THE YETAAAAY again goes nuts and tosses out Danimal Crossing and “Pistol” Pete Labozetta. BANG BANG. The ring is thinning out as Aric Johnson eliminates X Man. Now, Mick, Aric Johnson, DBSM, Night81, and Harry Broadhurst all gang up on THE YETAAAAY and try to toss him out. As this happens, Buck Nasty lands on the apron after WCW1987 backdropped him then Biscuit knocks him off with a springboard dropkick but Buck Nasty is caught by his Skank Patrol. They go to raise him on the apron but decide to put him down, officially eliminating him from the match. Buck Nasty asks the skanky ho’s why they did this as they tell him how they want to go to Chang O’Reilly’s, the Saskatoon chapter and they go on their merry way. That pussy poppin’, elbow droppin’ son of a gun! WCW1987 then eliminates Biscuit by knocking him over the top ropes from behind. THE YETAAAAY breaks free and eliminates Mick and Harry Broadhurst. Aric Johnson sees an opening and tosses out WCW1987 as our final four has been set: Aric Johnson, DBSM, Night81, and the great and powerful…………THE YETAAAAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
THE YETAAAAY gets charged by all three men and struggles to fight them off as they have chopped-blocked his legs simultaneously. They get the YETAAAY up and try to toss him over the top rope as MikeyMike2323 now proudly displays his delivery slip for all to see on his bowling shirt. And after much hard work, THE YETAAAAY has been eliminated. Aric Johnson tries to swing at DBSM, but misses and Aric Johnson has been eliminated and is now free to go assault any Tim Horton’s employee who he catches scalding the coffee. Night81 and DBSM are the last two and they are fighting against the ropes. They are going around the ring and spill over and are each holding on to the ropes as they fight off elimination. They go to kick each other down but lose their grips and they fall on the floor at the same time!!!!!!!! I think they did. Everyone is looking at the top timekeeper in the BoD, Mister E Mahn, if he saw who hit first and he said it was a tie as we have co-winners of the Battle Royal. Now, Garth Holmberg, Corporate Custodian comes out and says that as a result of the tie, these two men will face off in a “Best of 5” series to determine the #1 contender but most importantly, he tells the crowd to stop flushing paper towels down the toilet as it is clogging the pipes.






The Medley Alliance(PrimeTimeTen/Paul Meekin/White Thunder) vs Team Planned Activities(Beard Money/Adam Curry/Kyle Warne)

(This match is dedicated to my alive and healthy acquaintance “Self” from the GDS forums. I stole your style, but I prefer to use the term borrowed. Thanks for being awesome bud!)

The Medley Alliance comes out to a chorus of Bronx, Flint, and Oakland cheers because Meekin. Not to mention thrown urine soaked beer bottles. Because Meekin. Team Planned Activities comes out to a great reaction, because not Meekin. The bell rings and we start with Meekin and Beard Money. Is Meekin gon mess with a COUNTRY BOY?! Meekin taunts Beard Money due to the success of his whatculture Top 10 lists, but gets a right hand to the nose by Beard! Beard then cartwheels right into Meekin, knocking him down! Meekin has officially been messed with! Clothesline! Clothesline! Forearm! Irish Whip! Clothesline! Beard Money plays to the crowd while Granny watches approvingly! HA HA HA HA. Warne is tagged in, and him and Curry use a combination of unrealistic nonsense and chemically imbalanced fighting! Windmill Punching! Standing Corkscrew Shooting Star Senton! Trip! Triangle Kenka Kick! 1….2….NO! Meekin kicks out and tags in White Thunder. Thunder controls with power, slamming the former tag champs like rag dolls. Warne tries countering a hard back suplex with a flip followed by a standing Hurricane Death Drop Rana, but Thunder has that well scouted and powerbombs Warne into the corner! Ouch. Thunder tags in PrimeTime, who isolates Warne and cuts the ring in half with deceit, trickery, and more deceit. PrimeTime uses every chinlock and illegal hold in the book, while Warne struggles to think of flashy looking counters to these holds. Eventually, he says screw it and kicks his way out of a sleeperhold, then kicks PrimeTime downs to the canvas, then combines flashiness with effectiveness to hit a springboard Twisting Spinning Flipping Leg Lariat that takes out PrimeTime! HOT TAG TO BEARD MONEY! Punch! Punch! Clothesline x10! Tilt-a-Whirl Backbreaker! Powerslam! Meekin makes a tag to White Thunder to avoid being pinned, but White Thunder is still recovering from like 5 clotheslines! And he eats another one! THIS TEAM DUN MESSED WITH A COUNTRY BOY! Beard Money tags in Curry, who goes in with Warne…..Powerplex! Thunder is toast! 1….2…..3!

BoD Writers Championship Match: Tommy Hall v Stranger in the Alps

This feud is continuing. Hall comes out dressed to not impress in an Albert Haynesworth throwback. Stranger wears an infinitely superior Bryan Clutterbuck throwback. Hall controls early and with confidence, as Stranger in the Alps struggles to get a rhythm going in the early chain wrestling sequences. DAMN THAT INCONSISTENCY DIRT SHEET NOTE. Or maybe its part of the psychology. Who knows? Tommy Hall hides behind referees, turnbuckles, stairs, and timekeepers, using any cheapshot he can. Thumb to the eye! Stranger is blind! Hall controls, but the power of a crowd clapping along gives Stranger the power to unleash a spirit bomb in the form of a Can Opene-No, Hall counters! I don’t know how because I wasn’t told what the hell a can opener is. Its like the Petuka Bazooka. Or maybe its some alternate name for the Cross Rhodes or something that only a total mark doesn’t know. Oh yeah, the match. Stranger takes control over a supremely overconfident Hall while the match writer was busy trying to be Scott Keith, but a 2nd Can Opener attempt fails! Hall goes for a Mean Street Backslide, but Stranger counters that into a 3rd Can Opener, but thats countered into a DDT! 1….2….NO! Hall is furious, cockily claiming the referee was counting slow even though it was actually a bit fast and no one pins off a DDT anymore. Hall then goes up for the Dollar Rain(Somersault Leg Drop), saying that it’ll be over and Stranger wont get to use the can opener, but takes too long, giving Alps time to move out of the way! Hall crashes and burns! Can Opener! 1….2…..3! Stranger retains!

Last Man Standing: Jesse Baker vs Mar Solo

Mar Solo has to overcome some tremendous odds here. The UnStable is inside his head, its Last Man Standing rules, meaning he’ll have to kill Baker with some movie-esque gimmick to win, and to top it all off he fell out of the prestigious Top 18 commenters! Oh man, if this special doesn’t break 1.0 commentrate, he’ll become an enhancement talent for sure. Baker accuses Solo of committing rape against someone without the first name Stephanie and the last name McMahon. Solo punches Baker in the nose. Baker then calls on his colleagues from the UnStable, who ride in on Segways! Its Gideon Stargrave and Steve Stennick! The triple teaming begins! Stargrave turns his head away and tries to slapfight Solo without getting slapped. Solo punches him in the nose. Stennick accuses Solo of being part of an internet hivemind and not having his own original opinion. Solo punches him in the nose. Baker says he would book Archie Stackhouse to turn on Brian Bayless, forcing Bayless to call upon Dougie in order to deal with him, leading to a tag match because it turns out Bret and Archie were best friends all along. Solo punches him in the nose. Baker beats the counts at 5, and eventually, the UnStable decide their current method of attack isn’t working, so they triple team Solo with PVC pipes! This doesn’t look good. Baker then goes for Assault and Battery(Double Powerbomb), but Solo huracanranas him right into Stennick, sending them both to the outside! Stargrave tries to trap Solo with the Solitary Confinement(Inescapable Wheelbarrow Rollup), but Solo escapes! WHO KNEW? Baker beats the count at 7. Solo then grabs Baker by the back of the head and forces him towards the stage. Solo then goes for the Falcon Driver(Michinoku Driver) onto the stage, but Baker slips out of it and the two have a dynamic exchange of punches, which Solo wins on the account of not being a comedy jobbah. But wait! STEVE STENNICK IS ON TOP OF THE BOD TITANTRON, CUTTING A ROPE HOLDING A PIANO OVER A WHITE X! Stennick screams that hes finally gonna add a smark to his trophy case, but Solo steps away from the X! THE PIANO FALLS ON BAKER! Dr. James Kevorkian comes out, and assesses Baker to be able to come back in 4-6 days after some light rehab, despite multiple fractures, cuts, and a literal broken ass from the piano hitting him coccyx-first. The ref begins the count, but Stennick wants to take Solo down with him! 15 FOOT DIVE OFF THE TITANTRON! But he misses, as Solo saw him all the way and just sidestepped. Stennick landed knees first, but Dr. Kevorkian assesses it as minor ligament damage that can be healed in 2-3 weeks with light rehab, despite the purple, red, and swelling-ness of Stennick’s knees. Meanwhile, the referee counts to 10, and Solo is declared the winner! IS THE UNSTABLE EXORCIZED FROM HIS HEAD? TUNE INTO BOD RAW TO FIND OUT!

Magoonie Teddy Belmont vs. GM Bayless


This match is the result of GM Bayless failing to beat Cultstatus for the Gold. The Adminstration are strangely not present for this match. Bayless does some cheap heel stall tactics to start off the match as the crowd is yelling that he is a pussy. Well, he did back off of a feud with Dave Scherer so it makes sense. Bayless comes back and Belmont puts him in a side headlock. He then takes down the GM with a shoulderblock and comes back with an armdrag as Bayless once again rolls outside. The crowd now chants “YOU’RE A PUSSY” at the GM, who yells at them to shut up. Bayless rolls back inside and they lock up. He cheapshots after breaking cleanly then attacks the ex-parking lot attendant in the corner. Bayless charges but Belmont dodges and both men are down. They get up and brawl as Belmont wins that and sends Bayless to the floor with a clothesline. Bayless comes back in and they continue their brawl but Bayless hits a low blow as Belmont is down faster than HBK’s last H-Bomb victim. Bayless now grabs a chair and whacks Belmont in the back and the ref calls for the DQ. Bayless delivers a few more chairshots then grabs the mic.

“I CALL THE SHOTS AROUND HERE. I AM THE GM OF THE BoD. I AM THE GENERAL MANANGER, THE GIMMICK MAKER, THE GREATEST MAN (the crowd groans after hearing this one). AND FOR A LOWLY PARKING LOT ATTENDANT LIKE YOURSELF TO MAKE MATCHES, WELL THAT IS NOT HAPPENING. AND AFTER TONIGHT, YOU CAN GO BACK TO THE RED ROOF INN WITH THE OTHER LOSERS IN YOUR GROUP AND SLEEP ON THE FLOOR BECAUSE THEIR IS NO PLACE IN THE BoD FOR YOU, PIERS, AND FERRARI. YOU ARE ALL DONE BECAUSE I MAKE THE RULES, DAMMIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” 




It’s quite evident that the GM is afraid to lose to Magoonie Teddy Belmont, who got the better of the GM during the actual match.

BoD Solid B+ Player Championship: Hart Killer 09 vs Joedust

Surely a midcard match in any arena. Hart Killer 09 wins the quick opening mat wrestling sequence and goes straight into the FIVE MOVES OF DOOM! Inverted Atomic Drop! Russian Legsweep! Backbreaker! Second rope elbow! Bulldog! 1….2….NO! Joedust shows heart. Joedust attempts a logical argument backed by facts and numbers as to why hes better, but Hart Killer ignores it and just calls Joedust a 4 out of 10! WORLD CLASS ACTION! NOT RUSHED TO MAKE ROOM FOR OTHER FIGHTS! HONEST! Hart Killer 09 combines repeated European Uppercuts with Greek and/or Roman wrestling takedowns, but Joedust counters a gourdbuster into a big arm drag! Russian Legsweep/Forward Legsweep combo! 1….2….NO! Joedust shifts gears into midcard to upper midcard offense. Big Air Dropkick! Mounted 10 punches in the corner! Twisting Snap Powerslam! 1….2….NO! Joedust then goes for the Dust Crusher(Fisherman’s Brainbuster), but HartKiller reverses into a Medium-sized Package! 1….2…..3! HartKiller retains! HartKiller helps Joedust to his feet and shakes his hand, saying that after losing the match he should at least be able to experience the greatest handshake of all time. Joedust brings forth a logical argument backed by facts and numbers as to why that isn’t the greatest handshake, but HartKiller ignores him and walks out of the ring with the belt! THIS FEUD MAY OR MAY NOT CONTINUE.

Rock Star Gary is chillin in his room, watching Upper Midcard Express tapes in preparation for a feud that will make its way out of the house show circuit soon, when suddenly theres a knock at the door. Rock Star Gary goes to open it……only to have the door hit him in the face! BURNING LARIAT! ROCK STAR GARY HAS BEEN COMPLETELY DESTROYED! Garth Holmberg comes in and gets thrown against a wall by Cooltrainer Bret, who we now clearly see in the invisible camera shot. Bret wants Garth to tell Bayless that this is just the beginning. Bret then spits on the locker room floor and leaves. Aw man, now Garth has to clean that up!

BoD Tag Team Championship: The Upper Midcard Express v Jef Vinson and ?????

The Express await Vinson’s mystery partner…..and its Dancin Devin Harris! LETS GET FUN-KAY! HAHAHAHA, LOOKIT D-D-H DOIN A JIG ON THE WAY TO THE RING! Vinson gets the match underway with Petuka. Petuka goes for a shock Petuka Bazooka to start, but Vinson escapes it! Oh man, that could’ve been over there, whatever it was. Vinson controls with main event offense, showing the clear gap in talent. Spinebuster! Backbreaker! Neckbreaker! Front Suplex! 1….2….NO! Petuka is knocked down with a back elbow, but was blind tagged by kbjone, who attacks Vinson from behind! The UME then cut the ring in thirds with high-end double teaming. Back Suplex/Neckbreaker combo! 1….2….NO! Vinson keeps not trying for the tag despite Devin Harris clapping his hands together and smiling for the audience, thus instantly making them like him! Finally, Vinson powers out of of a Petuka powerslam attempt and sends Petuka into the corner Bret Hart-style! Kidney Shot! Kidneyshotkidneyshotkidneyshot and pause….tag from Harris on Vinson’s raised fist! HArris thought Vinson wanted a tag in! But Vinson didn’t! HE wanted to win this match by himself, I think….. Harris then goes to work like a smooth criminal. Saturn Legsweep! Spinkick! 1….2….NO! One-handed face crusher! Funky, Funky Knee Drop! 1….2….NO! kbjone tries another blind tag off an Irish Whip, but Harris saw it coming! Left Slap(ooooooh), Right Slap(YEAH!), Down Slap(OWWWWW!), Up Slap!(YAY!) kbjone is in trouble, as Harris sets up for a Spinning Backhand Pimp Slap, but Vinson tags in just like Harris did! Harris shrugs and struts picture-perfectly to his corner, while Vinson goes for the kill. Tilt-A-Whirl Driver! 1….2….NO! Pumphandle Sla-kbjone gets out of it and goes for a desperate Anaconda Clutch! Vinson knows how to deal with this though! Kidney Shot! Kidneyshotkidneyshotkidneyshot and pause……STOMACH PUNCH! kbjone is doubled over! Vinson could have this here, as he cinches in the One Night Stand(Bow and Arrow Hold). Its in tight……kbjone might tap….but Petuka saves it and curb stomps Vinson! Harris runs in to help his partner, but eats the PETUKA BAZOOKA! That one rocked! DQ time! Crowd hates the inconclusive finish but you already gave this a hit so HAHA. kbjone and Petuka aren’t done……5 O’Clock Dash(Fall of Man) to Vinson! kbjone and Petuka raise the belts high as the crowd presumably boos, even though both teams are kinda shades of grey.

Boiler Room Brawl: Cooltrainer Bret vs Archie Stackhouse

(Two flags are seen in the ring, one saying Vanilla, and the other saying Rocky Road. For Bret to win, he has to escape the boiler room and claim the Rocky Road flag. For Stackhouse to win, he has to claim the vanilla flag.)

Bret bounces from foot to foot, awaiting Stackhouse, who walks in with fresh scars and a grin on his face. This match could get PG-17 folks. Remember, two days equals one year according to the pimply faced usher who checks your ID in the theater! The two prepare for battle, but suddenly the door locks behind them! The hell? Bret starts a comic-inspired speech about who is locked in here with who, but Stackhouse attacks, going right for the mask early on! Bret works his clinch game, using a balance between knees, elbows, and dirty boxing to establish an advantage. Finally, he creates separation, then uses Muay Thai strikes, targeted towards the ribs and legs for maximum stopping power. Stackhouse catches a kick, however, and quickly throws Bret into a wooden pallet! Stackhouse checks the door, but hard kicks seem to be ineffective against the strong lock. Stackhouse laughs, then goes back to work on Bret, swinging a small stepladder with force. Serious shots to the head and back ensue, then Stackhouse grabs the belt and collar of Bret’s attire and throws him headfirst into a giant water heater! That’ll leave a dent. You can tell by the way that its dented. Stackhouse then jumps onto the roof, attempting to break off an overhanging pipe for the finishing blow, but hes tackled off the roof by Bret! Mounted punches ensue! Brawling ensues! Further brawling ensues! Bret controls Stackhouse through the back of his head, then throws him into an electrical panel that displays cool effects from Stackhouse’s head bouncing into it. Bret then goes back to the pipe, finally breaking it down off the roof. Stackhouse’s night could end here, but he dodges the swing, leaps off the fence, and hits a crude Switchblade Kiss on Bret! Stackhouse then grabs the pipe and lays in some heavy shots. Some loud noises are heard around the door. Stackhouse looks away for a split second, enabling Bret to come back with some swings from his knees. Stackhouse laughs at this attempt at offense, but he doesn’t laugh when one catches him right in the nads! Suddenly, the door bursts in, and here comes Bayless cronies to even the score! A massive beatdown ensues on Bret, giving Stackhouse some time to recover. Just when it looks like Bret is contained….THE FORK COMES INTO PLAY! A NAMELESS WHITE COAT SECURITY MEMBER IS GOUGED! Here comes the Midcard Mafia, as well as Nebb28! ITS A PIER ELEVEN BRAWL! Midcarders and lackeys and broken bodies! Gary tries a cheap shot with a pipe, but gets intercepted by Magoonie! The brawl spills outside the boiler room! Garth Holmberg and Nebb get into it, and Garth gets Rocker Droppered onto a production case! The brawl between the two stables is dragged elsewhere, while Stackhouse and Bret have a Hollywood strangling each other contest. Stackhouse loses his balance, giving Bret the opportunity to knee his head and throw him into a car door! Valet won’t be pleased with that one. Bret staggers towards the ringside area, in an attempt to get the flag, but apparently a concussion won’t stop Stackhouse! Stackhouse brawls in desperation, trying to stop Bret from claiming the flag, but Bret manages to reach into the crowd, and he obtains Kendo Stick! Bret uses the increased attack power of the kendo stick to beat Stackhouse bloody! 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11 kendo stick shots! The kendo stick breaks in half! Bret throws it into the air in victory, as he slowly walks to the ring to claim his flag…..BUT STACKHOUSE IS UP? HOW?! HE WAS OUT! Stackhouse’s bloody death-head’s grin is in full glory as he tries to pull Bret out by the ankle, but Bret manages to free himself with a couple hard kicks and hurriedly takes the flag for the hard-fought win!

Stackhouse pulls himself together though, and while Bret points the flag at the hard camera and says “YOU’RE NEXT BAYLESS!” Stackhouse bumrushes him from behind with the vanilla flag! 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11 flag shots! Stackhouse then performs a NECK CRANK! Holy fuck! Stackhouse goes to remove the mask, but the Midcard Mafia, fresh over winning a backstage brawl against Bayless goons, chases him off. Bret is helped to his feet, but pushes away the Mafia members, apparently not happy over being helped to his feet. Bret then grabs a microphone, but is cut off before he can say anything! Bret heads to the outsi-BURNING LARIAT! A CAMERAMAN HAS BEEN COMPLETELY DESTROYED! AGAIN! Bret then walks off through the crowd in search of Stackhouse as we go to a commercial for the BoD app!

How the hell can anyone follow this match?



After the ring is cleared up, we see a buffet table inside of the ring, set up with all sorts of delicious ice cream toppings. A member of the concession crew brings out a chair and tubs of several different ice cream flavors. Hoss Lorenz comes out to the ring holding two giant spoons as this is apparently going to be part of the match.

Todd “Hoss” Lorenz vs. Abeyance


The rules here are that Abeyance will have his hands behind his back after last week’s prank when Hoss emailed Abeyance a keyboard smeared with super glue with a contract masked as a delivery acceptance sheet. Abeyance has his hands tie behind his back as the match is under way. Hoss laughs and points at Abeyance before taking his head off with a clothesline. He then sits down and has a concession worker scoop ice cream in a bowl. Hoss salivates at all of the tasty toppings available on the table but gets angry when he sees snickers. As Abeyance struggles to get up, Hoss makes the lowly concession stand worker eat the whole bowl of snickers. Hoss walks over to Abeyance and stomps him in the corner as he yells about wanting his talk show. Hoss picks up Abeyance and hits him with the Pants-Shitter (atomic drop) then goes back to the table and eats ice cream. Hoss picks up his bowl and taunts Abeyance “YOU CAN’T HAVE ANY ICE CREAM. IT’S ALL FOR ME.” The concession stand worker ate all of the Snickers and Hoss tells him to come over then punches the poor guy in the stomach and he PUKES!!!!!!!!!! Hoss laughs hysterically then chokeslams him THROUGH THE TABLE!!!!!!!!! Abeyance is in a tremendous amount of pain as Hoss yells some more at him “YOUR TALK SHOW WILL BE MINE AND YOU CANNOT HAVE ANY ICE CREAM!!!!!!!!!” Hoss now takes the leftover ice cream and dumps it out on the ring then proceeds to stomp it in the mat. He lifts up Abeyance and dumps him face first in the melted ice cream!!!!!!! Hoss now kicks Abeyance outside to the floor and yells for him to get up as the referee finally counts to ten, ending this massacre. Hoss raises his spoons in victory then yells that he is still hungry and heads out of the ring to the concession stands.

Parallax1978 & Jobber123 vs. Cultstatus & The Fuj


We have just been handed word that this match is under No DQ rules. The main event is here, folks. Jobber has ordered White Coat Security to take all of the fat kids out of view from the hard camera and they oblige. Top 5’ers get a lot of leeway here folks. And the match starts out with a wild brawl. The action spills outside s Parallax and The Fuj start trading haymakers. Cultstatus sends Jobber into the guardrail then clotheslines him into the front row as those displaced fatties start throwing donuts and oreo cookies at Jobber. Parallax leaps off of the steps but The Fuj spears him in midair!!!!!!!!!!! Cultstatus drags Jobber back to ringside as he and the Fuj hit him with a double suplex on the mat!!!! They try it again but Parallax gets up and takes them both down with chairshots. Parallax continues his assault as Jobber slowly gets up and delivers stomps to Cultstatus. Parallax and Jobber take the champ and put him through a table!!!! The take Fuj and roll him into the ring. Parallax and Jobber are destroying the Fuj as Cultstatus remains out on the floor. Fuj fights back with a double clothesline as everyone is down. Cult slowly gets up and grabs a kendo stick. Fuj tries to Irish whip Jobber but it is reversed and Fuj ends up inadvertently knocking Cult back to the floor. Parallax heads up top as Jobber holds down the Fuj and delivers an elbow drop. He covers but Fuj just beats the three count. Jobber goes outside and comes back with a table. He sets it up and places the Fuj on top. Parallax heads back up but before he jumps, Cult whacks him with the kendo stick and Parallax falls to the floor. Cult is wobbly but on the apron and heads into the ring. He stops Jobber from assaulting the Fuj and beats him senseless with the kendo stick to the approval of the young and obese. Cult picks up Jobber and goes for the jackknife but Parallax stops that with a forearm to the back. Parallax bounces off of the ropes but Cult ducks and Fuj catches Parallax with a snap powerslam that gets two. Fuj tosses Parallax outside and turns his attention to Jobber. He hits a backbreaker then look at Cultstatus and appear to be setting him up for the Doomsday Device!!!!!!! Fuj picks up Jobber on his shoulders but a s this happens, Parallax cuts off Culstatus as he climbed up top. Jobber manages a victory roll on Fuj but that just gets two. Parallax grabs a pipe as shit just got real. Cult manages to wrestle it away from him and targets Jobber, but he ducks and hit ends up hitting the Fuj!!!!!! OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Parallax hits Cult from behind then goes over to the Fuj and hits the curbstomp on a chair and that gets the win!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What will happen after this miscommunication!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WE ARE OUT OF TIME FOLKS BUT TUNE INTO THE BoD AT 10:35 EST TOMORROW NIGHT TO FIND OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!