This has nothing to do with the WWE
Sadly, the BoD Preshow Battle Royal was cut out for time restraints and will appear tomorrow night on BoD RAW.
Welcome to BoD Payback!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
First, since the start time poll for BoD RAW tied between 10:35 and 11:35, vote again and the winning time will be decided at noon tomorrow.
BoD Solid B+ Player Championship
WWF1987 vs. Hart Killer 09
What an opening match this is going to be, folks. Two B+ guys competing for a B+ title on a B+ show. Heh. WWF1987 is riding on the fumes of his running off of Caliber Winfield from the BoD. He needs to step up his game if he wants to advance to the finals. Hart Killer 09 is a favorite to win this tournament as many of posters came up to him with a tear in their eye and have said that he is by far the greatest B+ poster off all-time. Hart Killer has been telling people that he is more than just a guy who makes fun of Bret Hart. He also hates people who cut in line and loathes Jam Bands. Anyway, this match starts with both guys taking it to the mat. Hart Killer works the leg until WWF1987 reaches the ropes. According to Wade Michael Meltzer, several wrestlers have came up to Hart Killer 09 with tears in their eyes stating how he is without a doubt the greatest solid B+ poster of all time. WWF 1987 now escapes and chokes out Hart Killer against the ropes. He stays on the attack but Hart Killer fights back. He hits a spinebuster then puts on a sharpshooter but immediately breaks the hold and starts to laugh. He measures up WWF1987 for a clothesline but he whiffs and WWF 1987 takes him down with a neckbreaker. A slugfest ensues and that ends with a double clothesline spot as both men are down again. WWF 1987 is up first and he sets up for a DDT but Hart Killer breaks that up and he uses a Russian leg sweep. Hart Killer heads up both but WWF1987 cuts him off. He then tries a superplex on Hart Killer, who stops that and picks him up and put him on his shoulders and uses a super rolling fireman’s carry slam and that gets the win. Hart Killer moves on to the finals of the BoD Solid B+ Player Championship Tournament in an exciting opening match.
Mar Solo vs. Jesse Baker w/ The Unstable (Elvy Landa, Gideon Stargrave, Steve Stennick)
The question on everyone’s mind is will Mar Solo be able to function with the Unstable clearly inside of his head? Despite beating the Unstable at every turn, they remain inside of his mind at all times. Solo came to the ring with a cup of coffee and his phone, keeping up with all of the BoD threads in a timely fashion. He walks by Gideon, who is whacking himself with his flyswatter yet again. Baker hides under his cape and struggles to take it off. The cape is now over his head as Stennick and Landa assist Baker as Gideon is screaming and hitting himself harder. Mar Solo continues to play on his phone as Stennick calls him a “fucking smark.” Mar Solo finishes his coffee and puts it down as the bell rings. Jesse is out of the cape and inside of Mar Solo’s head even further can before. Jesse charges at Mar Solo with windmill punches but Mar Solo sidesteps him and then picks him up and hits a Death Valley Driver and covers one, two, and three!!!!!!!!!!!!!. Gideon Stargrave is being escorted by White Coat Security as he was banging his head off of the ground. Steve Stennick storms off and that leaves Jesse all alone in the ring. He rolls outside as the BoD Medical Staff comes out and check on Mar Solo? They ask him if he is alright. Mar Solo says he is fine and that he barely broke a sweat beating that “dipshit.” The Medical Staff seem worried and huddle as Mar Solo is confused. Jesse struggles to pick himself off of the ground as the Medical Staff order Mar Solo to get on the stretcher because the Unstable are inside of his head and they have to perform surgery to get them out! Mar Solo asks what they are talking about and refuses to comply with the recommendations and leaves. One thing was made clear today folks, the Unstable is deeper inside of Mar Solo’s head than ever before.
TLC Match for the BoD Tag Team Titles
Curtis Williams & theberzerker1 vs. Paul Meekin & White Thunder vs. Upper Midcard Express vs. Adam Curry & Kyle Warne (Champions)
All eight men are staring up at the Tag Team Belts, which are suspended from the ceiling. One team will walk out of here the champions and it could be any one of these fine duos. There are two ladders, four tables, and several chairs outside of the ring that can all be used in this match. And this match is underway as everyone immediately goes after each other. ITS FUCKING PANDEMONIUM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The Upper Midcard Express take out White Thunder with a double dropkick. Meekin sends Williams & the berzerker1 to the floor then the champs fly out and hit them with suicide dives. Curry sets up a table but the Upper Midcard Express takes everyone out with springboard dives. Meekin is all alone in the ring as the fans chant “JUMP, MEEKIN, JUMP” Meekin shows us all what eight days of DDP yoga can do for you and climbs up top and flies like an otter but doesnt go far enough and smashes through the table!!!!!!!!! HOLY SHIT. White Thunder opts to grab a ladder instead of helping out his partner and slides it into the ring. Curtis Williams follows him in and they start to brawl until Warne takes them out with a springboard missile dropkick. Warne sets up the ladder but kbjone spears him in half. He climbs up but only makes it halfway up until Curry yanks him down. theberzerker slides in and hits Curry with a lungblower and now goes to set up the ladder. Petuka comes in and he and Curry climb up the ladder. They are getting closer to the top but here comes Meekin and he charges at the ladder and knocks it over as Petuka and Curry crash down. Meekin picks up the ladder above his head and uses it like a helicopter and knocks down everyone that comes at him. Meekin now sets up the ladder and goes to climb but only makes it up one step and looks down. Meekin looks frightened as and steps off. MEEKIN IS AFRAID TO CLIMB THE LADDER, FOLKS. He yells for his partner, White Thunder to come in and climb the ladder. There is no one around and he is too afraid to go up. Williams and theberzerker come in as Meekin tries to fight them off. kbjone comes off the top rope with a body press but gets caught by all three men but Petuka comes off the top with a missile dropkick and takes them all down. White Thunder makes his way back inside but gets a chair smashed in his face by Warne, who then takes down Petuka, kbjone, theberzerker, Meekin, and Williams. Curry slides a table inside and places it in the corner. He goes to Irish whip Meekin but that is a big mistake and Meekin sends him in the corner and through the table. Meekin then clotheslines Warne as White Thunder sets up a table outside of the ring. Thunder then slides in a few chairs as Williams and Petuka are slugging it out. kbjone takes one of those chairs and wedges it into the corner. He picks up Curry and sets him up for a Russian leg sweep but Curry escapes and rams kbjone head first into the chair. theberzerker slides in the second ladder and sets that up as White Thunder has Warne in the figure-four. Curry goes for the save but Petuka takes him out with a chair then Williams takes out Petuka with a chair. As Warne is in the figure four, Meekin prepares for the earthquake splash but theberzerker pulls down the ropes and Meekin goes through another table!!!!!!! theberzerker climbs up top now and is getting close to the top. Thunder breaks the hold and runs over to smash theberzerker with a chair on the legs but it does not knock him off. Thunder goes up top and he battles with theberzerker on the ladder until kbjone comes over and pushes them off as both men fly outside and onto Meekin, as he was getting up. kbjone frantically sets up the ladder and heads up but Williams stops him and tries to take him off but Petuka is climbing the second ladder. He is inching is way to the top but Curry climbs up on the second ladder now after Williams took down kbjone with an electric chair drop. Petuka is within reach of the belt but Curry reaches the top of the second ladder and takes Petuka down with a hurricarana as the crowd breaks out in a holy shit chant. Williams sees his opening and tries to climb but Warne is up and plants him with a super kick. Warne climbs up top and he grabs the belt for the win in a fantastic match!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
BoD Solid B+ Player Championship
PrimeTime Ten vs. Joe Dust
PrimeTime Ten has once again disgraced the BoD by mockingly coming out to Beard Money’s “Don’t Go Messin’ With a Country Boy.” He has the stolen red bandana wrapped around his wrist. PrimeTime attacks Joe Dust before the bell. The happiest man in the BoD is getting stomped in the corner by PrimeTime. Primetime hits a few suplexes for nearfalls then does another cartwheel mocking the injured Beard Money. PrimeTime slaps Joe Dust on the back of the head as he is acting very cocky right now. A big change of personality as this guy turned on his partner then injured him after a vicious attack and even stole grandma’s red bandana. PrimeTime comes off the top with a fist drop but Joe Dust moves out of the way. Joe fights back and hits PrimeTime with a big backdrop. Joe Dust hits a Samoan drop then puts PrimeTime in the corner, who then uses the ref as a shield when Joe Dust charges as the ref is down. PrimeTime goes low on Joe Dust but wait a minute!!!!!!! WE HEAR DON’T GO MESSIN’ WITH A COUNTRY BOY!!!!!!! PrimeTime looks around and we see twenty-five grandma’s wearing red bandana’s around their wrists to either so show support for Beard Money or that they are member of the Bloods. PrimeTime is at a loss then Joe Dust comes from behind and uses a reverse rollup and gets the win!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HA HA HA HA, PRIMETIME TEN DONE MESSED WITH A COUNTRY BOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And with that, Joe Dust advances to the finals of the BoD Solid B+ Player Championship Tournament and will face Hart Killer 09 tomorrow night on BoD RAW.
Winner Gets Ownership of Nebb28’s Pet Rock
Nebb28 vs. Brian Bayless
This is the story about a boy and his pet rock and the evil, power hungry man who is trying to steal it away. When young Nebb28 was just seven years old, his father gave him that pet rock and they have had an inseparable bond ever since and that son of a bitch Bayless wants to take that away from him!!!!!! White Coat Security is present at ringside, to make sure the Midcard Mafia do not interfere. Bayless points and laughs at Nebb28 then points over to our wonderful time keeper, Mister E Mahn, who is guarding the rock at this moment. Bayless and Nebb28 go at it for a few but neither man can gain the advantage. Bayless then cheap shots Nebb28 off of a break and goes to work. Bayless busts out the FIVE DEADLY MOVES OF GAREA, with an extra jumping side headlock takeover thrown in the mix. Bayless is on the attack and not letting up one bit. He uses a hiptoss as his Garea-like offense is wearing out Nebb28, who is trying to find a way to fight back. Nebb28 dodges a charge by Bayless and takes him down with a super kick as both men are down. Nebb28 is up first and he is angry because someone is trying to take his pet rock away from him. Nebb28 reaches from deep within his soul as he is hammering on the evil GM with lefts and rights. A member of White Coat Security jumps up on the apron to distract the referee as we now see Bill Ray, Average Joe Everyman, Sweet Lee, Rockstar Gary and his number one fan pull out Nebb28 and ambush him outside of the ring. THE GM HAS LOWER CARD WORKERS DOING HIS DIRTY WORK! But look at this, the Midcard Mafia is coming through the card and going after the lower guys. Piers is taking on both Rockstar Gary and his #1 fan. Ferrari is working on Bill Ray and
Magoonie Teddy Belmont is taking care of everyone else. White Coat Security runs over as the numbers game is catching up to the Midcard Mafia. Nebb28 rolls his battered self into the ring as Bayless comes over and plants him with a DDT. He climbs up top but Teddy Belmont breaks free from the scrum and hits Bayless from behind and throws him off of the top turnbuckle. Nebb gets up and covers but the referee is distracted as he is ordering Belmont off of the apron. The wild brawl outside of the ring continues but speaking of dirty work, BoD Corporate Custodian, Garth Holmberg is now outside. WHO CAN MOP THE FLOORS AT A TIME LIKE THIS. The referee pays attention to the competitors as Holmberg picks up his mop bucket and throws the water into the face of Teddy Belmont. Hold on! That was not water, IT WAS FLOOR STRIPPER, DAMNIT. AND THEY GIVE THIS MAN A KEY TO THE PAPER TOWEL DISPENSER!!! White Coat Security has Ferrari and Piers held down and they administer haldol shots. OUR GM IS TRULY SICK, FOLKS. The chemicals permeate through the BoD Arena and in the ring. The referee yells at Holmberg but a member of White Coat Security slides in a mop to Bayless and he cracks Nebb28 over the head! Bayless covers and its one, two, three!!!!!!!!!!! A TRUE MISCARRIAGE OF JUSTICE AS A BOY JUST LOST HIS PET ROCK, GOD DAMNIT!!!!!!!!!!!! It took a dozen men and a custodian to prevent Nebb28 from ever holding his pet rock ever again. Timekeeper Mister E Mahn holds the diamond-studded pillow that carries the pet rock into the ring and hands it to our GM, who then holds it up for all to see.
BoD Writers Championship Match
Tommy Hall vs. Stranger in the Alps (Champion)
Tommy learned that you can by throwbacks, off-brand smartphones, and knock-off designer shades but you cannot buy the BoD Writer’s Championship off of Stranger in the Alps. Hall is sporting a Luc Longley throwback tonight, with his Champion sweatpans. Hall taunts Stranger with his Panera rewards card but the man from the Alps is not impressed. Stranger takes Hall down and pounds away. He is not selling his championship to the e-book tycoon. Hall reaches the ropes but Stranger pulls him back and continues the assault. Stranger hits a suplex and covers but Hall kicks out. Hall crawls towards the corner and Stranger follows but Hall hits him low. Hall uses clubbing forearms and takes control for a bit but Stranger fights back. Hall ducks outside and Stranger follows and chases him around but Hall grabs the belt. Stranger goes after Hall, who kicks him low and smashes the belt into his face and the ref rings the bell for the DQ. Hall now grabs a chair and whacks Stranger then poses over him with the belt as this feud is far from over.
Number One Contender Match for the BoD Heavyweight Championship
Officer Farva vs. Jef Vinson vs. Parallax1978
These three men have been in a war with each other. Farva has yet to come out to the ring. Parallax and Vinson are brawling in the ring. These two top 5’ers are showing why they get a key to the luxurious lounge. Vinson uses a dragon screw and works a chokehold on the mat. Parallax escapes with a thumb to the eye. Parallax stays on the attack but it doesnt last for long as Vinson fights back. They go back and forth but as Parallax charges, Vinson back drops him to the outside! Vinson tries to get himself together but a stumbling, disheveled man comes to the ring holding a bottle and cracks it over Vinson’s head as the ref tends to Parallax. WAIT A MINUTE, THAT IS OFFICER FARVA!!!! Farva covers and the ref see this and looks and recognizes Farva then counts one, two, three!!!!! Farva returns and does not appear to be saved any longer, folks, but he is now the number one contender and will get a shot at the title on tomorrow’s BoD RAW.
Archie Stackhouse vs. Buck Nasty
Oh yeah. Nasty comes to the ring with the Skank Patrol, who carry him to the ring. Folks, Chang O’Reilly’s is a life changing experience. Stackhouse is a BoD NXT prospect who has been paying his dues as a parking attendant and already shot up to the head attendant in the BoD garage. Stackhouse runs over and attacks Nasty from behind. Stackhouse stomps him in the corner until the referee steps in between. The Skank Patrol are worried as Stackhouse hits a powerslam but Nasty kicks out. The crowd chants for Buck Nasty as he makes his comeback. Nasty uses a flying headscissors and then a leg drop. Nasty whips Stackhouse against the ropes and catches him with a dropkick. Nasty then uses a slam and signals that he is heading up top. IS NASTY GOING TO DROP THE ELBOW? He heads up and he DROPS DA ‘BOW as the ref counts to three and Nasty extends the streak to two wins in a row. The Skank Patrol come in and swoon all over Buck Nasty as they celebrate down the aisle and get into the limo to head to the Cellular Twat.
BoD Heavyweight Championship Match
Jobber123 vs. Cultstatus (Champion)
And Jobber comes out in the 1995 Infinity, bumping the Ruff Ryders song from the Funk Flex & Big Kap tape that remains stuck in the cassette player. He is also sporting the Adonal Foyle throwback. Jobber exits his car out of the window but Cult immediately tackles him. Cult smashes him against the car and sets up for the big boot but Jobber ducks and his foot goes through the window. Jobber takes Cult and rams him into the steel guardrail. Jobber rolls Cult inside and covers but that isn’t enough to put away the champ. Jobber beats on Cult then stops to post about how Alberto Del Rio is awesome. He turns his attention back to his opponent, who fights back. Cult takes him down with a lariat and then drops an elbow. Cult works a crossface but Jobber makes it to the ropes. Cult pulls him from the corner and grounds him for a bit. Parallax comes outside as a spectator and locks eyes with Cult, who flips him off. Parallax is pissed and that gets the referee’s attention but from behind comes and drunk and stumbling Farva with a chair who nails Cult on the back. Farva then whips Jobber into the referee, who flies out of the ring. And Parallax and Farva are destroying the champion. Jobber gets up and they go for the triple powerbomb but a bandaged and bloodied Jef Vinson runs out and breaks that up. The three-on-two assault continues as the referee slowly gets up. Farva and Parallax hold up Cult for Jobber but from behind comes the masked man who yanks the chair and uses it on Jobber. Vinson flies and hits Farva with a clothesline as the masked man and Parallax are going at in on the floor. In the ring, Jobber sets up Cult for the Razor’s Edge but Cult turns that into a sunset flip and gets two. Jobber tries to whip Cult but it is reversed as the masked man trips of Jobber, who flips out but Cult comes in from behind and hits a big boot before finishing him off with a jackknife powerbomb for the win as the champ retains!!!!!!!!!!!!! The brawling continues outside as Cult is victorious and that is all the time we have, folks. See you at either 10:35 EST or 11:35 EST tomorrow night for BoD RAW!!!!!!!!!