PG Era Rant Raw, 06.09.14

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When last we left our heroes… hang
on, let me check what happened when I was away…
(reads)
…sigh. When
last we left our heroes, HHH found a way to win even when he lost.
With the most dominant faction of our time broken apart by someone
jumping from the winning side to the losing side, a compelling
explanation is going to be needed.
And not just for
Rollins. Word is coming out that Daniel Bryan is unable to compete
down the road, which we probably could’ve guessed all along. But
he’s refused to surrender the title he needs to surrender, and the
title being on the shelf hurts the show. So how do you get around
this? Time to get your best writers out and explain.
The PG Era Rant
for Raw, June 9, 2014.
Live from
Minneapolis, MN.
Your hosts are as
they are.
Your pre-show
notes:
SIR NOT APPEARING
ON THIS RAW: Kofi Kingston.
SUPERSTARS: Dolph
Ziggler vs. Titus O’Neil; Adam Rose vs. Heath Slater.
RAW HAPPENINGS:
News on Daniel Bryan; Seth Rollins breaks his silence; Sheamus vs.
Bad News Barrett (MITB Qualifier); Rob Van Dam vs. Antonio Cesaro
(MITB Qualifier).

And we open with
the Authority, which makes me think the news is as bad as feared.
HHH says it’s a good night to be right. Stephanie goes into more
detail: the Authority has the privilege of making a blockbuster
announcement, such as this one. See, everyone’s been wondering what
will happen with the WWE Title situation. But tonight, they have a
resolution. We hear from Dr. Joe Maroon himself about the injury: he
is not medically cleared to compete… yet. He will still be
re-evaluated. Stephanie interprets this as saying Daniel Bryan
cannot compete. She says the fans can’t be that disappointed: you
can’t get A+ recoveries from B+ players. And hey, the WWE is a
business, not a fan club. And what’s best for business is having an
active champion – which Bryan can’t be. Therefore, Stephanie says
it’s necessary to vacate the title. The crowd’s NO chants won’t
change reality. Hey, it’s what they warned last week: if he can’t
compete, he must be stripped of the title.
They’re sorry that
Daniel Bryan is hearing this for the first time right now – they
TRIED to tell him earlier. Oh, and sorry to Brie, who quit for
what’s now no reason. But unlike them, the show must go on.
Therefore, there will be a Ladder Match for the WWE Title at Money in
the Bank. There are a series of qualifiers – one of which already
happened, so Alberto Del Rio is already in. The next person to enter
will be Randy Orton, who deserves it. So, at the PPV, there will be
a new WWE Champion. Stephanie: “Amen to that!”
HHH says it’s
funny how after WrestleMania, people wanted to rub it in the
Authority’s faces about Daniel Bryan. When Bryan got “the fluke
victory of a lifetime”, they wanted to be right. But HHH is right:
Daniel Bryan is not championship material. And this proves it.
Bryan isn’t even here tonight. And another thing: adapt or perish,
remember that? But everyone wanted to talk about how great the
Shield is… but Evolution adapted (via Seth Rollins) and the Shield
perished. We see the replay of last week, as Seth Rollins makes the
most inexplicable heel turn of the year. (I picked the wrong week to
skip, didn’t I?)
Back to live,
where HHH says he believed in Seth Rollins. Ambrose and Reigns are
then told that tonight, what’s left of the Shield will end with a
whimper. The duo will face the Wyatt Family in a six-man tag team
match. If they can find a partner, which likely won’t happen because
they’ve made a ton of enemies. Tonight, this will be history as the
Shield becomes extinct. The Shield will perish. The difference
between this and the 20-minute promos we joke HHH does is that it
lasted 10 minutes.
Tonight: Sheamus
faces Bad News Barrett in a qualifier!
So Daniel Bryan
isn’t good enough to be champion and loses the belt while HHH gloats
about controlling the universe. It’s September again and no one told
me.
Question:
how is Legends’ House so popular?
Money in the
Bank Qualifier: Sheamus v. Bad News Barrett.

But first, we have Bad News: They say that the ones you see on the
way up are those you see on the way down. But once Barrett makes it
to the top, he’s not coming down. They tangle in the corner, which
leads to a contentious break. Barrett clubs away on Sheamus in the
corner (and the crowd’s behind Barrett), but a whip is reversed to a
Sheamus clothesline. Kneedrop follows, and a few more. Barrett
recovers and works over Sheamus in the corner, adding a short
clothesline. Sheamus rolls to the apron and ambushes Barrett there,
tying him up to threaten the Ten of Clubs, but Barrett escapes and
knocks Sheamus to the outside. Barrett dives off the steps onto
Sheamus, and back in, he runs into a clothesline from Sheamus.
Sheamus sends Barrett to the apron, and here’s the Ten of Clubs.
Sheamus suplexes Barrett back in for two. Sheamus to the middle
rope, but the kneedrop misses and Barrett gets a big kick. Sheamus
ducks a clothesline and does a Cactus bodypress as everyone’s on the
outside when we go to break.
Sheamus/Barrett,
part two.
The belts still hang
over the ring as Barrett has a chinlock on. Sheamus punches out, but
a blind charge by Sheamus eats elbow. Barrett follows with a tornado
suplex (you got a better name for it?) for two. Barrett stomps away
and goes up, but the second-rope elbow hits the knees. Sheamus fires
up and gets some Irish Hammers to start the comeback. Kneelift, but
Sheamus’s running knee attempt eats elbow. Sheamus recovers with the
Irish Curse for two. Sheamus goes to the top again, but Barrett
catches him in the corner. Sheamus fights him off, but Barrett
charges the leap and gets Winds of Change when Sheamus recovers,
getting two. Barrett looks up as he hooks up Wasteland, but Sheamus
stops it. Big kick misses, but Sheamus with an Oklahoma Slam for
two. Crowd is divided. Sheamus goes for Brogue, but Barrett sees it
coming and ducks to the apron only to get dropkicked. Sheamus dives
off, but Barrett moves aside and Sheamus splats into the barricade.
The crowd senses a countout, but Sheamus is in at nine. Wasteland
gets two. Barrett preps the Bull Hammer, but he runs into the Celtic
Cross for two. The two men slug through the ropes on their knees,
but when they get up, Sheamus rocks Barrett only to get headbutted.
Barrett begins kicking Sheamus in the head repeatedly and throws him
into the ringpost twice. He pulls Sheamus in and kicks away, but
when the ref pulls him away to prevent a DQ, Sheamus lands the Brogue
Kick to win it at 13:11. Man, I love watching these two knock each
other senseless. ***1/2
According to the graphic, it will be a 7-man match.
We
go backstage to the Wyatts. Harper says that they’re labelled
pariahs. But sometimes, Harper gets urges from some dark place. And
Bray’s back to pick up on urges – which every man has. The measure
of a man is to admit them and control them. The Shield used to refer
to themselves as dominant. But Bray remembers differently. Shield
fell victim to lust, greed, and desire for glory. And now, tonight,
they will burn for their sins. Bray is reborn. The bond of the
Family cannot be broken, and their urges cannot be satisfied. Rowan
delivers the punchline.
You know, Cole
is spending all this time upset about Randy Orton being placed in the
Money in the Bank Ladder Match, but think about it: he’s the former
champion; he wasn’t beaten at WrestleMania – Batista was; and he’s
never had his rematch. For once, I want JBL to point this out.
Lana
says to compare superpowers by comparing their leaders. She says
Obama oozes weakness and is a sissy. (It works – the USA chants
begin.) Apparently the Russians call him a girly man. And as proof
– Obama’s workout tape on YouTube. Vince must be REALLY amused by
this. Now compare to Putin. Putin is strong, virile, and a man
amongst men. Putin will crush Obama. It’s apparently only a matter
of time before the US gives out and Russia takes his place. And
what’s this Gold Star medal anyway? Ah, something else from last
week. (Seems like last week was a 2.)
Alexander Rusev
v. Zack Ryder.
JBL says that he
just might move to Russia. He’s in rare form tonight, by the way.
Rusev charges Ryder and knocks him down with headbutts, then clubs
away. An elbow to the back of the head knocks Ryder over. Ryder
fights back, but Rusev shoves him aside. Ryder with knees to the
face, but he runs into a superkick. Rusev Crush ends it at 59
seconds. Just another squash. We get a giant Russian flag to
celebrate Rusev’s win, which saves half the crowd from seeing him.
Later
tonight, Seth Rollins has some explaining to do to Michael Cole!
Rusev may have
the least amount of charisma I’ve ever seen. Not a joke.
Rybaxel v.
Goldust and R-Truth.
Xavier
who? Cody is watching backstage to see if this works. Ryback and
Truth start, and Ryback pounds away and throws Truth in the corner.
Axel in, and he double-teams Truth and gets a dropkick. A little
trash talking follows, and Ryback returns for a double suplex getting
one. Axel back after some Ryback headbutts, but miscommunication
allows Truth to tag Goldust. Clotheslines to Axel, then the kneeling
uppercut. Inverted atomic drop and big kick follow. Powerslam off
of a whip to Axel, and Goldust goes up and takes both men out with a
twisting bodypress. Cody is watching as Axel cuts off Goldust, but
he gets the Destroyer for two. Truth in, but Ryback dumps him out.
Spinebuster from Goldust, but Axel cradles Goldust to steal the pin
at 2:15. Cody is none too happy. This has “bad idea” written
all over it. 1/2*
Backstage,
Layla is getting her hair done and is trash talking the people of
Minneapolis until Summer Rae throws milk all over her and wrecks the
makeup table on her. You’d think the makeup lady would’ve warned
someone.
All we learned
is that Summer Rae is from Minnesota. Or so they say.
3MB
says the Shield was supposed to come out and talk, but they’re not
here… okay, yes they are. 3MB isn’t backing down, though, and the
fight is on. Ambrose takes out Slater. Mahal and Reigns head
outside. McIntyre catches Reigns from behind, only for Ambrose to
take him out. Now the Shield are dominant and McIntyre goes into the
timekeeper’s area. Mahal eats barricade as Ambrose dives onto
McIntyre. Slater wisely walks away, but Reigns ran around the arena
and spears Slater anyway (off-camera). So now that 3MB are disposed
of, the Shield do have something to say.
Ambrose
tries to calm himself down before saying that the Shield was
untouchable. They WILL go down as one of the greatest groups ever.
The Shield were dominant, beating everyone up to and including
Evolution. But they weren’t healthy; there was a cancer in them
named Seth Rollins. (Ambrose is barely containing himself.) History
is full of traitors. People who would stab brothers in the back and
sell out – everyone knows someone like that. Ambrose says he will
have the opportunity to re-arrange Seth’s face, he’ll move Seth’s
nose about three feet over by his ear – yes, singular. He’ll rip
the hair out and stuff it where Seth’s teeth used to be. Seth, “my
brother”, is scum, and he’s looking forward to what he has to say.
Go ahead, lie through your teeth. They want to hear HHH’s words from
his mouth. They will listen, and they will beat the hell out of him.
(Rollins is watching backstage in a suit.)
Reigns
says Rollins is unforgivable. He calls Rollins the scum of the
earth. There are things you don’t do – one of which is stabbing
your brothers in the back. But he’s only part of the problem:
Evolution’s a problem. Orton acts like everyone owes him something.
When Reigns is done, he won’t be the face of the company, but the ass
of the company. And then, HHH is next. Reigns isn’t scared of the
King of Kings, and promises his own Game of Thrones. Believe that.
Later
tonight: Seth Rollins promises to explain! Plus, it’s Shield/Wyatts
V, but who’s teaming with Ambrose and Reigns?
Ah, there’s the
Dean Ambrose I know and love. Without raising his voice, he made it
clear how furious he was. There needs to be a little more of that,
please.
The Usos v.
Fandango and Damien Sandow.

Damien Sandow is doing some rhythmic gymnastics routine. Layla is
still a mess, as we recap why. The heel side is making me feel
dumber by the minute. Fandango and Jimmy start, and Fandango gets a
tackle before a criss-cross leads to a Fandango handspring. Jimmy
gets an atomic drop and smacks Fandango, who tags in Sandow. Sandow
does ballet warmups using the top rope as the bar. Sandow with a
headlock takeover and he holds it. Jimmy breaks (as the crowd cheers
Sandow of all people), but Sandow attacks and poses. He hooks the
ropes and does some ballet moves, only to turn around into a
superkick. Fandango gets one as well, and the Superfly Splash ends
this at 2:20. Was this joke supposed to be funny? DUD
Later
tonight: Seth Rollins TALKS!
I want to love
this show, but there’s just so much inanity. It’s an important show
– and I get a feeling something big is coming in the main event
that might change everything – but so far it’s been some decent to
good stuff and a lot of inexplicable.
Xavier Woods v.
Bo Dallas.
Woods has his NXT
music now. Bo’s official nickname is “The Inspirational”.
Dallas says he knows Daniel Bryan is at home watching and is upset.
But there’s one way Daniel can come back: if he Bo-Lieves! Lockup,
and Dallas goes behind. Woods reverses, Dallas goes to a headlock
and holds on, and after some reversals, Woods does a fireman’s carry
takedown. Dallas applauds him before another lockup, and he gets the
arm. Woods handsprings out only to run into a knee. Dallas with a
series of back elbows and a clothesline, and he celebrates. He
encourages Woods to get up (“He’s doing his best!”), but he walks
into a slugfest that Woods wins. Woods is sent to the outside, where
he catches Dallas and goes up, but Dallas with something resembling a
Bull Hammer and Stratusfaction for the pin at 2:32. Dallas
celebrates as only he can – with a victory lap. 1/2*
He even offers Woods some encouragement and a hug. The crowd was so
happy to see Woods on offense during this match they chanted for CM
Punk.
Rob
Van Dam! Antonio Cesaro! It’s a qualifier! NEXT!
I’m gonna be
honest: Bo Dallas should be facing people higher up the ladder.
Rusev is at least going to get over through saturation if he keeps
beating people who are bigger deals, but Dallas – who has a gimmick
that COULD get him over – is stuck trading offense with nobodies.
It’s not a smart thing.
Ladies
and gentlemen, his name is Paul Heyman. He’s the one behind The One.
They’re cheering his pronouncing of “Brock Lesnar”. Brock’s
been groomed to make history ever since his time at Minnesota. The
crowd cheers… so Heyman says that Brock had an idea to do something
special on Raw tonight. It’s the right time and right place for a
WrestleMania victory party. Therefore, your next WWE Champion wishes
to celebrate his biggest win tonight. Fresh off of his
history-making moment at WrestleMania… celebrate as we present…
CESARO! What, you thought Lesnar was going to show up?
Money in the
Bank Qualifier: Antonio Cesaro v. Rob Van Dam.

RVD with a headlock, but Cesaro shoves off and runs into some
spinkicks for not even one. Back to the headlock, but Cesaro tackles
him down and catches Cesaro with a backbreaker for two. Cesaro with
forearms, but RVD reverses a corner whip and gets a monkey flip.
Cesaro runs into a boot, and RVD gets a flying kick as Cesaro bails.
RVD follows him out with a flip senton splash as we go to break.
Not sure why
they did it, but the bait-and-switch of Lesnar/Cesaro has just killed
the crowd for this match. They’re very quiet right now considering
who’s in it.
Cesaro/RVD,
part two.
The titles are still
over the ring. Meanwhile, RVD is stuck in a headlock by Cesaro.
Crowd demands Lesnar. RVD punches out of it, flips over a backdrop
attempt, and gets the stepover enzuigiri for two. RVD runs into a
fallaway slam by Cesaro. Cole finally begrudgingly admits Orton
never got a rematch for his championship. RVD rolls out of the ring,
so Cesaro follows and throws him into the barricade. Back in, Cesaro
with an uppercut and double foot stomp for two. He’s back to the
chinlock now. Crowd now starts to rally behind RVD a bit. RVD
elbows out and lands a spinkick as both men are down. RVD with a
clothesline as they get up, then some boxing. Cesaro misses a
running uppercut and runs into a flex kick, and the Split-Legged
Moonsault gets two. RVD works the gut in the corner and lands a
spinkick. A rolling monkey flip, though, is caught into an elevation
uppercut for two. Cesaro works RVD over in the corner, following up
with a butterfly powerbomb for two. RVD ducks a clothesline and gets
the leg cradle for two. Big kick leads to Rolling Thunder for two.
RVD with a running spinkick on Cesaro, but Cesaro reverses a whip
only to run into an elbow. Cesaro trips RVD in the corner, then
works over his legs in the corner. Cesaro laughs in RVD’s face
before hooking the Neutralizer, and that’s it at 10:52. How in the
world can these two have such awful chemistry? **1/4
Meanwhile,
Randy Orton is on vacation. Man, is anyone here tonight?
We
look back at what HHH said about the “six” man tag earlier
tonight. We then hear the Shield’s rebuttal. Up next, Michael Cole
interviews Seth Rollins!
Okay, writers,
you’ve had a week. What’s your reason for a guy switching from
winners to losers?
Michael
Cole is in the ring and introduces “the man who’s been at the
center of controversy this past week.” Rollins’s new music opens
sounding like a siren, rather than give him the Evolution music. The
crowd gets a weak “You Sold Out” chant. Cole tries to open the
questioning, but Rollins interrupts. He doesn’t see any controversy,
because what he did last week was no big deal. He just did what was
Best For Business – his business. The Shield was the greatest
faction, and Rollins created it. Therefore, he has the right to
destroy what he created. It’s not like Dean Ambrose is responsible
for the Shield, because he’s just a lunatic. And Roman Reigns? The
so-called golden boy? Sure, you’ll never see anger or fury in a man
like in him, but unless someone controls it, he’s worthless. Bottom
line, Ambrose and Reigns are worthless without him and they owe him
for everything they’ve done.
Cole
says that many people believe the Shield was about all three men.
Rollins says they’ll find out later tonight against the Wyatt Family
when the Shield has its last hurrah. But Rollins now has a question:
why is this such a surprise? Rollins took the Shield to the top,
conquering the world. They beat Evolution in a clean sweep – but
Rollins learned from Evolution that to be a success in This
Business™, you have to evolve and adapt. Crowd is now fully
chanting You Sold Out. But Rollins says he bought in to the
Evolution of Seth Rollins. And something no one will admit: what he
did took guts. Sure, you think about stabbing someone in the back
and betraying the Shield. Maybe to those other Shield members, they
were brothers, but to Rollins, they were business partners. So
Rollins moved on in business. For two years, every night, he put his
fist out to believe in the Shield. And every night, he actually
meant that everyone should believe in HIM. So, there’s the answer.
Right?
Oh,
wait, Dean Ambrose said he was going destroy Rollins, remember? So
Rollins is ready for it, clearing the ring. He’s said his part, so
come on out! And here come Ambrose and Reigns! Rollins won’t back
down an inch… and the Wyatts interrupt everything. Now, where
Rollins was, Harper and Rowan are. And it’s Rollins calling the
shots. Reigns fights off Rowan while Harper and Amrbose are even.
Harper and Rowan bail as Ambrose and Reigns dive for Rollins, but
Bray Wyatt is out and it’s a 3-on-2. Crowd wants Cena to make the
save… and here he comes! Cena dumps Bray as the Shield dump Harper
and Rowan! Looks like the Shield actually does have a partner for
tonight. Play the SHIELD’S music! Rollins is nowhere to be found.
They’re
figuring out how to make people cheer Cena some more. I think it’s
time to stop being ironic and to admit: it’s okay to cheer the faces.
Your
main event main event is Seth Rollins against Dolph Ziggler.
So
here’s what just happened. The announcers confirm John Cena as the
third man.
Paige v. Alicia
Fox.
Fox has Aksana in her
corner. Lockup, and Fox sends Paige into the ropes. Paige rolls out
and nearly attacks Aksana before ducking Fox as the heels collide.
She rolls Fox in, and Fox replies with a dropkick to send Paige down.
Back in, we hit the chinlock. Fox swings it back and forth to make
it stronger. Paige fights to her feet, but Fox reverses to a
Northern Lights to two. Back to the chinlock after a knee to the
back. Fox screams about pulling hair by Paige. Paige to her feet,
but Fox yanks Paige down by HER hair. Paige with a rollup out of
nowhere for two, and Fox follows with a clothesline for two.
Tilt-a-whirl backbreaker gets two. She goes to the headlock as the
crowd starts to get on her case. Fox stops a rally with a mule kick
and throws Paige out of the ring sideways… wait, no, Paige reverses
it with a headscissors. Paige kicks away at Fox and delivers knee
smashes as Fox is tied up in the ropes. Paige shrieks before
delivering short lariats to Fox. Dropkick (sort of, as Fox moved too
soon) gets two. Paige stops Fox with an elbow, but Fox yanks her off
the ropes. Aksana gets in Paige’s face and is told to step back, so
Paige sends Fox into Aksana. Heels bang heads, and it’s the PTO for
the submission at 4:58. Fox is getting better. *1/4
Aksana tries to wake Fox up and calms her down. Not that it works,
as Fox attacks Aksana during her tantrum. She then steals some
popcorn and water from ringside and dumps it on Aksana. And then she
has a slap fit on Aksana. And stufs some food in Aksana’s mouth
before apologizing and giving her a hug. And a kiss on the forehead.
Here, Aksana, eat some more! And then she apologizes again.
Tonight’s
main event! Bray, Harper, Rowan! Cena, Ambrose, Reigns!
Okay, Fox’s act
is amusing and all, but it went on a tad too long IMO. Kind of like
Raw in general.
Jack Swagger v.
Santino Marella.
WHY? Why is
this on at 10:25? Santino’s inset promo is actually pretty good, as
he says to “export” Zeb “Carter” back to Hell. Santino with
a cartwheel out of a whip, but he gets caught in the corner, only to
escape and get a forearm. Santino with a hiptoss and Swagger bails
in frustration. Colter slaps Swagger over and over to fire him up,
and this time he catches Santino and tosses him in the corner.
Santino’s thrown from pillar to post, and Swagger gets the
Greco-Roman slam. Blind charge goes into the post, and it’s Cobra
Time. But Swagger blocks and connects with the Red White and Blue
Thunder Bomb for the pin at 1:55. Hey, if it gets him over, great,
but still – this match should’ve been at 8:30, not 10:30. And I
say this as a Swagger fan. WE THE PEOPLE!
Tonight
is your main event! Cena, Ambrose, and Reigns face the Wyatts!
And you’re
beginning to see the weakness. You have such a deep roster that a
meaningless match like this shouldn’t happen AT ALL. Even the
squashes earlier had a point – getting over Rusev or Dallas. This
I don’t get. I’d have put it on after Sheamus/Barrett and moved
Rusev here against… actually, against Marella, while Swagger is
rebuilt against Ryder. But what do I know? I’m just a fan who has
to watch three hours of this.
WWE
Network has a 90% approval rating.
Meanwhile,
backstage, Goldust is upset, but Cody has another idea for his tag
team partner. It’s someone Goldust has never seen before, but who
can match his star power. Goldust just wants a name as Cody hypes
him up. That’ll be next week. Goldust isn’t thrilled.
We
see again that Daniel Bryan will not be cleared to wrestle by Money
in the Bank, so the WWE Championship is vacated. This means the
Money in the Bank Ladder Match is for the WWE Championship.
We
go backstage as the Authority looks over the match and enjoys it.
Stephanie has trouble with John Cena interrupting Stephanie last week
and helping the Shield this week. But HHH agrees that tonight is the
last time we’ll see the Shield. Vickie Guerrero wants to celebrate
the loss of both Brad Maddox and Daniel Bryan with some champagne,
but she sneezes all over Stephanie. Stephanie threatens her job and
tells her to leave.
Our
main event is next.
Next
week: Kevin Hart will be on Raw from Cleveland!
Man, this show
has had a lot of nothing tonight. I usually get to about 10-12
pages, but it’s the main event and I doubt we’re getting to 9.
Main event:
Dean Ambrose, Roman Reigns, and John Cena v. Wyatt Family.

But first, your SmackDown main event is Sheamus against Cesaro.
Note to Bray Wyatt: you’re the bad guy; stop saying where you are.
Cena’s not sure how to handle the 3-by-3 staredown. And it’s a war
before the bell. Eventually, Ambrose and Rowan start as Cena goes to
his corner. Ambrose avoids a charge and boxes down Rowan, getting a
bodypress and attacking in the corner. Ambrose piefaces Harper and
dives onto him for fun. Dropkick to Rowan and he rakes the face,
bringing Reigns in. Reigns with the ten-punch countalong in the
corner on Rowan. He tries a whip, but Rowan holds firm only to get
an uppercut. Reigns with a lariat to take out Rowan, but Rowan
follows up with a forearm smash, and enter Harper. Harper tries a
suplex, but Reigns blocks three times before reversing for one.
Reigns backs Harper in the corner and Ambrose tags himself in.
Reigns tosses Ambrose into Harper, and Ambrose ties up Harper’s leg
and dropkicks it. Dragon screw follows, then a half-crab. Harper
kicks out of it, but Ambrose fights all three guys only to run into a
boot from Harper for two. Bray in now, and he gets a shot in the gut
and a slam on Ambrose. Wyatt taunts Ambrose, slapping him around
before landing a hard right to floor him. Wyatt chokes away and
brings in Rowan, who uses a boot choke. Ambrose is tossed outside,
and Rowan follows by tossing him into the barricade. But Ambrose
reverses a whip and sends Rowan into the steps. Bray tags in and
cuts Ambrose off with stomps. Ambrose is again in the corner, where
Bray boxes and headbutts him down, and Harper enters with a running
kick. Harper goes wild-eyed before adding an uppercut for one and
going to a headlock. Crowd wants Cena. Or doesn’t. Hard to say
with the crowd. Ambrose with a jawbreaker, and he fights one-handed
until Harper catches a boot and throws Ambrose onto his face for two.
Harper sends Ambrose to the floor as we go to break.
Main event,
part two.
Rowan has the neck
crank on Ambrose, turning it to a neck pinch, but Ambrose headbutts
out before walking into a Dino Bravo side suplex for two. Bray in,
and he sends Ambrose into the corner and gets an avalanche. He wants
Ambrose to do something, anything, all but turning his back on
Ambrose, but his next charge eats boot. Ambrose is up top, so he
dives off… straight into an uranage from Bray. Reigns saves, so
Harper ejects Reigns. Harper then tags in and gets an uppercut.
More uppercuts as the crowd gets behind/on Cena. Ambrose throws
himself out of the corner with a clothesline, and FINALLY it’s hot
tag Cena. He goes to town on Rowan with the video game comeback,
complete with Five Knuckle Shuffle. Harper is sent out over the top
and Bray is knocked down, but Rowan runs over Cena. Rowan works over
Cena in the corner with forearms and a boot choke. Rowan with a
straight right hand to Cena, and Bray comes in. An uppercut floors
Cena, and the running senton follows, getting two. Bray kicks at
Cena’s leg, then punches Cena down. Bray tries to lead the chorus,
but the crowd isn’t into it as much as usual. Cena with a dropkick
from nowhere, and both men are in the wrong corners. Bray intercepts
Cena and tags Harper in. Harper with a front elbowdrop and more
mugging. Harper ties Cena in the Tree of Woe and and slugs him, then
picks him up and gets a torture rack neckbreaker for two. Gator Roll
follows, into a front headlock. Cena fights out but runs into a
Michinoku Driver for two. Rowan in, and he drops a knee to Cena’s
back. He fish hooks Cena and throws him into the mat. Crowd now
chants Fruity Pebbles as Rowan knocks over Cena. Cena breaks out and
slugs Bray, but runs into a fallaway slam from Rowan. Bray tags in
and slugs Cena on the apron. He enters the ring, stopping Cena from
tagging and picking him up for a slow dance. Cena calls a spot (not
sure which one), and Bray ends the dance with a suplex throw. It
gets two. INVERTED LOOK OF DOOM, but the senton misses this time.
Cena FLIES across the ring and gets the hot tag to Reigns, who cleans
house and floors Harper with a lariat. Avalanche and big right hand,
and Ambrose ties up Rowan while Reigns slugs Bray on his way to
delivering the Drive-By Dropkick. And Rowan gets it too. Ambrose
sends Rowan out of the ring and follows, but Rowan bounces him off
the apron. Reigns with the Protoslam, Rowan saves. Rowan with
headbutts, but Cena comes in off the top and flattens Rowan with a
crossbody and AA try. Rowan throws Cena into Sister Abigail, but
Bray celebrates too much and gets Superpunched. Reigns tosses Rowan,
and Ambrose dives onto him, leaving Reigns against Harper, and Harper
boots Reigns down for two. This Is Awesome. Harper charges RIGHT
INTO A SPEAR and that’s the pin at 20:22. Believe THIS. ****
Cena nods in approval as HHH and Rollins are seen looking on. Cena
raises the Shield’s hands, and the Shield celebrate with Cena as we
go home.
FINAL
THOUGHTS:
So
we had two good matches today and a whole lot of nothing. The
biggest issue with this show was that much of it was boring – not
even bad. Sure, Bryan vacates the title, but that was a long time
coming so no big deal. But so many of the matches were short and did
nothing – Rusev over Ryder, Swagger over Santino, the Usos over
Fandango/Sandow. A very missable show, if you ask me.
STATS:
MATCH
TIME: 59:24 over nine matches
BEST
MATCH: The main event
WORST
MATCH: Usos squash
NIGHT
MVP: The Shield
FINAL
SCORE: Meh, 4/10. But it would’ve been a 3 before the main event.
You get a full point from that, a point from Barrett/Sheamus, and two
points for not pissing me off. Congratulations.
Matt’s
Main Event is tomorrow, Scott does NXT on Thursday, Tommy steps up
with SmackDown on Friday. Brian and Logan will be doing retro WWF
shows. Scott may review more Clashes. Tommy looks at WCW to remind
us that these shows are not as bad as long-time wrestling fans are
used to. I owe you a retro rant, and now that I’m feeling better, I
just might deliver. Not sure which, though.
Normally
I stick around to argue over Raw, but after tonight? I got nothing
to say. This was… a show. See you for some Retro.