The SmarK Rant for Monday Night RAW–08.08.94

The SmarK Rant for Monday Night RAW – 08.08.94 Taped from Youngstown, OH Your hosts are Vince McMahon & Randy Savage “The Undertaker” v. Butch Banks Good jobber name. At this point Vince’s commentary track is “You’ll only see Undertaker v. Undertaker one time!” because they had already realized how lame and ice-cold the feud was and decided to kill it after Summerslam. Undertaker does as little as possible for a crowd that could not give a shit, and a chokeslam finishes at 2:00. I think it was pretty clear even to the marks that this wasn’t the same guy. Meanwhile, Leslie Nielsen continues his search for the real Undertaker. Lex Luger v. Chad Miller I’m in the same camp as others on the blog, who wonder why they didn’t pull the trigger on the Luger heel turn when they clearly needed top level heels and had nothing for months. Luger works on a hammerlock for a while, but Miller stomps on his leg to get his shit in, which riles Luger up enough to finish with the STAINLESS STEEL FOREARM OF DEATH at 3:00. Summerslam Report with Todd, as he runs down the entire card with three weeks still to go! When does that ever happen today? Doink the Clown & Tatanka v. IRS & Bam Bam Bigelow Apparently the IRS/Bigelow team was going to get the tag titles from the Headshrinkers at Summerslam before Vince called an audible and switched them to Shawn & Diesel a couple of days before the PPV. Never got the timing of that one. It would have helped the Corporation a hell of a lot more than Shawn & Diesel, who were only getting the belts so they could split up. Tatanka controls IRS by the tie and the bayfaces work him over, but Bigelow comes in and Doink outsmarts him and drops an elbow for two. Tatanka hits some clotheslines for two, but Bigelow dumps him and we take a break. Back with IRS chinlocking Tatanka, and Bigelow comes in for the collision to put both guys out. Tatanka makes the…hot…?…tag to Doink, who runs wild for roughly 10 seconds before Bigelow clocks him with the enzuigiri and IRS finishes him with the Write-Off at 12:00. This was like every boring Coliseum video dark match exclusive that Sean Mooney ever shilled for. ** Luger and Tatanka have more words afterwards due to a wacky misunderstanding with Luger stealing Dibiase’s cash. The King’s Court with Owen & Bruce Hart. Owen talks about beating Bret in cage matches back in the Dungeon, but this time it’s for the title. Also, his entire family is behind him now, which brings out Bruce to make a fiery comeback on him. Owen is a disgrace to the Hart family, it seems, and they’re all disgusted by his actions and they all hate Neidhart too. And then Bruce finally puts out the motivation they had been missing for weeks, as he accuses Neidhart of being jealous of Bret for carrying the Hart Foundation for years. THANK YOU! Someone should have said that long ago. Great job from Bruce, although they abruptly cut away from the segment for some reason. Bob Backlund v. Kevin Krueger Bob was still refining the Mr. Bob character at this point. Backlund controls the jobber on the mat and works the arm, and Vince feels like Backlund is not above cheating. Harsh words from a guy who just escaped 20 years in federal prison for steroid distribution. Bob finishes with the crossface chickenwing at 4:00 out of nowhere. Bob snapping and staring at his hands was a great touch that he managed to turn into a World title run. Next week: Owen Hart v. 1-2-3 Kid! We’re getting closer to the point where my family bought a giant C-Band satellite dish and I was able to watch these live on USA, actually.