The SmarK Rant for Monday Night RAW–09.18.94

The SmarK Rant for Monday Night RAW – 09.18.94 Taped (ugh, again) from Lowell, MA Your hosts are Vince McMahon & Randy Savage Interesting bit in the pre-show video, as Tatanka shows up on Superstars wearing a suit after turning heel, which is exactly the direction they should have gone with him. Lex Luger v. The Executioner Am I watching a Clash from 1989 now? Vince notes that no one will ever call Luger a sellout ever again! Well, until a year later. The Executioner misses a charge and gets rolled up for two, and Luger follows with a small package for two. This whole thing is very upsetting to “Native Americans all over the world” according to Savage. Except in Canada we call them Canadians. Luger finishes with the powerslam and Rebel Rack at 3:00. Jerry Lawler v. Duke Droese Finally, the blowoff that literally some people have been waiting for! Lawler posits that Droese is in fact the trash and he, Lawler, shall be the one to take out said trash, thus REVERSING THEIR POSITIONS and blowing everyone’s mind. Lawler literally stalls for THREE MINUTES before Droese slugs away on him in the corner, causing him to run away again. Ad we take a break, returning with Lawler playing Phantom Foreign Object. Who the fuck decided to put this house show opener comedy match bullshit on national TV? So with the help of his “object”, Lawler takes over in the corner and we get more stalling before Lawler slugs away on him. See, if they had gone here instead of wasting 10 minutes to get to Lawler’s heat segment, the match would be fine. Lawler with the fistdrop for two, but Dink runs out and squirts water in Lawler’s face to draw the countout at 11:54. I don’t even have the bandwidth to start listing everything terrible about this. -*** The Heavenly Bodies v. Mike Bell & Steve King Bet you didn’t realize that famous author Steve King did jobs for the WWF in his downtime! We’re joined in progress for some reason with Del Ray suplexing King as the commentary has already dropped the Headshrinkers feud and moved onto a Smoking Gunns feud. King gets a sunset flip on Del Ray, but Del Rey pounds him down again and Pritchard hits a Doctorbomb into a Gigolo-sault to finish at 2:13. Bob Backlund is out for a special interview with Vince, and he’s angry about the loss to Bret Hart and angry at the PLEBIANS who can’t live up to his standards! Society, man! Kids today! Damn Generation X, ruining everything! He’s gonna chicken-wing each and every one of these fans because they’re all terrible people. So we move onto the meat of things, as Backlund vows to retire if anyone can escape the hold, and he’s not being fallacious about it. So to demonstrate, he calls in the poor geek who edits the WWF magazine and throws him around the ring in the move before snapping and going nuts again, resulting in RANDY F’N SAVAGE charging in to save. Say what you will about Backlund later on, but he was just KILLING it here with his tense and creepy mannerisms. And from now on, his name is MISTER Bob Backlund. Bob “Spark Plug” Holly v. Richie Rich Yes, more history as Bob Holly finally gets his name back. His friends no longer call him Sparky, apparently. Vince is just riled up about this Backlund thing, calling him out for being a coward for applying the hold to a helpless magazine editor instead of someone who actually had a shot. Bob finishes this goof with a flying bodypress at 1:51. Yokozuna v. Phil Apollo Thankfully Vince is calmed down again and can call this match properly. Apparently the big draw for the current house show tour is a 40 foot inflatable Undertaker that might make an appearance at your town. Or you could watch WCW and see Hulk Hogan. Your choice. Yoko finishes with the butt splash at 2:30. The Pulse Nothing to the show in the ring, but DAAAAAAAAMN was that Backlund segment some fine sports entertainment. I remember being legitimately afraid in storyline terms that this dude was gonna kill someone back in the day, and now I remember why. He would become a punchline soon enough, but the buildup to that was tremendous.