The SmarK Rant for Monday Night RAW–09.12.94

The SmarK Rant for Monday Night RAW – 09.12.94 So welcome to a very strange time in my life, as back in 1994 we got one of those C-Band satellite dish monstrosities for our backyard, added a grey market subscription to a US channel package, and VOILA, I suddenly could watch Monday Night RAW live on the USA Network, two years ahead of it debuting in Canada for the first time. I used to sit and watch “wild feeds”, like when newscasters are standing around in the field bullshitting with the cameraman, for hours. Not only that, but there was wrestling EVERYWHERE. Suddenly I could get ECW, SMW, WCW, that shitty Sportatorium crap with JBL and Ahmed Johnson, and assorted Mexican wrestling. That thing was AWESOME. But mostly I was pumped to get RAW. And what a show to debut with! Note: I was being sarcastic in that last sentence there. Live from Lowell, MA Your hosts are Vince McMahon & Randy Savage. Undertaker v. Kwang So after Summerslam, this is now the definitive Undertaker and Brian Lee shall not be spoken of for a long while. The arena is VERY brightly lit as compared to the last set of tapings, so apparently they were able to fill it a bit better. It looks a million times better. Kwang puts Taker on the floor with a pair of sidekicks and slugs away on the apron, but Taker calmly beats on him back in the ring and does the ropewalk. We take a break with Taker getting sent to the floor, and return with a pissed off Taker chokeslamming him for the pin at 8:21. Vince once again notes that we will never, EVER, see Underfaker again. EVER. * Jim Neidhart v. Tim McNeeny Anvil was moving onto a house show run against Bret Hart, so at least featuring him in a squash here made sense. He tosses the guy out of the ring and pounds away back in the ring. He keeps whipping McNeeny around, showing nothing, and finishes with a camel clutch at 3:00. The King’s Court with Doink and Dink, as Doink brings a trash can as a present, thus both hyping next week’s Lawler v. Dumpster match as well as kicking off the EPIC King v. Clown feud that provided midgets the world over with employment and a PPV payout. See, who says 1994 was directionless and terrible? Diesel & Shawn Michaels v. Tony Devito & Paul Vandel Shawn goads poor Devito into chasing him around the ring, and then hits him with a forearm from the apron to the floor in a slick spot. Diesel is getting pretty impressive babyface pops here after Summerslam, which probably hastened them pulling the trigger on him. Shawn & Diesel are of course now the tag team champions, having won them the night before Summerslam, but the belts are absent, which leads me to suspect this show wasn’t as live as advertised. Devito takes a beating from both champs, and Vandel gets suplexed by Shawn and sideslammed by Diesel. Big boot and Shawn dives off of Diesel’s shoulders with a big splash for the pin at 4:23. Shawn was snorting the GOOD shit at this point and obviously having fun with his big buddy. Adam Bomb v. Dwayne Gill Mr. Bomb is now sporting babyface blue and yellow tights, which could be why this babyface act didn’t get over. I’d say that they should team him up with Crush so they could wear matching ugly tights, but some years later they did. And it was terrible. The previous video package reveals that the feud we didn’t know we wanted but would be forced to sit through at house shows anyway is Adam Bomb v. Bam Bam Bigelow. It’s like they drew names out of a hat and if it sounded atrocious enough, they went with it. Bomb with a standing dropkick and sideslam, and the Meltdown finishes at 3:25. The Bushwackers v. Barry Hardy & Burt Centino Seriously, they put the Bushwackers out there after one of their stupid “New Generation” spots? They chase Hardy around the ring and Luke stomps on Centino, then we get a midget comedy spot with the jobbers getting dogpiled while Butch counts the pin. The battering ram finishes for real at 4:00. I can understand keeping them around for house show opening matches as something for the kids, but why waste TV time on them? Next week: Duke The Dumpster v. Jerry the King!