BoD RAW

This has nothing at all to do with the WWE

GM Bayless comes out to the ring by himself. He is upset and grabs the mic:

“Starting tonight, I am going to show everyone who is in charge here. I am the one who calls the shots. I am the one who posts the Daily Updates, or used to anyway before they became shit. And elite or not, I am going to continue them because I can. And even though I promised a championship match for tonight, I sent the champ home for a night off. And you all know why………….FUCK YOU, THAT IS WHY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Speaking of the night off, the Administration failed me tonight so they are all parking cars and cleaning up messes because I am the boss. And next week, I am going to have the champion put his title on the line against……………………………ME!!!!!!!! Because FUCK YOU, THAT IS WHY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”




The Midcard Mafia Interrupts from the stands:

Nick Piers: You know, your eight men could not stop the three of us. What makes you think that one of them could stop me. Hell, what makes you think that YOU could stop me?


Steve Ferrari: I laugh at the fact that your Administration is not out here. I also laugh at the thought of you being upset over losing in the WarGames match last night. And last, I laugh at the fact that your car has been towed. 


(Bayless looks at the jumbotron as a tow truck hauls away his car. A head pops out of the window and reveals Nebb28!!!!!! He smiles then flips off the camera, intending it to reach the GM.)


Magoonie Teddy Belmont: I have three words to say to you: ” You’re going down.” Bayless, you do not scare me and I challenge you to a match in two weeks and it will be non-title because there is no way in hell that you could become the champion you silly son of  a bitch!!!!!


Bayless: You motherfuckers!!!!!!!!! I tell you what, if I lose the championship match, I will face you at BoD Battleground. But if I win, I will make sure that your lifes are miserable. I will order Hoss to toss your Yaris down the fucking ditch. I will take apart each and everyone one of you!!!!!! (The Mafia mimic yawning motions at the GM, agitating him even more). Believe you me, I will have all three of you parking cars and wiping off my tires in no time. 



BoD C List Championship Battle Royal Match

“King of Cleveland” MikeyMike, White Goodman, James, Juvydriver, Aric Johnson, SpicoliDriver, WCW1987, Bobby, Worst in the World, Scotty Flamingo, Pistol Pete Labozetta, Flyin’ Brian Gutan, Andrew Dean, Dan Selby, Harry Broadhurst, Danimal Crossing, Daniel Swinney, Michael Xavier, mattindeed, ziggaman730
The first question on everyone’s mind in this match is………………who the fuck are these people? Match starts with a lot of brawling. First man eliminated is Michael Xavier, courtesy of Juvydriver. Next man out is Danimal Crossing, who was tossed by the true shooter of the BoD, Bobby. The King of Cleveland, sporting his royal bowling shirt and Dog Pound mask, runs wild and tosses out White Goodman and mattindeed. Brian Gutan goes flyin’……………right over the fucking ropes as he is eliminated by WCW1987. The New Age British Bulldogs get rid of SpicoliDriver with a double dropkick. Scotty Flamingo gets tossed by Worst in the World. The New Age British Bulldogs then take out Worst in the World with a double clothesline as they are working together so far. Aric Johnson runs over and tosses Pistol Pete Labozetta over the top rope. BANG BANG! James ducks an attack then clotheslines Daniel Swinney over the top ropes. He then eliminates ziggaman730 and Harry Broadhurst, who I forgot was even in this thing. James is not going to be held down by the man tonight, folks. WCW1987 is beating on Dean but Selby comes over for the save. He holds up WCW1987 for his partner, who dodges a super kick. Selby is stunned then Juvydriver comes across the ring with spinning wheel kick that eliminates Dan Selby. WCW1987 then tosses Andrew Dean over the top rope. This is nearing the end with six almost ready for BoD RAW posters are battling for this honorable title. Aric Johnson is smacking around WCW1987 like he was a Tim Horton’s employee who scolded his coffee. The King of Cleveland attacks Juvydriver and whips him at Bobby, who backdrops him over the top ropes and on to the floor, eliminating Juvydriver, then the King of Cleveland runs over and disposes of the true shooter of the BoD, Bobby. I haven’t seen Bobby this mad since no one wanted to watch a PPV with him in the Saturday Night Thread. And with that, the final four have been set: Aric Johnson, King of Cleveland, WCW1987, and James. Everyone is ganging up on a brother as they are stomping on James. Aric Johnson stops and switches his attention to WCW1987 and tosses him over the top rope. WCW1987 manages to skin the cat and comes back in after Aric. James pulls himself up but the force known as WCW1987 boots him down. Aric Johnson runs over and eliminates WCW1987. White Coat Security has to restrain WCW1987 from running back into the ring. Aric laughs but turns around and gets chopped by James. They fight against the ropes but the King of Cleveland runs over with the strength of Courtney Brown and Gerard Warren combined and tosses them both to the floor, winning the match and the C-List Title, which will be coming in the mail within the next 4-6 weeks. Good for him.

Backstage, Abeyance’s assistant, as part of the Top 5 rules and regulations, comes into the Top 5 lounge and tells him that it is time to prepare for his show. Abeyance has his arms picked up off of his computer and carried off to the set. 

David Bonzai Saldana-Montgomery vs. Parallax1978
Last month, Parallax hospitalized DBSM while making a smart comment to him. Parallax looks determined and focused. DBSM strikes first as he wants revenge after being attacked. DBSM catches Parallax in a sleeper, who makes it to the ropes. DBSM starts hammering away on Parallax but runs into a boot to the face. Parallax drops a knee then smashes DBSM’s face off of the mat. Parallax now knees DBSM repeatedly as the crowd is booing him. DBSM has been busted open and Parallax follows with a brainbuster. He does not go for the pin but rather waits and sets up for the curb stomp and hits that for the win. Parallax is not over though as he grabs a chair and places it on the mat. He picks up DBSM by the arms and looks to smash his face off of the chair with his foot but The Fuj runs out and breaks up the vicious assault. Parallax bails as the Fuj helps up a battered and beaten DBSM. I am sure that this is not the last time we will see The Fuj and Parallax have an altercation.

And now, it is “Welcome to the BoD” with Abeyance.

Abeyance: Welcome to the BoD!!!!!!
(Crowd): Thank you!!!!!!!!
Abeyance: How are you doing!!
(Crowd): Good!!!!!!
Abeyance: So am I
(Crowd):We know!!!!!
Abeyance: I know too!!!!! My guests tonight are a tag team that were not booked on the PPV. Here is Paul Meekin & White Thunder
(Crowd Boos)
Abeyance: Welcome to the BoD!!!!!!!!!
Meekin: I came out here to say one thing………………FUCK THE BoD!!!!!!!!!!!!
Crowd boos and starts a “We aren’t Otters” chant
Abeyance: Hey, you should be nice!!!
Meekin: Boy, what a fruitcake you are! And, do you want to hear my philosophy of life?
(Crowd): Fuck you, Meekin *clap clap clap*


Hoss runs out on the set


Hoss: GIVE ME MY TALKSHOW, NERD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Abeyance: No, you big meanie!!!!!
Hoss: I WARNED YOU. I AM GOING TO DESTROY EVERYTHING YOU STAND FOR AND TAKE THE ICE CREAM STAND HOME WITH ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


And that is the show.

Backstage, a production assistant hands Bayless a copy of Buck Nasty’s music video. Bayless takes it and flings it across the room and smashing into the coffee pot that was brewing Mar Solo’s freshly ground coffee. Mar Solo is pissed as Steve Stennick walks by and laughs hysterically. THE UNSTABLE REMAIN INSIDE THE HEAD OF MAR SOLO

Quickly, the camera cuts backstage to the locker room as Hoss is beating the shit out of thebraziliankid. There is no one around and thebraziliankid’s partner is a Top 5’er now and in his separate dressing room. Hoss laughs as he chokeslams the South American boy through a bench. Hoss leaves as the camera follows him to the concession stand. He slaps down the one worker who did not run away and proceeds to wheel the ice cream cart out of the arena. Hoss yells at an assistant “GET ME A FUCKING SPOON AND SOME CHOCOLATE SPRINKLES, NOT THAT RAINBOW BULLSHIT, EITHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hoss is going to eat the ice cream by himself and who will protect thebraziliankid.

Bayless has Archie Stackhouse in his office. He shows him a clip of someone in a Voorhees mask calling him a “Vanilla Writer” and tells Stackhouse that next week, he wants him to take of this guy. Stackhouse cracks his knuckles and leaves.

Tag Team Title Match
Upper Midcard Express vs. Adam Curry & Kyle Warne (Champions)


These two teams have are in the midst of a bitter feud. They all start brawling in the middle of the ring and the action spills outside. Warne slams Petuka on the guardrail and dumps him into the crowd. Curry is pounding on kbjone like he owes him money. The action continues outside until Petuka is rolled into the ring. Warne continues his assault on Petuka, hitting a dragon suplex for a near fall too. His Irish whip is reversed and kbjone knees Warne in the back from the apron then tags himself into the match. He chokes out Warne with his foot then stomps a mudhole in him. The UME use quick tags to neutralize Warne, who is taking a beating. The UME hit a double slingshot suplex then follow that with a double gutbuster as Warne barely kicks out of the pin attempt. Petuka places Warne up top but gets shoved off then kbjone shoves Warne off as the referee runs over to prevent Curry from entering the ring, allowing the UME to use illegal double team tactics. kbjone tags and hits a standing dropkick then the UME do the Edge & Christian pose. Warne get whipped into the corner but dodges a splash as both men are down. kbjone is up first and tags Petuka, who cuts off Warne from tagging his partner. Warne manages to float over on a suplex attempt and duck a clothesline then nearly takes off Petuka’s head with a super kick and finally makes the tag to Curry, who is a house of fire. He sends kbjone flying off of the apron with a rolling koppu kick then takes out Petuka with a springboard missile dropkick. Curry hits a backbreaker on Petuka and covers but kbjone breaks that up. The UME try to set up Curry for the Express Lane but Warne spears kbjone through the ropes and the brawl outside. Petuka climbs up and attempts a frankensteiner but Curry counters that with a super powerbomb!!!!!!!!! kbjone manages to break free and pull Curry off of his partner just in time. Curry is hurt too as kbjone is hammering away as the match settles down. kbjone tries a DDT but Curry shoves him away then clotheslines him down. Curry makes the tag to Warne, who takes out kbjone with a rana. Warne then goes for a miracle ecstasy bomb but Petuka breaks that up. The referee tries to maintain order as Curry runs in and tackles Petuka. Everyone is brawling as the ref accidentally gets knocked down by Warne. kbjone is set up on the announcers table but Petuka takes down Curry. Warne flies in and tries to fight off the UME but Petuka grabs a chair and whacks Curry in the back. kbjone boots Warne and then the UME hit Warne with the Car Crash!!!!!!!!!!!! They roll Warne back inside as Petuka picks him up and oh my god………..PETUKA BAZOOKA! PETUKA BAZOOKA! PETUKA BAZOOKA! He hits Warne with the Petuka bazooka as kbjone whacks Curry in the face with the chair. Petuka wakes up the ref and covers and gets the win as we have new tag team champions!!!!!!!!!! The Upper Midcard Express celebrate their win, which was performed in illegal fashion. There was a miscarriage of justice her tonight, damnit!!!!