After last week’s shocking return, what will the Fuj have to say to the BoD? Why did he come back to help his former nemesis?
It is with great pleasure that I introduce myself to all of you. As GM of BoD RAW, I set an example of excellence, which is why I showcase my newest acquisition, Nebb28’s Pet Rock, which will now be known as the GM’s Pet Rock. I pride myself in rescuing this Pet Rock from an inadequate owner and to show my generousity, I have donated $25 to the Pet Rock Foundation so other neglected Pet Rock’s across the land can find proper owners, not midcard owners.
And speaking of the Midcard, while most of them know their role, there are three of them that do not. They have decided to take matters into their own hands and call themselves the “Midcard Mafia.” Going forward, the Midcard Mafia and any other insubordinate midcard talent will be at home watching the show. Not everyone can be in the main event and the BoD needs midcarders and I can make anyone a midcarder, including recent BoD NXT callups (points at Archie Stackhouse and Gosh Hopkins) with any gimmick (points at Garth Holmberg, mopping the floors to perfection).
And, as I stand in the ring with all of this talent around me, all of you must be wondering why I have amassed such a large group. Well, let me all welcome you to the…………………….Administration. As the leader, I ensure all of you that the rules and regulations of the BoD will be enforced and those unruly midcarders who think they are something just because they post daily, THEY AREN’T SHIT.
Now, Wade Michael Meltzer comes out. He asks GM Bayless if he has finally decided on the 6/29 BoD Special Event. Bayless replies “no comment” then quickly wraps up the interview. The GM does not seem to have made a decision on the 6/29 Special Event yet. And he is NOT happy at the question asked by Wade Michael Meltzer.
Dock Muraco vs. Tommy Hall
Hall is sporting a Shawn Kemp throwback in honor of Father’s Day. His Jason Caffey throwback was stolen by one of Caffey’s illegitimate children. Dock Muraco folks………………..don’t know a whole lot about him. Hall wails on the newest acquisition of the BoD Writing team. Hall has been angry since he failed to capture the BoD Writer’s Championship at BoD Payback. Hall picks up Muraco and slams him down then finishes him off with the Vader Bomb for the win. Hall reaches into his pockets and pulls out a fresh e-book dollar, which is not legitimate currency, and shoves it into Muraco’s mouth, who is PAYING HIS DUES and getting a good deal on an e-book. Hall then grabs the mic and tells Stranger in the Alps that this is what will happen to him next time they face off in the ring. Hall is angry and the man from the Alps better stop posting threads and focus on Mr. Hall.
We are cutting backstage as The Fuj has arrived. Wade Michael Meltzer is there trying to interview the Fuj, who blows right by him and looks to have his mind on something. We will keep you updated throughout the night.
The BoD Medical Staff are in the breakroom. Mar Solo enters and is immediately confronted. All he wants is a cup of coffee but he is being told the dangers of the Unstable being inside of his head. One of the doctors then shows Mar Solo a video and said that if he does not agree to surgery, this is kinda/sorta what will happen.
Mar Solo looks bothered and said that was a clip of a film and this whole thing fucking ridiculous. He then pushes a few doctors out of the way and goes for the coffee but as he pours it into his cup, it leaks out as someone apparently poked a hole into the bottom of the cup. My money is on Laughing Sting. But, one thing is still clear, THE UNSTABLE ARE CLEARLY INSIDE OF MAR SOLO’S HEAD.
Joe Dust vs. Cabspaintedyellow
These two guys are in the hunt for the BoD Solid B+ Player Championship, held by Hart Killer 09. Cabs is the most generous man of the BoD, donating all of his pocket change and one dollar bills to Easter Seals before the match. And he called and wrote his grandma a “Thank You” card for his birthday gift. Joe Dust is sporting his “Nattie is a Twat” t-shirt and watched “America’s Got Talent” and was not impressed at all. Both men start off with a lockup then go back and forth on the mat. They continue to battle as Hart Killer 09 comes down to the ring with his belt over his shoulder. Cabs uses a flying knee smash on Joe Dust, who falls through the ropes. Hart Killer now grabs the mic and says that neither one of these guys are worthy to challenge him for his title and he will not let them contend for his title but will gladly carry them both to a **** classic next week and after the match, with tears in their eyes, they will both tell him that he is by far the greatest Solid B+ Champion of all-time, then kicks Joe Dust a few times and the ref’s counts to ten for the countout. Hart tells Cabspaintedyellow that since he won, he will save him a seat at the bar so eh can listen to him tell stories about his career. Cabs seems like he would rather have a title shot.
Backstage, an angry GM Bayless is with Justice Gray, who asks him about the 6/29 BoD Special Event. GM Bayless then turns around says that he is thinking about bringing “it” back as the camera zooms in on his face.
Abeyance and Todd “Hoss” Lorenz are in the ring as we await the results of the “Win-A-Talkshow” Poll. Will it be “Hoss’s Snack Shack” with Todd Lorenz or “Welcome to the BoD” with Abeyance? And the results are in:
By one vote, the winner is…………
And Hoss is irate. He demands a recount and has begun to storm around the ring. He locks his eyes on a concession worker in the stands, who drops the food and bolts. Hoss now steps out of the ring and heads to the concession stands. Those poor, poor people who have to deal with this monster. Abeyance is now joined by Wade Michael Meltzer, who asks him how it feels to have won his own talk show. Abeyance replies that it is “good” then waves to the crowd. And now, Abeyance heads backstage as he is going to see the luxurious “Top 5” Lounge for the first time.
Next, we see the sit down interview with Beard Money by Wade Michael Meltzer. This was conducted last week at Beard Money’s home in Mudlick, KY:
Wade: Beard Money, I would like to thank you for allowing me in your home
Beard Money: Your darn welcome
Wade: Ever since the attack by your former partner, Primetime Ten, what pain have you been dealing with?
Beard Money: Well Wade, my knee was hurt real bad and I couldn’t slop my pigs on the farm for three whole weeks.
Wade: That is a long time but more importantly, will you be able to return to the ring.
Beard Money: With all of the fans writing to support me, it helped give me the strength to rehab my knee. And don’t you worry Wade, granny done got herself a new lucky red bandana and she going to live to see 100 years old, which will be in three weeks.
Wade: Did she ever see George Hackenschmidt in person?
Beard Money: I reckon I do not know the answer to that .
Wade: How do you feel about your former partner, PrimeTime Ten?
Beard Money: He did a bad thing and that was not nice and he will get his for being a mean ol’ son of a gun. And I promise that I will get my hands on him in the ring and I will win when I am ready to return.
Abeyance is at the door of the luxurious “Top 5” lounge. And for the first time, the doors open for him and look what he sees: