The SmarK Rant for Monday Night RAW–08.01.94

The SmarK Rant for Monday Night RAW – 08.01.94 Live from Youngstown, OH, on a college campus that at least looks respectable on TV. Your hosts are Vince “NOT GUILTY BY A JURY OF HIS PEERS” McMahon & Randy Savage. Randy even makes that point before the intros are even done. Hopefully this will wake Vince the fuck up and improve the quality of these shows for a while. Shawn Michaels v. Razor Ramon Shawn attacks and does some showboating, which results in Ramon kicking his ass and tossing him out of the ring. Shawn runs around the sides of the ring and can’t find a way past Razor’s punches, but a precision eyepoke does the trick. Back in, Shawn with a neckbreaker to take over, but Ramon catches him with a blockbuster slam for two. Shawn with another cheapshot to take over and Diesel adds some choking on the ropes, but Razor gets a backslide for two. Shawn clotheslines him back down and goes to the chinlock, but Ramon tosses him and we take a break. Back with Razor’s abdominal stretch, but Shawn pokes the eyes. Ramon comes back with a BAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK body drop as Vince takes shots at the Goodwill Games, which is funny because WCW was about to score one of the biggest cable ratings in wrestling history with the Hogan-Flair Clash match. Sour grapes are sour, Vince. Ramon goes to a fairly lengthy bearhug and Shawn escapes with a sunset flip for two, reversed by Razor for two, and Shawn dumps him. Diesel adds a clothesline and we take ANOTHER break. Back with Shawn dropping an elbow on the apron and hitting a back elbow in the ring for two. Shawn with a sleeper and they collide for the double KO, but Razor is up first and makes the comeback. Clothesline out of the corner gets two. Shawn gets a moonsault press and Razor rolls through for two. Superkick gets two for Shawn. Shawn tries a Razor’s Edge and gets backdropped, but Razor goes after Diesel and Shawn grabs the IC title. The ref gets rid of it, but Shawn whips Razor into Diesel’s big boot and gets the pin at 26:00. So, uh, yeah, this was pretty damn awesome. ****1/4 Shawn and Diesel do the beatdown and poor Razor needs a bunch of referees to save him. Really, even 1-2-3 Kid wouldn’t make the save? Summerslam Report with Todd, who is DISGUSTED by the teamwork and camaraderie shown by Shawn and Diesel. When one comes down for a match, the other might as well come too, because they’re there at the end anyway! Uh, they generally do, brain surgeon. Diesel is Shawn’s bodyguard and hetero life partner, after all. Alundra Blayze v. Bull Nakano Bull gets the same generic Japanese theme all the other Japanesians get in the WWF. While I’m thinking about it, what’s an “Alundra”, anyway? I know original rumors were that her name would be “Alexandra Blaze” but I just don’t know how they got to “Alundra”. Bull tosses her by the hair, but Blayze comes back with a rana and a spinkick. Bull gives her some stiff forearms on the ropes and slams her head down on the mat for two. Bull kills her with a piledriver for two, but picks her up and hits a powerbomb for two. Blazye escapes another one and gets a sunset flip for two, but she whiffs on a missile dropkick, and not in the elegant way. Bull goes up and misses a butt splash, and the german suplex gets two for Blayze. Rollup gets two. Blayze goes up and gets hairtossed off, but she dumps Bull and follows with a dive. In 1994! Bull sends her into the post and they brawl on the floor for the double countout at 5:26. Lame finish, crazy good match. *** They were hitting each other HARD. Poor Madusa barely ever got a chance to show what she could do during this tenure, so it was always fun to watch her cut loose. The King’s Court, with Bob Backlund. But first, a weird proposal from a guy to his girlfriend, conducted by Lawler while he insults both people, and then we take a break before coming back for her acceptance, and Lawler insults her again and tries to kiss her. What the hell was the point of that? Anyway, Backlund (fresh off losing to Bret) gives his first CRAZY BOB BACKLUND interview, chiding the youth of today and ranting to the camera while Vince just kind of talks over him and moves onto the next segment. The Smoking Gunns v. George Anderson & Tom Bennet Vince is worried about running out of time, but the Gunns finish with the Sidewinder right at the end of the show. Next week: Bam Bam Bigelow & IRS v. Tatanka & Doink! Gonna be hard to top this week’s workrate.

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