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Matt’s Recap: Money in the Bank 2014

Welcome to the Money in the Bank show review!


So, I think I’m gonna cover this from top to bottom — including the pre-show.

TD Garden is packed with ladders everywhere and an armored car.

Renee Young has taken over for Josh Matthews, who was fired from WWE earlier this week. Danielle will be so happy about that.

Booker T, Alex Riley (w/ Boston accent) and Christian who apparently crawled out from where ever he’s been hiding.

Daniel Bryan will be on the show a little later.

And why are we being asked to “order” MITB on the WWE Network?!

There’s
gonna be a Vickie special on the WWE Network called “EXCUSE ME: THE
COUGAR COUNTDOWN” because Vickie was fired for realz.

Anyhow,
the Daniel Bryan spot is here. Cole asks when he’s gonna be back.
Apparently, he might need surgery again because his strength isn’t
returning.

@BelieveInTheAdo asks who he thinks will win
tonight. The crowd shits all over his first two picks: Cena and Orton.
So, he goes for the cheap pop with Roman Reigns RIGHT HERE! IN BOSTON!

Then
Bo Dallas interrupts to add insult to injury. He says he’s sorry Bryan
can’t compete tonight. It’s a “pain in the neck”, in fact. He can still
climb the ladder of LIFE. All he has to do is BOLIEVE.

Bryan
grins and says he appreciates Bo’s concern and that he should
BO-LIEVE…but Dallas is really being a BO-NER. Segment ends.

Mm-k.

Wyatt Time out of nowhere.

Usos time is up. Tick tock, tick tock. Run. Sheep mask.

Anyhow, time for the show…

We get a montage about THE CLIMB TO THE TOP. Who will endure THE CLIMB? WHO???

We are LIVE(!!!) from the TD Garden Center in Boston, Massachusetts!

Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, and JBL are the guys on the mic, as usual.

Marcelo Rodriguez, Carlos Cabrera, and Ricardo Rodriguez are the guys in the Spanish booth.

MATCH
#1: The Usos (Jimmy & Jey) (champions) vs. The Wyatts (Luke Harper
& Erick Rowan) (challengers) for the WWE Tag Team Championship

The
Wyatts have new music. It’s even worse than the fucking
calliope/accordion death music we had. It’s this generic, unmemorable
rock bullshit. Jey and Luke start. Jey tackles Harper on a whip and tags
in Jimmy. Jimmy ends up getting drop-kicked and Rowan is tagged. He
knocks Jimmy down and it’s a two count. Tag to Harper and he hits a mean
uppercut and tags Rowan back in. Rowan goes for a Pump Handle Slam but
Jimmy breaks free and tags Jey who hits a Superkick and tackle off the
top rope. Jey goes for a tackle and ends up in a Fallaway Slam. Jey
breaks free and Harper ends up outside. Back in the ring, Jey hits a
crossbody for two. 


Jey gets dumped
outside and Harper is tagged. He attacks Jey outside and steps on his
head, rolling him back inside for two. He slings Jey’s neck into the
ring rope and gets two. Tag to Rowan and he hits an elbow RIGHT TO THE
HEART, according to Cole. He puts the Claw on Jey and then just tosses
him across the ring. Rowan whips Jey into the ropes and Jey hits a
Sunset Flip which is countered by Rowan. Tag to Harper who hits a Big
Boot on Jey for two. Tag to Rowan and a HUGE body slam to Jey. He misses
a splash and charges Jey in the corner but Jey escapes. Tags in both
corners.

Jimmy is all over Harper with uppercuts and
then gets whipped into Rowan. He hits a Samoan Drop on both men, then
hits a Butt Splash on Rowan. He hits a Corkscrew on Harper and nearly
gets a pin. He sends Rowan out and kicks Harper in the jaw twice, NEARLY
getting a pin. Outside, Rowan has Jey in his arms, so Jimmy leaps at
Harper, splashing Jey into him. Harper nails Jimmy from behind and the
two set up for a double suplex but Jey makes the save, taking Rowan out
of the ring. Jimmy rolls up Harper and NEARLY gets the fall.

Harper
hits the Falling Powerbomb and NEARLY gets a pin. Damn. Dives outside
takes out both Usos. Jey is out. Jimmy gets double powerbombed. It’s
over — NO. Jey comes in to make the save. Jey nails Harper with a kick
to the jaw and Rowan takes him out as well. Rowan goes up top but Jimmy
gets up and rattles the top rope. Jimmy hits a slap to Rowan and goes
for a Superplex but Rowan fights him off. Finally, Jey makes his way in
and both boys go for a Double Superplex! HOLY SHIT. Tag to Jimmy for the
Superfly Splash! He tags Jey in and ANOTHER Superfly Splash! Usos
retain! Time was at 13:07.
WINNERS AND STILL CHAMPIONS: The Usos via Superfly Splash
GRADE: B+. Much better than all the lousy matches on TV. 

Cole explains the break-up of The Shield. And we get clips of it.

Ambrose
is backstage. He wants to rip Rollins apart. That briefcase means
EVERYTHING. But Ambrose can’t decide whether he wants to get case or
smash Rollins’ face. Case or face?

MATCH #2: Naomi (challenger) (w/ Cameron) vs. Paige (champion) for the WWE Divas Championship
Danielle
thinks Paige is gonna lose the belt. I think she’s gonna keep it. This
feud is thick between the two of us. Last night, I slept alone. That’s
right. It’s big. Granted, she was overnight, visiting a friend…but,
STILL…the first lock-up between the two ends up outside. The ref
finally breaks them. Both go for a dropkick and then Paige, with a
Spinning DDT. Naomi tosses her outside after Paige grabs her hair. She
hits a huge Suicide Dive, knocking Paige flat. Paige gets back in the
ring by a count of seven. Naomi immediately knocks her down and gets
two. Naomi hits a crossbody but Paige flips it over for two. Naomi gets
her pin fro two. Paige comes back with a kick and there’s a series of
counters and roll-ups for two.

Naomi hits a modified Crab
Stretch on Paige, but then lets go and goes for a flipping pin for two.
Naomi runs for the top rope but Paige kicks her and tries for the
Superplex. Naomi fights out and both women spill out on the floor. The
ref starts counting and gets to nine. Both women get back in. Naomi hits
a backslide but Paige counters and mini-superkicks Naomi before hitting
a Stump Puller while Cameron looks happy. After a bit, Paige just rolls
Naomi up for a pin. Naomi hits a clothesline and dropkick. She hits an
uppercut and hits the Rear View but Paige kicks out at two. Naomi hits
the top rope and goes for the Spinning Moonsault but Paige gets her
knees up. She tries the PTO but Naomi counters it and goes for the move
that beat her on RAW. Paige counters into the a DDT and retains at 7:01.
WINNER AND STILL CHAMPION: Paige
GRADE:
C+. Eh. No heat or intensity, really. The match was just quick back and
forth. I wish the WWE would spend more time on these matches with
better competitors. Naomi is decent but nothing special.

Renee Young is with Booker T, Alex Riley and Christian. Booker T slurs everything and uses 47 buzzwords.

We
get a statistical recap of Money in the Bank. And it’s back to the
action in ri–fuck, it’s Sandow dressed like Paul Revere. He insults
Adam Rose. Adam Rose appears. He does his usual bullshit. Oh. It’s also a
match.

MATCH #3: Damien Sandow vs. Adam Rose
Sandow
is all over Rose to start, then Sandow runs at Rose who uses his legs
to pull Sandow’s face into his ass. Sandow pulls Rose outside and beats
on him, then pushes him back in as Rose’s band of morons dances on
stage. Headlock by Sandow is countered and then Rose runs into a back
elbow. He yells THE ELBOW IS COMING before dropping The Elbow of
Disdain, getting two. Another headlock is countered by Rose. Rose knees
Sandow in the face on a charge and then starts punching at Sandow and
kicking him in the corner. He runs at Sandow and Sandow takes his head
off and gets a HUGE pop from the crowd who is behind Sandow at this
point. Sandow hits a HUGE slam to the mat but only gets two. Rose comes
back after Sandow misses a flipping moonsault and hits the Party Foul
for the win at 4:17.
WINNER: Adam Rose via Party Foul
GRADE: C-. Better match than what I was expecting but Rose is not winning anyone over.

Post-match, the crowd BOOS Rose. Wow.

Jon Stewart is at ringside which is better than what I just saw.

Rollins,
RVD, Kofi, Ziggler, Zeb Colter and Jack Swagger all do pre-taped
promos, saying they’re gonna win tonight. Zeb Colter says that, years
ago, Sam Adams came here and had some immortal words. (DANIELLE:  “Let’s Drink?”)

MATCH
#4: Seth Rollins, Rob Van Dam, Jack Swagger (w/ Zeb Colter), Dolph
Ziggler, Kofi Kingston, and Dean Ambrose in a Money in the Bank Ladder
Match for the WWE Heavyweight Championship Contract

Ambrose
goes right after Rollins, clotheslining him out of the ring and into the
timekeepers pit. After that, it’s the Kofi Show as he takes out Swagger
with a Moondrop on top of the ladder. Kofi sets up a ladder which is
way off-center. Ambrose pushes the ladder over. Kofi leaps off the
ladder, bounces OFF the top rope and dives at everyone except Rollins.
Ambrose and Rollins both try to climb the ladder but it’s clear that
isn’t happening. Ambrose sets up a ladder in the corner and tries for a
suplex. Rollins counters and tries for it. Ambrose finally hits an Arm
Hook Suplex and Rollins hits the ladder. Ambrose goes up the ladder but
Swagger pulls him off. Another spot where they trade people on the
ladder. Ziggler and RVD and Kofi get in and it ends up being Ziggler and
Kofi climbing. Swagger and Ambrose interfere. Ambrose takes Swagger
out. Kofi takes Ambrose out. Kofi and Ziggler climb and bralw on the
ladder.

Rollins gets a ladder and nails both
guys. RVD comes into the ring to make the save on the climb. He
slingshots Rollins into the ladder as the crowd chants “ECW”. RVD sets a
ladder up in the corner and hits Rolling Thunder on Rollins. Ambrose
charges but RVD kicks him in the head. Ziggler and Swagger get the same
treatment. RVD climbs the top rope and hits the 5SFS. My feed freezes on
the WWE Network and then dies entirely. When I rejoin, RVD is set up in
the corner. Swagger pulls him up and hits a MASSIVE SUPERPLEX…but
it’s not to be. RVD knocks him off. RVD goes for a splash but Rollins
interferes…RVD manages to go for the Superplex but Swagger jumps up
and hits a HUGE powerbomb instead. Suddenly, Ambrose hits the ladder
AND, FINALLY, the Superplex gets its spotlight, lighting up this crowd.
Everyone is down.

We see the replay about four more
times, including from “Wile E. Coyote Cam” as Lawler calls it. Swagger
starts taking out Superstars and tosses Kofi clear across the ring.
Swagger gets a ladder and then just drops it on top of Kofi, then hits a
Swagger Bomb. Swagger sets up a ladder but RVD makes the save and the
two start exchanging blows. Rollins and Ambrose work together to take
them out and then exchange shots, fighting with one another at the top.
Finally, Ambrose knocks Rollins off. Ambrose climbs but Swagger pulls
him off and then HITS A SPINEBUSTER off the ladder which Ambrose
counters into a DDT. Rollins climbs but Ambrose gets to his feet and
knocks Rollins over.  However, it looks like he hurt something and the
refs and trainers send him to the back…oh boy. Rollins climbs but RVD
makes the save.

Crowd is dead now. Kofi sets up a
ladder bridge which isn’t used for anything at all. Kofi brawls with him
and knocks him off and Rollins falls right on top of the ladder! Kofi’s
got the ca–NO. Ziggler pulls him off. Kofi goes for the SOS…but
Ziggler counters with the Falling DDT! Swagger comes in and he gets
punch-tackled by Ziggler. RVD is back in but Ziggler his him with the
Fame-Asser. Swagger gets whacked with a ladder by Ziggler. Kofi comes to
life and misses a kick and Ziggler hits a ZIGG ZAGG INTO A LADDER. Holy
shit. Ziggler climbs but Swagger hits the Patriot Lock on him. Dolph
STILL climbs with Swagger on him. He kicks Swagger off! Crowd is hot
right now. Ziggler climbs…he has the case…but Rollins comes in and
nails him with a chair.

Rollins hits him again as the
crowd chants “WE WANT AMBROSE”. Rollins pushes him out of the ring and
climbs…here comes Ambrose! HE HAS A CHAIR. He whacks Rollins again and
again and again! He climbs…and BOOM, here comes Kane because
screwjob. Kane pulls him off and Chokeslams him. And there it is. Kane
pulls him up and hits a Tombstone and the crowd is PISSED. Kane waits
for Rollins and here comes Rollins who grabs the case.
WINNER: Seth Rollins
GRADE: B+. Not the best I’ve seen plus a shit finish. MITB better have a face win the belts or else TD Gardens is gonna erupt.

Post-match, Triple H appears with Steph. They hold Rollins’ hand up in victory.

We
get a promo for the Vickie documentary on WWE Network which has frozen
on me several times today. Danielle tried bravely to get us better
service, but after 13 minutes of nonstop being on hold and endless
wrestler theme songs gave up hope she would get to talk to a person.
Well, at least she got to hear full theme songs instead of snippets.

MATCH #5: RybAxel (Ryback and Curtis Axel) vs. Goldust & Stardust
Stardust
will start with Axel and hits some nice a nice dropkick after a hip
toss. Ryback gets in and tries to taunt Star but Star tackles him after a
slap and tags in Gold who hits a reverse Atomic Drop, sending Gold into
the corner. Ryback throws him off and tags Axel who beats on Gold and
dropkicks him. Two count. Ryback is in and he beats on Gold and hits a
splash and clothesline. Axel follows that with a double axehandle off
the ropes. Long headlock by Axel and a tag to Ryback for a delayed
Suplex. A couple of pin reversals and a HUGE Spinebuster by Ryback. He
calls for the Meathook which takes FOREVER but Goldie moves and tags
Star who hits some flying moves and a sitting dropkick. Ryback tries a
press salm but Star counters. Ryback goes for the Shell Shock but Star
counters into Cross Rhodes. Axel comes in and makes the save but gets
dumped and Star rolls up Ryback for the win at 7:35.
WINNERS: The Dusts
GRADE: D+. Crap RAW match…and, again, what’s so special about Stardust? Nobody cares about him or Goldust.

We get the build-up for Summer, Layla and Fandango.

Fandango
is backstage with Byron Saxton. Saxton wants to know how Fandango will
call this match. Layla sucks up to Fandango and says he can’t. Summer
interferes and they start exchanging insults.

MATCH #6: Rusev (w/ Lana) vs. Big E
Lana
and Rusev do their thing. Big E has suddenly adopted some sort of MLK
Black Reverend voice. This show needs something quick. Big E hits a huge
forearm to start, then another huge running forearm, knocking Rusev out
of the ring. Big E tries that Spearr he did during Payback but Rusev
knees him in the head. He gets in the ring and hits a belly to back
suplex and a series of forearms. He puts E in a chinlock, then
stomps on E. Rusev misses a splash. E hits a belly to belly suplex and
gets two. Rusev knees E in the corner and charges but E hits a HUGE
clothesline into Spinebuster for two. E spears Rusev in the corner and a
huge clothesline. He goes into a Warrior Splash. Rusev goes for the big
kick but E holds the rope and spears Rusev out of the ring. E gets to
his feet and dumps Rusev back in, getting a two count. E calls for the
Big Ending but Rusev jams out of there. E reaches for him but Rusev
kicks E in face, then gets back in the ring and hits the Superkick. Lana
calls for the Accolade, so Rusev locks it in…and E gets to his
knees…so Rusev just pulls back harder and E finally taps at about 6
minutes.
WINNER: Rusev via Accolade
GRADE: C+. Better…but now is the time to find Rusev an angle. The squashes hit overkill weeks ago.

Bellas
are backstage. Steph is pissed that Brie is here. She wants Brie to go
away. Now. Brie says that she was just showing Nikki the video of Steph
being shoved into the mud pit from RAW. Brie gets in Steph’s face and
grins. Steph summons “security” to get her out of the building. Nikki
tells Steph she’s sorry. Steph tells Nikki to make sure Brie stays gone.

Mountain Dew Commercial because it has electrolytes. And things plants love.

MATCH #7: Summer Rae vs. Layla with Fandango as the special guest referee
Cole
says, “Layla has a unique mask…” then goes silent. That’s about how
awesome this is. Layla tosses Summer outside, then flirts with Fandango.
Summer pulls Layla down and attacks her in the corner. Summer shows off
her legs. Layla kicks Summer into Fandango and they nearly kiss. Layla
attacks and tries to pin Summer. After Summer kicks out, she puts Summer
into a Indian Deathlock as JBL and Cole argue over the PC term for the
move. The crowd, fed up, yells for CM Punk, I think. Summer breaks out
and throws Layla to the mat. JBL: “This is like Eva Gabor and Nancy
Sinatra fighting over Frank.” Summer tackles Layla in the corner and
beats her outside the ropes. Layla retaliates and tackles Summer,
pinning her. at 3:07. Anybody care?
WINNER: Layla
GRADE: F. There was no reason this match should have even been on the card. 

Post-match, the audio team plays Layla’s old music for some reason. Then Fandango kisses her. So…I guess that angle’s over.

We get the build-up for the big Championship Ladder Match.

The big match is gonna start…but first, Triple H and Steph are out. They will be at ringside. Oh man…this has the makings of something awesome.

MATCH #8: WWE United States Champion Sheamus, Bray Wyatt, Alberto Del Rio, Cesaro (w/ Paul Heyman), John Cena, Randy Orton, Roman Reigns, & Kane in a Money in the Bank Ladder Match for the WWE World Heavyweight Championship
Chaos
to start out – Orton dumps Del Rio because he doesn’t matter anyhow.
Cena and Wyatt brawl in the corner. Reigns, Sheamus, Cesaro and Wyatt
all get dumped. Orton beats on Cena in the corner as Kane slips a ladder
up on the mat. Cesaro and Del Rio dropkick the ladder at Kane and then
clothesline Orton with it. Wyatt knocks them down. Cena tries the AA but
Wyatt kicks out and hits a Facebuster on Cena. Reigns tries a Spear and
misses. Wyatt rushes and Reigns drops him with the Samoan Drop. Sheamus
gets back into the ring and stops Reigns. Orton and Kane join in.
Sheamus and Reigns grab ladders and sandwich Kane. Sheamus and Reigns
set up their ladders. Sheamus’s ladder isn’t as big (ha) and four men
climb the ladders. Del Rio and Sheamus brawl on one and the ladder
falls. Sheamus gets taken out of the ring. Kane gets into the match and
knocks the other one down, then takes everyone out including Cena, much
to the delight of the crowd.

Kane takes the bigger
ladder and tosses it, then the smaller ladder and sets it up because
Kane is suddenly a fucking moron. He grabs Orton and puts Orton on it.
Orton tries to climb but Reigns interferes and knocks them off. Wyatt
gets in the ring and pulls Reigns off the ladder and hits a Spinebuster.
Cena slams Wyatt and goes for the 5KS but Cesaro takes him out with the
Uppercut. Cesaro and Sheamus climb the ladder. Wyatt, for some reason,
crawls around like a spider. Wyatt finally gets up and knocks the ladder
down. Sheamus and Cesaro hang from the belts and then fall. The ring is
eventually cleared as the brawl ends up outside. Orton tosses Del Rio
into the ring steps and Sheamus brawls with Orton. Sheamus sets up a
bridge from the Spanish table to the ring to the mat but Orton trips
Sheamus and DDT’s him off the ladder. Orton is cut open.

He
gets in the ring and sets up the high ladder after kicking Cena in the
chest. Orton climbs but Cena’s on his feet. A handful of stars climb
with him. Reigns climbs up after Orton is knocked off. Every single guy
keeps pulling the other off. Cesaro gets more than halfway up so Kane
knocks him off and puts him out of the ring. Del Rio tries to Enzuguri
Kane but whiffs big time. Kane closes up the ladder and puts it aside.
He grabs Sheamus and punches at him but Sheamus drops his neck on the
ropes, then hits Ten Beats. Reigns is in and Sheamus hits a Battering
Ram. Irish Curse to Del Rio. White Noise to Cesaro. Sheamus calls for
the Brogue and, instead of hitting Orton, nails poor Cena who has taken
every finisher so far. Sheamus finally grabs a ladder as Triple H and
Steph don’t look happy about it.

Sheamus climbs but
Kane drags him down by the foot out of the ring. Sheamus is pissed and
tosses Kane into the steps outside. Sheamus starts climbing as Cesaro
builds a ladder bridge for some reason instead of just running to the
ladder and stopping Sheamus. He climbs and both get to the top. Reigns
comes in and LIFTS THE LADDER WITH BOTH GUYS ON IT. Both stay on. For
some reason, Cena props the ladder back up as Sheamus has his arms on
the belt hook. Chaos as all eight guys brawl and stop Sheamus. Orton
kicks Sheamus and it’s a brawl. Ring is cleared. Kane sets up the ladder
again but Reigns comes in with a Spear and Kane is out of the ring.
Orton kicks at Reigns and plays to the crowd, setting up for the RKO.
Reigns shoves him away and hits the Superman Punch. Sheamus gets in the
ring and gets the same. Del Rio and Reigns destroys him. Wyatt charges
and he gets his head planted into the table. Missile Dropkick to Del Rio
and to Wyatt and a Spear to Cesaro! Holy shit.

Reigns
gets into the ring, turns, and see John Cena. Cena looks up and it’s a
brawl. It’s BOO-YAY punches and Cena goes for the AA but Reigns counters
into the Spear. Triple H is on his feet, watching, as Reigns sets up
the ladder. Reigns climbs but Orton is in and pulling at Reigns, then
hits the reverse chopblock backbreakers off the ladder. Reigns is out
and Orton climbs the ladder. Wyatt comes in and hits Sister Abigail! He
climbs but Del Rio interferes and hits the Enzuguri and the Mini
Superkick of Doom. Del Rio climbs and gets his hands on the hook…but
Sheamus is in and knocks over the ladder, then hits the Brogue! Sheamus
sets up and climbs but Cesaro stops him, pulls him down, his the
Uppercut and the Neutralizer! Cesaro climbs but Orton pulls Cesaro down
and hits the RKO! He climbs…

But here comes Reigns!
He pulls at Orton, headbutting him and punching. They trade headshots
and Orton pulls at Reigns’ hair. They both hit the mat and Orton starts
climbing again. Orton is cut WIDE open with blood dripping down his
face. Reigns start hitting headbutts and Orton falls. But Kane comes in
and hits the Chokeslam. Kane holds up the ladder and Orton climbs. Cena
comes in and hits the AA on Kane, then pulls Orton down and hits the AA
on top of Kane. He climbs and he’s got the belts.
WINNER AND NEW CHAMPION: John Cena
GRADE: B-. Typical spot-fest near the end but, wow, needed a better finish. 

Post-match, Triple H and Steph are beside themselves. Cena kinda looks at them and grins as we go off the air.

OVERALL:
B-. There was a giant lull in the middle and two ladder matches that
needed more drama. The first ladder match’s finish should have set up
for Ambrose taking out Kane and Orton with Cena grabbing the belt.

Er, that’s it.

Andy PG will start your week off right with the PG Era Raw Rant on
Monday, I will be back Tuesday with the Main Event Recap, Scott has your NXT Report and Tommy’s got your weekend covered with Smackdown.

Thank
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